


WELCOME BACK TO THE VLOG, steven universe here!

by Waddles889



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Feel-good, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Internet, Light Angst, Social Media, YouTube, it wasnt supposed to be this long it just spiralled out of control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 59
Words: 109,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23380708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waddles889/pseuds/Waddles889
Summary: tubetube.com/users/stevenquartzuniverse~Steven Universe~1,043,325 subscribersORaccording to the shorts, steven has a youtube channel! here are some of his videos from throughout the series
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Crystal Gems & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone, also they probably wont show up for a while, romantic relationships are minor or background
Comments: 2040
Kudos: 1013





	1. CHANNEL INTRO!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> this is an attempt to fill the void steven universe has left in my heart
> 
> this chapter takes place before gem glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT AS OF DEC 25, 2020: i now own a copy of this in physical form?? and its 461 pages

**CHANNEL INTRO!!!!!**

_ published April 1 _

The camera shifts as whoever is holding it attempts to set it up on what sounds like a precarious stack of various items. Sounds of the camera being set up muffle whatever the person recording is murmuring to themself. This continues for a few more seconds longer than would be ideal. 

Finally, blissful silence.

The scene is of a bedroom, facing the bed head-on. Lots of natural light shines through enormous windows, casting the headboard and the toys on it in a golden glow. It would be beautiful if it didn’t look like it was being recorded on a toaster.

A young boy who looks to be around eight years old comes into frame and clambers onto his bed. He grins and waves at the camera. “Hi, TubeTube! My name is Steven Universe!”

Distantly, there’s the sound of an explosion. Steven winces. “Sorry about the audio issues, guys.” He sits uncomfortably for a moment, pursing his lips and picking at the threads of his comforter. “Umm.. right, okay, so…”

Steven looks back up at the camera. “My name is Steven Universe, and this is my first video. I’m not quite sure what the majority of my channel will be, but I was too excited not to film this! I’m part of the Crystal Gems.”

Another explosion, but much closer. Steven casts an uneasy glance towards his right, camera’s left, but looks back with a smile. He lifts up his shirt to reveal what the camera picks up as a pink blob where his belly button should be. “The Crystal Gems have magic powers that help them protect the Earth, and I’m part Gem too. I don’t know how much other people know about the Gems, so I might try to document everything that happens!”

A third explosion, now so close it peaks the audio. The camera wobbles, tilting to the side a dangerous amount, and Steven squeaks in alarm. 

“Sorry! That was the Gems just now. They’re” --he grabs the camera, looking into it for a moment and then away to his right-- “fighting some monster? I can’t see what it is. Hold on.”

Steven runs down the stairs, the camera pointing down at the floor. It pans up.

On the grassy ramp that leads up to his house, a huge creature, easily eight feet tall, roars and swipes at three smaller figures. It’s humanoid for the most part, with a rounded back and gigantic, muscled arms. One of the figures, a slender woman with ballet flats, hurls a brilliant glowing spear at it, but misses, and the spear impales itself in the wall of Steven’s house. It would have been absolutely sick to watch, but unfortunately, the camera quality still matches that of a microwave.

Steven turns the camera to face him. “That was Pearl and Garnet and Amethyst! That’s the kind of stuff they protect humanity from!”

A voice cries out from the scene of the fight. “Steven? What are you doing? Get inside!” 

“Can I help?” Steven yells back.

“Absolutely not,” a much sterner, calmer voice replies. “It’s too dangerous for you right now.”

Steven turns the camera back towards the fight. As soon as he does, the humanoid creature vanishes. “Woah!” Steven breathes, much too close to the camera. Rest in peace, headphone users.

“Did we poof it?” one of the women asks.

“I don’t see its gem anywhere, Amethyst.”

“Bummer,” Amethyst says. Her voice is barely audible now. The camera is too far away. The slender woman, Pearl, says something. Amethyst shrugs. They start to fight. The last one, Garnet, turns away from them and looks directly into the camera. Her shades glisten. Her powers of intimidation can be felt even through the blender-like camera quality. Steven squeaks and runs back inside.

He grins at the camera. “Well, that’s all for this video! Thanks for watching! Make sure to subscribe to my channel--”

The door slams open and into the wall, causing many picture frames to rattle. “Hey Steven!” Amethyst calls. There’s the sound of the fridge opening and a plate being taken out.

“Wait, Amethyst, I was saving that for lunch today! AMETHYST, NO!” Steven yelps. The camera falls to the floor with a clatter. The video ends abruptly.

**1 view ・ 0 likes ・ 0 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 0 subscribers**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk my exact upload schedule as of now (it'll probably be every wednesday, but i might expand to two updates a week)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!  
> if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on one of steven's videos!


	2. COOKIE CAT NEW FLAVOR REVIEW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has some exciting news to share with the internet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy wednesday!
> 
> i'll definitely be updating this fic more than once a week, so bear with me as i figure out the exact schedule. currently the plan is wednesdays and fridays, so that means three updates this week but it'll go back to two updates a week after this week.

**COOKIE CAT NEW FLAVOR REVIEW**

_published April 3_

It begins similarly to the first video: a sequence of muffled sounds and unclear visuals as Steven sets up his camera, attempting to balance it on his low-budget tripod made up of various objects in a concerningly unstable stack that lasts for at least a minute. Once successful, Steven backs up into frame and gives a cheery wave.

“Hi again, TubeTube! I’m Steven Universe, and today I’m here with a food review!” He sits down on his bed and leans over the side, picking up a pink cardboard box that was sitting on the floor. He holds it up for the camera to see, but the quality stubbornly remains that of a stand mixer. Luckily, Steven has the good sense to read the words out loud.

“It’s Cookie Cats!” He points at a red blob on the bottom right corner of the box. “It says: NEW! Mint Chocolate Flavor, Limited Time Only.” Steven giggles.

“Cookie Cat is the only respectable ice cream sandwich brand out there. I won’t name drop the other leading competitor because I don’t want to give them any publicity, but you probably already know what it is. Anyway, that brand doesn’t know the qualities of a good ice cream sandwich!”

Steven opens the box, careful not to damage it in any way. He pulls out an ice cream sandwich, individually packaged in a pink wrapper that matches that of the box. It sports the trademark Cookie Cat face. Steven holds it in front of the camera with one hand behind it to help the camera focus on it, like a beauty guru. Sadly, it doesn’t work, because his video looks like it’s being recorded with a crockpot. The sentiment is still there, though.

The wrapper makes a delightful crinkle as he tears it open. He gives a little squeal of excitement at the reveal of the perfectly constructed sandwich, adorably shaped like a cat. The ice cream inside is split into two distinct colors, green and brown.

“Oh, interesting! The left side looks like it’s mint with chocolate chips and the right side is chocolate with mint chips. Well, tasting time! I like to eat the ears first.”

He bites off the right ear and immediately starts grinning. He bites the left ear off as well, to get both flavors.

“Wow!” Steven says. “Cookie Cat will _never_ disappoint! They really know their stuff.” He takes another bite of the mint chocolate side. “See, Cookie Cat understands that while the ice cream is the star of the show, a solidly constructed cookie is important, too.”

Steven takes a second bite of the chocolate mint. “I will say though, their ice cream is perfect. So rich and creamy! Unlike _Lio--_ I mean, that other, less good brand.”

A musical chime rings through the house, echoing off the walls almost magically. The video glitches slightly, seemingly unable to handle it. “The Gems are back!” Steven cries. The video clears in time to show Steven drop the ice cream sandwich and bolt out of frame. His footsteps can be heard descending the stairs and running somewhere off to the left.

Conversation can just be made out from offscreen. 

“Guys! You’re back from your mission! What happened?” Steven asks, his smile somehow audible.

Someone replies, but it’s impossible to make out her exact words.

“Woah, cool!” Steven says. Someone else with a much coarser voice continues the story but is still too quiet to hear. 

The camera remains pointed at Steven’s bedroom. The Cookie Cat, sitting in direct sunlight, starts to look like it's seen better days. Inaudible conversation continues.

This goes on for seven more minutes. Even Steven’s oven-like camera quality can pick up on the fact that his Cookie Cat sandwich is looking more like soup than ice cream.

Eventually, Steven comes back into frame. His face drops at the sight of his Cookie Cat.

“Oh no!” he says, running over to salvage what remains. The ice cream squishes out from the sides and oozes out of its adorable cat eyes like battle wounds sustained by the space-faring adventurer the commercials claim it is.

Steven stares at the sandwich in quiet horror. His facial expression matches that of someone who just accidentally committed murder and is now deeply regretting his life choices up to that point. 

“Um,” he says after what feels like an hour but is actually closer to ten seconds, “I guess my consensus is that every Cookie Cat tastes great no matter what flavor, but nothing can beat the original strawberry and vanilla flavor combo.”

He manages to tear his eyes away from the evidence of his sins and looks at the camera. “Well, that’s all I have for you today. Go out and buy mint chocolate Cookie Cats before they’re gone! Thanks for watching and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I love you, bye!”

Steven walks over and ends the recording.

**7 views ・ 2 likes ・ 1 dislike**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 0 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 2

**crazykoala**

ew lion lickers are so much better

> **stevenquartzuniverse**

> @crazykoala i respect ur opinion except for the fact that ur wrong sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter while listening to a playlist of 46 different versions of megalovania and it shows
> 
> if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on one of steven's videos! don't worry if you commented already and your name hasn't shown up yet, i have a bunch already added into future chapters (and no spoilers but one of the future chapters has a Lot of comments....)


	3. COOKIE CATS HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED!!???!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has some devastating news to share with the internet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday!!  
> i hope everyone is staying safe and staying home! here's the next chapter, and we've finally made it to gem glow! (sorry this one's a bit short)
> 
> and here we have stevens first traumatic experience...

**COOKIE CATS HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED!!???!!**

_ published April 4 _

Surprisingly, the video begins with the camera held in Steven’s hands, pointing directly at his face like he’s a vlogger that records with a pressure cooker. 

“GUYS!” he yells, with no regard for anyone wearing headphones. “Today has been  _ insane!” _

Steven turns the camera around to showcase the state of his house. His TV looks like it was hit by a sharp object with an immense amount of force and there are holes all over his floorboards that sizzle with green slime. He points at it. “That’s deadly acid!”

He turns the camera back around. “Anyway, so today I went down to the Big Donut to pick up some more Cookie Cats, because my other ones all melted, but I found out they stopped making them!” Steven heaves a sigh of grief. “I got to keep the freezer, though.”

Steven points the camera at his fridge and walks over to it. “Then I came home and the Gems were fighting a bunch of centipeetles and they did a bunch of damage to the house” --he pans over the debris once more-- “and once they were gone I opened the fridge and I realized the Gems had bought a whole stash of Cookie Cats just for me!”

He opens the freezer. It’s a bit too dim for his camera to pick up because it has the recording capabilities of said freezer, but a red glow-in-the-dark bracelet lights up a few of the ice cream bars in its vicinity. Steven flips the camera again. His eyes are sparkling. “And then I ate one of them and my Gem powers activated! It went away before I could summon my weapon, but I talked to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and then later I summoned my weapon! It’s a pink shield!”

Steven purses his lips and shrugs. “A giant centipeetle attacked us and I couldn’t get the shield to work again, but I  _ did _ electrocute it with my Cookie Cat freezer, so I guess it’s not so bad.”

Silence. Steven looks back at his damaged house. An unreadable expression crosses his face, but it’s quickly replaced with a smile. “I’m really glad I get to live with the Gems. They really care about me. And they’re really cool!”

Steven grabs a Cookie Cat and closes the freezer door. “It’s really sad they stopped making Cookie Cats. At least I still have some. Go out and grab a few before they’re gone for good, guys. Thanks for watching, don’t forget to subscribe, and I love you! Bye!”

**9 views ・ 1 like ・ 1 dislike**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1 subscriber**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3

**WolfFurr**

aw man! that was my favorite part of the cookie cat brand! also, is your house okay?

> **crazykoala**
> 
> good riddance honestly. cookie cat never should've branched into ice cream, that’s lion licker territory
> 
> **WolfFurr**
> 
> did i ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so originally there weren't comments on this video but i ended up getting way more actual comments than i expected so now im going through all my prewritten chapters and adding more comments
> 
> also crazykoala was awesome and added a whole in-universe background for their fic equivalent, so there's a little bit of that in here too
> 
> remember, if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on one of steven's videos! don't worry if you commented already and your name hasn't shown up yet! so far i have everyone's comments added into future chapters!


	4. New Family Member

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven introduces his viewers to a very strange addition to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is wednesday my dudes aaAAAHHH
> 
> can i offer u some cute steven content in this trying time

**New Family Member!**

_ published April 31 _

The video begins unlike any of the others before it. The camera is already set up and Steven is already sitting on his bed. “Hi, TubeTube! It’s Steven.”

He grins, and miraculously, the video quality matches that of an  _ actual _ camera. Outside, the sun is setting. The light pouring in from his windows gives Steven a golden halo around his curly hair and it’s completely visible in crisp, clean, pristine 1080p. 

“A lot has happened in the last couple months and it’s really exciting! I’ve been on a bunch of missions with the Crystal Gems! We got attacked by together breakfast, I made a new friend and got a new Gem power, I shapeshifted all my fingers into cats, and I accidentally, um… destroyed an ancient Gem temple…” he trails off and stares at the floor, but shakes his head and grins at the camera. “But the most exciting thing is what happened last week! Let’s go see.”

There’s a wacky transition between clips, one that looks like a page is turning. Steven is holding the camera and standing outside on the beach. “Sorry for the change in video quality, by the way,” he says, as if he needs to apologize for producing a video that’s actually visible, “Garnet burned my phone because I took a picture of something really dangerous? But anyway, I have a new phone now and it’s really cool! I found a little editing app on it, so now I can edit all my videos!”

Steven walks down the beach and pans over the scenery. It’s beautiful, now that his camera quality is blissfully sharp. Steven doesn’t add any music despite his new access to editing software, but it doesn’t matter too much. Waves lap at the shore and Steven suppresses a giggle. His pace quickens and soon he’s running. Occasionally, his sandal catches on a bit of sand and he stumbles, but he recovers quickly. He nears the section of the cliff where the rock bends away to reveal a view of the town and slows down. 

He looks into the camera. “Here we are!” he whispers. “Our new family member.”

The camera spins around and Steven rounds the bend. 

Laying on the sand, dozing in the sun, is a pink lion.

“Hey buddy,” Steven says gently, petting his mane. “Say hi to everybody!”

The lion shifts, stretching out his paws. He opens his mouth and yawns. Steven squeals in delight. “This is my lion! His name is Lion and we’re best friends! He saved me from a Gem that builds sandcastles.”

Lion stands up and flicks his tail once, twice. Steven pats his face one more time. “Wanna get a donut?”

A pause as Lion considers his options. He squints at Steven, and then at the town. Then he bends down and Steven giggles. He climbs onto Lion’s back.

The rest of the video is filled with various clips of Lion-based shenanigans:

Steven backs away from the camera after making sure it's balanced before heading over to the counter. He’s in a donut shop. Lion is laying on the floor in front of the freezers while the cashiers eye him nervously. The girl cashier hands Steven a donut and accepts his payment, not looking away from Lion.

“Thanks, Sadie!” Steven looks over at Lion and frowns. “Come on Lion, those things are gross!” 

Steven grabs his camera from where he’d set it up and waves back at Sadie.

“Why didn’t you just hold your phone while you recorded?” she asks.

“It looks cooler this way!”

\---

Lion is rolling around in the sand. Steven laughs and zooms in on Lion’s face. His eyes are closed and his tongue is sticking out. It’s every cat’s dream.

He stands up, fur absolutely caked in sand. Realization dawns on Steven. “Wait, wait, Lion--”

Lion shakes his fur and sends sand flying everywhere, hitting the camera with increasing intensity. Steven screams.

\---

The camera is focused on a large, crystal platform somewhere in Steven’s house. Lion is sitting in front of it with one of Steven’s shirts in his mouth. 

A beam of light shines from the platform, accompanied by a musical chime that causes the audio to glitch like it had done before. Pearl appears, elegant as always.

Then she opens her eyes.

The screech that comes from her is less elegant. The video cuts away instantly.

\---

Lion is playing with a ball of red yarn. Giggling and hijinks ensue.

\---

Steven is sitting next to Lion, who is laying on the beach in front of Steven’s house. The house itself is built into the remains of what looks like the statue of a goddess, cradled in one of its many pairs of arms.

“Thanks for watching! Make sure you subscribe to my channel if you want to see more of this little guy,” Steven says, which doesn’t seem like a fitting description for the gigantic pink beast that’s been the majority of this video’s content. “I love you, b--”

The video ends. Steven has not gotten the hang of editing yet.

**37 views ・ 8 likes ・ 2 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 3 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 7

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

WAIT!!! YOU WEREN’T LYING ABOUT YOUR GIANT PINK LION? WHY DIDN’T YOU INTRODUCE ME??

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> sorry ronaldo! he didnt want to hang out with people that day

**thelosxrs**

Wow! I wasn’t expecting such amazing CGI from this channel!

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> thanks! but its not cgi, hes a real lion
> 
> **tidal_cave**
> 
> lmao love your dedication to the channel lore.

**faewarriorofthedawn13**

oh thank god its a new camera

**TheUniversalTraveler**

why doesn’t this have more views??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on one of steven's videos!
> 
> i have a bunch of prewritten chapters but man oh man i underestimated how many comments i would get but IM GONNA FIT THEM ALL IN I MADE A PROMISE AND IM STICKING TO IT


	5. Cheeseburger Backpack Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven continues his video review series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday!

**Cheeseburger Backpack Review**

_ published May 2 _

Steven’s face fills the screen. “....aaand we’re focused.” He holds the camera up like a vlogger. 

“Hey, dudes! I’m Steven! Now, I’ve been a fan of the work of Wacky Sacks for a while now” --he places a hand on his chest-- “so I decided to continue my review chain and talk about my favorite of their products.”

Steven leans over and grabs something off of his floor. He holds it up proudly in front of the camera with a grin. “This is my cheeseburger backpack! I love this thing. Let’s take a closer look.”

As he says that, a transition plays: the current clip playing spins offscreen, revealing the new scene beneath it.

Steven hasn’t moved, but he’s pointing the camera at the backpack now, and apparently that warranted a whole wacky screenwipe. 

“Alright, so the first thing to note is aesthetic. Obviously, you want a cheeseburger backpack to look like a cheeseburger, but you don’t want it to be too realistic or you’d just look silly. Wacky Sacks is very good at this balance.”

The backpack itself is just what he describes: a little cartoony and aesthetically pleasing. Very charming.

Steven runs his hand over the surface of the bag. “Second thing to note is texture. I like this backpack because all the burger ingredients have a different texture!”

He places a hand on each ingredient as he names them. “First, the bun is very soft. Lettuce is stiffer, but still feels a bit like a pillow. Cheese and tomato are both kind of rubbery, and the patty is rougher, like a hardcore hiking backpack would feel!”

From somewhere else in the house, there’s a chime, followed by a kind of gooey sound. “Hey, Steven, do you have any-- oh, are you making another video?”

Steven turns the camera to the source of the noise. Amethyst is in the kitchen, looking back at Steven while she holds the fridge door open. “Hi Amethyst!” Steven says, and he waves. “Yeah, I’m making a review on my cheeseburger backpack.”

Amethyst closes the fridge. “Haven’t you had that thing for like… months, at this point?”

“Well, yeah, but I still want to tell the internet about it!”

“Can’t argue with that,” Amethyst says, and shrugs. “Oh yeah, do you have any motor oil?”

“Do I-- wait, motor oil-? Amethyst, I don’t think that’s-- hold on.” He places the camera face down on the bed and starts running down the stairs. “Amethyst, you don’t put motor oil in s--”

The video abruptly cuts back to Steven’s face. “Alright, okay. That’s solved. Anyway, back to the backpack review!”

A second transition to the backpack, this time a screenwipe. He’s still in the same place. Steven is really excited about using every transition he can get his hands on. 

“My favorite thing about this backpack is that everything’s a pocket, even the cheese! It’s great for holding all your stuff, especially… um, especially… ancient Gem artifacts that you were supposed to bring on your missio--”

Jumpcut to a very similar shot of the bag. Steven is rubbing his thumb on the backpack strap. “Another very nice feature of this bag is that the straps are sturdy, so they won’t break, but they also don’t hurt after you’ve been wearing it for a long time.”

A third transition, as if the first shot were a pane of glass that shattered, revealing the next scene behind it. The camera is propped up on something, showing a different angle of his room. Steven is standing in front of the window with his TV on his left, camera’s right. He’s wearing the cheeseburger backpack and holding his hand over his eyes like he’s shielding his face from the sun. 

The text,  _ “Great for advenutring!!”  _ slides across the top of the screen. It’s immediately followed by text appearing with a smashing sound effect at the bottom in big block letters that reads,  _ “10/10 universe approved! :))” _

A fourth transition: a cube rotating, each side a different scene from the video. He doesn’t know when to stop. He can’t stop. The side the cube lands on is a scene of Steven, still wearing the backpack, but holding the camera like a vlogger. “Thanks for watching! Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel and have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

A fifth, final transition of a starwipe closes the video. Steven has gone mad with power.

**42 views ・ 4 likes ・ 1 dislike**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 5 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 4

**Loogia**

oooh, great video! i love your enthusiasm, very cute!!

**kattenby**

i love how he says i love you at the end of all his videos

> **Drippin_Joe**
> 
> I know! It’s nice to see.

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

ARE ALL GEMS ABLE TO EAT MOTOR OIL? IS IT NECESSARY FOR THEIR SURVIVAL? ARE GEMS ACTUALLY ROBOTS THAT REQUIRE MOTOR OIL TO LIVE? PLEASE ANSWER, THIS IS URGENT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos! don't worry if you've commented before and your name hasn't shown up yet, i'm adding commenters to chapters as i write them and there's a bunch more names coming up!


	6. Dogcopter 3 Movie Review ft. Special Guest!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares his thoughts on the latest addition to the Dogcopter franchise, with some insight from a special guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy wednesday!  
> this is the cutest chapter so far in my humble opinion (it's kinda short but friday's update is a bit longer so hopefully it balances out)

**Dogcopter 3 Movie Review ft. Special Guest!**

_published May 13_

The video starts with a shaky, handheld shot of a movie theater screen with the credits rolling. Steven cheers loudly and someone next to him laughs. Lion roars in the background.

Starwipe. Steven is walking out of the movie theater, squinting at the sunlight, a bruise forming on his cheek. Next to him, a girl with mussed up long hair and round, rose-colored glasses is beaming. Her arms are covered in scrapes. “Connie, say hi to my TubeTube channel!”

Connie gives a little gasp. “Oh! Hello, Steven’s TubeTube channel!”

Steven throws an arm around her shoulders and she laughs. “We just saw Dogcopter 3! It was really awesome.”

He frowns at the camera and glances behind him. The street is littered with half-melted, twisted scraps of metal and the asphalt itself is covered in scorch marks. Letters are falling off of the marquee above the theater, the ticket booth’s glass is broken, and the sign with the theater’s name has been knocked off of the building and is smashed on the road below. A car tire rolls down the street. Something’s on fire.

“Oh, sorry about the background. Before we saw the movie, we got attacked by a weird robot that shot fireballs everywhere, but we got rid of it thanks to Lion.”

As if on cue, Lion sticks his head in frame and presses his nose into the camera. Steven scoffs and tries to push him away while Connie laughs.

There’s a second starwipe and Steven and Connie are now sitting on the edge of his bed, like his previous video setups.

“Okay, so first impressions,” Steven says, looking at Connie. He smiles and turns to the camera. “Personally, this was my first encounter with the Dogcopter franchise. I know it’s not great to start with the third one, but I couldn’t find the others before we saw this one.”

Connie leans back on her hands and kicks her legs back and forth, watching Steven talk. He continues with his review. “I really enjoyed it! It was all I could ask for in a movie: flying dogs, giant explosions, the power of friendship, and a happy ending!”

He looks back at Connie. “What’d you think?”

She looks away and tucks some hair behind her ear. Her voice is quiet, which is unfortunate for the volume levels. “Well, I was glad they stayed mostly faithful to the books. Based on the way the second movie ended, I was afraid they were going to completely throw Jane’s character arc out the window, but they circled back around in a surprisingly satisfying way!”

By the end of her review, her excitement has taken hold and her voice grows louder.

“They took some liberties, but all movie adaptations do.”

Steven nods gravely in agreement, then grins. Connie smiles back. They look at each other warmly, momentarily forgetting about the video.

Connie blinks and shakes her head, looking at the camera. “Of course, a movie adaptation is _never_ as good as the book, so if you haven’t already, make sure you check out the novel!”

“Yeah!” Steven says.

“I’m excited for the next one! I wonder how they’re gonna do the reveal that Dogcopter’s paren-- wait, no! Sorry, spoilers!” Connie blushes. “Um, so… yeah! The movie was really good.”

“Well, you heard Connie! If you like the Dogcopter franchise or just want to see a fun action movie, go see Dogcopter 3! Thanks for watching, don’t forget to subscribe, and have a nice day! I love you, bye!” Steven says. Connie laughs into her hand as the video ends.

**73 views ・ 15 likes ・ 0 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 7 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6

**The_Optimist**

are we just gonna ignore the background in the beginning of this video or?

> **strawbearybuds**
> 
> Based on his other videos, it’s just part of the ARG. This is one of the weirder ARGs out there.

**VesperRiver**

did i miss the video where that pink lion is explained

**friesofthefuture**

glad to see the movie is good. my brother was really worried they were gonna screw it up.

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> tell ronaldo hi for me!

**StrawberruS0da**

awwww precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on steven's videos! don't worry if you've already commented and your name hasn't shown up yet, because we're coming up on a lot more comments soon!
> 
> (fun fact the hardest part of writing this was actually making a timeline of all the episodes which i could've avoided by not putting a publish date on the videos but it seemed like a good idea at the time)  
> ((but i successfully have a timeline in my notes so there's that))


	7. The Steven Clone Saga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven writes a new song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday!

**Steven and the Stevens!! (NEW BAND??) NOT CLICKBAIT**

_ published May 23 _

[ERROR: This video could not be found]

Steven’s grinning into the camera. In the background, it sounds like he’s laughing, which is weird, because he’s in the frame and he’s definitely not laughing. “HI TUBETUBE!” he yells with no mercy for headphone users. “I’m a GENIUS!”

Offscreen, somewhere to the right, Steven’s voice calls, “Steven, come on, we’re gonna play the song!”

The Steven onscreen looks to the source of the noise. “One sec, let me set up the camera so we can record it for our TubeTube channel.”

“Oh, good idea, Steven,” Steven’s voice says from the left. Steven balances the camera on something and backs up, revealing a bunch of instruments set up for a performance. 

“We set up our stuff on the warp pad so we could practice for Beachapalooza! The boat’s too fat and my dad can’t play with me, so I went back in time and got all the versions of myself to start a band.”

A second Steven walks in from the right. He picks up the bass and flashes a peace sign at the camera. 

Steven Three picks up the electric guitar on the left. Steven Four climbs up the warp pad to play the drums.

The original Steven smiles at the camera and picks up the microphone.

Steven, the one playing the drums, clicks the drumsticks together. All four Stevens sing a song, harmonizing together perfectly. It’s a cute little ditty, perfect for the aforementioned Beachapalooza.

The only problem is there are four separate Stevens.

“Hey, great singing, Steven!” Steven Three says.

“Thanks, Steven.”

“Can I sing lead this time?”

Original Steven shrugs. “Well, I usually sing lead vocals when I play with Dad.”

Steven Three frowns. “So do I!”

The other Stevens agree. Original Steven furrows his brow and purses his lips. “Well, one of us has  _ gotta _ be the band leader.”

“Oh!” Steven Four says, “the band leader should be the original Steven. The one that’s been around the longest!”

Smashcut. The Steven holding the camera now has a 3 drawn on both cheeks with purple marker. “Hey TubeTube! Original Steven just flipped out, so we” --he pans the camera to the other two Stevens, each labeled with their respective numbers-- “decided to take matters into our own hands.”

“He said we weren’t handsome, so we wrote an angsty song about how it made us feel bad,” Steven 2 adds.

“Yeah, we decided to change up our sound,” says Steven 4. 

They start playing one of their new, edgier sounding songs when the original Steven bursts in. 

Chaos ensues.

The camera goes to static.

**42 views ・ 5 likes ・ 0 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 8 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 1

**NonaWax**

wtf did i just watch

_ later… _

**Beachapalooza with the Crystal Gems**

_ published May 23 _

Steven’s frowning into the camera. His hair is wet, and curls of it are sticking to his face. He looks… troubled.

“Hey, TubeTube. Um, I just had the weirdest experience of my life.”

“Steven, when you’ve changed, I’ll wash your hoodie,” Pearl says offscreen.

“Thanks, Pearl!” Steven says. He looks back at the camera. “Yeah, so… Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and I were in this underwater temple thing? And we were looking for some kind of time traveling hourglass, but if we picked the wrong one, the whole temple would collapse?” 

Steven flops down onto his bed. He grabs a teddy bear and holds it in a one-armed hug against his side. 

“Amethyst chose wrong and the temple was gonna collapse and then there was some light and…  _ I  _ showed up? But my hair was different, so it was definitely a future me coming back to warn me. And then a whole bunch of Stevens showed up and they were all fighting and then the first one gave an inspirational speech and destroyed the hourglass I was gonna pick and then they all turned to dust?”

Steven stares at the ceiling. “It was… weird. I can’t play Beachapalooza with Dad anymore, though. I guess I accidentally created an alternate timeline. That whole thing was like… a spiritual experience, something you would see in a cartoon or one of those weird dramas my dad watches: ‘Learn to stay true to yourself by watching yourself  _ die. _ ’”

His eyes widen.

Steven sits bolt upright, nearly dropping the camera. “THAT WOULD MAKE REALLY GOOD LYRICS!”

He sets the camera down and gives it a little pat. “Hold that thought!”

Starwipe. 

Someone is holding the camera, filming a stage on the beach. A banner stretches over the stage, reading ‘BEACH-A-PALOOZA’. The moon is shining in the night sky above the crowd. 

Onstage, Steven is standing in front of a microphone with a guitar. The Crystal Gems stand on either side of him: Pearl to his left with a violin, Garnet to his right with an electric keytar, and Amethyst behind him on the drums.

Amethyst raises her drumsticks.

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

“FOUR!”

They launch into a cute song, harmonizing not only in voice but with their respective instruments as well. Steven’s lyrics from earlier are used.

The crowd cheers. Steven waves and blows a kiss, grinning.

**42 views ・ 5 likes ・ 0 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 8 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 6**

**Myrterix**

I like the song! <33 but what’s all this about time travel? xdxd

> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> oh you’re new to the channel aren’t you
> 
> **ipodsandtea**
> 
> its like an arg i think
> 
> **pennylogue**
> 
> I’m actually getting really into it. I haven’t seen an ARG like this take such a casual, slice-of-life approach and I’m excited to see how lore is revealed through the videos. I almost wonder if the early camera quality and editing hiccups are scripted to add realism. Does anyone know how old this kid is? This seems awfully complex for a kid who looks like he’s about nine years old.
> 
> **Zoraluz**
> 
> Guys calm down its a kid being weird on tubetube

**Laemon**

the beginning of this video is a mood. also, cute song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on steven's videos! don't worry if your name hasn't been used yet, because we're coming up on a BUNCH more comments!


	8. Trying to Get the Ocean Back With the Gems, Connie, and My Dad!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven offers insight into something that recently took the news by storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iiiiit's wednesday! what's the vibe, fellas?
> 
> also, just wanted to address something: there are a lot of comments about what videos other channels might make in response to steven's videos, and while that would be fun to write, i want to keep this fic focused just on steven's channel. anyone is welcome to write other channel responses, though!

**Trying to Get the Ocean Back With the Gems, Connie, and My Dad!**

_published June 1_

The video starts in handheld mode, showing Steven’s face. Behind him, a brightly painted van pulls up. A man steps out and waves at the Gems, who are approaching the van.

“Hey, TubeTube,” Steven says. Connie walks over.

“Oh, are you filming?”

Steven smiles at her. “Yeah, I’m making a documentary about our mission!” He turns back to the camera. “I’m Steven, and this is Connie, and those are the Crystal Gems” --the camera zooms in on the Gems, now loading a case of bottled water into the van-- “and also my dad! So... a different Gem just stole the ocean.”

The camera flips to show the scenery. It looks like a desert, complete with rolling hills of golden sand that shine in the sun. Wind whips across the terrain, sending gusts of sand into the air.

The only issue is that there are fishing boats littered throughout the landscape and there are seashells glinting in the sunlight. A man in a suit jacket is on his knees, holding a garden hose in a feeble attempt to restore the ocean to its former glory.

“Steven, are you ready to leave?” someone yells from offscreen.

“Be right there, Dad!” Steven yells back. He flips the camera back around to show his face. “See you in a sec, guys.”

The video transitions with a starwipe. Steven is now sitting on top of Lion, with Connie behind him. She waves at the camera.

“It’s kind of my fault the ocean’s gone, so that’s why we’re trying to get it back. Also, I don’t know if anyone else is capable of doing that?” Steven says with a shrug. He hands the camera to Connie.

“We don’t really know how long it’ll take for us to get there, so we brought lots of sunscreen and water bottles,” she says. The camera shakes a bit as Lion stands up and Steven urges him forward. “I hope we get the ocean back soon, though. A lot of cities rely on the ocean for trade and central profits. It would definitely have a major impact on the economy.”

Connie pans over the horizon. The sun is starting to set. “Hm,” she says, “Let’s just hope my mom doesn’t get mad at me for staying over so late.”

Starwipe. Steven’s found his new favorite transition. The sun has just set, leaving everything awash in a blue light. Connie is still holding the camera, filming the back of Steven’s head. He’s talking over his shoulder.

“What time is it?” His voice is almost lost to the wind rushing past the camera.

“It’s getting pretty late. It’s about 11 pm.”

“Hm.” Steven turns back to face forward.

Starwipe. Amethyst is holding the camera. “Hey, Steven’s making another one of those videos! Well, this’ll definitely be his best one, cause we’re in it now, right Pearl?” She points the camera at Pearl, who furrows her brow.

“What? Wait, is that Steven’s phone? When did you--”

Something glows purple and the camera shoots forward, filming Steven’s dad at the wheel in profile. “Greg! Say hi to the internet!”

Greg chances a look at the camera. He yelps. “AMETHYST! Are you shapeshifting?” Amethyst laughs. Her arm glows again as it shrinks back to its normal length. She turns the camera back around, face very close to the lens. 

“I’d get Garnet, too, but she jumped out of the van a while ago. She’s sitting on the roof now.”

Someone outside is yelling, but the words are muffled by the glass windows. Greg rolls a window down.

“Amethyst, give me back my phone!” Steven shouts. Amethyst shapeshifts her arm out the window and hands the camera back. The sudden motion is incredibly nauseating for any viewer caught off-guard by it.

“Jeez, that took forever,” Steven says, and turns off the camera.

The video resumes with a brief, shaky shot of a huge tower. It ebbs and flows upwards, pulsing with light that washes everything in blue. The moon shines through it and hundreds of stars twinkle brightly. There’s so much light in the night sky that it’s almost impossible to determine where one star ends and the next begins. A band of silver stretches over the horizon, glittering with planets and distant galaxies.

Lion and the van slow down as they approach the tower. As they get closer, the sand at the base of the tower seems darker and wetter than the rest of the landscape.

Connie breathes an exclamation of wonder. Steven whispers, “Wow…” under his breath.

The ocean stands before them.

The video cuts out and resumes much later. The sun has risen. Steven is holding the camera, absolutely sopping wet. His curls have been flattened and are sticking to his face and his shirt looks like it will never be dry again. Behind him, the sky is a dusty pink, reflected in the ocean waves below.

Ocean waves.

Steven has recovered the sea.

“GUYS! I just saved the ocean!” He starts giggling. Somewhere offscreen, Connie laughs, too. He turns the camera around to show her talking to Amethyst and Greg, shoes off as she stands in the ocean. The shot lingers for a moment before he flips it back around.

“Okay, so first, I found a magic Gem mirror and I pulled the Gem out from it to set her free and she got mad and stole the whole ocean, but when we got there, I found out she was just using the ocean to get back to her planet.”

Steven brushes some of the hair out of his eyes. “She couldn’t use her other powers because her Gem was cracked, so I healed her Gem-- I have healing powers, by the way-- and she flew off and gave the ocean back!”

He runs over to Connie, not even stopping to roll up his jeans or kick off his sandals, but it’s not like it really matters at this point. He’s already completely soaked. “Connie! What do you think of the newly recovered ocean?”

The audio gets increasingly difficult to pick out because Steven has yet to discover that cameras cannot handle noises like wind and water. “It’s great, Steven,” Connie says. Her smile fades slightly. “I just hope the sudden return of the ocean doesn’t change the water current patterns or mess with the oceanic ecosystems too much…”

Steven does not know how to respond.

Starwipe. Maybe one day Steven will remember he can add music to the background of his videos, but today is not that day.

The camera is now in its usual setup, facing Steven’s bed. He’s in fresh clothes now, but his hair is still damp. It’s probably going to take a very long time for his thick curls to completely dry out after getting doused with the entire ocean.

“Sorry that this week’s video is kind of weird,” he says, “but I didn’t get much of a chance to film what was going on. Safety and the mission come before TubeTube. But I hope the stuff I did end up filming was entertaining!”

He laughs and runs a hand through his hair. “Well, thanks for watching. Have a nice day and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel! I love you, bye!”

**1367 views ・ 256 likes ・ 35 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 173 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 136

**Olivia**

This is either the coolest CGI ever or my landlocked self totally missed something huge on the news

> **Turbonic**
> 
> I really don’t know what to make of this. It looks like CGI, but from what I can tell the ocean actually did disappear?

**thelowlysatsuma**

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OCEAN??

> **scintillatingsnows**
> 
> i was skeptical of it at first but i fact checked on multiple sources and this matches up with the timeline given on many news sites, and the contents of the video itself line up perfectly with the account given by Mayor Dewey of Beach City, so it looks like this is completely factual

**fantasychica37**

I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s a little concerning that this eight(?) year old is handling something this big, right? Right??

**strawbearybuds**

I was so sure this was an ARG but if this video is real does that mean the others are, too?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yep! all of my videos are real!

**shiIoh**

i… don’t know what to do with this information

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

STEEEVEEENNN!!!! WHY DIDN’T YOU INVITE ME ON YOUR EPIC OCEAN QUEST??

**InvaluableOracle**

how long until kids analyze this video in history class

> **SabertoothedCat**
> 
> we watched it in my current events class yesterday!!
> 
> **InvaluableOracle**
> 
> im a prophet

**Shawn**

I knew this channel was real!! There was no way it could have been cgi after all his camera troubles

**GokaiChange**

I don’t care about most of the stuff here but now that I know this isn’t fake I need to pet that pink lion irl

> **glad9**
> 
> RIGHT??? he looks so fluffy!! i want! to pet!

**StormSpirit**

I need to stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything.

**Taranov**

Huh. So what’s the story here. An ARG? A young writer/director trying to make an amateur TV series? I mean, there’s no way all this magic stuff could possibly be real. Everyone knows that magic only exists in fiction books like The Unfamiliar Familiar. Ooh, unless the story is that they’re a highly technological species whose tech is indistinguishable from magic. I don’t know! What a curious channel.

> **imgonnadietodeath**
> 
> dude. you’ve gotta be kidding

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can't tell me that the ocean disappearing didn't make the news  
> (also, thanks to taranov for that lovely in-character comment and thanks for letting me use it!)
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as one of the commenters on steven's videos!


	9. Meet My Dad! (MR. UNIVERSE!!!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven introduces his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's friday!! i just wanted to say thank you all so so much for reading, it's so fun to read all your comments!

**Meet My Dad! (MR. UNIVERSE!!!)**

_published June 4_

This video starts in a different part of Steven’s house. The camera is pointed at the couch, where Steven is sitting next to his dad. Greg’s leg is propped up on the coffee table in a makeshift cast of duct tape and a ruler, which doesn’t look very professional and definitely isn’t insured. Questions may arise about Steven’s living situation and health insurance but they will never be answered.

“Hi TubeTube!” Steven says with a grin and a wave. “So, after our expedition a few days ago, my dad broke his leg, and he’s staying with us until it heals! Normally I can heal something like that, but um…” Steven frowns. “Well, my powers aren’t super reliable, but at least I get some quality father-son bonding out of it!”

Greg chuckles. “So what exactly do we do on this TubeTube channel I’ve heard so much about?”

Steven shifts so that he’s sitting on his knees. “When people make a video about their family, they usually do a game so the viewers get to know more about the person.”

“Um, Schtu-ball?” Greg says, looking down at the coffee table. An assortment of items is splayed across said table, including a dry erase board + matching set of markers, poster board cut into rectangles, a makeup kit, a variety of peppers, a bag of marshmallows, nail polish, bandanas, a hat with various slips of paper sticking out of it, and a stack of CDs. It’s a wonder that Greg managed to find room to prop his leg up at all. “What kind of game are we playing that involves this much… stuff?”

“We don’t normally get to hang out for this long at a time, so I just decided to play every game that I could think of!”

Greg has the look of a man who knows he has made a mistake. “Oh.”

They stare at the pile of things on the coffee table for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Anyway let’s start the video!!”

Starwipe. Steven is standing in front of the camera, holding the stack of CDs. “Before we start the games, I thought it would be fun to do an intro on my super cool dad so you know him a bit better!”

He holds up one of the CDs, labeled _Space Train to the Cosmos._ “My dad used to be a rockstar known as Mr. Universe!”

As he says this, a picture of Greg at a younger age with somehow even more hair spins onto the screen. Greg is on one knee and strumming a guitar, obviously singing one of his songs. More pictures of a similar caliber, but of varying quality, appear on screen with various transitions applied (shattering glass, cube rotating, a page turning, spinning in and out, and of course, every variation of a screenwipe). Every picture has Ken Burns applied at different speeds. It’s captivating to watch, if a bit nauseating. 

“He played gigs all over the country, and his last show was here in Beach City.”

Another picture slides in from the top of the screen, this time of a setting similar to Beachapalooza, but every seat is empty. Greg is standing on the stage with a grin on his face and his fist in the air, likely striking a pose for the dramatic ending of a set. 

“My mom was the only one to show up to that show, and the rest is history.”

The picture slides away to reveal Steven again, beaming at the camera. Greg remains on the couch in the background, looking immensely uncomfortable. “I’ll edit in a clip of one of his songs!”

“Is that really necessary-?”

The shot freeze-frames and Greg is cut off by his own voice. The song blares at full volume, annihilating anyone who even thought about watching the video with headphones: _“AT THE MOMENT THAT I HIT THE STAGE, I HEAR THE UNIVERSE CALLING M-”_

Unfortunately (or, incredibly fortunately for headphone users), the song is cut off and the video cuts to Steven and Greg on the couch again.

Steven grabs the poster board cards and hands two of them to Greg before grabbing two for himself. One has a drawing of Steven and the other has a drawing of Greg.

“Okay, so I’m going to read a prompt and we’re going to hold up the sign that we think fits the prompt more!”

Greg nods. Steven looks over at the dry erase board, which has a very long list written on it.

“Which one of us is a morning person?”

Both of them hold up Steven’s card. Steven giggles. “I don’t remember the last time I saw you awake before ten, Dad.”

Greg shrugs. “It’s not like I have many customers to worry about.”

“Okay, which one of us is more organized?”

Steven holds up Greg’s card while Greg holds up Steven’s. Greg furrows his brow in confusion. “Where did you get the idea that I’m at all organized?”

Steven shrugs. “You have a storage space and I don’t actually organize any of my stuff. Pearl does.”

Greg looks at the camera in bewilderment. _‘I’m not organized,’_ he mouths.

“Next question: which of us has the most successful career?” Steven says, already reaching for Greg’s card. 

The real Greg rubs the back of his neck. “Why don’t we see what other games you have lined up for us?”

Steven drops the card. “Okay!”

Starwipe. Now Steven is holding the makeup kit and a bandana. “Now we’re gonna do the blindfolded makeup challenge! I’ll do my dad’s makeup while BLINDFOLDED!”

Greg winces. “How about we drop the blindfold? I don’t want to get my eyes poked out.”

Steven frowns. “Well… Okay, but now we have to switch so we can do the ‘my dad does my makeup challenge’ thing.”

“It’s a good thing I didn’t have a makeup crew during my music days.”

The following segment is broken up into various clips along the process, showing snippets of conversation:

“You don’t really have bags under your eyes, but I’ll put concealer on just for fun,” Greg says, unscrewing the concealer. He draws a triangle under Steven’s eye, who jumps.

“That’s cold!”

“Yeah, goofball, it’s liquid.”

\---

Steven has his eyes closed while Greg opens the eyeshadow palette. “Got a color preference?”

“Surprise me!”

“Alrighty,” Greg says, dipping the brush in some pink powder. Steven jumps once the brush is applied to his eyelid. “You gotta stay still.”

“Sorry! It scared me.”

Greg switches colors and blends it into the outer edge of Steven’s eye. “I haven’t done eyeshadow in _years._ ”

“You used to do eyeshadow?”

“Well, yeah. You have to put makeup on when you’re onstage or the audience won’t be able to see your face.”

“I didn’t know that! Should I have been putting makeup on for Beachapalooza?”

“Those stage lights aren’t too bright, so you didn’t need to. Also, no one else had makeup on, either.”

Steven starts to change his sitting position, but stops as he feels the brush on his other eye and fidgets with his hands instead. “Wow, Dad, you’re so smart!”

\---

“Make a fish face so I can put blush on.”

Steven complies, but breaks out into giggles before the blush brush even touches his cheek. “Sorry!” he says, straightening up and making the face again, but he keeps laughing.

Greg shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “It might work better if you smile instead, anyway.”

\---

They’ve moved on to mascara. “Look up-- there we go. Where’d you get this makeup kit? I don’t remember seeing it before.”

“Pearl got it for me for one of my birthdays because she saw someone buying it for their daughter. I still like it, though.”

“That’s good!”

“I haven’t used it since-”

“Keep looking up.”

“Sorry-- I haven’t used it since last year, though.”

\---

Another starwipe. Steven is holding a mirror and looking at his new look in wonder. His eyes are practically glittering. “Wow! I didn’t know you were so good at makeup!”

“You’ve seen pictures of me with makeup on, Steven.”

“Yeah but you’ve never done makeup on me!”

Steven makes a few poses, admiring himself in the mirror. Greg laughs.

“Don’t you have a bunch more games for us?”

“Oh yeah!”

The video transitions to the next clip as if it were a page being turned. Steven is holding the hat with paper slips. “Every slip has a question that we have to answer! I’ll go first.”

He takes a while to choose a piece of paper, moving them all around and rustling them for about fifteen seconds before picking one. “What’s your favorite TV show? Easy! Crying Breakfast Friends. Your turn, Dad!”

Greg picks one out much quicker than Steven. “What’s your biggest regret? Um… Steven, why don’t you go again?”

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

They look at each other. Greg doesn’t seem to know how to respond, so Steven shrugs and picks another paper. “Where do you want to travel to? Oooh, the moon! I’ve always wanted to go to the moon. Your turn!”

Greg picks another paper. “...What’s the saddest moment of your life? Hey, what other games do you have?”

Steven frowns, but puts the hat down. “We can do the hot pepper challenge! We have to eat hot peppers that get increasingly spicy as we go and we’re not allowed to drink any milk or we lose!” He looks back at Greg for approval and frowns. “Or, um… we could do the marshmallow challenge, where we have to fit as many marshmallows in our mouth as possible and say the longest quote we can think of with a bunch of marshmallows in our mouths!”

Greg gives an apologetic smile. “I don’t think my body could handle that much sugar at once.”

“Well, we could-- we could--” Steven looks over the table again, but he’s run out of ideas. He slumps against the couch. “I’m sorry, Dad. I totally made you uncomfortable with my games, didn’t I?”

Greg places a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Schtu-ball.”

“Really?”

“Of course it is! I like spending time with you. Some of the questions were a bit too personal for a game, but I _did_ have fun doing makeup with you. Next time, just make sure the person you’re playing with knows what kind of thing they’ll be answering, and take out some of the harder questions.”

Steven nods. Then he wraps his arms around Greg in a tight hug, hiding his face in Greg’s shirt. Greg hugs him back.

“And hey!” Greg says, leaning over the table. “We still have some nail polish. Want to paint my nails?”

Steven’s face lights up. “Yeah!!”

The video cuts to Steven holding Greg’s hand as he paints his nails blue. They’re talking to each other animatedly, but Greg’s song from earlier is playing over it. A starwipe closes the video and the music fades out.

**1002 views ・ 65 likes ・ 8 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 175 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 9

**donathanstewart**

i wasnt supposed to get emotional at a youtube challenge video i wasnt supposed to get emotional at a youtube challenge video i wasnt supp-

**TwoBeetles**

I’ve never heard of Mr. Universe but I swear that song sounds super familiar am I going crazy??

> **whatswiththembees**
> 
> No I totally know what youre talking about but I cant place it
> 
> **SLUSH_IE**
> 
> Boogle is NOT helping me find where ive heard this dang song before

**Itsfinallytime**

anyone else think its really sweet that he thinks his dad is so cool

> **Fjc**
> 
> to be fair his dad IS cool look at those ripped sleeves in those pictures

**The_Optimist**

what the heck is that cast? y’all okay??? please tell me you went to the doctor

**FriendlyFelony**

this wholesome content is EXACTLY what i subscribed for I’m so glad he’s gaining traction

> **Unimpessively_Me**
> 
> It’s what he deserves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was a bit worried that steven was ooc but then i remembered the quiz he makes amethyst take in reformed (maybe he still is idk im not a huge fan of this chapter)
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos! now that steven's channel is gaining traction, we're going to see more comments start appearing on each chapter (there are quite a few comments in the next one)


	10. The Watermelon Steven Chronicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares his surprise venture into gardening with his viewers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaahhhh wednesday!!
> 
> i honestly don't know how this chapter got so long it was supposed to be a short little thing about selling watermelons and it spiraled out of control

**Watermelon Stevens available at funland!**

_published July 5_

The camera is set up in front of Steven’s bed. He’s holding a watermelon with a peculiar shape. Outside, the sun is beating down. That watermelon is looking very tasty.

“Hey guys!” Steven says. He has a hastily made crown made out of watermelon rind on his head. Lines of watermelon juice have dried on his face, which are going to be a pain to scrub off later. Steven crosses his legs and leans forward. His eyes are glittering. “Look what I made!”

He holds up the weirdly shaped watermelon. It looks like a miniature version of him, complete with little seed eyes. It no longer looks tasty.

Steven places the watermelon in his lap like a baby and plays with its arms while he talks. “I was eating watermelons with my dad and I spit a bunch of seeds everywhere and when I woke up they had all grown into Steven shaped watermelons!”

He waves at the camera using the baby watermelon’s arm and giggles. “I call them Watermelon Stevens. Anyway, um…” he drops the baby melon’s arms and places his hands on its head, resting his chin on top. “I was thinking I would give them out! So I came back home to pick up a table and make a stand or something.”

A thought occurs to Steven and he jumps, eyes widening in excitement. His grin is blinding. “I GOTTA DRESS FOR THE OCCASION!!”

Jump cut. Steven is standing in front of his bed in his normal outfit, striking a pose, one hand on his hip. He snaps his fingers and he’s now wearing overalls, a straw sunhat, and a bandana, finishing off the look with a piece of wheat in his mouth. Steven is finally coming into his own with his growing video editing skills. The transition between outfits is even marked by a video game power-up noise.

Still no background music, though. They can’t all be winners.

“Time to hit the road!” Steven says, giving a thumbs up and a wink, despite the fact that that phrase doesn’t really fit with the idea of setting up a watermelon stand.

A couple of quick shots play of Steven setting up his watermelon stand on the boardwalk. The camera is far away enough to get a full view of the entire scene. He struggles to set up the table, but after a few jumpcuts he’s laying out the table cloth and arranging the melons. It’s topped off with Baby Melon.

Steven surveys his hard work “There! All set.”

He turns to face the camera. “Come on down to Funland and get your own Watermelon Steven!”

Steven grins and gives another thumbs up. He stays in this pose for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Wait, should I add a sign--”

**983 views ・ 74 likes ・ 12 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 178 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6

**Grumpy_Potato**

why is this in my recommended

**QueenSapphire**

Those are so sweet! Wish I lived in that area to pick one up.

**fearfullyfabulou5**

Cute! but are we ignoring the whole ocean adventure thing

> **Yokaikohai**
> 
> I think he’s just really used to magic things at this point?
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> SERIOUSLY IS NO ONE ELSE CONCERNED ABOUT THIS KID BUT ME

**Tired_Fish**

forget the shape I just want to know how he got watermelons to grow overnight

**Watermelon Stevens are sold out!**

_published July 5_

This video starts off as a blessing to the ears. It has _music_ in the background. A bouncy, cheerful chiptune song plays quietly underneath the whole video, which itself is not very long. It’s a collection of clips, all filmed at the same angle facing Steven’s watermelon stand head-on.

First, Mr. Smiley walks up. Steven smiles sheepishly and hands him a watermelon. Jumpcut. Sadie is trying to hand him a dollar bill. It looks like Steven had originally planned to just give them out, which isn’t a very sound business practice. 

Next, a boy with yellow hair who Steven refers to as Ronaldo runs up. “WHOA! What’s going on here?”

“Uh, hey Ronaldo!”

“Don’t mind me, just doing some live blogging about your weird watermelons,” he says, and starts typing very slowly. For someone who’s very adamant about constantly blogging, he really hasn’t worked up the internet skills required.

Steven and Sadie look at him for a moment before deciding they have better things to do. Steven relents to Sadie’s consistent insistence that he take some form of payment.

The next customers come and go very quickly, barely giving viewers any time to memorize their features:

  * a teenage girl with a red jacket and circular yellow earrings
  * a man with an eyepatch and a briefcase
  * Amethyst, but she just turns into a cat and messes up Steven’s display
  * a girl with a pink sweater
  * a tall boy with a blue hoodie and orange zip-away shorts
  * a person with short, curly brown hair, glasses, and a gray t-shirt
  * Amethyst again
  * the mayor



Finally, it cuts to Steven sitting alone at his watermelon stand. He gives the camera a thumbs up and the video ends.

**845 views ・ 68 likes ・ 7 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 179 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3

**snailcat (kitten226)**

I like how this is the event that gets multiple parts and not the quest to get the ocean back

> **JayReads**
> 
> steven has his priorities in order and i can respect that

**DevastatorAmmolite**

dang! i was hoping to snag one later today

**Watermelon Steven Update**

_published July 5_

Steven is sitting on his bed, holding a slice of watermelon and looking extremely downtrodden.

“Hey, TubeTube,” he says through a mouthful of melon. “I come to you with sad news.”

He stares blankly at the floor in front of him, chewing absentmindedly. After a moment, he shakes his head and looks back at the camera. “So, long story short, the watermelons all came to life and started acting like an army by defending me against anyone who could possibly harm me and they went a little power crazy and Baby Melon…”

Steven looks at the watermelon slice in his hand. “Baby Melon sacrificed himself to show the other melons what they’d become and it was really beautiful and touching but also very sad. I wonder if seeing multiple versions of myself die is gonna have an effect on me in the long run…”

He frowns and ponders the thought for a moment. “Nah, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he says, much to the probable distress of multiple viewers. 

“By the way, sorry if you didn’t get a chance to get a Watermelon Steven before they sold out, but it might’ve been for the best, because I had to round them up after they came to life.”

Something moves offscreen and Steven glances off to the side before returning his gaze to the camera. His face still looks a bit sticky from the watermelon crown from earlier. “Ronaldo of Keep Beach City Weird caught some of it on camera, so maybe you guys should check it out?”

The something that was moving earlier turns out to be Lion, who has come up the stairs and is now staring intently at Steven. “Hey Lion,” he says, “I’ll play with you in a moment, okay? We can go down to the Big Donut in a second, but I have to finish this TubeTube video first.”

Lion doesn’t budge. Steven stares at him for a moment. He purses his lips and furrows his brow in confusion, but Lion keeps his gaze. Steven side-eyes the camera, bewildered.

“Um,” he says, slowly turning back to face forward. “Anyway, that’s all I have for you today. Don’t forget to like and subscribe! I’ll have something more interesting for you guys next week. I love you, bye!”

Lion pushes his nose into Steven’s face. “Lion, please, this is not the time-”

**894 views ・ 73 likes ・ 15 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 179 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 16

**gayzula**

can i get an f in the chat for baby melon

> **shiloh**
> 
> f
> 
> **Drippin_Joe**
> 
> f
> 
> **thelosxrs**
> 
> f

**LiaManila**

is this kid…. okay?

> **aoithecat**
> 
> im gonna say.... probably not

**YK_FanGirl**

omg he is Babey how old is he

> **ConstantHunger**
> 
> He looks really young, so I want to say about elementary school age, maybe older.
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> That’s why I find it hard to believe that this channel could be faked! He’s so little and (no offense) bad at editing, so there’s no way it’s CGI
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> please don’t start this debate again it was bad enough on the ocean video
> 
> **Syntheia**
> 
> you can grow watermelons in different shapes with molds though
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> what did i JUST SAY

**DreamingOfStarrySkies**

:O!! lions back! if steven doesnt play with him i will

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

THANKS FOR THE SHOUTOUT STEVEN! NOW MORE PEOPLE WILL BE EXPOSED TO THE TRUTH!!

> **Andovia212**
> 
> Oh my word do you have to use caps in every comment you leave
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> HOW ELSE WILL PEOPLE KNOW THAT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT??
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> Yeah… “important”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few of the people mentioned in the second video are not-so-subtle easter eggs and if u guess who they are u win a pearl point
> 
> the bit with lion is because the episode after watermelon steven is lion 3 straight to video!
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	11. An EXPERIENCE!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A channel takeover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday!!
> 
> this one is maybe my favorite chapter ive written so far

**An EXPERIENCE!!**

_ published July 12 _

The video starts in Steven’s bedroom, but facing the opposite direction it usually does. Someone walks up the stairs and puts their hands on their hips, scanning the room with a determined look on their face. They have what’s practically a mane of bushy curls, so it’s a bit hard to make out their exact facial features. It’s even worse as the light from outside fades, leaving the video to get grainier and grainier. 

“Oh, there it is!” the person says. They reach over and pick the camera up, holding it vlogger style.

“Hey, TubeTube! My name is Stevonnie! Let’s go on an adventure.” Stevonnie winks and points a finger gun at the camera. They hold this position for a moment and then unfreeze. “Okay, how did that take turn o--”

Smashcut. Stevonnie is standing in front of Steven’s TV, but is now trying to put a hoodie on over their current outfit: a red crop top with a flowy-er blue one layered on top, and denim shorts. However, the hoodie is way too small. Stevonnie frowns. 

“Well, I guess this means the only option is a fashion montage,” they say with a shrug.

Upbeat music starts to play, and various clips of Stevonnie trying on different outfits match with the song. 

First, they try a blue version of Steven’s star shirt, but it looks weird with the flowy top. Next up is a black shirt with ripped sleeves. It fits, but a bit awkwardly. Next, a dress, but Stevonnie doesn’t like it very much. This continues for about a minute with outfits that get stranger and stranger (complete goth, farmer’s outfit, full suit of armor, historically accurate Victorian gown, something resembling a jester’s outfit but completely pink, a sweater vest, and an alligator onesie all make an appearance). 

Finally, Stevonnie lands on an outfit that works: a red crop top with a flowy-er blue one layered on top, and denim shorts.

They frown.

They look at the pile of clothes behind them.

They look back at the camera.

“Oh.”

Smashcut.

Stevonnie is balancing the camera on something. Waves roar in the background, adding to the audio nightmare that is already present from the sounds that can’t be avoided when propping up a camera. It’s like an unwelcome portal back to Steven’s early TubeTube videos.

Once the camera is set up, Stevonnie backs away, revealing a lovely scene of the beach awash in pink light. They fling their arms out and grin, quickly dissolving into excited giggles. “It’s a beautiful night tonight, TubeTube!” they yell over the sound of the waves. Luckily, the camera quality hasn’t also become a portal to Steven’s early TubeTube videos.

A quiet, peppy tune plays in the background. “I just got invited to a dance! That’s what the fashion montage was about. So what better way to prepare for said dance than to  _ practice  _ dancing?”

Stevonnie covers their mouth as they laugh again. The music gradually gets louder and drowns out the ocean waves. Stevonnie starts dancing, and it’s incredible to behold. They  _ definitely  _ don’t need practice. It’s short lived, though, as they slow their movements and cross their arms in thought. “I want to learn to tap dance,” they say.

“Steven knows how to tap dance, right? So theoretically, I should be able to… but I’m  _ not _ Steven, so… could I?”

Experimentally, they try out a couple steps.

“Well, that didn’t work,” Stevonnie says, looking down at their feet. “Probably because I don’t have shoes and also this is sand, which isn’t known for being a great surface for tap dancing.”

They furrow their brow and put their hands on their hips. This is an obstacle they cannot overcome.

“Wait, when did Steven even learn how to ta--”

Smashcut.

Stevonnie is holding the camera up like a vlogger, video now absent of music and replaced with the sounds of night life. Behind them, the lights of Beach City shine and pulse gently, perfectly circular in the camera’s realm of focus. Fireflies flit about. The last of the sunlight gives Stevonnie’s skin a pink glow and they smile. “Garnet was right,” they say. “How is Garnet  _ always  _ right?”

They look away from the camera at the view in front of them for a moment and give a small chuckle. “This is so weird.”

It’s quiet for a moment.

“I should head up to that dance party, huh,” they say, looking back at the camera. “See you guys in a bit!”

Starwipe.

The next scene is not of Stevonnie. Steven is holding the camera now, walking down a hill next to Connie. He looks almost like he’s been crying.

“Hey, TubeTube! Just an update, um, the dance was… uh,” he trails off.

“It was  _ crazy!” _ Connie yells, bursting into laughter. Steven beams at her, trying and failing to suppress his giggles.

“It was absolutely  _ wild, _ dudes!”

“Insane!”

“Wacky!”

“Absurd!”

“Radical!”

_ “Outrageous!”  _ Connie finishes. 

They laugh even harder. Steven stumbles, nearly dropping the camera, and Connie doubles over, covering her mouth as she gives a shriek of laughter, unable to catch her breath. Steven laughs so hard he snorts and then laughs even harder than that. His face is flushed and he has tears in his eyes. 

“Oh my gosh, who even  _ was _ that guy?” he finally says, video forgotten.

Connie steels herself, taking a deep breath, but still chuckles as she responds. “He said, ‘it’s  _ Kevin time’  _ when he walked up. Who  _ says  _ that?”

“Kevin does, apparently!” Steven says. “What a creep!”

Connie gasps in mock surprise. “Steven! Such language!”

Steven laughs again and playfully shoves Connie, who shoves him back, albeit a little too hard. He almost trips for a second time.

“Oh yeah!” Steven looks back at the camera. “Thanks for watching, guys! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! Have a great rest of your day! I love you, b--”

“Don’t go to dance parties if a  _ jerk  _ named Kevin is gonna be there!” Connie says, popping up behind Steven, hands on his shoulders. Steven snorts.

“Connie!”

“What?”

Steven snorts again. He turns back to the camera. “I love you, bye!”

“Kevin is the worst!” Connie yells.

“You’re hysterical.”

_ “You’re  _ hysterical!”

They burst into laughter again. The video ends abruptly.

**917 views ・ 54 likes ・ 23 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 185 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 18

**orangeflavoredexhaustion**

the vibes on this video? CHAOTIC

**fiiishu**

idk who the person was in the beginning but im in love

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> that was stevonnie!
> 
> **fiiishu**
> 
> ya but like…. who is that

**Its_ya_fwiend_rainbow**

Connie is so precious

**NutjobsCollection618**

I dont know who kevin is and I dont care because he will die at my hands

> **Animus_Melodiam**
> 
> Not if I kill him first
> 
> **Keelan_666**
> 
> lock your doors kevin we’re coming for you

**TimideTea**

the part where Stevonnie is sitting with the lights behind them? *chefs kiss* poetic cinema

**Sewing_Needles**

Stevonnie is a FASHION ICON

> **KawaiiBlue18**
> 
> two crop tops? never thought id say this but yes please
> 
> **crazykoala**
> 
> omg is your profile pic koala princess
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> quiet or youll summon ronaldo

**pumpkinsyrup**

these videos are always so fun. steven’s so cute

> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> and that’s why we must destroy kevin at all costs

**RollingUpHigh**

Steven is really good at creating intrigue! I’m stoked to see the next episode of such a carefully crafted ARG.

> **resdaMalos**
> 
> how many times do we hAVE TO GO OVER THIS IT’S NOT AN ARG
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> DO NOT START THE DEBATE AGAIN I’M GOING TO LOSE MY MARBLES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the comment section just turned into how much i hate kevin  
> also those kids were HYSTERICAL at the end of alone together
> 
> remember that if you comment your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	12. No Home Boys: Graphic Novel Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares his thoughts on the controversial graphic novel adaptation of a beloved children's book series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wednesday wednesday wednesday! my internet went out for a hot sec and i was a bit worried i would be late posting but we're back in business just in time, babey!!

**No Home Boys: Graphic Novel Review**

_ published September 23 _

The video begins in the usual manner, set up facing Steven’s bed. He smiles and waves. “Hi guys! Today we have another review for you.” Steven gives a short huff of a laugh. “Why am I saying ‘we’? I’m the only one in this video.”

Steven frowns for a moment.

“Um, anyway, onto the review!”

A starwipe transitions into the next scene, which is completely unchanged aside from the fact that Steven is now holding a book with a vibrant cover. He holds it up with one hand behind it like a beauty guru.

“I wanted to share my thoughts on the controversial graphic novel adaptation of the beloved No Home Boys book series.” He places the book on his lap. “Personally, I think it’s a disaster!”

Steven shakes his head. “The whole draw of No Home Boys is that Henry and Jessie are a found family.”

As Steven talks, illustrations from the original book series appear on the screen, transitioning via screenwipe. Thankfully, no Ken Burns is used. “They have their issues sometimes, but it all works out in the end because they love each other. No matter how weird the plot is, the story is rooted in the characters.”

The camera cuts back to Steven. “You might not know this, but I really love stories about relationships! Family is the most important thing. But the graphic novel totally throws that out the window in favor of flashy action scenes with paranormal entities.”

A few pictures of pages from the graphic novel slide onto screen. The art is definitely inspired by manga, but the artists haven’t quite grasped the balance needed to make it look appealing, landing the entire novel squarely into the uncanny valley. “Just compare these two similar scenes from Mystery Train and Case of the Pilfering Pegasus!”

A hand drawn comic appears on screen, accompanied by the words “comic drawn by me for visual aid :)”.

Two boys are sitting on a train, looking out over a field of sunflowers. “Don’t you ever get homesick? I can imagine living in Empire City was pretty swell. Why don’t you go back?” the one with the cap says, dubbed over in Steven’s best attempt at voice acting. It’s surprisingly not half-bad. The drawings leave a bit to be desired, but they’re still very cute. 

“I never lived in Empire City,” the other boy says. 

“Right, your parents were from Britain!”

“I never lived there either! I’m from  _ here _ . Besides, my parents did something… not great, if you remember. You were right about me, I  _ am  _ just like them. I’m just as  _ bad _ as them.”

“Henry, I don’t think of you like that. You’re good  _ despite _ all of what happened. I thought you were proud of that.”

The video cuts back to Steven. He’s holding Mystery Train, a soft smile on his face. “I love that scene so much! They’re finally talking about the tension that’s been rising between them all book and they have this great bonding moment in the midst of a fun mystery romp!”

Steven hugs the book to his chest briefly before looking disdainfully at his copy of The Case of the Pilfering Pegasus. “And then…”

A page from the graphic novel appears onscreen, devoid of any fun screen transitions. The character designs are extremely unsettling for some reason, but it’s hard to put a finger on what exactly is off about it. There’s no soul to those drawings. Steven’s art may not be perfect, but at least he puts time and effort and heart into  _ his _ No Home Boys comic.

“Don’t you ever get homesick?” the boy with the cap says. Steven’s dubbed over this part too, but his contempt for the adaptation is apparent even with his best acting on display.

“No. Besides, my parents did that bad thing that one time, and I’m too good for them so I don’t need to go back ever.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

A pegasus swoops down and snatches the hat off of hat boy’s head.

“Darn that pilfering pegasus! Come on, let’s go have a twelve page action sequence that does nothing to further the plot!”

The video once again cuts back to Steven. He shakes his head. “Man, now I get what Connie means about being disappointed in adaptations.”

He shrugs and smiles again. “The good thing is that no one is obligated to read the graphic novel adaptation if they don’t want to, and people who like it” --Steven pauses, considering if this is even possible-- “can read it if  _ they _ want to.”

From offscreen, there’s a musical chime, followed by the video glitching briefly. “Oh, it’s the Gems! One sec.”

Steven slides off his bed and rushes over to the edge of the loft. “Hey guys!” he says with a cheery wave. 

“Hello, Steven. Sorry, we’re just popping in for a brief moment. Amethyst, are you ready?”

A gooey sound signals the opening of the temple door. Amethyst gives a short laugh. “Yeah, P, when have I ever been unprepared?”

Pearl does not respond. Steven glances at the camera and shrugs before turning back to face the Gems.

“We’ll be back soon,” says Garnet.

“Can I come?”

“Not this time, Steven, but soon.”

“Awww… okay.”

“See ya, Steve-o!” Amethyst says. The warp pad activates with another chime. Once the video glitch clears, Steven is holding the camera.

“Well, anyway, I’d rate the graphic novel adaptation of No Home Boys a 1.5 out of 7 stars. In my opinion, you’d be better off sticking to the original. Oh man, now I want to read No Home Boys… I think the next one in the series is On The Run?”

Steven glances over his shoulder at the pile of books on his bed. “Yeah, On The Run. Well, thanks for watching, dudes! I’ll see you in the next video. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe to my channel! I love you, bye!”

The video closes with a starwipe.

**1018 views ・ 51 likes ・ 13 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 192 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 23

**FermiBubbleParadox**

I never have any idea what he’s going to review next

> **lin**
> 
> steven quartz universe said a consistent series is for chumps

**EnderKitty68**

Is it just me or is the comic he drew the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

> **s0ng_0f_st0rms**
> 
> I’d read the graphic novel adaptation if his art was used instead of whatever nonsense they actually used

**fakelib**

i’ve never seen him get actually angry before

> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> Why wouldn’t he be? The graphic novel adaptation is a disgrace to the No Home Boys series
> 
> **bruh**
> 
> its a kids book guys calm down
> 
> **frigidfries**
> 
> yeah but that doesn’t mean a kids book can’t be good. kids like things of quality just as much as adults do
> 
> **AGiantNerd**
> 
> Exactly! The original series was a heartfelt exploration of character dynamics and found family with an interesting plot that delved into topics that had generally been avoided in kids media at that time! It paved the way for kids books for years!
> 
> **bruh**
> 
> your username is very fitting for that comment
> 
> **AGiantNerd**
> 
> shut up

**Broken_Pine**

I don’t know, I actually thought the graphic novel adaptation expanded on the universe in an interesting way.

> **Hastilt**
> 
> oh im glad i found someone i agree with in this comment section! once you get past the first ten or so issues, the character development gets really cool and there are a couple heartwarming scenes throughout
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> I COULDN’T AGREE MORE! I HAVE A FULL REVIEW ON THE GRAPHIC NOVEL ADAPTATION ON MY BLOG IF YOU WANT TO CHECK IT OUT!
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Oh oof nevermind forget I said anything

**Wishflare warrior**

What’s the glitching about

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i think that’s from the warp pad! sorry, i would edit it out if i could figure out how but it seems to stay in the video no matter what i do!

**dsndave**

ever since the ocean vanished i have a mighty need to find out what missions the gems are going on

**baby melon**

love the voice acting, very nice touch!

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> is your username a tribute to the dearly departed baby melon?? i love it!!
> 
> **Bman5002**
> 
> pour one out for our mans baby melon

**rosewitchx**

i would protect this kid with my LIFE he’s so cute

> **Milklineep**
> 
> steven protection squad rise up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ran out of buffer chapters so uuhhh i gotta ummm wRITE THOSE
> 
> remember that if you comment, your username will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!!


	13. Horror Movie Recommendations ft. Sadie Miller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Sadie discuss Sadie's favorite spooky movies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its friday!! im sorry it's a little later than usual, i had a class meeting during the time i normally post!

**Horror Movie Recommendations ft. Sadie Miller**

_ published October 30 _

The video opens in a different setting than usual. It’s still a bedroom, but this one has dark blue walls with posters hung up at various intervals. There’s not much light, but what little light  _ is  _ there is tinted green, creating a spookier atmosphere than is usual for Steven’s videos. 

Steven is sitting on the bed next to someone who has only been featured in two of his videos for brief moments at a time: Sadie from the donut shop.

“Hi, TubeTube! I’m here at my good friend Sadie Miller’s house. Tomorrow, we’re going to a scary movie party thrown by my other friend Ronaldo, so  _ today _ I asked Sadie to give the internet her movie recommendations!”

Sadie smiles sheepishly. “Um, Steven? How many people are going to see this video? I feel kind of dorky.”

“Don’t worry, Sadie! I don’t have that many subscribers. Anyway, they’re all super nice!” Steven says. 

“Oh, okay.”

“Even if they  _ really _ have it out for Kevin,” Steven murmurs.

“What?”

“Nothing! Anyway, let’s start with the recommendations!”

A starwipe signals the transition into the main part of the video. Sadie has ended up centered in frame, looking fairly nervous. Steven is sitting next to her with a stack of DVDs and VHS tapes in his lap. “I don’t know a lot about spooky movies, so take it away, Sadie!”

Sadie furrows her brow. “Well, um… I guess we can just start at the top of the pile and make our way down?”

“Sounds good!”

There’s a pause. They look at each other for a moment, Steven grinning encouragingly and Sadie pursing her lips in hesitation. She shakes her head and grabs a DVD case.

“Okay, so… I thought we could start off with a classic, I guess? This one is probably one of the more well-known entries in my horror movie collection,” Sadie says. She holds up the case in front of the camera, allowing it to focus before she continues. “It’s called  _ Bad Dream on Tree Road _ and it focuses on nightmares and stuff. The villain is pretty iconic, and I like how creative some of the scares are. I’d give it a solid 7/10 stars.”

Steven’s smile grows even wider. He hands Sadie a VHS tape. Her eyes light up.

“Oh, I  _ love  _ this one!”

She holds the box in front of the camera. The cover depicts a clown driving a small blue car in front of an ornately decorated hotel. In a bright red font reminiscent of dripping blood are the words “ _ The Shining Clown Car”. _

“That one’s a bit older, so the special effects don’t  _ quite _ hold up, but I think it’s more about what you think about  _ after _ the movie is over than the movie itself. This one is about a supernatural entity that takes the form of a clown who  _ also _ has the ability to possess cars and make them drive around all by themselves! The main characters have to escape the clown  _ and  _ the car, but they also have to worry about the haunted hotel they’re staying at!”

Steven winces. “That seems like a lot for one movie to handle.”

Sadie shrugs. “It’s a matter of taste,” she says. “Wait, you aren’t putting clips of the movies onscreen while I talk about them, are you? Some of these movies can be” --she looks down at a DVD titled  _ The Lone Star Rotary Saw Massacre _ with a grimace-- “kind of gorey.”

Steven follows her gaze. He frowns. “I don’t want to get spoiled if we watch any of these movies at Ronaldo’s party tomorrow,” he decides, though his troubled expression suggests there might be another reason.

There’s a moment of silence as they both stare at the DVD. Slowly, Steven hands Sadie the next VHS tape.

Sadie studies the cover for a moment. “This one isn’t as mainstream as the others. It’s called  _ Reanimated _ and it’s about a doctor whose patient ends up being an eldritch horror.”

Steven holds up the box for the camera while Sadie continues talking.

“Who’s this kid on the back cover?” he asks.

“Oh, that’s Collin. He’s the doctor’s kid. So, a lot of scary movies have a family dynamic in them, but this movie is more focused on the family aspect than a lot of others I’ve seen. Collin feels like his mom is overbearing and the only way they can confront the issue is by confronting the monster in the hospital. It’s really heartfelt, and the monster stuff is  _ really  _ good.”

Steven traces his fingers over the box, furrowing his brow. He stares at the photo of the doctor for a moment and whispers something under his breath that the camera doesn’t quite pick up. Sadie continues her analysis.

“The hospital setting is classic horror, and it’s really effective, especially once they get the lights and sound design involved. I won’t get too into it in case your viewers want to watch it, but the monster design is  _ really  _ cool. Like a mash of body parts.”

Steven shudders. The green lighting of Sadie’s bedroom casts strange shadows on his face, accentuating the bags under his eyes. “I’d hate to be in a situation like that,” he says. “What’s next?”

Sadie takes the stack of movies from Steven and shuffles through them, giving a short synopsis for each one.

“Um… well, there’s  _ Lost in Thought _ where the son swears he sees a ghost but no one in the family believes him until it’s too late--”

“I know how that is,” Steven mutters.

“There’s  _ Chilling Tide _ , which is an indie horror all about the messed up dreams a girl has after escaping a kidnapper, it’s kind of abstract and really weird, um…  _ Lonely Sailing  _ starts off fun but turns into a psychological thriller about being chased at sea by something…  _ Right Angles _ is another weird one, it’s about a demon possessing the brother of an opera singer.”

Steven watches Sadie go through her movie collection in awe. His eyes are wide and glistening with excitement. “Wow, Sadie! You know a lot about scary movies.”

Sadie blushes, setting the pile down for a moment. “It’s kind of dorky.” She glances at the camera. “You’re  _ sure _ that there’s not too many people who will see this?”

“Why are you worried about it? I promise that everyone’s super nice!”

“I’m not  _ worried _ , it’s just a little embarrassing.”

Steven smiles at her reassuringly. “I don’t think it’s embarrassing! I think it’s super cool that you know so much about these movies!” 

He picks up a few movies ( _ Reanimated, Chilling Tide, Lost in Thought) _ and offers them to Sadie. “I think it’s good that you have something that makes you happy! It’s like how  _ Unfamiliar Familiar _ and  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ make  _ me _ happy.”

Sadie accepts the movies and places them in her lap. She chuckles. “You’re too nice to me, Steven.”

Steven waves her sentiment off with a shake of his head and a smile. “You’re my friend! Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

Sadie rests her head on her hands and turns away. “Yeah, tell that to Lars.”

Steven bites his lip, unsure of how to remedy the situation. He looks down at the remaining movies on the bed.

“What’s this one about?” he says. “The cover’s pink!”

The movie in question is titled  _ Silent Space _ . The cover depicts a pink spaceship flying through space. Horrified, screaming faces are just visible scattered throughout the picture, barely distinguishable in shade from the area around them.

Sadie takes the tape. “Oh, this one’s about aliens.”

“What? But aliens aren’t evil!”

“Yeah, but this was made before people really knew about aliens.”

Steven crosses his arms. “I guess I can excuse it.”

Sadie rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “It’s about an astronaut who gets separated from her crew and has to survive in space while also uncovering the truth about her secret past.”

“Woah, that’s crazy!” Steven’s eyes might as well have stars in them with how excited he looks. “Can we watch it?”

“It’s still a  _ horror _ movie, Steven, it’s not a fun story. Also, I think it might be a bit too much for you.”

“Aww, what? Why?”

“There’s a scene where someone’s stomach gets… um. Well, it’s not very pretty.”

Steven sticks out his tongue. Sadie checks her watch. “Can we wrap this up? I told Lars I’d go over to his place at six.”

“Yeah, sure!” Steven turns to face the camera. “Thanks for watching, guys! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I hope you have a nice rest of your day! Think about watching one of Sadie’s cool movies! Okay, I love you, bye!”

He throws up a peace sign and winks. Sadie laughs.

**1538 views ・ 46 likes ・ 12 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 257 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 19

**Jonbonstovie**

Did steven just say he’s FRIENDS with ronaldo?

> **AnonnyMouse54321**
> 
> that’s a bigger plot twist than when the magic stuff turned out to be real

**mann3ify**

All of Steven’s friends are so cool!

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i know!!! my friends are the best!!!! :D

**DemiStorm**

STEVEN KNOWS WE’RE PLANNING TO MURDER KEVIN ABORT ABORT

**Errorchild**

Why does steven look so sad at 2:40

> **InfernosSunset**
> 
> I mean reanimated is a sad movie but I don't think he’s seen it so I’m not sure
> 
> **miidoku**
> 
> i want to give him a hug :( time to assemble the steven protection squad

**strike_the_top**

My girl Sadie has TASTE

**Gobble_Gobbl3**

Ok but Steven is baby why is he going to a scary movie party

> **KellE**
> 
> I think they won’t watch anything too intense for him at the actual party. He’s what, about eight? Maybe nine? And Sadie seems to have a good idea of what would be too much for him to handle, so I’d say he’s in good hands. If we assume the magic part of the channel is real, then Steven has seen things that are probably scarier than the movies they watch at the party.
> 
> **AuroraDragon**
> 
> What do you mean “if we assume the magic part is real” it’s real we already know this
> 
> **KellE**
> 
> It could be real, but there’s always the possibility that it’s CGI.
> 
> **BuzzleBee**
> 
> The ocean disappearing in REAL LIFE is not CGI I can’t handle this argument again

**Evan_Almighty**

everyone else go home stevenquartzuniverse is the only channel on tubetube that matters

> **WormLadyJane**
> 
> i’m filing adoption papers for steven “i dont have that many subscribers” universe
> 
> **Myrterix**
> 
> When I started watching the video he had 223 subscribers and by the time it ended he had 234 subscribers
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> we’re up to 257 now
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> get this boy on trending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter was an excuse to make extremely unsubtle references to future su episodes (except warp tour, that one was mentioned but it already happened)  
> also i promise im not gonna completely fill this fic with gravity falls references i just couldnt resist (plus all the crossover content has me in the gf mood)
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	14. How to have the best new year's eve EVER! + New Year's Tips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven prepares his viewers for the new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is wednesday my dudes  
> please enjoy this dramatic irony

**How to have the best new years eve EVER!**

_ published December 30 _

The video starts in Steven’s kitchen. He has a chef’s outfit on and Lion is standing next to him.

“Hey TubeTube! Tomorrow night is New Year’s Eve, and I’m here to help you have the best New Year’s Eve EVER!” He pumps his fist in the air and gives a little cheer. Lion side-eyes him and huffs.

Steven gestures to the kitchen counter in front of him. “Step one: snacks!”

Pink cursive letters appear on the screen with a sparkle, echoing what he just said. An assortment of ingredients are spread across the counter, including selections of cheeses and meats, grapes, bagels, hot dogs, hot dog buns, chips, chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers, as well as various spices and vegetables.

“You’re going to be staying up all night, so you’ll need quality snacks to tide you over,” Steven says, hands on his hips. “I’ll be walking you through some of my favorite New Year’s treats, with the help of my friend Lion.” He places a hand on Lion’s mane. “It’s not a full episode of Cooking with Lion, just a mini one.”

A still image of a hotdog appears, topped with cream cheese, scallions, and various seasonings and labeled with “THE EVERYTHING BAGEL DOG” in a blocky green font. It looks… questionable. The video cuts to a close up of Steven’s hands as he prepares the dish, complete with a voice over. The voice over itself consists of Steven talking in a much lower register in an impression of Lion, which is typical for the Cooking with Lion series.

“The everything bagel dog is a combination of a bagel and a hot dog. First, hot the dog according to package instructions.”

Steven pokes holes in the hot dog and sticks it in the microwave. In his normal voice, he addresses the camera. “Usually, I like to grill hot dogs or cook them over a campfire, but I have a lot to get through in this video, so we’re taking a shortcut!”

“Lion’s” voice over continues as Steven progresses through the recipe: “Toast the bun, schmear it with cream cheese, and once the hot dog is done cooking, add a pinch of each topping to taste.”

Several artsy shots of the process are shown at different angles. This is one of Steven’s more experimental video formats as of late. Finally, Steven holds up the finished product. Hand drawn stars float around it as a video game victory tune plays.

“This is less of a snack and more of a meal, so you could eat it for dinner before all the festivities start! Next up is super simple, and super share-able.”

A still image of a blue plastic bowl appears onscreen, filled with various sweet-looking food items. The words “S’MORE MIX” are written in yellow bubble letters.

The next sequence is shot similarly to the previous one. Steven continues using his Lion impression in the voice over.

There’s a close up of Steven placing a bowl on the counter. He tears open a bag of mini marshmallows and pours it into the bowl. “This is like deconstructed s’mores! It’s one of my favorite things to share because it’s so sweet,” says “Lion.”

Steven pours a bag of chocolate chips and a box of mini graham crackers into the bowl as well. “If you don’t want to touch it very much, you can mix everything together with a spoon, or you can just use your hands.”

The same victory tune plays as Steven reveals the finished snack to the camera.

“Finally, we have a party platter! Or, if you want to be cool and fancy, you can call it a charcuterie board.”

Another still image appears, this time of a wooden cutting board covered in neatly arranged piles of meats and cheeses. “CHARCUTERIE BOARD” appears above it in purple 8 bit letters.

Close up shots of Steven arranging the cheese and meat on the board are shown while “Lion’s” voice over plays. “Technically, a charcuterie board is only the meat, but people like cheese, so combining charcuterie and a cheese board is a very good idea. Setting up a platter is simple. Just arrange it however you think it looks the best!”

The camera cuts to a shot of Steven. “I like to arrange it by taste! Spicy meats are on the inside and the spicy-ness goes down the closer to the edge you get. Fancier cheese goes in the middle and more common cheese goes on the outside.”

“Lion” finishes the instruction with a final tip. “Make sure to add grapes for a garnish!”

The victory tune plays once more. “Other options for refreshments can be found in the Cooking with Lion playlist, such as homemade Cookie Cats and the dognut!” Steven says.“Now that we have our snacks, it’s time to set up for the rest of the evening!” 

The video transitions to a shot of Steven’s living room with a starwipe. He’s sitting on the couch, now wearing a blue sweater with a line of yellow stars across the chest.

“Step Two: fun activities! Like I said before, you’re going to be staying up all night, so make sure you have something to pass the time! Board games are a good option, as well as movies.” Steven chuckles and rubs the back of his neck (does he have one of those?). “I’m, uh, actually grounded from TV for a thousand years, though, so I don’t think I’ll be watching anything tomorrow night.”

He shakes his head and smiles. “Anyway, make sure your games aren’t too quick, but make sure they aren’t so long that you miss the countdown! I’d recommend Citchen Calamity” --he holds up the box-- “but other options are Polypoly, Toppler, Conquerors of Eldermore, Not That Sorry, and Don’t Wake Father Figure.”

“Another activity you can do is make New Year’s resolutions! My dad and I make resolutions and then we read them out loud to each other. At the end of each year, we find the list we made and check off the resolutions we stuck to,” Steven says. He holds up a box of colorful pens. “I like to go all out and make my list as cool looking as possible so I’m more likely to look at it more. Psychology!”

A second starwipe transitions into Steven’s bedroom, facing his closet. “Step three: preparation. Something I like to do is clear stuff out that I don’t need anymore so I have room for new things in the new year!” He puts his hands on his hips and surveys his closet, biting his lip. “It’s kind of a precursor to spring cleaning, but without the cleaning part. I don’t get rid of a lot, but it’s still handy to pass the time and get you excited for what comes next.”

Steven looks through his clothes. It’s mostly identical copies of the same red shirt, but there’s also a hoodie, a puffer, and a single blue shirt. He pulls one hanger out. The shirt is completely torn up. “This is the kind of stuff I mean. I don’t need to keep hanging onto this shirt!”

Starwipe. Steven is sitting on the couch again.

“The final thing to remember to have the best New Year’s Eve ever is to spend time with people you love! I’m going to help my dad take down his old advertisements for his car wash and then we’re going to watch the fireworks tomorrow with the Gems! I’m super excited.”

He laughs, a smile lighting up his eyes. “I love fireworks. The ones that look like willow trees are super cool, and I really like the ones that shoot up kind of spirally with the long tails. I bet the Gems will think so too! And I know my dad loves fireworks.”

Steven shrugs, still grinning. “That’s all I have for you guys today. Tell me how your New Year’s Eve goes! Make sure to like and subscribe, and leave a comment with your favorite type of firework. I love you, bye!”

**2028 views ・ 97 likes ・ 13 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 324 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 11

**Abrinei**

I can’t tell if the everything bagel dog is appetizing or gross but the rest of the video is wholesome

> **DigitalOmega97**
> 
> it sounds fine in theory but also i don’t know. can someone try it out??
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> I’m kind of afraid to tbh. I’ll make the dognut from his other video though

**Kittyinkypaws**

Steven has such good taste in board games, even if Citchen Calamity is known for tearing friendships apart.

> **japanken**
> 
> He’s so nice tho !! I bet his little kid charm is enough to hold his family together through a game of Citchen Calamity
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> why are you spelling it citchen
> 
> **Kittyinkypaws**
> 
> That’s just how it’s spelled in the game for some reason, even though the cards have KC on them. The marketing team definitely didn’t communicate with the game designers.

**glad9**

my favorite fireworks are the pink ones!

> **friesofthefuture**
> 
> mine are the blue ones

**phoelynfabulous**

Man I hope this kid has a good new year

> **Bumblewish**
> 
> he deserves it smh

**New Year’s Tips**

_ published January 1 _

The video starts in the usual setup of Steven’s bedroom. He looks absolutely exhausted. He has bags under his eyes, and his hair is ruffled, strands of it sticking out and hanging in his face. Steven runs a hand through his curls and yawns.

“Hi, TubeTube,” he says, suppressing a second yawn. He pulls at the sleeves of his blue sweater. “Happy New Year.”

Steven yawns a third time. “My dad and I just finished reorganizing his storage space, so I…” he trails off, gaze unfocused. He blinks a few times and rubs his eyes. “Anyway, I thought I would share some of my New Year’s tips with you guys.”

A title card spins onto screen, reading “Steven’s New Year Tips” in pink. The words fade away and are replaced with a second title that says “take small steps”.

The video returns to the shot of Steven. He smiles gently. “Remember that a new year doesn’t mean you have to completely change everything you do. Big changes take time to work up to and can be hard to stick with. It’s okay to have small goals.”

Steven looks to his left (camera’s right) out the window. He purses his lips. “Change isn’t natural for some people, so it’s important to take note of how you’re feeling and make sure you don’t force yourself to do something you don’t like or spend too much time dwelling on the past.”

Another title card slides onto screen from the right, reading “don’t dwell on the past”.

Steven is still looking out the window. He picks at threads in his sweater sleeves as he talks. “Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the past, especially around January, when we’ve just said goodbye to a whole year. But you can’t let it control your life too much, or you won’t be able to look forward to the future.”

A card flies in from the bottom of the screen, this time reading “don’t be afraid of the future”.

Steven squints at something out the window, then shakes his head. He looks to his right (camera’s left) at the offscreen kitchen. “The future can be scary, and it’s okay to be scared, but it’s also important to not let that control you, either. Approach it in a way that makes sense to you, whether that’s with a day-to-day calendar or a bullet journal or just going with the flow. No matter what the future holds, know that you can get through it.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair again. He mouths his last sentence to himself, then shakes his head.

Another title card: “remember your friends and family”.

“Remember that you have people in your life who care about you.” Steven looks down at his hands for a moment. “And while you might be a bit… worried, I guess… they have feelings too.”

He looks up and gives a small smile. “Sorry, that was kind of heavy.” Steven furrows his brow and shrugs, shaking off the wistful, distant energy that hangs about him, though a fraction of uncertainty and anxiety clings to him like lint to his sweater.

“Here’s some more quick tips: try something new this year! Make a list of things you’re excited for and tick them off when you’ve done them! Make new friends! Talk to more people! Be nicer to everyone! And help everyone you meet.”

Steven flashes a broad grin. “That’s all I have for you guys today! Happy New Year! I hope everyone’s year goes super great!” He makes a heart with his hands and smiles wider. “Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

His smile falters.

The video ends.

**2053 views ・ 122 likes ・ 17 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 331 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 13

**SleepyTeaParty**

I yawned literally every time he did. He’s so sweet.

**stevenneedstherapy**

hey, you okay there bud? this seems really personal and im worried

**breadstickepic**

i hope this doesnt mean he had a bad new years eve :(

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

I didn’t really understand why everyone has been commenting about being worried for him but after this video I kind of get it. Steven protection squad where y’all at

**SLUSH_IE**

appreciation for stevens hair gang

> **miidoku**
> 
> appreciated

**VesperRiver**

now im wondering if he actually is eight like we thought or if hes older

> **Myrterix**
> 
> the biggest mystery of stevens channel is how old he actually is
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> The day we found out his true age is the day the world ends

**Actual Satan**

I WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUG

> **The_boss_900**
> 
> That’s ironic coming from you
> 
> **Actual Satan**
> 
> what’s that supposed to mean
> 
> **The_boss_900**
> 
> nvm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this wont turn into an angst fest the second video ended up being way sadder than i anticipated
> 
> also i still don't know if the everything bagel dog from the comics is supposed to be good or not i just can't tell
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	15. The Spirit Morph Saga: Destiny's End (SPOILER REVIEW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie discuss their thoughts on the final book in the Spirit Morph Saga.
> 
> (sorry it's a bit shorter than usual! the next chapter will hopefully be longer)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a formal apology for the ending of the last one

**The Spirit Morph Saga: Destiny’s End (SPOILER REVIEW)**

_ published February 2 _

Steven is sitting on his bed next to Connie, holding a hardcover copy of  _ Destiny’s End _ , the fourth and final book in the popular fantasy series  _ The Spirit Morph Saga _ . Connie’s glasses are folded up and hanging off the front of her shirt.

“Hi TubeTube!” he says with a wave and a grin. “Connie and I are here today to talk about  _ Destiny’s End _ . Before we get too far into the video, I will say that this is  _ not _ spoiler-free, so if you haven’t read the book yet, go do that!”

Connie nods gravely. She’s taking this review  _ very  _ seriously.

“Okay, so we’ve already talked about our first impressions before we started the video, so I’ll break it down really fast: I liked it, Connie didn’t.”

Connie huffs. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Steven looks at Connie with a smile. “So explain why you didn’t like it!”

Connie tucks her hair behind her ear. “The book was going great up until chapter twenty-three. That’s when they found the spell to make Archimicarus human and it felt like the plot just stopped to accommodate the hundreds of pages worth of wedding planning and pointless filler! Not to mention Lisa’s anger issues and flashbacks just magically go away after Archimicarus marries her? It just doesn’t make sense.”

“I don’t think it was pointless, though,” Steven says. “By that point, Lisa just wanted to be done with everything. It started out as something fun, but then it got way more emotionally draining and she couldn’t keep up with it, not on her own. Archimicarus has been there for her ever since day one!” Steven straightens up. His eyes are glittering now as he realizes he’s on to something. “He introduced her to magic and drew her out of her shell! He was her friend when no one else was.”

Connie frowns. “Yeah, but there were still loose threads! What happened to Robin? She just disappeared after trying to kill them once, and she’s still out there. Besides,  _ the Spirit Morph Saga  _ is all about subverting tropes and discovering that figures of authority aren’t always right! The male and female leads ending up together is the most cliche ending possible.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” Steven flips through the book absentmindedly. “But it’s about the characters, too. It’s about learning to accept yourself as your own unique person and how important love can be. Archimicarus and Lisa ending up together is just a way of showing how they’re always there for each other.” He looks over at a picture he drew of the two main characters at their wedding. “Plus, I thought the wedding was cute.”

“You’ve got to admit that it happened way too quickly, though, right?”

Steven shrugs. “I like weddings.”

Connie stares at him, bewildered, but her lips are quirked in a small smile. “I know you do.”

They grin at each other for a beat. Steven’s cheeks are dusted with a faint blush.

Then he snorts, which turns into a giggle. “Do you remember that part where Lisa makes tea out of pine needles when they’re in the mountains and he hates it but doesn’t want to hurt Lisa’s feelings, so he keeps drinking it?”

Connie laughs. “And then it turns out that she didn’t like it either?” She furrows her brow, still smiling. “I have to know,” she says, “how did you know Lisa and Archimicarus were going to end up together? I thought it came out of nowhere.”

“I didn’t know, but it made sense,” Steven says with a shake of his head. “It’s just so clear that they love each other.”

“How? They never said it.”

“They didn’t need to! They spend the whole series looking out for each other and making each other laugh.”

“But that’s just friendship.”

“Well, all romance is similar to a strong friendship. They started off as friends and then they got closer and closer.” Steven is full-on beaming now, face flushed and eyes full of stars. His smile is audible in his voice. “They care about each other so much!”

Connie leans back on her hands, swinging her legs back and forth. She’s watching Steven talk, a smile on her face, her expression soft. “Friendship, huh?” she murmurs.

“Anyway, what did you mean about authority not being right? I got the part about the government taking advantage of the resources but what about Plinkman before he died? He was nice, wasn’t he?” Steven asks.

Connie blinks in surprise. “Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he’s always right. He kept putting all his emotional baggage on Lisa for her to deal with and before he was captured, he was super controlling.”

Steven frowns. “Huh,” he says. He looks up at the camera. “I don’t know if this review was very helpful for anyone.”

“I just don’t see how you can say it’s not about subverting tropes and defying authority.”

Steven looks at Connie incredulously. “I never said it wasn’t. Can’t it be about subverting tropes and about how love is important?”

Connie shrugs. “I guess so.”

Steven smiles at her, then looks back at the camera. “Thanks for watching! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

Connie waves at the camera while Steven forms a heart with his hands.

**2384 views ・ 162 likes ・ 10 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 351 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 15

**TrueKindaLove19**

these two kids are the cutest kids i’ve ever seen in my entire life

> **linring**
> 
> absolute precious babies and they’re so considerate of each other’s opinions? how OLD are they??????
> 
> **Blue_Pluto**
> 
> I’m a bit tired of everyone asking how old Steven is on every video, but honestly it’s preferable to people claiming it’s an ARG
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> GOOD! BECAUSE IT’S NOT AN ARG IT’S REAL AND I HAVE PROOF! YOU CAN CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG KEEP BEACH CITY WEIRD!!
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> oh jeez he’s back
> 
> **blissfall**
> 
> we’ve known it’s real since June dude keep up

**NoLongerOnFire**

Glad I’m not the only one to be hesitant about the ending of the Spirit Morph Saga. Connie had some good points

> **crazykoala**
> 
> Hey the Ocean Town joke in your username was too soon
> 
> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> it’s been 13 years
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> TOO SOON

**Madoshi_Hikari**

Yes!! Steven’s spiel about romance and friendship is what I’ve been saying on the message boards for years! Also, didn’t this book come out years ago?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> it did, but we made the video now because it was the first time i read the books!

**AuroraDragon**

I love this video but you’re pronouncing Lisa wrong

> **JayReads**
> 
> ??? how else do you pronounce Lisa????
> 
> **AuroraDragon**
> 
> Not like that
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> this is the most confusing comment ive ever read and ive read every comment ronaldo has left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this started off as a commentary on people's views of the steven universe finale but then it just turned into connie and steven being cute
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	16. Full Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gives a shocking channel update.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy wednesday! i'm done with classes now so hopefully my chapters will get longer now that i have more time on my hands!
> 
> also i really promise this fic isn't gonna get super angsty but we have to get past jailbreak first and then we'll return to your regularly scheduled goofs

**i’m deleting my channel**

_ published March 23 _

Steven is holding the camera. He has a black eye and a dark expression on his face.

“Hey TubeTube. I’m really sorry about this, but I just got ca-- well, that doesn’t matter.” He scowls and sighs heavily. “What matters now is that I don’t think it’s a good idea to interact with humanity when I don’t have to. A lot has happened, and I don’t want you guys to have to deal with it too.”

Steven sits down on his bed and rubs his non-damaged eye. 

The video is interrupted by a brief period of static. It lasts for only half a second, immediately returning to the original image.

“I’ve seen how my dad reacted, and…” His voice gets quieter, almost too quiet to be heard. “I don’t want to burden Connie, so--”

A ringtone blares. Steven jumps.

More static fills the screen. Faint images can barely be seen through the static, but they cycle through too quickly to make out what they are.

The video resumes.

“Anyway, I’m sorry. I love you, bye.”

**3058 views ・ 12 likes ・ 9 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 421 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 103

**Beeknee**

Oh no!! What happened to Steven’s eye?? Is he okay???

**Animaniac**

oh jeez oh frick i hope this doesnt actually happen stevens videos always make me smile and im really sad to see them go :( i hope hes ok

**crazykoala**

The Steven protection squad wasn’t strong enough

> **stevenneedstherapy**
> 
> give him a hug

**VesperRiver**

i dont want him to delete his channel but at the same time i respect his decision

> **fantasychica37**
> 
> f in the chat for all our memories with stevens vlogs
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> f
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> f
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> f

**SHOW MORE**

**i’m not deleting my channel**

_ published March 24 _

Steven is holding the camera. His eyes are red and his face is stained with tear tracks. He smiles sheepishly and flashes a peace sign at the camera.

“Hey guys, um… false alarm.” He chuckles half-heartedly and sighs. “I kind of overreacted, I think. I talked to Connie, and I realized I was being a little too hasty to shut everyone out.”

The screen flickers. Steven doesn’t seem to notice any kind of camera glitch. He sets the camera down on its usual perch and sits cross legged on his bed. “What happened was there was a bunch of crazy Gem stuff” --the screen flickers again, for longer this time around-- “and I thought it would be too much for other people to handle. I took some bad advice.”

The sun is setting outside, casting the room in a golden glow. Steven’s curly hair catches the light like a halo, but the angle of his window causes the right side (camera’s left) of his face to remain partially in shadow. The screen flickers with static.

“So, to catch you guys up, here’s a quick rundown of what’s been going on with me.” Steven flashes a smile at the camera. “So first, a Gem named Peridot has been trying to get here from Homeworld, and we didn’t know what she was trying to do, but then we realized that she was checking on something in the Kindergarten --that’s where they grew Gems, by the way-- and then she came to Earth in a big ship shaped like a hand--”

The screen is intercut with static again, but this time there are images hidden within it. They’re much clearer than they had been in the previous video, showing the hand ship at different parts of its descent to the planet, but are still fairly hard to make out if the viewer isn’t actively searching for them.

The static clears.

“--and now Lapis and Jasper are fused at the bottom of the ocean and Peridot’s still out there somewhere.”

Steven heaves a sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s a lot, I know.” He frowns. More images flash across the screen, heavily distorted by the static. It’s just barely possible to make out a few of them: a tall, muscular woman whose face is contorted with rage, a woman in a dress hiding her face in her knees, a woman vanishing into the floor, a green explosion.

“That reminds me! If you come across anything with an otherworldly green glow that seems to be large enough to hold a humanoid alien, stay away from it! Peridot could be anywhere. But if you do see anything like that, please contact me and let me know where!” Steven says. “ _ Don’t  _ get near it, though.”

He glances out the window at the ship debris. Static flashes across the screen for a few seconds.

The video cuts to a low angle Steven wearing headphones. He’s holding the camera and sitting in his living room. There’s not much light, leaving the quality to look quite grainy. It’s an unwelcome callback to his earlier videos.

“Hey guys, Editing Steven here,” he says with a smile, but it’s replaced quickly by a confused and slightly apologetic expression. “I’m really sorry about all the static stuff, I don’t know what the deal is. I can’t figure out how to get rid of it. I thought it was my camera, but I tried cutting those bits out of the video and they just won’t go away.”

He rubs his eyes. The camera view switches to a handheld shot of his laptop screen. An editing program is open, showing the current video in the middle of Steven’s editing process. “My editing program says there’s no static there, just the original footage, but when I watch it, there’s all this static! It happens with every video I try to edit.”

The camera flips back around to show Steven’s face. He shrugs. “I want to get this video out soon, though, because I want people to know I’m not actually deleting my channel anymore, so I’m just going to leave it. Hopefully it’ll be fixed before I upload the next one. Anyway, back to the video!”

A screenwipe transitions back to the original video.

“I just wanted to clear the air about all that,” Steven says. “I’m so sorry for any alarm I caused! To make up for it, I have some fun videos lined up! There’s gonna be some stuff about Crying Breakfast Friends, and I’m gonna have some with my friends, and all sorts of stuff!”

Steven gives a little laugh and smiles at the camera. “Thanks for sticking with me, guys. I really appreciate it.”

He forms a heart with his hands. “Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe, because I’m not going anywhere! Have a  _ fantastic _ rest of your day. I love you, bye!”

The video closes with a starwipe.

**4365 views ・ 1422 likes ・ 9 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 531 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 253

**AGiantNerd**

oh thank god

**J0RAM_7**

Usually when I have post notifications on and im notified of an upload, i just go “oh nice” but when i got this notification i literally dropped everything

> **Diamondjuice**
> 
> our king has returned

**fantasychica37**

I’m so glad you’re back! Even if you were only gone for a day

**Clumzyleia**

how did i end up being so invested in the life of a child

> **PopsicleJolt**
> 
> Because he’s a very nice and wholesome person and he deserves the world

**Solar Fare Anon**

The sigh of relief I did when I saw this video upload was unreal. The past two days have been an absolute rollercoaster when it comes to this channel ngl. Also, you should put some ice on that black eye if you haven’t already. It looks painful.

**deathnoteno1fan**

Anyone else see the stuff in the static?Looked pretty scary, is Steven okay? THat’s a lot to take in for someone his age

> **crazykoala**
> 
> it’s a lot to take in at any age
> 
> **KellE**
> 
> Oh this is a real thing and not an ARG huh. Heard about the hand ship from some people in Beach City
> 
> **Abrinei**
> 
> gee, ya think?
> 
> **strike_the_top**
> 
> I thought we were past the arg thing
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> if i see one more comment about the arg thing im gonna commit murder
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> please don’t commit murder!! that’s not nice! but also thanks for watching my video <3
> 
> **InfernosSunset**
> 
> omg king <3

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made myself laugh with the omg king comment smh
> 
> also: there aren't quite as many new commenters bc we're so far in, so i'm bringing back names from earlier chapters! if you would prefer not to see your name used again in future chapters, please let me know!
> 
> (the things steven teased would be in his upcoming videos will happen i have plans)
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	17. A Day in the Life of Steven Universe! (post alien abduction)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven checks in on the residents of Beach City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday!!
> 
> i cant promise all future chapters will be as long as this one but ill try my best

**A Day in the Life of Steven Universe (post alien abduction)**

_ published April 7 _

Steven is holding the camera, standing in his kitchen. He’s wearing a yellow pajama shirt. Behind him, he has a plate and some cream cheese set on the counter in front of the toaster. 

“Hi, TubeTube!” he says with a wave. “I’ve been working on a  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ video for a couple of days, but it’s taking a bit longer than I thought it would, and I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging for too long.”

He looks away briefly. “Especially, um, after my last video…” He bites his lip, then shakes his head and looks back at the camera. “So I thought I’d bring you guys along with me today, like a vlog! Right now I’m making breakfast.”

The camera zooms in on the toaster and lingers there for just a second too long. It zooms back out. “Normally, I go to the Big Donut for breakfast, but this morning I felt like bagels for some reason. I might stop there for lunch, though. Right now, it’s about nine in the morn--”

The toaster pops and Steven screams, peaking the audio. Rest in peace, headphone users.

Steven’s eyes are wide as he catches his breath. “The toaster  _ always _ gets me, I swear--” He shakes his head. “Whatever, doesn’t matter.”

Steven props the camera up on the counter, capturing a side profile of him. The warp pad is just barely visible past the counter, and behind that is a door with a star decal. It’s a part of his house that’s only been shown briefly in Steven’s videos, and it seems way older than the rest of it.

“As I was saying, it’s currently around nine in the morning,” Steven says as he dips a knife in the tub of cream cheese. He spreads it on his bagel. “I don’t actually like sleeping in that much. I like having as much time to do everything I want as possible! I don’t have a concrete schedule for today, but I  _ do _ have a couple of things I have going on.”

Words pop up on the screen next to Steven’s head in the form of a bulleted list as he lists tasks off. “First, I’m gonna check in on everyone in town and see how they’re holding up. It’s been a couple weeks since the Homeworld Gems came, but it’s still nice to check.” 

He takes a bite of one half of the bagel. “Then, I’m going to have lunch, because that first thing will probably take a while. If the Gems go on a mission, I’ll see if I can help, but if they don’t, I can finally catch up on  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ because I’m ungrounded from TV now. Oh, and then Connie will come over at like, four, because she’s learning sword fighting from Pearl!”

Steven grins. “I think it’s a pretty cool idea. Connie’s already super great with swords, so it won’t be too hard for her to become a sword master! Pearl calls her a knight.” He takes another bite of his bagel.

“I’m gonna finish breakfast and get dressed! See you in a bit, guys!”

Steven covers the lense with his hand. When he uncovers it, he’s wearing his usual outfit. He picks up the camera and flashes a peace sign and a wink. “Let’s go!”

The next couple clips don’t have sound, and instead have a cheery, lofi hip hop song playing over them. The camera shows Steven grabbing his wallet (it’s Cookie Cat themed), descending the steps to his house, and walking towards the city. He lingers over a shot of the ocean waves before arriving in town.

The music fades into the background as Steven swings the camera around to show his face. “The plan is to pop in and say hi to everyone, then ask if they’re doing alright with everything. It’s kind of my fault that Jasper showed up at all, but at least everyone got cool new windows out of it! First up is Lars and Sadie.”

Steven turns the camera around to show his approach to the Big Donut. The door swings open with a ding and Sadie looks up from the cash register with a smile. Lars scowls.

“Oh, hello, Steven!” Sadie says. “Are you making a video?”

“Sure am!” Steven says from behind the camera. Lars rests his head on his hands and glares at something offscreen.

“Who’s gonna want to watch a video filmed on a  _ phone _ about a seven year old’s boring day?” Lars huffs.

“Actually, I’m not seven, I’m--”

“Lars, be nice!” Sadie hisses. She smiles apologetically, looking at Steven just above the camera lense. “What can I get for you?”

“I’m actually just here to check in with you guys! How’s everything going? You know, since… what happened in March?”

Lars looks at the camera incredulously. “I still have to go to work after a giant spaceship blew up on the beach. How do you  _ think _ I’m doing?”

Steven does not know how to respond. Sadie saves them from an awkward silence with an awkward laugh. 

“Everything in the store’s going fine. We just got new windows in,” she says. “What about you, though? You were the one involved with the whole thing.”

“I’m fine!” Steven says a little too quickly. “Glad to hear you’re all good! I have to check in on everyone else, but I’ll stop by again for a donut later!”

Lars groans. “Great, looking forward to it,” he says flatly.

Sadie smiles apologetically again. “Have a nice day, Steven!”

A starwipe marks the transition from the donut shop to Steven walking down the boardwalk. He pans over the path in front of him.

Various small buildings line the boardwalk. Small, green chunks of metal are scattered around the area, which Steven hums in disapproval at. A few seagulls fly overhead.

Steven approaches the fry shop. “Hi Peedee!” he says.

The boy at the counter, Peedee, looks up from the book he was reading. “Oh, hi, Steven.”

They look at each other. Steven slowly zooms in on the book in Peedee’s hands. Peedee furrows his brow in confusion.

“...Um, Steven” --the camera instantly zooms back out and focuses on Peedee’s face-- “did you want the bits?”

“Oh, I was just checking in to see how things were going! I know you’re really passionate about the fry shop, so you’d be the one to ask about repairs and stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Peedee says. He folds a corner of the page down and sets his book aside. “All the windows were replaced last week with everyone else's, and we just got the deep fryer fixed. And Ronaldo’s finally done with his documentary, so now I don’t have to keep filling in for him.”

“Oh, I watched that!”

“Yeah, it was alright. I didn’t really get it, but whatever makes him happy.”

“Well, I’ve gotta go check in on everyone else! Glad to see you’re doing good!”

“Bye, Steven!”

Steven starts to walk away, then stops. “Hey, actually, can I take you up on your offer of bits?”

Peedee sighs. “Yeah, alright.”

Another starwipe. The camera is facing Steven again. He’s walking towards the Funland Arcade, where Mr. Smiley is standing out front. He has a French fry boat in his hand full of what must be the aforementioned “bits.” They look like crunchy, discarded pieces of French fries that must’ve been stuck to the basket. He pops one in his mouth.

“Hey Mr. Smiley! How’s everything going? Repairs going along well?”

The camera flips around. Mr. Smiley’s smile seems plastered on. “Yeah, the repairs were all finished last week. I’m just dealing with the usual stress that comes from being severely understaffed!”

Steven inhales through his teeth. “Oh. Um, sorry about that!”

Mr. Smiley waves him off. “It’s fine! We’re all fine! I’ve been taking power naps every time my eyes close!”

“Um… good luck?”

Steven hurries past and takes a right, heading down a separate street. He turns the camera back around, holding it very close to his face. “I would stop in to play some games, but I think having a customer would stress him out too much right now,” he says in what’s almost a stage-whisper. “He runs like, half of the businesses in Beach City.”

He slows down and zooms out, shoving a couple fry bits into his mouth. “Okay, so I have a lot of people to check in on, so I’ll cut this into a little montage and then we’ll get some lunch! Right now, it’s about ten, and if I stop by my dad’s, it’ll be like, twelve when I stop for lunch.”

The video transitions into said montage with yet another starwipe. The montage itself consists of the same lofi song from before over handheld shots of storefronts along the boardwalk: the t-shirt shop, Danny’s candy shop, Classic Thyme, Suitcase Sam’s, the movie theater.

The song fades as Steven approaches a building with a neon sign reading “It’s a Wash!”

He grins into the camera. “It’s about eleven thirty now, so I’m gonna say hi to my dad!”

Greg is sitting on a lawn chair outside of his van, picking out a funky tune on his guitar. Steven watches for a moment. He zooms in on Greg’s face.

Then he yells: “HEY DAD!”

Greg jumps and clutches his chest in surprise. “Woah there, Schtu-ball, you almost gave me a heart attack there!”

Steven runs over. “Sorry, Dad! I’m doing a vlog! Say hi!”

Greg waves at the camera. 

“I’m checking in on everybody. How’s the car wash going? Oh, and how’s the van?”

“Everything’s business as usual, so… not much business. But the van’s looking a lot better now! I got the door fixed up and everything. Not sure about the window, though…”

“Oh, yeah. I’m really sorry about that.”

Greg reaches over the camera and ruffles Steven’s hair. Steven giggles, which turns into a snort. “You apologize too much, kiddo.”

“Sorry!”

Starwipe. The camera is balanced precariously on the side mirror of the van, capturing a view of both Steven and Greg sitting in lawn chairs. Greg is leaning back, but Steven is sitting cross legged, ukulele in hand. 

They’re in the middle of a jam session, singing a song about their father son bond. Steven’s fry bits have all been eaten. The tray is tipped over on the foot of Steven’s lawn chair.

Another starwipe. The camera is facing Steven again, and he’s walking back down the boardwalk.

“It’s around noon, now, so I’m heading to Fish Stew Pizza! I saved their check-in for last because I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the pizza. I’m also going to grab some stuff from the Big Donut for my dad.”

Steven pushes the door to Fish Stew Pizza open. The bell above the door rings, announcing his presence.

“Hey, Steven!” says the girl at the counter.

“Hi, Kiki! Can I get three slices of pepperoni pizza to go?” He gasps. “Oh, and can I get an empty pizza box?”

Kiki eyes him skeptically, but she’s smiling. She relays his order to the kitchen and Steven hands her a ten dollar bill.“Alright. That’ll be ready in just a few minutes.” She reaches under the counter and pulls out an empty box. “Here’s your box.”

Steven grabs it. “Thanks!”

“Are you making a movie?”

“It’s a vlog for my TubeTube channel!”

Kiki props her chin up on her hand. “Oh, how cute. What’s the box for? Is it for a challenge or a DIY or something?”

“No, it’s just for Amethyst. She usually eats the box when I order pizza.”

Kiki, still smiling, furrows her brow. “Oh.”

“I also came here to check in on my favorite Pizza family. How’s everything going?”

“Oh, you know. We’re all doing fine, even if Dad’s still a little annoyed about the evacuation. We keep telling him we wouldn’t have gotten any business if we stayed, but you know him and his grudges.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, enjoy your pizza, Steven.”

From the kitchen, someone calls, “Is that Steven? Tell him hello!”

Kiki laughs. “Gunga says hello.”

“Hi, Nanefua!!” Steven yells. In a quieter voice, he addresses Kiki. “Thanks for the pizza! Bye!”

Starwipe. Steven is sitting on his bed. “Hey guys! The Gems left to look for Peridot while I was out, so I’m catching up on  _ Crying Breakfast Friends! _ I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty worried for Sniffling Croissant after  _ that _ season finale. I have a video lined up about it, though, so I won’t get into it here!”

Another starwipe reveals Steven plugging in a blender in his kitchen. “It’s almost four, so I’m making a smoothie for Connie before she gets here! This one has banana and kiwi and coconut in it.”

Steven continues talking, but everything he says is drowned out by the sound of the blender. This goes on for about three more minutes.

Connie’s arrival is in the form of a montage, this time with a different lofi song playing over top. Connie waves at the camera, Pearl appears on the warp pad (which causes the video to glitch and lag behind for a few moments), and then the three of them warp to sword practice (which causes the video to freeze, glitch out for a few frames, and then turn to static for a good fifteen seconds).

Once the static clears, the setting is completely different. They’re in a huge, floating arena surrounded by clouds. The arena itself must be hundreds or thousands of years old. It looks like the ruins of a great colosseum or of a floating castle. Steven sits on the side while Connie and Pearl train. Occasionally, Steven will turn the camera around to show his reaction.

The training montage ends with a clip of the trio returning to the warp pad.

“You’re improving a lot, Connie! I’m very impressed,” Pearl says. 

Connie’s face flushes. “Thanks, Pearl!”

The warp pad activates, unfortunately forcing the viewer to sit through fifteen more seconds of glitching, lag, and static. 

Starwipe. The camera is set up in Steven’s kitchen, facing his front door. Outside, the sun is setting. The whole house is awash in golden light. Faintly, the buzzing of the microwave can be heard in the background. Steven leans on the counter. “That’s basically what my days look like right now! Connie comes over every day to learn sword fighting. I’m really excited for her, even if the things Pearl says are a little scary…” 

He glances off to the side and bites his lip. His expression becomes unreadable.

Then he shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m sure it’s fine. It’s… yeah, it’s fine.”

He smiles. “I’m making mac and cheese for dinner. Usually, this point in the day is pretty chill. Well, except for that one time with Peridot’s warp robots. Or the wailing stone thing.”

The microwave beeps. Steven glances at it over his shoulder, then looks back at the camera. “I’m gonna eat some dinner and then watch some more  _ Crying Breakfast Friends!  _ That’s about it for my day.”

Steven grabs a foot stool and places it down under the microwave so he can reach it. He pulls his mac and cheese out and pours the packet of cheese in.

“Thanks for coming along with me! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe!” He drops the spoon so he can throw up a peace sign. “Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

**4452 views ・ 1232 likes ・ 15 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 711 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 137

**TheUniversalTraveler**

man i wish someone in my town would check in with everyone like that

**EmberArmy**

was the video glitching out at 14:37 for anyone else or was it just me

> **FloofyBoofy**
> 
> It seems like all of the Gem related stuff doesn’t agree with normal technology? His last video had a lot of static in it too, and any other video with the warp thing glitches out like that

**linring**

can you believe we were so close to finding out how old steven is and we were DENIED

> **CozyDomination**
> 
> Sadie’s cool and she’s got good taste in horror movies but she also denied us the answer to the biggest mystery of all time which cannot be forgiven

**Redbuddy12**

Does the name Fish Stew Pizza imply… fish on pizza?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yeah its really good!
> 
> **Redbuddy12**
> 
> Questioning your taste in things now
> 
> **Bellz_Haven1914**
> 
> only NOW??
> 
> **Knollem**
> 
> hey, stevens taste in things is really good. the everything bagel dog from the new years video? it slaps. i will not quesiton our king’s taste in pizza 

**asterd**

steven’s almost at 1000 subscribers guys we gotta get him on trending

> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> It’s what he deserves!!
> 
> **GidgetOof**
> 
> every time i refresh he has a new subscriber our boy is SUCCEEDING

**JayReads**

Did Peedee just dogear his book??

> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> unfortunately
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> :( I’m gonna need a moment don’t hmu

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

HEY THANKS FOR SHOUTING OUT MY WEBSCLUSIVE DOCUMENTARY FOR MY BLOG!! EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT MY BLOG KEEPBEACHCITYWEIRD!!

> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> No thanks.

**AllTheVibez**

This vlog has such a calming energy

> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> ikr?? i took the best nap of my entire life right after watching this
> 
> **Fecyrineu**
> 
> If you don’t count the scream two minutes in :/ I need to learn not to watch these videos with headphones in
> 
> **Hannahdoodle100**
> 
> One day Steven will learn to level his audio but today is not that day

**youknowthatsright**

stevens dad is so nice i love their little jam sesh

**TrueKindaLove19**

Connie’s learning sword fighting?? Aren’t they both like, eight? Still cool, though

> **Laemon**
> 
> steven looks so proud of her <3
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> steven drinks respect women juice every morning
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> respect women juice courses through his veins

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why i was surprised that people wanted more angst but people did so there will be more angst in the future but first i promised some more fun chapters! don't worry i have angsty plans down the line
> 
> or maybe do worry
> 
> remember if you comment your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	18. My Thoughts on Crying Breakfast Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven discusses his favorite cartoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy wednesday! i bet you thought i couldnt get even more meta

**My Thoughts on Crying Breakfast Friends**

_ published April 19 _

The video is split into six sections. The first section is marked with a pink title card, decorated with a faint floral pattern. “INTRODUCTION” is written across the screen in bubble letters. Like a page turning, the video transitions to Steven’s usual set up of his bedroom. He waves enthusiastically at the camera. 

“Hey, TubeTube! This video’s a bit different than my normal ones. Actually, this is what I was talking about in my vlog!”

Steven smiles to himself. “I wanted to make this video because  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ is one of my favorite shows of all time! I’ve been watching it since I was eight. It’s so relatable, like it specifically reflects my personal situation. It’s great! Anyway, on with the video!”

Steven gestures to the right and another title card slides onscreen: THE SHOW.

Various clips from episodes play. Steven’s voice dubs over the scenes.  _ “Crying Breakfast Friends _ is a show about breakfast foods and how they grow as people and develop their relationships with each other! It has a large internet following, though the audience is on the younger side. Parents usually criticize it for being superficially emotional, though the later episodes have been very well received.”

The clips are replaced with the shot of Steven in his room as he’s setting down what looks like a paper script. He looks at the camera and grins. “My dad doesn’t really get it, and the Gems don’t either, but I love it. Just last week, an episode came out about Sad Waffle learning boxing from Weeping Egg Cup and it was really touching.”

Another title card slides in, this time reading “MY THOUGHTS”.

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “Okay, this is going to take a while.” He gives a little giggle, then sighs.

“You guys probably know that my life is pretty crazy. I have a lot of stuff going on, so I really like having a show like  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ to relax. Also, the visuals are stunning.”

He glances at the script beside him. “I have some points bulleted out, but I don’t know how long I’ll stick to that. I don’t usually script out my videos, so… um” --he scans the page-- “right, okay. Characters.”

Steven shifts some papers around, humming indistinctly to himself. It goes on for just a bit too long. Finally, he finds what he’s looking for: a sticker sheet.

He slides off of his bed and holds the sheet up in front of the camera, pointing at a sticker of Spilled Milk. “Spilled Milk is stern, yet practical. I really like how she’s so wise and isn’t afraid to show affection to her friends!”

Steven points at each character as he lists them off. “Pining Grapefruit is very considerate, Weeping Egg Cup is a little uptight but always tries her best to help her friends… um, I really like that Bawling Bacon is somehow the most mature of them all. It really shows her character development! And I love Sad Waffle, but who doesn’t?”

He steps back from the camera, smiling. “Sad Waffle is super smart and very grounding, not to mention she’s super cool! She’s always there for Sniffling Croissant when he needs it...” Steven glances over his shoulder at a framed photo above his bed, then shakes his head and looks down at the sticker sheet. His face is dusted pink.

“Okay, um…”

Steven holds up a sticker of Sniffling Croissant. “My favorite character is Sniffling Croissant! He’s a bit younger than some of the other characters, and doesn’t really fit in anywhere. But he tries his best to make everyone happy and help everyone he meets!” 

He sticks the sticker on his shirt. “I don’t know why, but I relate to him a lot. I love the episodes where he talks about his feelings with others!”

Steven’s smile falters slightly. “I think it’s great when people are honest about their feelings. It can hurt to hide things, especially when it’s negative emotions.”

He looks to the right (camera’s left) at something offscreen, presumably the temple door.

“I wish it was easier for people in real life.”

Steven looks almost wistful for a moment before remembering he’s filming a video. He shakes his head and looks back at the camera with a grin.

“My favorite parts about  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ are how it tackles character development, as well as the songs! It feels very real, like it could actually be people I know.” He laughs. “That’s kind of weird to say.”

Steven sits back down on his bed and looks through his script.

“I can’t really talk about my thoughts without talking about the bad things.” He sighs. “Well, we’re all familiar with the airing schedule. It’s not their fault, but the hiatuses last  _ forever! _ It’s insane!”

He frowns. “All the other things I have to say aren’t really glaring enough issues to spend that much time on, and I want to keep this video positive, so onto the next segment!”

THEORIES.

“Okay, some of the theories for this show make no sense!” Steven says. “I don’t know who started the theory that Glum Glass used to be Crabby Cup, and I don’t know how it got so popular.”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head in disappointment. “All the evidence seems like a stretch to me.”

Steven pauses. He slowly opens his eyes.

“...Well, I guess… um” --he looks over his shoulder at something on the wall just out of frame, then back at the camera-- “no, actually, it’s still weird. I  _ do _ like all the joke theories that came out of it, though.”

He snaps his fingers. “Oh! I  _ do _ like the theory that they’re going to get invaded by Lunch! The hints are everywhere, and it just makes sense! We’ve already seen glimpses of a cheese sandwich, which might be just a breakfast sandwich, but there’s already been so many references to other meals that it’s just so obvious.”

Another title card: CONCERNS WITH THE CRYING BREAKFAST FRIEND COMMUNITY.

“I still want to keep this video mostly positive, so this will be brief, I promise!”

Steven flips through his script. “Alright, so I just don’t understand the people who get so mean about character relationships. I know the show is relatable and very personal, but it’s still just a show. No need to get mad!”

“Oh, and also, what’s the deal with those people who watch it just to say how bad it is? I’ll never understand that.”

CONCLUSION.

Steven shrugs. “I don’t think this qualifies as a review! It just ended up being me talking about  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ for a long time. My thoughts are as follows: it’s a fun show, I like the characters.”

He gestures to the sticker on his shirt. “I don’t know why, but it  _ really _ feels like this show was  _ made _ for me. It addresses topics relevant to me at the exact right moment. It’s a bit spooky, but I still love the show, even if Amethyst doesn’t really want to watch ‘a show about people crying’.” Steven makes air quotes around the last sentence.

There’s a starwipe, though none of the things in the shot change.

“Since this video was a bit different, I thought I’d give you guys a life update!” He frowns. “Well, that, and also because I have a favor to ask.” 

Steven purses his lips.

“Anyway, Connie’s gotten really good at sword fighting! Some stuff happened with that, but we got it figured out, so there’s nothing to worry about now. Um, Ronaldo made a documentary about the invasion, so if you want to check that out you can. Oh, and the favor!

“We’re looking for a Gem, Peridot. She could be anywhere, since we didn’t get her at the Kindergarten, so if you see anything suspicious, DM me! But  _ don’t _ get near it, because she’s still dangerous. Seriously, don’t go near her at all, just tell me if you see her.”

He frowns and looks out the window.

“Actually, I have no idea if this will help at all… she’ll probably stick more to Gem locations than anything…”

Steven seems to have forgotten he’s still making the video. Why he doesn’t edit the parts in his videos where he spaces out is a question for another time.

“Okay, well, that’s all I have for you guys today! Next week will be more of a traditional video. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe!” Steven makes a heart with his hands. “I love you, bye!”

**4557 views ・ 1327 likes ・ 23 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 794 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 145

**DreamingOfStarrySkies**

How on Earth does Steven think Glum Glass isn’t Crabby Cup it’s literally so obvious

> **Neklie_Reads**
> 
> I’m with steven on this one though
> 
> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> How many times have we seen Crabby Cup’s design in the background of scenes about Glum Glass though? Not to mention we haven’t heard Crabby Cup’s real voice yet but we’ve heard Gloomy Goblet and Bothered Bottle’s voices! It’s so suspicious
> 
> **FloofyBoofy**
> 
> yeah and Pining Grapefruit is secretly Whine Glass. what the heck are you talking about
> 
> **view 83 replies**

**hoping_for_rain**

steven’s been watching it since he was 8?? so he’s NOT 8?? how old is he????

> **Madoshi_Hikari**
> 
> we know he’s not 7 and he’s older than 8 so he’s at least 9 but i’m hesitant to say any older than 11 because he just doesn’t look old enough to be a teenager
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> maybe hes older than we expect. what if hes like 13 or 14
> 
> **Madoshi_Hikari**
> 
> don’t be ridiculous that doesn’t make sense at all

**redrockbluerock**

Steven! Did you ever take the official personality quiz? I got Sad Spoon!

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yes!! i’m sniffling croissant!

**Whovianmeniac**

I’ve seen Steven’s videos in my recommended a few times but this was the first one I clicked on and let’s just say I’ve had Steven for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in the room and then myself

> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> ah yes another one for the steven protection squad

**AllTheVibez**

Only Steven could get me to watch a whole video about a show I’ve never heard of

**givebacknlivehappy**

I didn’t even know this show was still going. Guess I gotta give it a watch now that Steven’s vouched for it

**tralalapis**

what are your thoughts on sad waffle and sniffling croissant getting together? i always thought sad waffle was too good for him

> **Blossoming_Sea**
> 
> How??? They’re made for each other!! They care about each other so much
> 
> **tralalapis**
> 
> i can’t argue there

**lostinbooks**

You tell us Connie is a master sword fighter and neglect to show a montage of her coolest sword moves? smh ok then

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> i’m just kidding i love you do whatever you want king
> 
> **Tassy_R**
> 
> No you’re right where’s our Connie the Swordfighter montage? we got a glimpse in the vlog but I need to see how much cooler than me she is now

**Hope_Loneheart**

wait you’re telling me there’s a rogue alien just. out there somewhere and you just tacked it on to the end of this video about cartoons? that doesn’t warrant its own individual video??

> **ResponsivePanic**
> 
> Usually I’d say Steven has his priorities in order but that seems like an oversight. 

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't my favorite chapter but it's got its moments. the last comment about stevens priorities is directed at me. also ever since i added that omg king <3 comment a few chapters ago i physically cant stop ending every comment with king i laugh every time i add it in
> 
> remember that if you comment your name will appear as a commenter on steven's videos!


	19. i'm in a play!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven documents his experiences with community theatre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday!! bro the theatre kid in me really jumped out in this chapter sorry fellas

**i’m in a play!**

_ published May 6 _

Steven is holding the camera, pointing it at his face. He’s standing on a stage with some unpainted cardboard cutouts of various shapes lining the backdrop. Behind him, a young man with fabulous hair is setting up a tarp, visibly struggling to get it to lay flat. 

“Hi guys!!” Steven says. “I’m in a play!”

The man behind him picks up the tarp and tries to unfurl it dramatically like a picnic blanket to no effect. He whines in distress, staring at the unyielding plastic in defeat. Steven does not notice.

“Jamie and I are putting on a show for Mayor Dewey’s electoral campaign. The script wasn’t super accurate, but Pearl gave us some rewrites and now we’re revamping the whole thing, so it’s gonna be super cool! I’m playing William Dewey” --he puts a hand on his chest-- “and Jamie’s playing everyone else,” he says, gesturing back towards Jamie, who is now sitting on his knees and staring into the middle distance with misty eyes.

Steven falters, furrowing his brow. “Um, Jamie? Are you okay?”

Jamie sighs heavily. “The tarp has destroyed me in a test of wits, Steven. Look at me, outsmarted by a plastic sheet. ”

Steven smiles, still confused. “Um… do you want some help with that?”

“That would be nice.”

Steven sets the camera down and rushes over to help spread the tarp. 

A starwipe transitions into another scene. Steven is still holding the camera, but this time he’s sitting on the tarp, paintbrush in hand. Jamie is behind him, humming along to a playlist of showtunes that’s currently blasting from somewhere distant offscreen as he runs a roller over the cardboard cutouts.

“We have a lot to do before the play tomorrow. Right now, we’re finishing up the set, and then we’re going to run through the whole thing like, twice.” Steven looks over his shoulder. “Was it twice or three times?”

“Four,” Jamie says, setting his roller down. “It’s not a very long show, but we only have today and tomorrow to prepare. This is going to be my big break, so it needs to be perfect! I can almost taste the sweetness of success.”

“I always thought success tasted like sweat, family bonding, and various injuries.”

Jamie shrugs. “It’s different for everyone,” he says. He stretches.

Steven looks back at the camera. “We’re painting waves for the big ocean scene. Jamie does the base colors and I do the detail stuff. We only have these two left and then the whole set will be done!”

He dips his brush into the can of white paint next to him and touches up a swirl. “I’m really excited for Pearl to see the show!”

“It’s every playwright’s dream to see their work onstage. The actors, the costumes, the sets, the lights, the sound, coming together in a brilliant amalgamation of talent and hard work, held together with blood, sweat, and tears, all to bring your words to life in front of you!”

“Well, I was mostly thinking because it would get her mind off of what happened with Garnet the other day, but that too. Hey, have you ever written a play, Jamie?”

“I’ve tried a few times, but my passion lies more with…” --he pauses dramatically-- “... _ acting.” _

Steven grins. “You’re super good at acting!”

“Thanks! Hey, how many subscribers do you have? Do you think I could get exposure?”

Starwipe.

The camera is set up in the audience. Steven and Jamie are in the middle of a scene towards the end of the show. It looks like a tech rehearsal, complete with set changes and most props, but no costumes aside from a cool hat for Steven. It mostly goes well, despite a few technical mishaps, but that’s to be expected for a set that was literally just finished.

Once the play is over, Steven hops off the stage and runs over to the camera. He picks it up and spins around a few times, grinning wildly. “That was the best run yet!” he laughs. Jamie gives a cheer from the stage.

Steven puts the camera on the apron and slides it a few feet away, then clambers up onto the stage. He picks it back up and gives Jamie a high five.

“Tomorrow’s the big day, so get some rest and don’t eat any dairy!” Jamie says.

“Not even pizza?”

“Sadly, no.”

Steven sighs dramatically. “I never thought acting would come with such a big sacrifice.”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting in bed, holding the camera. Morning sun is shining through his windows.

“Hey guys!! It’s the day of the show! Today, we’re making the ‘Vote for Dewey’ banner and having our dress rehearsals before the play at seven. Let’s get ready!”

Steven covers the camera with his hand. Once he uncovers it, he’s standing at his bathroom sink. A montage plays of him getting ready for the day, complete with a fun, 8-bit tune playing over the whole thing. The music fades into the background as he slings his cheeseburger backpack over his shoulder and a starwipe transitions back to the stage.

Jamie is painting blue letters on a banner. Steven waves. “Hey Jamie!! I got a lot of rest and didn’t eat any dairy!”

Jamie turns. “Oh, hey Steven. I’m glad you’re here; we have to finish this banner as soon as possible so we can fit in as many run-throughs as possible. This might be the most important play of my career.”

Steven shoots him a finger gun. “You got it, dude!” He sets the camera down and picks up a brush, dipping it in red paint. “Do you have any fun acting stories to share with TubeTube?”

Jamie frowns, focused on perfecting the letter E. He sits back on his heels. “Once, in a summer production, we had a fog machine, but halfway through the show it set off the fire alarm and we had to evacuate.” He shrugs and returns to painting. “Most of the weird stuff in that show happened to the cast. I was on tech.”

Another starwipe transitions to that night. Steven and Jamie are decked out in sailor costumes, though Steven still sports his trademark sandals.

“We’re just about to open!” Steven whispers. His eyes are lit up by his excited smile. Jamie flashes a nervous grin at the camera. “Wish us luck!”

“No, no, don’t wish us luck!” Jamie says. Steven looks at him in confusion. “Good luck is bad luck, say break a leg!”

Someone is making a speech onstage, likely Mayor Dewey. Steven and Jamie exchange glances.

Starwipe.

Steven, Jamie, and Pearl are walking down the boardwalk. 

“You two were incredible,” Pearl says. “I was very impressed.”

Jamie’s eyes might as well have stars in them.  _ “Really?” _

“Yes, it was well put together, given the time allotted.”

Steven flashes a peace sign at the camera. “We just wrapped up our first and final performance of the Tale of William Dewey! Jamie’s in charge of the community theater now!”

“I’m thinking of starting an improv group,” Jamie says. “It might build interest faster than starting with a huge play or musical.”

“That’s very sensible of you!” Pearl says. “I’d be happy to check over scripts for you.”

Jamie blinks. “Improv doesn’t… use scripts. It’s improvised every time.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “Why do humans have a whole group dedicated to improvisation?”

Steven steps away from the two of them as Jamie starts explaining the point of an improv group. “That’s all I have for you guys today! Beachapalooza is coming up soon, so this month is jam packed with fun performances. The play was a blast! Mayor Dewey got his votes, Jamie got to do more acting stuff, and I had fun!” He glances over his shoulder, then back at the camera. “Plus, I think it  _ did _ help Pearl out a bit. So it was a quadruple success.”

He smiles. “Thanks for watching! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

**4893 views ・ 1468 likes ・ 11 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 902 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 169

**Wishflare**

jamie is the most dramatic person ive ever seen in my entire life

> **rosewitchx**
> 
> i admire his dedication to being extra
> 
> **Kittyinkypaws**
> 
> Theater kids don’t deserve rights
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> hey >:( you’re right but you shouldn’t say it

**Bumblewish**

So did they just put on a play to promote the guy who’s already mayor?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yep! i can’t remember a time when mayor dewey wasn’t campaigning

**redrockbluerock**

That clip where Jamie plays every other character in the show… legend behavior

> **Keelan_666**
> 
> He has the range darling

**Beeknee**

Hey are the other characters in the play supposed to be the Gems? I thought the play was about the city getting founded

> **gayzula**
> 
> well they’re magical so maybe they can live really long?
> 
> **NoLongerOnFire**
> 
> Maybe the play doesn’t take place that long ago?
> 
> **SLUSH_IE**
> 
> also who’s the giant woman? what’s the deal with that
> 
> **Beeknee**
> 
> Steven please… we crave answers

**linring**

steven’s sailor costume… where’s the steven protection squad at

> **givebacknlivehappy**
> 
> That’s a baby right there. I’m filled with parental instincts

**sadstatueofliberty**

Pearl doesn’t know what improv is and now I’m more intrigued than ever

**Gobble_Gobbl3**

How long did you guys work on this play? Because it looks like it was only 3 days

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> it was!
> 
> **Gobble_Gobbl3**
> 
> Excuse me??
> 
> **breadstickepic**
> 
> he can stop an alien invasion AND put on a play in 3 days? a king of many talents
> 
> **SLUSH_IE**
> 
> and of many causes of stress :( give my mans a break

**EmberArmy**

how old is he

> **The_boss_900**
> 
> Not even trying to be subtle anymore huh

**Hannahdoodle100**

The bit where Jamie was trying to spread out the tarp was peak visual comedy. I’m so glad I could see it because there’s no words. Can you imagine describing background visual humor like that? Impossible. A fruitless labor. 

> **Clumzyleia**
> 
> this seems oddly specific are you okay

**PopsicleJolt**

what ever happened to peridot

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i captured jamie's dramatic tendencies well enough smh
> 
> remember that if you comment your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	20. Beachapalooza 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven prepares for this year's Beachapalooza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you all know, there's a lot of stuff happening right now. i'm going to stick with my regular upload schedule just as a way to provide some good feelings in the midst of all of this, but please remember to support black creators as well!

**Beachapalooza 2: Electric Boogaloo**

_ published May 23 _

Steven is vlogging again.

“Hi TubeTube!” he says, waving at the camera. He’s holding a stack of fliers, some of which start to slip out of his hand as he waves. Steven’s breath hisses through his teeth as he tries to stop the papers from falling.

Once the situation has been handled, he looks back at the camera with a grin. “It’s near the end of May, and you know what that means!”

There has been no indication from previous videos about what occurs annually at the end of May, but Steven plows on like anyone living outside of Beach City knows what he’s talking about.

“Yeah, it’s Beachapalooza!”

Steven stops walking and sets the camera down on a bench. He kneels in front of it, places the stack of papers by the camera, and takes one from the top of the pile to show to his viewers. It’s mainly purple, with yellow comets shooting towards the middle of the page. Pink and white block letters spell “BEACHAPALOOZA”, with smaller text containing details underneath that.

“Everyone’s setting up for the big day, so I’m helping out by passing out these fliers! I’ve already stopped by most of the residents, but I’ve still got some left.” He looks over his shoulder at the town behind him.

“I think I just need to get the car wash and the Big Donut now.” Steven tucks the stack of fliers under his arm and picks up his camera again.

Starwipe. Steven is filming the car wash. “Dad!!” he yells (continuing his trend of unbalanced audio levels).

Greg, who is spraying his van with a hose, jumps nearly a foot in the air. “Steven! You’ve gotta stop sneaking up on me like that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

Steven giggles. “Sorry!”

The camera tilts a little to the side, then Steven holds out a flier. “Beachapalooza’s coming up! Take a flier!”

Greg raises an eyebrow with a smile and continues washing his van. “Steven, everyone already knows about Beachapalooza.”

“I know, but the fliers have helpful information about specific dates, times, and locations! Please take one, Dad!”

“Yeah, alright.”

Greg takes the flier. “See you later, Schtu-ball!” he says, reaching over the camera to ruffle Steven’s hair.

Jumpcut. Steven’s walking back down the road to the boardwalk, camera pointed at his face. “I’ve hit almost every business so far except the Big Donut, but I still have a lot of fliers. I think Mayor Dewey forgot we only have like twenty people and printed out way too many, so I’m just gonna hand one out to everyone I see. I’ll catch you guys in a bit!”

Steven winks and the scene changes with another starwipe.

Now, Steven is walking with Sadie down a residential street. Sadie is just barely in frame.

“Great news, guys! Sadie’s performing in Beachapalooza and it’s gonna be great!”

Sadie sighs. “Do you have to vlog about it? It’s really not a big deal.”

“Sorry!”

Steven smiles sheepishly and covers the camera lens.

“Alright, my mom should still be working so we have some time to figure this whole thing out…” Sadie says.

The scene transitions again. The camera is set up in what’s presumably Sadie’s kitchen, balanced precariously against a toaster.

Steven backs away from the camera with an excited grin. Sadie shuffles into frame.

“Okay, since we already know your look and your vocals are good, we just need to fine tune the choreography.”

A stereo on the counter starts playing “Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)”. Sadie bites her lip, frowning, and Steven gives her a thumbs up.

“You got this!” he stage-whispers.

Sadie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“Five, six, seven, eight!” Steven says. Sadie starts dancing as Steven counts, but something feels off. She hits all the marks and makes all the right poses, but her movements are stilted and stiff and her brow is furrowed in concentration. She doesn’t smile.

“Hm..” Steven says. “That was pretty good, but you’re a bit tense. The song is really upbeat, so especially at the hip part you could try being looser” -- Steven demonstrates a section of the choreography-- “like this.”

Sadie hugs her arms close to her chest. “Are you sure  _ you _ shouldn’t be the one performing this? You looked so natural.”

Steven waves her compliment off with a good-natured blush. “Aww, don’t say that! You’re gonna nail it, Sadie, you’re so good!”

Sadie huffs a laugh and looks down. “Yeah, sure.”

Starwipe.

It’s the night of Beachapalooza. Lights illuminate the backstage area, and the sound of ocean waves can just be heard over the sound of a crowd murmuring on the other side of the curtain. Steven is speedwalking towards a vanity, jostling the camera as he rushes to grab a makeup bag and a blue outfit.

“Hey guys, change of plans,” he says, setting the camera down on the table. It captures just enough light to show Steven dropping the makeup bag and wrenching open the zipper. He pulls out a tube of mascara and starts putting it on.

“So, I realized I’ve been a jerk to Sadie this whole time. She didn’t really want to do Beachapalooza, but I kept pushing her to do more and more stuff that she  _ definitely _ didn’t want to do, and it was just a big mess.”

Steven blinks at himself in the mirror, tilts his head, then nods. “I don’t really have time for eyeshadow, so this’ll have to do.”

He grabs a tube of pink lipgloss and smears some on. “Um, anyway, this whole thing is my fault, so I’m making up for it by taking her place so she doesn’t have to do anything she’s not comfortable with.”

Sadie and her mom walk past the camera towards the stairs, talking quietly to each other. Steven watches them for a moment.

Then, a voice from the loudspeakers says, “Are you folks ready to uncover the mystery of our surprise  _ mystery guest?” _

Steven squeaks and grabs a purple eyeliner pencil, hastily drawing a star on his cheek. “The one good thing I did today was make Sadie a mystery guest, so it won’t be too crazy when it’s actually me.”

He puts the eyeliner pencil down, scans his reflection, and then picks up the camera. “I’ve gotta go! See you guys in a bit!”

He covers the lens with his hand.

The next scene of the video is filmed by someone in the audience. The stage for this year’s Beachapalooza is very similar to last year’s, complete with a hand-painted banner and shimmering yellow curtain. 

Steven runs onstage in a two-piece cyan dress and white heels (decorated with a miniature rose), microphone in hand. His pink gem is on full display, glinting in the spotlights. “Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” starts playing again, and Steven starts singing, following his choreographed dance routine from before.

The audience eats it up. 

“Looks like you called it, Gunga,” says Kiki, standing next to whoever is holding the camera.

“That mystery guest bit had Steven written all over it,” Nanefua replies.

Steven finishes his performance by throwing a bucket of glitter into the air.

Starwipe.

Steven is in his bathroom, taking off his makeup. He’s still wearing the dress, but the heels are visible on the floor behind him. “Just an update on everything: Sadie and I are cool now, which is nice. I feel really bad for putting her through all that, but now that she and her mom have talked, things will start calming down.” He throws his makeup wipe away.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of performing. That was so much fun! I also really liked wearing the outfit. I think I’ll have to start wearing skirts more often.”

Steven frowns. “I hope I don’t get copyrighted for using that song, though. I usually write my own stuff for my videos and that one’s super popular so… we’ll see, I guess.” He shrugs.

Something occurs to Steven and his eyes widen. “Oh yeah! Thanks to everyone who contacted me about seeing Peridot on their TVs! We haven’t found her yet for… complicated reasons… but we got the TV problem sorted out.” Steven splashes some water on his face and dries it off with a towel.

He looks away from his reflection and instead at the camera. “That’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks for watching, and don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. I love you, bye!”

**5509 views ・ 1632 likes ・ 19 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 986 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 203

**Neklie_Reads**

Okay but Steven really pulled off that outfit though

> **blissfall**
> 
> “i think ill have to start wearing skirts more often” implying that he already occasionally wears skirts we love a non gender conforming king
> 
> **GidgetOof**
> 
> I just want to know how he was able to dance in heels so well
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Maybe it’s genetic

**Undertheriverstyx**

hold on steven writes ALL the music he uses in his videos? like even the background stuff?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> ive used a couple songs from other artists (with permission of course! credit artists!) but i do write most of the music in my videos!
> 
> **Beeknee**
> 
> Steven is so baby and yet so talented
> 
> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> we still don’t know how old he is yet
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> well my birthday is in august!
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> omg how old are you turning
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> :)

**GreasyBrick**

how can there only be twenty or so people where steven lives but it’s still called a city

**BuzzleBee**

Our boy is so close to 1000 subs get him on trending

**Bellz_Haven1914**

Wait is THAT what was going on with my TV before? That was Peridot? Bro that’s crazy

> **Marf0g**
> 
> Finally the ARG debate can be put to rest
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> I actually read a news article about it and it mentioned this channel so I’m willing to bet that video is gonna retroactively get a bunch of views
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> people were still debating about it being an ARG? i thought we all realized it was real in the ocean video
> 
> **asterd**
> 
> im as shocked as you are bud

**SHOW MORE**

**Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star) COVER with SADIE MILLER! (1000 subs special)**

_ published May 26 _

Steven and Sadie are sitting in the back room of the Big Donut. Steven has his ukulele.

“Hey TubeTube! This is just a short video to celebrate one thousand subscribers! I was telling Sadie about it and she said we should make a video about it.”

Sadie shrugs, smiling. “I thought since you like music and your last video was about Beachapalooza, it might be a good follow-up. Plus I’m way more comfortable like this.”

Steven beams at her, practically glowing.

“Okay, so here’s our cover of ‘Haven’t You Noticed’!”

He strums a chord on his ukulele, then starts to play. He sings the first verse, then Sadie joins him, and then she sings the last two verses on her own. Steven smiles softly.

The video closes with a starwipe.

**6311 views ・ 1732 likes ・ 14 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1573 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 221

**thelosxrs**

WE MADE IT!!

**crazykoala**

stevens finally got 1000 subs next stop 1 mil

**Loogia**

yes yes yes!! our boy did it!

**Broken_Pine**

Aw this video’s so cute. Sadie’s so nice

> **EnderKitty68**
> 
> Sadie appreciation club

**Dripping_Joe**

We did it boys!

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we made it boys stevens got 1000 subs!
> 
> remember that if you comment, your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!
> 
> and while we're here, please make sure you're supporting the black lives matter movement in any way you can! if you're protesting, please stay safe! sign petitions and donate if you can!


	21. peridot is living in my bathroom and its a little annoying but shes trying her best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven documents his attempts at making a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday! i hope i got pre-redemption peridot right
> 
> sorry this one's a bit short!

**peridot is living in my bathroom and its a little annoying but shes trying her best**

_ published June 12 _

Steven is in his kitchen, stirring a mixture of something in a colorful plastic bowl with a wooden spoon. “Hi TubeTube!” he says. “I’m here with a channel update of sorts. So do you guys remember how I told you to be on the lookout for Peridot?”

Something crashes in a different room. Steven winces.

“Who are you talking to?!” someone yells from offscreen.

“No one!” Steven yells back.

“Yes you are talking to someone! I heard you!” There’s another crash, then what sounds like someone wearing socks slipping on tile, a thud, and a third crash. Steven stares offscreen with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asks. The person stumbles again, but thankfully seems to catch themself before they break anything else.

“Why do  _ you  _ care?” they hiss.

Steven sighs and returns to stirring his mix. He looks up at the camera and speaks in a lower voice. “So, um… that was Peridot. She’s living in my bathroom now, which is kind of inconvenient, but at least she’s here where we can keep track of her instead of somewhere out in the world.”

Steven looks down at the contents of the bowl for a moment, then nods. He turns the camera to face the stove and pours some of the batter into a pan.

“I’m making pancakes, do you want any?” he calls over his shoulder.

“What are  _ pancakes?” _

“It’s like… a breakfast food. It starts as a batter and you pour it into a pan until it cooks. Sometimes people add things like chocolate and blueberries, but I’m out of those. I still have some syrup, though.”

There’s a moment of silence as Peridot considers this. Then: “That sounds repulsive.”

Steven shrugs. “I guess pancakes aren’t for everyone.”

He fiddles with a dial on the stove then steps back with a hand on his hip. He addresses the camera. “Peridot really isn’t that bad. Sure, she kind of tried to kill us for a bit, but right now she’s just really scared.” He glances over his shoulder at the bathroom door for a moment, then looks back at the camera. “I wish she would tell us what’s going on, but she doesn’t really…  _ like _ or  _ trust _ us currently.”

Steven checks the underside of one of the pancakes sizzling on the pan. “I want to see if I can get her to come out of the bathroom at all. If she’s more comfortable with her surroundings, she might be more willing to let us help her.”

“There! You said you weren’t talking to anyone but I just  _ heard you! _ ” Peridot yells.

Steven flips the pancakes and then walks to the edge of the kitchen to yell back. “I’m really not talking to anyone! I’m making a video!”

“You said hi to TubeTube. Who is TubeTube?”

“That’s just where I post my videos. It’s not a real person.”

“Is this some sort of… bizarre investigation tactic? You confuse me with nonsense words until I crack?”

“No!” Steven says. Then he pauses. “...Is it working?”

_ “No!” _

“Then, no, it’s not.”

Peridot huffs. There’s no further response.

Steven returns to the stove. He plates his pancakes and shuts off the heat. “I’m gonna try to think of ways to get Peridot out of the bathroom while I eat these. See you guys in a bit,” he says, and covers the lens with his hand.

When he uncovers it, he’s holding the camera like a vlogger. He grabs a newspaper off the coffee table and shows it to the viewers. The page shows a crossword. “Peridot’s been in the bathroom for a couple of days now, and there’s not a lot in there to keep her entertained, so I’m gonna give her this crossword puzzle! It seems like the kind of thing she’d like.”

Steven knocks on the bathroom door. Peridot hisses.

“What is it  _ now?” _

“I have a present for you!” He slides the newspaper under the door. 

Paper rustles as Peridot picks it up and flips through it. “Scribbles?”

“There’s something on the page it was on before!”

Peridot flips through it again. “Oh, I stand corrected. It’s  _ squares. _ ”

“It’s a crossword puzzle! You use the clues at the bottom of the page to fill out the boxes. Oh! I almost forgot, here’s a pencil!” he says, sliding it under the door.

“Hmph.”

Jumpcut. Steven is sitting on the floor next to the bathroom door. Inside, the scratching of a pencil can be heard.

“I think it’s working!” Steven whispers. “She’s been writing for a while.”

The paper slides back under the door. Steven takes it, filming what Peridot has written.

One column has been filled out with the word “aglet”, but the rest are just filled with what looks like scribbles and random shapes.

“Um, Peridot? Is this supposed to say something?”

Peridot scoffs. “You’re telling me that you can’t even  _ read Ge--” _ she cuts herself off with a growl of frustration. “Give it back, I’ll write it in…” she sighs.  _ “English,”  _ she hisses through her teeth.

Steven flips the camera back around to show his face. He looks completely bewildered, but slides the paper back under anyway.

Peridot erases furiously, then writes a message in what sounds like incredibly dark, bold, angry strokes. The paper slides back under the door.

Steven turns the camera to show her new message. Every box is filled in with Peridot’s sharp handwriting. In some places, she nearly tore through the page. 

“This doesn’t look like you filled in the puzzle right-- oh.”

The crossword says:  _ ‘I’M NEVER GOING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT THE CLUSTER. HAVE FUN GETTING SHATTERED WHEN IT EMERGES, CLODS.” _

“Well, at least she’s expressing herself.”

Starwipe. Steven is still sitting by the bathroom door, but now he has a computer open on his lap. “Hey Peridot, I have something else for you to try!”

“Go away.”

“Okay, so we’re going to find out what  _ Crying Breakfast Friends  _ character you are!”

Peridot hisses.

“The first question is, ‘Do you ever act without thinking?’”

Peridot does not respond. Steven hums to himself. “You seem like you’re the type of person who plans ahead.” He moves to select one of the options, then pauses. “Well, you  _ did _ kidnap me kind of on impulse, so we’ll go with ‘sometimes’. Are you afraid of taking risks and trying new things?”

“What kind of an interrogation tactic are you trying  _ now?” _

“It’s just a quiz! Answer the question, please.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, I guess that’s kind of an answer anyway,” Steven says, selecting ‘yes’. “Are you taking this quiz seriously?”

“I’m not  _ taking anything.” _

Steven selects ‘yes’.

“Are you insecure about your relationships and how you’re perceived by other people?”

“What does this have to do with the Cluster?”

“Nothing, it’s all about you!”

Peridot huffs. “This is weird.”

Steven shrugs. “The internet is a strange place.”

They sit in silence for a second.

“So, um… are you?”

“...Yes,” Peridot says.

They go through the rest of the quiz fairly quickly, pausing occasionally for Peridot to cast suspicion on Steven’s tactics, but ultimately she gives in and answers the questions.

“Hey, you’re Weeping Egg Cup!”

“What does  _ that _ mean?” Peridot says incredulously.

“Um… the description says ‘neurotic and uptight.’”

“That’s insulting, I am  _ not!” _

Steven frowns. “Well…”

There’s a musical chime and the room lights up blue. The video glitches briefly, frozen on a frame for a few seconds. One the glitch clears, Steven is standing in the living room. The Gems are standing on the warp pad, and Garnet is holding a pink bubble full of gem shards that have been fused together.

“Steven!” Pearl says. Garnet taps the top of the bubble and it vanishes into thin air. “Did you get through to our…  _ guest _ while we were out?”

Steven glances at the bathroom door. “I’m not sure. I hope I did.”

Amethyst crosses her arms. “You gotta stop trying to be friends with her. That’s not really how interrogations work. Plus, didn’t she kidnap you?”

“Yeah, but--” he stops. “One sec, I have to do something real quick.”

Steven runs up the stairs to his room. He turns the camera to face him. “Hey! I have to debrief with the Gems, so that’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks for watching, and thanks again for a thousand subscribers. Don’t forget to like and comment, and have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

He starts heading back down the stairs to meet the Gems. “Okay, so I didn’t really ask her about the Cluster, but I think she might--”

**6243 views ・ 1832 likes ・ 20 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1781 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 314

**StrawberruS0da**

in other videos he said peridot was dangerous and now she’s just chilling in his bathroom? what even is stevens life

> **Z_Booster**
> 
> i wonder if steven scripts his videos himself or if someones finding actors and stuff for him
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS OKAY peridot was LITERALLY hijacking tvs it was all over the news!! plus the ocean did actually disappear AND there was that hand ship in the sky?? HOW ARE WE STILL DEBATING ARGS
> 
> **Z_Booster**
> 
> sorry i do actually know its real i just wanted to see who would come for me
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> oh good because i was about to fight

**softasawhisper**

did amethyst just say peridot kidnapped him? she’s joking, right? tell me she’s joking

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no she’s right! peridot wanted me to fix the galaxy warp, but the gems got her
> 
> **Laemon**
> 
> omg are you like, ok?
> 
> **stevenneedstherapy**
> 
> check the username and make it happen, universe

**RubyPhoenix**

Is it just me or does Peridot act like an angry cat

> **gayzula**
> 
> no you’re right she does

**fearfullyfabulou5**

is the cluster something we should be worried about

> **Fecyrineu**
> 
> Nah I’m sure it’ll be fine

**Mint_Silver**

absolutely obsessed with the noise peridot makes at 2:57

**Keelan_666**

Peridot wrote all that stuff on the crossword and then said Steven couldn’t read it, then said she’d have to write in English. Was she using an alien language?

> **phoelynfabulous**
> 
> That would make a lot of sense! If you pause the video at 3:36 you can look at what she wrote and certain shapes and lines seem to be repeated throughout like letters.
> 
> **KellE**
> 
> Can we use Peridot’s angry message as a Rosetta Stone for aliens

**Myrterix**

I just want to know what Peridot did to Steven’s bathroom. Sounded like a lot of stuff broke

> **SleepyTeaParty**
> 
> f in the chat for Steven’s bathroom
> 
> **GokaiChange**
> 
> f
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> f
> 
> **miidoku**
> 
> f
> 
> **japanken**
> 
> f

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how mad would peridot be to learn she got the same quiz result as pearl
> 
> remember that if you comment your name will be used as a commenter on steven's videos!


	22. Building a drill to Stop the end of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shows off his new large-scale project that he's been working on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i forgot it was wednesday sorry for the delay fellas

**Building a drill to Stop the end of the World**

_ published July 17 _

“Hi TubeTube!” Steven says. He’s standing in the countryside in front of a worn down barn, holding the camera in typical vlog-like fashion. Behind him, the Gems plus Peridot are moving materials across the field, separating them into various piles. The skeleton of a machine looms over them.

“General life update, um… so we got Peridot out of the bathroom, and she told us what the Cluster is.” Steven tilts his hand in a so-so gesture. “It’s basically a mass of gem shards at the center of the Earth that will rip the entire planet apart when it forms, but we’re working on fixing that, so don’t even worry about it.”

“Steven, what are you doing? Come help us!” someone yells offscreen.

“Sorry Pearl!” he yells back. He glances at the camera, holding it closer to his face than before and speaking at a whisper. “I’ll be back in a sec.”

Starwipe. Steven is sitting on the grass, back against a fence post. Peridot sits next to him, prying parts out of a microwave.

“Say hi to TubeTube, Peridot!” he says, leaning in to get her in frame. She gives the camera a death glare.

“...What are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m making a video! It’s kind of like your audio logs, but visual, and I post them on the internet for everyone on the internet to see.”

Peridot’s face remains blank.

Steven shrugs.

Starwipe. Amethyst is standing next to Steven now, licking motor oil off her fingers. “Welcome to the new segment I like to call ‘trying to get Peridot to do TubeTube challenges and games so she has fun and doesn’t yell at everyone all the time!’” Steven says.

“That’s kind of a mouthful,” Amethyst says.

Steven sighs, defeated. “I know.”

Starwipe. Steven is now behind the camera, filming as Amethyst walks over to Peridot with a bag of marshmallows. She slides down the fence post next to Peridot and offers her the bag.

“What are those?” Peridot says, voice full of skepticism.

“They’re marshmallows, dude. You shove a bunch of them in your mouth at once and try to say words.”

“That sounds extremely hazardous and unnecessary.”

“You just described my ideal day, Peri,” Amethyst says. She shoves a handful of marshmallows in her mouth. “Check it: y’all are clods.”

Peridot furrows her brow, then returns to working with the microwave.

Another starwipe. This time, Steven walks up to Peridot while Amethyst holds the camera. He doesn’t sit down, instead pulling out a few notecards.

“Hi, Peridot!”

“What is it  _ now?” _

“I thought you might want to take a break and do a little Q&A sesh! My subscribers were really curious about you, so I wrote some of their questions down.”

“I don’t need breaks.”

“Sure you do!” Steven selects a notecard at random. “Okay, from Shawn we have: why are you pronouncing the T in ‘peridot’? Isn’t it pronounced ‘peri-dough’?”

Peridot scoffs. “As if _humans_ could tell me how to pronounce my _own_ _name.”_

“Um, next question is from Loogia… actually, it’s less of a question and more of an observation: why does Peridot remind me of an angry cat?”

“I’m not going to participate in your ‘cue and ay sesh’,” Peridot says, doing finger quotes.

“Aw, just one more?”

Peridot hisses. Amethyst laughs from behind the camera.

Starwipe. Steven is filming once again. Amethyst has a bag of suspicious looking food behind her back. “Hey, P-dot! You wanna do the eat it or wear it challenge?”

Amethyst displays the bag to Peridot, who gives it a once over and quirks an eyebrow. Amethyst grins.

“No.”

Amethyst turns to face the camera with an expression that communicates the universal feeling of “well, so much for that.”

Starwipe. Amethyst and Steven are sitting in the grass. “I left all my other TubeTube game stuff at home, so I guess that’s the end of ‘trying to get Peridot to do TubeTube challenges and games so she has fun and doesn’t yell at everyone all the time’ this week.”

Steven leans out of frame to grab something. While he does, Amethyst pulls up a fistful of grass and chews on it before spitting it out. She splutters.

“This grass is grody, dude. The stuff by the lighthouse is way better.”

Steven leans back in frame, now holding a PB&J. “I thought you ate everything. I’ve seen you eat a five year old burrito. Why is  _ grass _ where you draw the line?”

Amethyst flops onto her back, raising a hand haphazardly in the air as she speaks.  _ “Barn _ grass is where I draw the line. I know I eat literal garbage, but even  _ I _ have  _ standards _ .”

Steven looks around at their surroundings, frowning. “Maybe they use different fertilizer or something. Or they don’t use any.”

“Who cares, bruh? It’s just bad plants.”

Steven shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich. “Amethyst and I are on lunch break right now,” he explains. “I’m the only one who actually needs to eat, but Amethyst likes eating, so she’s also on break.”

Sure enough, the sounds of power drills and blowtorches can be heard in the background. Pearl, Peridot, and Garnet are yelling things to each other over the din of construction, but no words can be individually picked out from where Steven and Amethyst are sitting.

Amethyst rocks backward and then sits up, blowing some hair out of her face. “Besides, what are they gonna do if I chill for an hour? Say they’re not mad, just disappointed? Please.”

Steven nods and takes another bite of his sandwich. “Oh! My birthday’s coming up in a few weeks! I know a lot of you are eager to find out what age I am.”

Amethyst snorts. “Yeah,  _ that’s _ not weird.” She shifts her voice into a deeper register. “‘Don’t mind me, I’m just a stranger on the internet who’s obsessed with how old this child is.’”

Steven laughs. “Amethyst!” He shakes his head. “Anyway, in a few weeks--”

Pearl yells something. Peridot shouts an answer back. Steven glances over his shoulder to look at them, making sure he didn’t miss something important, then looks back at the camera.

He leans out of frame to grab another part of his lunch, still talking as he does. “In a few weeks, I’ll be turning--”

The loudest sound on the face of the planet drowns out the rest of his sentence. In the background, a giant drill head, likely the drill they’re working on the stop the Cluster, has been turned on. The drill’s whirring peaks the video’s audio.

Steven leans back in frame, holding a bag of chips. He’s still talking, but no sound can be heard over the awful machinery noises. Amethyst is watching this all unfold with a glint in her eye and a mischievous grin on her face.

Finally, the drill stops.

“That’s good!” Pearl yells.

“Hey, Ste-man, you gonna get another take of that?” Amethyst says, unable to hide her smile.

“Nope, that one’s fine!” Steven says. Amethyst lets out a shriek of laughter that’s cut off perfectly with a jumpcut. 

Steven’s now holding his ukulele. “I’ve been working on a song while we’re out here!” he says. He strums a chord, hums, and then starts to play.

_ “Life and death and love and birth--” _

“Steven! We need you over here!” Garnet calls. Steven jumps.

“Uh yeah, one sec!”

He turns to the camera. “Well, that’s all I have for you today! Thanks for watching, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and don’t worry about the end of the world because we’ve got that covered. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

**3635 views ・ 1843 likes ・ 18 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1954 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 302

**TrueKindaLove19**

Okay I know Peridot supposedly tried to kill them or whatever but honestly what an icon during this video

> **AuroraDragon**
> 
> oh i vibe with peridot hardcore

**willatree**

WHAT was that about the end of the world? should we be concerned? what’s happening??

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> I mean, Steven said they had it under control, but that’s a pretty concerning thing to drop in a vlog nonchalantly
> 
> **Neklie_Reads**
> 
> Steven’s really out here casually mentioning how he’s in the process of stopping the world from being torn apart from the inside like it’s NBD
> 
> **JustAsPlanned**
> 
> Really makes you worry for Steven’s health and wellbeing
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Steven protection squad where y’all at

**Undertheriverstyx**

I know we’ve all decided that Steven is a very nice person but that bit about his age was pure evil

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> did you see that grin? that’s the face of a boy who knows EXACTLY what he’s doing
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> I really have no idea how old he is at this point. He could be anywhere from five to ten and I’m afraid to learn the answer
> 
> **AllTheVibez**
> 
> what if Steven’s actually like a teenager wouldn’t that be absolutely buckwild
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> don’t be ridiculous that’s just crazy

**booksforlife406**

my girl amethyst has strong opinions on grass and she’s right

> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Wait that implies you’ve eaten grass
> 
> **booksforlife406**
> 
> i used to pretend i was a horse when i was little don’t come for me

**idk kitty**

living for the sibling dynamic amethyst and steven have going on

**withabee**

ok seriously though is no one else concerned about the END OF THE WORLD or whatever???

> **Diamondjuice**
> 
> Listen I’ve already got so much going on I just gotta trust that Steven and his three moms plus angry green cat have got my back

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stole the joke about the noise cutting him off before he could reveal his age from barbie life in the dreamhouse


	23. Birthday Take 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven celebrates his [redacted]th birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday!
> 
> it's the moment you've all been waiting for (featuring connie)

**Birthday Take 2**

_ published August 16 _

The camera is set up in a fixed spot, filming a tree that has a clothes line strung from its branches. A couple of shirts drift in the breeze. Steven is sitting underneath the tree next to Connie, wearing a pastel pink button up shirt.

“Hi TubeTube!” he says with a wave and a smile. Connie gives a little wave of her own. “So my birthday was yesterday, but it kind of got… weird… so today is take two!”

“My parents let me stay the whole weekend, so we still have a day to hang out and stuff,” Connie says. 

“I also know a lot of you have been wanting to know how old I am, so today is when I’ll tell you!” Steven stands up and walks over to the camera. “We’ve got a few things planned for today, but I can still tell you that I’m f--”

Jumpcut. Connie is setting up a stepladder by the barn’s front doors, where a streamer has been hung up. Steven is holding the camera vlogger style. “We’re taking down some of the decorations from yesterday because Peridot thought they messed with the ‘productive-enhancing environment’ of the barn.”

As if on cue, Peridot walks out of the barn holding a blowtorch. “We’re almost done with the drill. Why are you still taking a break? We need all hands on deck!”

Connie clambers up the ladder and starts pulling at the corner of the banner. “Well, I’m only here for one more day, so Steven’s taking time off to hang out with me.”

Peridot frowns. “That’s just one more day closer to the complete destruction of your entire planet.”

Connie glances back at Steven, unsure of how to respond. He shrugs. “I’ll work twice as hard to make up for the breaks, Peridot!”

Peridot remains unimpressed. She flips her welding mask down and stalks off. Connie pulls the other side of the banner down and watches it flutter to the ground.

“Cool, that’s the last thing! Now we can hang out officially.”

Starwipe.

Steven balances the camera on a fence post and backs up to where Connie is standing. He hands her a tree branch, kneeling down and presenting it like a sword to a knight. Connie graciously accepts the branch and bows, taking a fighting stance.

Steven summons his shield. The camera freezes for a second, but quickly catches up with the action. They’re sparring. It’s surprisingly intense and their footwork is intricate. Connie skillfully executes an acrobatic dodge as Steven throws his shield like a frisbee at her, then Steven jumps to avoid her slash at his knees with her makeshift sword. For a brief moment, it looks almost like Steven hangs in the air longer than should be possible, but it’s easily brushed off as another video glitch.

The fight ends when Steven’s sandal catches on a clump of grass and he goes sprawling, knocking the branch out of Connie’s hand and sending her sun hat flying. They burst out laughing. Connie pushes him off of her and he crawls towards the camera, pulling grass out of his curly hair.

Steven pulls himself up using the fence and grins into the camera, face very close to the lens. “You guys always ask to see more of our combat training, so we thought that would be fun to see!”

He looks over his shoulder at Connie, who’s retrieved her hat and is now sitting cross legged, hat in her lap, as she runs her fingers through her hair to get the tangles out. She shoots him a wide grin, which he returns before looking back at the camera.

“Usually, we train to fight together, but sometimes Pearl has us do exercises like that. It’s fun!”

Starwipe. Connie and Steven are sitting underneath the tree from the beginning of the video, but the camera is set up much closer to them than before. “I don’t know,” Steven is saying. “I feel like movies feel like a bigger deal than TV shows.”

“But if you adapt them to a show, you’re more likely to get more content out of it and might serve as a better way to attract more fans than a movie can,” Connie says. She looks at the camera. “We’re arguing about how to adapt books,” she explains.

“Well, I wouldn’t say  _ arguing _ ,” Steven says. “That sounds a lot harsher than it actually is. I just think movies have more of a dramatic effect.”

“More content means you have more time with the characters, and then the emotional beats hit way harder!”

“Okay, I see your point. But movies might be more accessible than shows if you can’t get the service or channel it’s on.”

Connie shrugs. “Just pirate it.”

“Just  _ what?” _

“Do you not… pirate things?”

“No! That’s… isn’t that illegal?”

Connie looks at him incredulously. “Steven, your whole family is made up of intergalactic space criminals.”

Steven is extremely distraught. “That’s  _ different,”  _ he says. “This is  _ stealing _ .”

“Steven, those corporations already have way too much money as it is.”

From offscreen, Amethyst shouts, “I agree with Connie!”

Steven hides his face in his hands.

Starwipe.

The set up of the shot doesn’t change, but now Steven is angled more towards Connie, sitting cross legged with his head propped up on his hands. Connie is talking, gesticulating wildly.

“I’m just saying if they  _ did _ adapt the  _ Spirit Morph Saga _ into  _ anything _ , it should be animated. It would set it apart from other fantasy novel adaptations  _ and _ it would be way easier to keep all of the ages accurate to the book.”

“Animation is just really cool, too,” Steven adds.

Connie nods. “Exactly! There are so many things they could do in animation to enhance the story that they couldn’t do with a typical live-action adaptation! Also, suspension of disbelief is much more accepting in animation than live-action, so all the magic would still hold up.”

“I don’t know if I could handle watching a CGI hawk for four movies. The effects would get dated so quickly.”

“Well, it would be four  _ seasons, _ not movies.”

The rest of the video is filled of various clips of Steven and Connie’s adventures:

Connie is holding the camera, filming Steven as he attempts to climb the tree. She’s trying and failing to stifle her giggles.

Steven’s foot slips and his sandal falls off. He makes a sound of distress and takes a moment to mourn his fallen friend before continuing on his harrowing journey towards the top of this average sized tree.

“Connie, there’s nowhere to put my foot!” he yells over his shoulder.

“I don’t know how to help you!” she yells back.

“Okay, thanks!” Steven says, and leans backwards, reaching for a branch jutting out over the fence.

“Wait, he’s not gonna--” Connie says to herself. Her voice trails off as Steven grabs the branch and ends up hanging from the tree over open air. “Steven, why?” Connie says.

Then Steven hauls himself onto the branch with an incredibly impressive pull up.

Connie turns the camera around to show her face. Her expression is one of shock. She looks between the lens and Steven with wide eyes and mouths  _ ‘Did he just do that?’ _ .

Yes, yes he did.

\---

Steven is filming now, walking behind Connie on a path up the hill. She’s looking over the landscape, hand on her hat to keep it from blowing away. The sun is lower in the sky, painting her in a golden glow. The camera lingers on her for a few moments.

Steven turns the camera around and beams. Whether his cheeks are pink from blushing or from a sunburn is up for debate.

\---

Connie and Steven are both behind the camera now, trying and failing to suppress laughter at the sight of Lion dozing in the shade of the barn, wearing Connie’s sunhat.

\---

They’re sitting on the roof of the barn with the setting sun in front of them.

“Gotta love that golden hour glow,” Steven says. Connie covers her mouth with her hand, hiding a smile.

“That’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks for watching! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice rest of your day! I love you, b--”

“Wait, Steven, your age!” Connie interrupts.

“Oh yeah!” Steven says. Connie watches him with absolute mischief in her eyes.

Steven shrugs. “Anyway, um, thanks for all the birthday wishes! I’m fourteen, bye!”

Connie shrieks with laughter. The video ends abruptly.

**3743 views ・ 1912 likes ・ 13 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 2017 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 421

**Myrterix**

steven’s WHAT???!?!?!?!

**FermiBubbleParadox**

MY BOY IS F O U R T E E N YEARS OLD?? THAT’S SIMULTANEOUSLY TOO OLD AND TOO YOUNG

> **Beeknee**
> 
> I THOUGHT HE WAS 8? BUT HE’S IN LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL??
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> OR HE COULD BE A FRESHMAN? WHAT IS HAPPENING

**Marf0g**

Oh hey Connie got contacts, when did that happen?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i actually healed her eyes! she doesnt need glasses at all anymore
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> Hey my dude, you GOTS to stop dropping these bombshells on us all in one day
> 
> **ResponsivePanic**
> 
> I mean he DID reveal his healing powers way back in the ocean video
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> yeah ok thats fair

**idk kitty**

ok but these kids can mess some fools UP with those combat skills

**Broken_Pine**

The fear that went through me when he started ending the video and hadn’t revealed his age did not even come close to the shock I felt when he actually did reveal his age

**molasses_cookies**

Wait what happened on your actual birthday

> **Wishflare**
> 
> apparently it was weird but are we surprised? no
> 
> **linring**
> 
> give our boy a break

**CozyDomination**

Hey what was up with that beast of a pull up our mans did

> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> Not only is he proficient in combat he’s STRONK

**TrueKindaLove19**

why are they both so cute

**Outcasts_Anonymous**

Amethyst really just encouraged this children to commit crimes and I respect that

> **redrockbluerock**
> 
> amethyst is the only person i respect

**Oh_Well**

i cant believe stevens 14 i feel like i have to stare at a wall and rethink everything

> **JustAsPlanned**
> 
> now we're gonna have to come up with another running joke

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really almost ended the chapter without revealing the age but that would've been too mean
> 
> y'all know the drill about comments at this point


	24. Peridot’s a Crystal Gem Now!!! (and also we stopped the cluster)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven successfully gets Peridot in a video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's wednesday!! i just got a haircut and i'm really vibing how bout y'all

**Peridot’s a Crystal Gem Now!!! (and also we stopped the cluster)**

_ published August 18 _

Steven is holding the camera, which shakes a considerable amount as he films what he sees as he runs towards the barn. “Peridot! Wait up!”

“I don’t want to!”

“It’s safe, I promise!”

Steven stops running and catches his breath. The camera points at the ground. “I promise that Homeworld isn’t going to see my TubeTube channel! Earth technology isn’t even powerful to have a video available in every country.”

The camera pans up. Peridot is standing in front of the barn, about to go inside, turning her head to face Steven. She purses her lips. “Is this… a Crystal Gem ritual?”

There’s a pause as Steven considers this. “...Yes,” he decides.

Peridot turns to face him fully. She sighs. “Okay.”

“Yes!!”

Starwipe.

Peridot and Steven are sitting in the barn. The camera is propped up on something in an effort to recreate Steven’s usual video set up. Peridot looks tense.

“Hi TubeTube! Great news” --he throws his arms around her in a side hug-- “Peridot is a Crystal Gem now!”

Peridot half-heartedly returns the hug, then shoves him off. “It’s either be a Crystal Gem or be a solo criminal, so I just went with the safest option for my personal health and safety.”

“Aaaand?”

“Why are you blinking like that?”

“Endearment.”

Peridot stares at him blankly.

“Any  _ other  _ reasons you want to share with the class?”

“There’s not a class here--”

“Just answer the question, please.”

Peridot huffs and crosses her arms, pointedly  _ not _ looking at Steven. “You all are very companionable. It’s… nice to spend time with you guys,” she mutters.

Steven’s smile could light up a room. “Awww, you care about us!!”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “I told you this in the drill. Why are you acting surprised?”

Steven laughs and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s just a nice thing to hear!” He turns to address the camera. “Anyway, so a lot of stuff has happened since my birthday, which is crazy because it’s only been like, two days?” He shrugs.

“In the past two days, I became a fugitive, we stopped the Cluster, and we found Lazuli. Technically, that’s only three things,” Peridot says, adjusting her visor.

“Yeah, but if you think about it, we went to the moon, we had an argument, you contacted Yellow Diamond, you became a Crystal Gem, I possessed a Watermelon Steven, the Gems stopped Malachite, we drilled to the center of the Earth, we bubbled a geoweapon, and we rescued Lapis, which is a  _ lot _ more than three things.”

“Whatever you say.”

Steven looks at the camera. “Basically what I’m saying is that if the rest of August keeps up like this, I’m going to get serious burnout.”

Peridot waves a hand dismissively. “What else could happen? Homeworld soldiers showing up? Please.”

A pause as she realizes what she just said. Her eyes widen and she sits bolt upright. “That won’t happen, right?”

Steven scans the barn. “I don’t know. But if it does, we could probably trick them into leaving or being our friends, right? I mean, we did with you.”

“I resent that.”

Steven laughs. He picks at a piece of gravel he has in his hair as he talks. “I have a feeling a lot more stuff will happen this month. I’ll at least have one day of rest before anything  _ else  _ happens, though. Lapis is still sleeping and we stopped the Cluster, so I guess all we have to worry about is Jasper.”

“And Yellow Diamond. And Blue Diamond. And Homeworld.”

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure.” Steven successfully pulls all the gravel from his hair. “We were in the drill the whole time, how’d I get this much stuff in my hair?”

Peridot shrugs.

Steven gasps. “Oh yeah! We’re making a video!” He leans forward to talk directly to the camera. “Okay, so quick rundown: we made a drill, Peridot called her boss a clod, we drilled to the Center of the Earth and put the Cluster in a bubble, and we rescued Lapis Lazuli, who you might remember as the Gem who stole the entire ocean last year.”

“Lazuli did  _ what?” _

Steven looks back at Peridot over his shoulder. “You know the ocean?” Peridot nods. “She tried to use it to get back to Homeworld because her wings wouldn’t work.”

“Oh right, you healed her gem.”

Steven turns back to the camera. “This video was basically to introduce you all to the new ‘great and loveable’ Peridot,” he says, making finger quotes. “That’s her self-appointed title,” he adds in a whisper. 

He leans back. “Tell them about yourself, Peridot!”

Peridot freezes. “Um,” she says. “Well. I used to work for Homeworld, but then I became a traitor to my planet and my leader, Yellow Diamond. Steven, a master of psychological manipulation, tricked me into being his friend.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’d call it that--”

“Sh, I’m still talking,” Peridot interrupts, now on a roll. “The things on Earth I find most tolerable are ladybugs, Steven, Amethyst, and  _ Camp Pining Hearts _ . Oh, and Garnet too, I guess.”

“Not Pearl?”

“Eh,” Peridot says with a shrug.  _ “Camp Pining Hearts _ is one of the better things to come out of this arrangement, despite the disgrace of Percy and Paulette. As we all know, the superior pairing is Percy and  _ Pierre _ , for reasons I shouldn’t need to have to explain, but gladly will.”

Steven stiffens at the mention of Percy and Pierre. “Um, I don’t know if we have time to go into that right now. Last time took a few hours and my phone is on low battery.”

Peridot huffs. “Fine.”

Steven turns back to the camera. “Well, that’s Peridot! You’ve all finally officially met her now. I don’t really know why you all say she’s like a cat, though. She’s more like… an angry slice of pie.”

“I am not  _ either  _ of those things.” Peridot scoffs. Then she pauses. “...What’s a cat?”

“Oh!” Steven says. “Um, well, Lion is a really big cat.”

_ “That _ fluffy monster? No thanks.”

Garnet yells from offscreen. “Steven! Peridot! Lapis is all situated! Come tell us how you stopped the Cluster!”

“One second!” Steven yells over his shoulder. He picks up the camera and holds it in front of his face. “I’m gonna have to cut this short. If I have time today, I’ll pick this back up later, but Peridot and I have to go tell everyone what happened!”

Peridot springs to her feet with fire in her eyes and a grin spreading across her face. “Yes! A chance to regale our tale of danger and triumph!”

“See you in a bit!” Steven says with a wink. A starwipe closes the scene, lingering on a black screen for a moment. Then, the next scene fades in.

Steven is back in his house, sitting on his bed. The sun seems to have just risen. Light beams in through the windows. Steven has pretty dramatic dark circles under his eyes and his hair is fairly ruffled. Flecks of pink frosting stain the corners of his mouth. He has one earbud in and he looks exhausted.

The camera is at a low angle, like it’s been rested against a laptop screen. “Hey guys! I didn’t end up having time to record anything else with Peridot yesterday, and I didn’t have time to film an outro, so I’m just doing it now.”

Steven rubs his eyes and takes a bite out of a frosted donut. He suppresses a yawn. “I was wrong. A  _ lot _ of stuff happened yesterday. Lapis and I took a tour around some cities and I think she’s roommates with Peridot now? And some Homeworld soldiers  _ did _ show up, so Peridot was right about that, and we played baseball with them and tricked them into leaving, and then we got home finally and I discovered I had floating powers and I didn’t really get any sleep, but that’s okay because I got a fresh donut from the Big Donut, so it’s all worth it. Plus, I get to help Sour Cream with his rave tonight.”

This time, he  _ does _ yawn. “Anyway, just wanted to record an outro before I finish editing this video. Thanks so much for watching! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

Steven smiles at the camera and the video closes on a starwipe.

**3832 views ・ 2145 likes ・ 25 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 2204 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 427

**blissfall**

yo steven i’ve got a really fun challenge idea for you

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> really? what’s your suggestion??
> 
> **bissfall**
> 
> take a nap

**TheShinyFruitcake**

Forget everyone else Peridot is the only one I respect. I know barely anything about her other than that her take on Percy and Pierre is absolutely galaxy brained

> **Hope_Loneheart**
> 
> I don’t know I always thought Paulette and Percy were kind of cute
> 
> **TheShinyFruitcake**
> 
> Percy and Pierre are literally way more compatible than Paulette and Percy. Even the actors shipped it more
> 
> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> everyone who shipped pierrcy just projected hard on percy and thought pierre was hot
> 
> **FloofyBoofy**
> 
> Ok yeah but also pierrcy shippers were right
> 
> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> can’t argue there I guess
> 
> **linring**
> 
> i heard theyre planning a reboot so maybe theyll have pierrcy be canon in that
> 
> **tralalapis**
> 
> do you really trust a reboot
> 
> **linring**
> 
> no
> 
> **tralalapis**
> 
> that’s what i thought
> 
> **view 76 replies**

**Taranov**

OH, it's been so long since I checked back up on this, but man, after binging on this, I'm even more excited. So all that alien stuff is real? That's amazing! Imagine the implications of instantaneous teleportation, an advanced race of beings that seem to be INTERPLANETARY SPACE CRIMINALS, and everything else! Like, the superpowers! Super interested again. Subscribing!

> **Gobble_Gobbl3**
> 
> well done boys we’ve got another one

**Blossoming_Sea**

Hey um where’s the steven protection squad rn cause our boy needs a hug and a nap and maybe some vacation time

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> I really want the subscribers to be referred to as the Steven Protection Squad but sadly Steven probably won’t name us that
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> It’s ok he can just call us The Squad but we’ll know the truth. Also where’s the petition to sign to force him to take some time off
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> So what’s the new running joke in the comments now that we know Steven’s age
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> there’s never been any running jokes this is real life babey
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Ok but what’s the new meme though
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> idk i was hoping someone else would respond to me after that

**softasawhisper**

Anyone else catch the casual reference to floating powers, or?

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i made a timeline in my plan that says what month each episode happens and august literally has like all of season 3 in it im so sorry steven
> 
> remember that if you comment your name will be used in the comment section of steven's videos! (also shout out to taranov who writes in-universe comments and lets me use them those are so fun)


	25. how to cope with the fact that your dad is now a millionaire i think??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven copes with a shocking new development in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friday!! how's everyone doing?? this chapter is pretty short but i ended up really liking it

**how to cope with the fact that your dad is now a millionaire i think??**

_ published August 20 _

The video starts in the back of a car. It’s night, making it hard to make out details. Steven is holding the camera very close to his face, occasionally illuminated by the harsh orange glow of passing streetlights. From these periodic bits of light, it’s possible to make out Steven’s outfit: a fitted suit with the bowtie undone, hanging loosely from his neck. His curls are messy, like he’d been sleeping on them for a while and then gotten his hair ruffled a few times. His face is sticky with what looks like dried tears. Despite looking half ready to pass out, he’s grinning.

“Hey TubeTube,” he whispers. He rubs his eyes. “August looks like it’s going to be a busy month.”

He giggles, looking past the camera at the front seat of the car with a fond smile. His eyes are soft.

“Yesterday, I was helping Sour Cream with his show and then my dad’s old manager showed up and it turned out he’d been using Dad’s song as a burger jingle for without crediting him and now he’s super rich because of royalties and stuff,” Steven says, still whispering. “It’s crazy! I mean, that sort of stuff happens in cartoons, but I didn’t think it would happen to me!”

There’s a bout of laughter from the front of the car and Steven falls silent for a moment before returning his gaze to the camera. “We didn’t really know what to do with the money, so we took an impromptu vacation to Empire City. It’s so pretty! All the lights and the buildings and the people and we heard a jazz band playing in the square and then we stayed in this fancy hotel and got cool suits and it was super fun! I also got Pearl to dance with me, which was nice.”

Steven looks out the window. The streetlights have started to become less frequent as the car moves further away from the city. Quiet conversation can just be heard from the front of the car, which Steven smiles at.

He turns the camera around to show Greg driving and Pearl sitting in the passenger seat. Pearl is leaning on the center console, telling a story in a low voice. Greg snorts, which turns into a laugh. Steven turns the camera back around, holding it even closer to his face.

“It was all kind of a ploy to get my dad and Pearl to be friends again. A bit of a risky move on my part, but we got there eventually. We even all sang a song together and everything. I got to dust off my tap dancing skills!” he whispers in an even quieter voice than before. It’s almost too low for the camera to pick up. “My phone’s about to die, so I’ll finish this video up when I get home!” he says. A starwipe closes on the scene, faint jazz music playing from the speakers.

The video resumes in Steven’s bedroom. It’s pitch black outside, but the lights are on in Steven’s house. A duffel bag shaped like a hot dog sits next to him on the bed. Behind him, his alarm clock (shaped like Cookie Cat) reads 1:03 am. Steven has yellow pajamas on, his hair looking even messier.

“So my dad’s technically a millionaire now?” Steven says, shrugging. “I don’t really know what to do with this information.”

He unzips his duffel bag and starts unpacking it as he talks. “I don’t think  _ too _ much is going to change. Dad was talking about putting most of it into savings or something? I don’t really know how banks work.” Steven surveys a figurine of a blue hedgehog before placing it on his windowsill. “It’s not like we were  _ poor _ or anything, but now we’ll be able to pay people to fix the van instead of asking Pearl to do it every time!”

Steven frowns and looks in the direction of the temple door. “I wonder if Pearl’s actually  _ better _ at fixing the van than professionals. She’s super smart.”

He shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter. The point is we don’t have to worry about money stuff as much. I don’t know much about how money works either, but I know it wasn’t as easy to raise a kid as my dad likes to pretend.”

Steven trails off, looking down at his hands. His eyes have a faraway look.

He blinks and looks back up at the camera, smiling. “I just had a  _ great  _ idea! We could rent a boat and take Lapis out on the sea! That would be super fun!”

Steven glances at the clock behind him. “I should sleep, probably. Peridot, Amethyst, and I are all going to Funland tomorrow! Or, um… today, I guess. Catch up with you guys later!”

Starwipe.

The next segment is set up in Steven’s living room. Peridot is sitting next to Steven on the couch, typing furiously into a shiny new tablet, while Amethyst lays sprawled out on the floor, chewing absentmindedly on her hair.

“Hey guys! Um, this segment is something I like to call ‘how to cope with the fact that your dad is really rich now which is a dramatic change of pace from what you’re used to’,” Steven says.

“Dude, you’ve  _ gotta _ shorten down the names of your bits,” Amethyst says. 

“Well, um, anyway, step one is apparently to go on a spending spree?” Steven says. He glances at Peridot, who has started smiling mischievously, continuing to type away. “We went on a vacation and got Peridot a tablet, and tomorrow Dad’s going out to buy a car he’s always wanted. I can’t remember the name of it but it started with a D. We’re also going to rent a boat for Lapis.”

“Bonus points if your spending spree leads to people discovering dope new powers,” Amethyst says. Peridot gasps.

“Steven! I have to show all of your internet friends my new metal powers!” she yells.

“Alright, shoot!”

Peridot places the tablet gently on the coffee table and places her hands on her temples, frowning in concentration. Amethyst sits up and leans on the table, watching through half-lidded eyes like a cat. Nothing happens for a good fifteen seconds.

The tablet slowly lifts off of the table and floats towards Peridot. Her eyes snap open and she laughs triumphantly, snatching the tablet out of the air. “Success! Praise me!”

Steven giggles and applauds. “Yay Peridot!”

“Good job, P,” Amethyst says, resting her head on her arms.

Peridot preens at the compliments.

“Oh, Peridot has a Cheeper account now. It’s @PERIDOT5XG if you guys wanted to give her a follow,” Steven says. He looks back at the camera. “Okay, step two is still yet to come, but I imagine it’d be something about realizing everything is different now and we should probably be more responsible and step three is existential dread and then step four is acceptance. At least, that’s what it feels like we’re hurtling towards. But for now we’re still in step two!”

“Now Greg can’t get mad at me for drinking his engine oil and duct tape because he can just restock.”

“He probably still will. He doesn’t want to spend  _ all  _ his money.”

“His loss,” Amethyst says, closing her eyes. Peridot giggles maniacally and Steven and Amethyst stop to stare at her for a moment before realizing it’s directed at something on her tablet. They return to what they were doing.

Steven taps his fingers on his knees, pursing his lips. “Um… I guess that’s all I have to say about that. It’s all just pretty weird.” He glances at Amethyst for assistance, but she’s starting to snore. He shakes his head. “I should probably get back to making that ‘hang in there card’, but I need to decide on a sloth or a koala. Maybe I’ll ask Lars and Sadie.”

He turns back to the camera. “Anyway, that’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks so much for watching, and make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!” 

Steven waves at the camera. Peridot looks up from her tablet and scrambles to dish out a catchphrase before the starwipe cuts her off.

“Respect the shorty squad!!”

Amethyst laughs.

**4231 views ・ 2274 likes ・ 27 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 2315 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 434

**merveeille**

Is THAT where I’ve heard Greg’s song before??

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> dude I’ve been rocking out to the Pepe’s Burgers jingle ever since that first commercial came out years ago
> 
> **Betta**
> 
> if that commercial came out that long ago and plays as often as it does then mr universe had to make BANK like how much did he actually get
> 
> **EnderKitty68**
> 
> Steven said he’s a millionaire so at least a million dollars
> 
> **InvaluableOracle**
> 
> But it’s gotta be more than that right? I see that commercial every time I turn on the TV
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> Do I look like I can do math
> 
> **InvaluableOracle**
> 
> Fair point

**Bumblewish**

What are the odds that I got a Pepe’s Burgers ad right before this video

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> helping steven out by giving him that sweet sweet royalties money AND ad sense

**Neklie_Reads**

Ok peridot’s cheeper account is the most beautiful things i’ve ever laid eyes on

**AllTheVibez**

where did steven learn to tap dance?

> **fearfullyfabulou5**
> 
> i’m gonna say pearl probably
> 
> **AllTheVibez**
> 
> Yeah that tracks

**J0RAM_7**

Oh snap I live in Empire City is that why I saw a really cool lady dancing on the balcony with a flower

> **redrockbluerock**
> 
> IS THAT WHY I GOT HIT IN THE FACE WITH A ROSE THAT FELL OUT OF THE SKY
> 
> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> imagine being that close to the coolest kid on the internet
> 
> **redrockbluerock**
> 
> smh we could’ve had a whole meet and greet

**Whovianimeniac**

Steven really found out he was rich and immediately bought a bunch of stuff for his friends

> **Fecyrineu**
> 
> nothing but respect for my king

**rosewitchx**

give steven a day off he’s really got a lot going on rn

> **CozyDomination**
> 
> At least this was a pretty good development instead of having to play soldiers in baseball
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> you got me there

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> realistically there would be more dislikes on steven's videos but i feel bad putting any in :(
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name as a commenter on steven's videos!


	26. How to Make Really Good French Fries and Pizza Bagels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven prepares a few dishes for the grand opening of his new (and very temporary) restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! sorry this chapter's up a bit later in the day than usual, i took a break from writing to make pizza bagels and then i burned my finger on the oven and it made it way harder than normal to type so it took way longer to get this out than it shouldve

**How to Make Really Good French Fries and Pizza Bagels**

_ published August 23 _

The camera is set up for Cooking With Lion, but Lion is nowhere to be found. Instead, Amethyst is standing next to Steven wearing a chef’s hat. Steven waves at the camera with a spatula, wearing a button up and a red bow tie. A pink apron is tied over his outfit.

“Hi TubeTube! We don’t have much time for pleasantries,” he says, already pulling out ingredients. “We’re in the middle of trying to stop a war.”

Amethyst snorts. “Little dramatic there.”

“If we don’t stop the war, we might never get to go to Fish Stew Pizza or the fry shop ever again!”

“That pizza isn’t even good.”

“But you like the boxes, right?”

Amethyst’s eyes widen. “Oh frick,” she says. She straightens her chef’s hat and cracks her knuckles. “We gotta stop this war.”

Steven nods, determined. “The current plan is to briefly open a restaurant that infringes on both of their shops so they have to work together to stop us and then we’ll only agree to shut down if they stop the war. It’s foolproof.”

“Didn’t your last foolproof plan end up making Ronaldo… like  _ that?” _

“That was a lapse in judgment,” Steven says, pulling out a cutting board. “I do feel kind of bad about that one, though.”

Amethyst picks up a list of something off the counter. “Pizza bagel, that’s easy. You sure that’s enough to make the pizza guy stop the war?”

“Well, he  _ did _ restart the war after I ordered mozzarella sticks, so I think at this point anything vaguely resembling pizza will do it.” Steven opens the fridge and pulls out a tray of dough that’s been shaped into bagels, covered with cling wrap. “I already was planning on trying to make bagels, so I have these prepped already.”

Amethyst nods, impressed. “Nice, dude.”

“I’ll put a link to the recipe in the description,” he says to the camera, “I didn’t really expect to be making a cooking video about it, so I didn’t film any of that yesterday. Also, I was a little busy trying to one-up Kevin and I learned a valuable lesson about life, but that’s whatever. Anyway, bagels.”

Steven opens a cupboard and retrieves a comically large pot, filling it with water and placing it on the stove. “I have a lot of these to get through, so you should start on the fries.”

“We don’t have a deep fryer, do we?” Amethyst thinks for a moment. “Actually, there’s one in Funland, right?”

“I was thinking you could just find Peedee to help,” Steven says. “He wants the war over just as much as we do.” He holds a spoon of some kind of syrup over the pot, letting it drizzle into the water.

“Yeah alright,” she says. “Want me to film it?”

“That would be great, but I only have the one--”

“Nah it’s chill, I got a phone.” Amethyst produces a phone from her pocket. Steven gapes.

“Since when?? You mean I could’ve been texting you this whole time?”

Amethyst shrugs noncommittally. “It never came up. Anyway, see ya,” she says. She puts her phone in her mouth, turns into a bird (phone now clutched in her beak), and flies out the window.

Steven watches her go, still dumbstruck. The water begins to bubble and he blinks, snapping back to reality.

“Um… okay, so… bagels.”

Steven looks down at the pot and then back at the camera. He moves the camera to the side to better capture what he’s doing, then faces it to explain what he’s doing. “Right now I’m preparing the stuff to boil the bagels in. Um,” --he checks a piece of paper that’s taped to the fridge-- “the recipe says bring water, malt syrup, and baking soda to a boil. Oh, preheat the oven!”

He turns a knob on the oven. “That’s four twenty-five degrees Fahrenheit! Two eighteen for you international viewers. Man, this would be way more fun as a Cooking With Lion, but we’re  _ really _ pressed for time here. This war’s been going on  _ all day _ and we already kind of ruined Ronaldo’s relationship?”

He shakes his head. “I checked his blog and things seem like they’re looking up, but I’m not sure. Anyway, the boardwalk is in shambles right now because I accidentally reignited a restaurant war by ordering mozzarella sticks from the fry shop. It’s too bad, because I actually  _ really  _ liked those mozzarella sticks…” Steven trails off for a moment, looking wistful. He shakes his head again. “But it’s not worth whatever this is.”

The water begins to boil. Steven grabs his sheet of bagels and drops a few in. “The recipe says to let them boil for sixty seconds on each side. Seems do-able. Oh! Let’s check in on Amethyst and Peedee!”

Steven glances up from the bagels and winks at the camera. “Take it away, editing Steven!” he says, gesturing to the left. As he does so, a screenwipe transitions to a handheld shot of Amethyst.

She’s jogging down the boardwalk, holding the camera vlogging style. “Sup, Ste-man and Ste-fans,” she says. “Currently trying to get to the fryshop without getting caught up in the war. Man, Steven was  _ not _ kidding about this thing. It’s like a battlefield out here.”

The video freezes briefly as there’s a flash of light. When it unfreezes again, the camera is on the ground with a purple cat standing over it. “Stealth mode,” says cat Amethyst. She holds the phone in her teeth and runs towards the fry shop again.

“Yo Peedee!” she hisses. A boy in a pizza mascot costume turns around. He screams.

“Hey, keep it down. Steven sent me. It’s fry time.”

Peedee stares. Amethyst spits the phone out and transforms back into her normal self offscreen, which only delays the video a little. 

“Yeah,” Peedee says. He blinks hard and nods. “Yeah, okay. Um, one problem. Dad is watching the fryer like a hawk, so we can’t use it.”

A mischievous grin spreads across Amethyst’s face. “Oh no,” she says. “Oh ho ho  _ oh no _ .”

Peedee furrows his brow. Amethyst starts chuckling. “Oh  _ no _ ,”

“What?”

Amethyst rubs her hands together, grinning evilly like she’s about to pull the prank of a lifetime on Pearl. Her voice lowers to a whisper, intense, dramatic, and entirely too gleeful.  _ “I know exactly where we can find another deep fryer.” _

Starwipe. Steven flips a few bagels over in the pot. “This is our last batch,” he says. “Hopefully Amethyst and Peedee will be back with the fries soon so I can show Amethyst how to make both of the dishes.”

The oven dings. Steven takes the bagels out of the pot and places them on a tray, carefully sliding them into the now fully heated oven. He sighs in relief and wipes his forehead.

“This month is just not giving me a break,” he says, slumping over the counter. “There’s been stuff literally  _ every day _ so far. I can’t keep up!”

Steven sighs again and runs a hand through his hair. “Right after Peridot left the other day, I went to the Big Donut to ask about koalas or something, I don’t even remember, but then I woke up  _ as Lars _ and I spent a whole day as Lars and then Connie and I tried to beat Kevin in a race because Dad got the Dondai he’s been wanting and it has a tape deck and it’s really cool and stuff and I was really looking forward to chilling, but then  _ this  _ happened.”

He glances at the clock briefly, then returns his gaze to the camera. He rubs his eyes and rests his head on his hands, letting his eyes drift shut. A heavy sigh escapes him.

“I love helping people, I really do, but this is a  _ lot _ at once. I feel like I’m stretching myself too thin.”

He falls silent for a moment. Then his eyes snap open. “Oh jeez, that was a lot. Um, sorry about that.”

Steven lifts the pot off the stove and pours the water out into the sink. “Did you guys see the new  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ episode? It was crazy! I can’t believe Bothered Bottle got Pining Grapefruit like that! Poor Sniffling Croissant.” A brief flash of panic crosses Steven’s face. “Oh, um, spoilers.”

A screenwipe transitions back to Amethyst and Peedee, now standing at the fence blocking off Funland from trespassers (but not for long).

“Do we need to pick the lock or something?” Peedee asks.

“Nah,” Amethyst says, picking him up and chucking him over the fence.

Peedee yelps. He stands up and rubs his backside. “Hey, that was really dangerous! I could’ve broken something!”

Amethyst leaps over the fence. She shrugs. “I do that to Steven all the time, and his bones are fine.”

Peedee gives her a skeptical look. He turns his gaze to the park ahead. The sun has already set, washing everything in a hazy blue and effectively landing the entire area squarely in uncanny territory. The video quality grows grainy as light dissipates more and more, and Peedee turns on his phone’s flashlight. It illuminates the area in front of them well enough, but only serves to throw the whole scene into looking even more like a survival horror game or found footage film.

Peedee’s already off, calling back over his shoulder. “The deep fryer should be by the food stand!”

Amethyst shushes him, suppressing giggles. “Dude, this is supposed to be a heist!”

Smashcut. The camera is propped up on something to capture the whole scene. Peedee has gotten the fryer started and is unloading potatoes from his bag, handing them off to Amethyst, who eagerly chops them into wedges and then more suitable fry shapes with a sharp cutting knife. Light is fading fast and they’re both moving quickly. Peedee is obviously efficient at his job, and while Amethyst hasn’t spent years working in a fry shop, she  _ does _ enjoy chopping things with sharp knives.

The first batch of fries comes out of the fryer looking crisp and tasty. Amethyst slides them into a plastic bag and repeats this when the second batch is done.

“Heck yeah my guy, high five!” she says, holding out her hand. Peedee obliges, shouldering his backpack. “Make sure to tell your family they’re invited to the grand opening of Steven’s, the hottest new restaurant in town.”

“Yeah, that’s… that’s the plan we agreed on.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Gotta go help Steven make everything.”

Starwipe.

Steven and Amethyst are standing in the kitchen in the same set up as before.

“Alright! Now it’s time for your training, Amethyst!” He claps his hands.

Amethyst claps her hands too. “Yes, chef!”

Steven picks up a fry. “Alright, so the secret to these fries is that they’ll have ketchup  _ inside _ , so we’re going to skewer them with a toothpick to get the middle out and fill them with ketchup.”

He demonstrates what he’s doing to Amethyst, who follows his lead. “Hey, why are you making me the chef and not Pearl? She’s the one who likes rules and stuff.”

“I was going to have her be a waiter, and you’re the only one who really  _ eats _ .” Steven says, filling another fry with ketchup. “Also, the last time she tried to cook was my thirteenth birthday, and I think she has a fundamental misunderstanding of how food works.”

“Wait, you saw that? I thought Garnet saved it with her cake.”

“That was just icing. Also, you guys didn’t get rid of your other attempts before I got home.”

“Ha. Truth.”

Steven sets the fries aside and grabs a bagel. “Okay, the pizza bagel is a little more involved. First, we cut it.” He turns in on its side and slices it down the middle. “Then we spread tomato sauce on each half with a spoon. Don’t forget the cream cheese, too.”

Amethyst dutifully follows his instructions, sprinkling shredded cheese on top, along with a few other toppings. 

“Now we put it in the oven for five minutes!”

A screenwipe made to look like a clock ticking signifies time passing. Garnet is in the kitchen now, dressed in a tux. She pulls the tray of pizza bagels out of the oven using her gauntlets as baking mitts.

“Those look great!” Steven says. “Training is complete. You can eat those if you want, Amethyst.”

“Aw yeah!!” Amethyst says, pouring the tray into her mouth and eating both bagels in a single bite.

“We have a few minutes before they get here, so we should decorate real quick.”

A short decorating montage follows. A cheery 8-bit tune plays as shots of Amethyst hanging star-shaped lights, Pearl setting out table cloths, and Garnet rigging up a sound system go by. Steven holds up a cardboard sign reading “Steven’s” triumphantly.

Starwipe. Steven is holding the camera to his face, smiling. “It worked! We stopped the war with the power of teamwork and cooperation.”

Offscreen, Pearl says, “Those are the same things,” at the same time Amethyst says, “Don’t forget illegal heists!”

Steven giggles. “I can’t believe that was the  _ least _ stressful day I’ve had this month.” He smiles. “That’s all I have for you today! Thanks so much for watching. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

**4342 views ・ 2452 likes ・ 20 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 2462 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 442

**Hannahdoodle100**

too bad that restaurant was only created to stop a restaurant war cause id totally eat there

> **The_boss_900**
> 
> right?? cream cheese on a pizza bagel is not something i wouldve thought of and it sounds heavenly

**ReconNow**

Steven and Amethyst were chefs and Pearl was a waiter, so what exactly was Garnet’s job?

> **grand_tangerine**
> 
> maybe she was another waiter? she took the stuff out of the oven so maybe she was a chef
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> a chef in a tux?
> 
> **Neklie_Reads**
> 
> steven was wearing a button up as a chef 
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> yeah but thats steven
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> Manager.
> 
> \- G
> 
> **BuzzleBee**
> 
> woah really? (also miss garnet i love you you’re so cool)
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i think she might’ve actually just wanted to wear a cool suit but i’m glad she helped (this is steven btw garnet just wanted to say the one word)

**Loogia**

steven sounds so stressed :(

> **Marf0g**
> 
> If everyone chips in one dollar we can get him therapy
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> He doesn’t need us to chip in he’s rich now
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> Oh yeah I forgot about that

**Andovia212**

Did my mans mention KEVIN? I thought we told that fool not to show his mug round these here parts ever again

> **Hamilton**
> 
> *cracks knuckles* Guess the Steven Protection Squad’s gotta roll out
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> let’s go girls

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

There’s a lot to unpack here like did Steven just admit he has bodyswap powers? Has this boy had a nap in the past week

> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> Ah, you must be new around here. once steven said he went to the moon and no one even mentioned it in the comments cause we just love fixating on one random detail. but also yeah what the heck is up with the bodyswap stuff i need some more info on that

**salamanderfantasy**

another video, another law broken by amethyst

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why all the chapters about filler episodes end up being way longer than anticipated but here we are
> 
> remember to comment if you want to be a commenter on steven's videos!


	27. The Big Donut's New Business Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven reviews a new(ish) feature at the Big Donut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fellas! this chapter's kind of a little sad i promise it'll calm down a bit in the angst department in a bit but we gotta plant the seeds for mindful education and future amiright

**The Big Donut’s New Business Model**

_ published August 25 _

“Hi TubeTube!” Steven says. The video is in the classic set-up of his bedroom, facing Steven’s bed head on. He has a paper bag in one hand and his sandals are laying discarded on the floor.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done just a normal review video. Things have  _ really _ only gotten crazier since my last upload. I’ve been helping Kiki with these weird pizza nightmares and I just got my healing powers back and today Lapis and Dad and I went on a boat trip that didn’t really end well, but I have some free time today, so I thought I’d address something.”

Steven holds up the paper bag, a logo of a donut now visible. “The Big Donut’s making fresh donuts now! I mean, they’ve  _ been _ making fresh donuts for a bit. I think they started on like, the eighteenth? It was when I got back from the barn, at least.”

He pulls a chocolate donut out of the bag and holds it up to the light, surveying it. “I think Lars made this one. You can usually tell by how the frosting looks.” Steven frowns. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure this one was Lars.”

Steven slides off the bed and holds the donut up to the camera, putting a palm behind it to help the camera focus, like a beauty guru. The chocolate icing is completely smooth. Its edges are wavy like it was piped onto the donut with an icing bag in perfectly controlled strokes: the mark of an experienced cake decorator. 

“I think Sadie dips the donuts in chocolate because there’s always a little peak in the middle and the edges aren’t always even, but Lars does it with a bag. It’s cool! You’d think it’d be the other way around because Lars never seems to want to go to work, but he obviously cares a lot about making donuts!”

Steven takes a bite, an expression of pure bliss crossing his face. “Wow…”

He takes another bite before remembering he’s filming a video. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swallows, grinning at the camera. “I’ve always loved the Big Donut, but now I can’t imagine  _ not _ having fresh donuts there every day. They’re so good!” Steven sits back down on his bed. “Well, they’re better when they’re still warm, but I wanted to wait to eat it until I was filming. You know, review style.”

Outside, the sun is starting to set. Steven glances out the window for a moment, rubbing his eyes and wincing when his hand catches his cheek. He’s gotten some sun recently, resulting in a sunburn across his cheeks and nose like a permanent blush, as well as a less intense but still fairly pink burn on his arms. The dark circles under his eyes don’t seem to be going away any time soon. In fact, they seem to be even darker than they were in past videos.

Steven blinks, shakes his head, and looks back at the camera. “Um, anyway… these fresh donuts are really fluffy and sweet, and really soft! Buttery, too, which is fun. Definitely worth a try.”

A thought occurs to Steven and he falters. “Um, I just realized that none of you live in Beach City and you won’t be able to try these.”

Steven furrows his brow, mouth open in discomfort. Then he squeezes his eyes shut, shakes his head, and plasters on a shiny smile. “That’s fine! That’s fine. Sorry, I don’t know if Big Donut is a chain, and I don’t know if they all make fresh donuts. Um. I don’t really have time to make another… video…”

His voice trails off again. He looks nervous, bordering on anxiety. It only lasts for a moment, though, quickly replaced by a giggle and a grin. “Sorry! This unrelatable video will have to do for now. I really don’t have enough time. I still have to help Kiki with her dream tonight and tomorrow Connie is coming with Pearl and I on a mission.”

Steven’s eyes get wide in excitement. “Connie’s first mission! I’m super stoked, it’s gonna be great! We’re going up to the Great North to find some corrupted gems and stuff.”

He takes a bite of his donut. “Oh right, the donut. Um, I’m not sure what else to say. They’re really, really good. It’s so nice to go down to the Big Donut and get a little break from everything that’s been going on. It’s… a lot.”

For the third time, something unreadable crosses his face, but he doesn’t brush it off as quickly. He swallows, uncomfortable, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “I’m just so  _ tired _ . I think-- I think a lot of it is because of the dream warrior thing right now, but there’s a lot to keep track of. Like, Jasper’s still out there somewhere and we have no idea where. We could run into her at any moment, and it’s scary. I just-- I try not to think about it.”

Steven blinks and looks up. “Oh jeez, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to-- this is a review video, not a life update. Sorry. Um, if you’re anywhere near the Beach City area, stop by the Big Donut and grab a fresh donut! It’s  _ so  _ worth it. Oh, and don’t forget to stop by the fry shop and Fish Stew Pizza and Funland and Suitcase Sam’s and It’s a Wash while you’re at it! Always support local businesses when you can!”

Steven rubs his eye, suppressing a yawn. He finishes the donut and flashes a peace sign at the camera. “That’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks so much for watching! We’ve had like, a huge increase in subscribers recently and I wanted to thank you guys for it, so I’m thinking about doing a special video a little bit down the line. Um, don’t forget to like and leave a comment as well! Have a nice rest of your day! I love you, bye!”

**5243 views ・ 2925 likes ・ 19 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 3197 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 496

**MayorOfCanTown**

it’s so cute how steven can tell who made the donut just by looking at it :’)

> **Beeknee**
> 
> he’s so precious we love our son
> 
> **Strawberrus0da**
> 
> Do we need to break out the adoption papers or is he just our collective son
> 
> **Strawbits**
> 
> We can all have shared custody
> 
> **gayzula**
> 
> ok good cause i was ready to fight for my right to legally adopt steven
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Nah we’re all a family unit here. That’s the Universe brand

**redrockbluerock**

Does Steven know what sunscreen is?

**maybeapples**

Steven seems to have a lot on his shoulders. You don’t have to upload a video every day if you’re busy, kiddo, we understand

> **softasawhisper**
> 
> I hope he’s not stretching himself too thin :(

**Unnecessary_Business**

So when you say helping Kiki with dreams… do you mean like give her sleeping pills and lavender scented sheets or some magic stuff?

> **FermiBubbleParadox**
> 
> I thought it was the first one and then he said dream warrior and I don’t know what that means
> 
> **Undertheriverstyx**
> 
> Well we already know he can apparently bodyswap so I think that him actually going into dreams isn’t too much of a stretch
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> ok i hope this doesn’t throw too much of a wrench in things but like i know aliens are real and stuff but like… do aliens have telepathy cause the whole mind power thing is a whole different ballgame
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say Steven is an empath or a telepath because of the nature of his healing powers and previous mentions of dream powers. Besides, telepathy is historically a trait associated with aliens, and that had to have come from somewhere, right?
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yeah, i can go into her dreams and fight off her inner cheese demons
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> y’all steven is telepathic that’s so cool i love our son

**TheZRex25**

so help me if kevin is the one causing stress to our boy i’ll kill him myself

> **SadStatueofLiberty**
> 
> He said Jasper, so I’m assuming we have to take Jasper down too
> 
> **TheZRex25**
> 
> oh yeah that too

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that special video to celebrate subscribers is in fact a q&a, which means i'm going to need questions from you guys! you can leave questions in the comments for garnet, amethyst, pearl, steven, and connie! (i can't guarantee all of the questions will be used but i'll try my absolute best! i also don't know if the q&a will be the immediate next chapter but it'll definitely be very soon)


	28. Q&A with the Gems and Connie! (5000 SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes your questions and turns them, alchemy-like, into wisdom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry this is so late in the day in my defense i was procrastinating
> 
> also this chapter is pretty dialogue-heavy but you guys KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK with all of your questions so i tried to use all of them!

**Q &A with the Gems and Connie! (5000 SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL)**

_published September 4_

Steven is standing in his living room with the camera very close to his face. “Hi TubeTube!! It hasn’t actually been that long but a _lot_ of stuff happened in the past week, and when I was finally able to check my sub count I realized I like, _rocketed_ up in subscribers. I think we’re at four thousand and something?”

He laughs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what happened! I think one of my videos was trending for a little bit? Peridot told me she saw clips of the restaurant video going around on Cheeper and it was a meme for a while? I didn’t see any of that because I was super busy.”

The camera shakes as Steven props it up on the kitchen counter. “It’s too much to get into right now and it’s kind of heavy so I don’t want to weigh down the celebratory mood we’ve got going on, but the short of it is we bubbled Jasper and then we went back to the moon and then I got stuck in a bubble in space for a bit but everything’s chill now so I wanted to make this Q&A for you guys! I asked you to ask me questions on Cheeper and you guys sent in a lot, so I have Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, and Connie with me today!”

Steven backs away from the camera to reveal all of the aforementioned friends sitting on the couch behind him. Connie and Pearl wave while Amethyst throws up a peace sign. Garnet points a finger gun at the camera and makes a clicking sound.

Steven sits next to Connie, who pulls out a tablet. “Do you want to read the questions or should I?” she asks.

“We can trade off later,” he says. Connie nods and opens an application.

“Okay, this one is from Hamilton, who asks: ‘In a video a while back, you mentioned going to the moon? Care to elaborate?”

Steven laughs. “Right! I forgot I said that. Okay, um… So there’s these structures all around the planet that the Homeworld Gems made a really long time ago and there’s one on the moon. We had to go there to find where the Cluster was.”

Connie nods, then scrolls down. “This next one is from StrawberruS0da. They ask-- oh, this one’s for Amethyst! Amethyst, what--” Connie bursts out laughing. She covers her mouth, trying to steel herself. “Sorry, sorry, um, StrawberruS0da asks: what limits will you” --she giggles again-- “will you reach in eating things not for human consumption? Asking for a friend”

Pearl groans and hides her face in her hands while Amethyst descends into ugly laughter. The ghost of a smile forms on Garnet’s face. “I don’t care about anyone else, StrawberruS0da gets _me_ ,” Amethyst says with a snort. “I don’t think I _have_ limits, dude.”

To prove her point, she snatches a discarded plate off the table and takes a bite. The plastic dish snaps with a sound that most definitely peaked the audio levels and her teeth crunch the shards in what one could assume eating bones would sound like. Connie watches in fascination. Steven is relatively unfazed. Just a normal Tuesday in the Universe household.

“Wow, that guy who ate a plane has _nothing_ on Amethyst!” Connie says.

“Wait, some dude ate a _plane?_ Like, a _human?”_ Amethyst says, shocked.

“Yeah, but it took him a really long time and most people can’t even eat a _toy_ plane without having to go to the emergency room.”

Amethyst frowns and crosses her arms. “I can’t believe this. I have a _brand._ ” She thinks for a moment, then shrugs. “I guess I just have to show him up.”

“This next one is from blissfall, who asks: ‘You casually mention going to these really far places like the moon and the great north? How do you get there so fast?’”

Pearl’s eyes light up and she waves her hand. “Oh, I can answer this one!”

A beam of light shines from the gem on her forehead and turns into a holographic projection of a diagram, almost like an educational animated video. It depicts a warp pad, such as the one in Steven’s house. The camera only glitches for a brief moment.

“Gems use warp technology to travel instantaneously from location to location when travel by foot would be inconvenient. There are warp pads all over the planet at different Gem structures and locations.”

A holographic image of the planet appears, with dots showing wear each warp is located. “Only Gems can activate warp pads, and the ones on Earth can only go to other places on Earth. All warps to other worlds have been inactive.”

The hologram shuts off. Pearl smiles.

Steven claps. “Woo! I love when you do that, it’s so cool.”

Pearl’s cheeks flush blue. “Aw, thank you Steven.”

“Here’s another question for you, Steven!” Connie says. “Bumblewish wants to know your feelings about Jasper.”

Steven winces. “Um… so, Jasper’s a bit of a touchy subject right now. She’s a Homeworld Gem, so she’s not really… on our side, I guess, but she was trapped here, so she was really angry. I feel bad for her.”

Amethyst sighs, blowing a lock of hair out of her eyes with a huff. “I feel that.”

Steven fiddles with his hands uncomfortably for a moment. “Hey, why don’t I read the next few questions?”

Connie smiles. “Yeah, go for it,” she says, handing the tablet over to him. Steven scrolls through their list, getting a feel for the questions, and then scrolls back up, grinning as he sees the next one.

“Connie, Myrterix wants to know your favorite thing about each Crystal Gem!”

Connie blushes. “There’s a question for me?”

“Yeah, of course!”

She blinks, and her expression morphs into a grin. “Favorite thing about each Gem, huh? Well..” she looks around the room at each of them. “Garnet is really calm and collected, and very grounded, which I appreciate a lot! I also enjoy her sense of humor.”

Garnet gives a small laugh. “Garnet, master of comedy.”

“Amethyst, you’re really fun to be around and I like your laid-back attitude.”

Amethyst throws up a peace sign.

“Pearl’s a great teacher and she’s very patient. She’s really cool and I look forward to sword training every week!”

Pearl blushes. “Connie, how sweet!”

Steven scrolls down. “Nice! Okay, the next question is from--”

“Hey, I’m not done yet,” Connie says. “You’re a Crystal Gem, too.”

Steven blinks. “Oh. Oh yeah!” A smile spreads across his face. 

“Steven, you’re my best friend. You’re so nice and helpful and passionate, and I love spending time with you!”

Steven’s smile grows wider. “Thanks, Connie! You’re my best friend, too!”

Amethyst leans over to Garnet and whispers something in her ear, looking over her shoulder at Connie and Steven. Garnet snorts.

“Okay, this next question is from Writer_of_the_Dragons, who asks: ‘You clearly have many awesome moms, but who do you go to for what? Like who's the one you go to for homework help, for life advice, to hide the bodies, et cetera?’”

Steven thinks for a moment, tapping his finger on his knee. “I guess the Gems would be my moms in this instance. First things first, um…” He leans over to Connie and whispers, “Do you know what homework is?”

She says something in his ear and he nods. “Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, so… Pearl would probably help me with homework if I had any, and I’d definitely go to Garnet for life advice. As for the last thing…”

“Oh, I’d help you hide the bodies,” Amethyst says. Steven blanches and whips his head around to face her.

“What?”

“That’s what the last thing was, right? If you killed someone, I’d help you hide the body. I ain’t no snitch.”

Steven’s eyes are wide and he shakes his head. “No, no, I wouldn’t kill anyone!”

“It’s just a hypothetical, dude,” Amethyst says. Steven huffs.

“I know, but--”

“What about Kevin?” Connie says. “I’d help you hide the body there.”

Steven considers this, brow furrowing in concentration. “...Yeah, okay. Yeah, I get it. I mean, we kind of learned a life lesson about Kevin but also if I needed to… Yeah, Amethyst would help hide the bodies.”

Steven scrolls through the list of questions again. He frowns. “Wow, a _lot_ of people asked the same thing.”

Connie leans over his shoulder to look. “What is it?”

“Um, Strawbits and MayorOfCanTown and LLS and a few other people all asked if I’d thought of therapy? That’s where you talk about your problems and stuff, right?”

Connie nods. Steven frowns. “Well, that’s very nice that you guys are concerned, but I’ve got everything under control! Garnet just helped Connie and me with some meditation stuff and it’s all good. Um, the next question is from jolly_ranchers_boy, who asks: ‘To Steven and Connie, if possible, can you please explain more about Stevonnie and who they are. Thank you!’ We also got a similar question from booksforlife406.”

“Stevonnie is a fusion of Steven and me,” Connie says. “I’m not really sure how it works.”

“Garnet, do you want to explain?” Steven asks, leaning towards her in what looks like a pretty dangerous fashion. He bats his eyelids.

Garnet chuckles and adjusts her shades. “Fusion is something Gems can do when they’re in sync with each other. It’s the manifestation of their combined personalities and of their relationship. Typically, Gems can’t fuse with humans, but Steven is half human. He can fuse with both Gems and humans.”

“Garnet’s the fusion expert because she _is_ a fusion! Ruby and Sapphire are fused all the time because they love each other so much. Um, yeehaw wants to know how old the Gems are and FermiBubbleParadox wants to know why we’re fighting Gems and if the rest are evil.”

Amethyst shrugs. “We’re fighting Gems because they’re wack.”

Pearl huffs. “What she means by that is there was an incident thousands of years ago that left Gems on Earth in a state of corruption. We bubble them to keep them safe. As for the rest of the Gems…”

“Homeworld Gems are kind of mean and want to turn the Earth into a colony. Well, they did, but now they just want to blow it up with the Cluster, but we fixed that already,” Steven says.

“As far as age goes, we’re much older than any human. Garnet and I are thousands of years old, and Amethyst is a few hundred years younger than us,” Pearl explains.

“And I’m fourteen! Fecyr.. uh, I’m not sure how to pronounce this. Um, Fecyrineu? Yeah. Fecyrineu asks: ‘Not to be rude, but what exactly are you and the Crystal Gems? Also, this stuff about Homeworld. Is that something that we should be concerned about? I'd like to know if an alien invasion will happen soon or not. Any alien-related safety tips that we should know? Also, what's your favorite donut flavor?’”

“We got the Homeworld stuff on lockdown, don’t worry about it,” Amethyst says.

“The Crystal Gems have a long history. Currently, we stand against Homeworld and will protect the Earth from harm,” says Garnet.

“And my favorite donut flavor is frosted with sprinkles! Pink frosting specifically,” Steven says. “Connie, wanna read the next batch?”

“Sure!” she says, and takes the tablet. “ReconNow has two questions. The first one is ‘Hey Garnet, you're my fav! Can you tell me how I can be as cool as you?’ and the second is ‘Steven, how much sleep do you get?’”

“No one can be as cool as me,” Garnet says, “but you can come close if you keep up the calm, mysterious persona.”

“It also helps if your voice is absolutely dripping with gravitas,” Connie adds. Garnet laughs.

“I think I get a healthy amount of sleep,” Steven says. “I’ve just been busy. I got a full night’s sleep last night!”

“Oh, that’s great!” Connie says.

“Full six hours!”

“Oh. That’s. Um,” Connie scrolls down. “How about another question? This one’s from Andovia212 who asks, ‘You mentioned you can float then didn't say anything more-- how does that whole thing work? And, Connie, did you have fun on your first gem mission?’ I did have fun! It was kind of scary because Jasper showed up and I think I could’ve performed better, but it was still fun in the end. Steven?”

Steven shifts so he’s sitting cross-legged. He rereads the question over Connie’s shoulder. “Floating! That’s controlled by my emotions! You know how when you’re really happy, you feel all floaty? It’s like that, but in real life.”

“Okay, next is from gayzula who asks, ‘Love the lore and story so far. How do you make special effects look so realistic?’”

“Lore?” Pearl says.

“They look realistic because they’re real. Next question,” Garnet says.

“Um… entropy_muffin asks, ‘Why does the square lady sound British?’ and lostinbooks asks ‘What came first, you or Britain?’”

“This is just the gravitas,” Garnet says. She does not elaborate.

“Alright, next is from aRoseInSky who asks, ‘Hey Steven, I had noticed a lot of your videos were made on school days. How do you have the time to make them?’”

“I don’t go to school,” Steven says. He reads over Connie’s shoulder again. “Oh, sadstatueofliberty asks what the most exciting part of Connie’s mission was and what advice I’d give to my younger self.”

“There weren’t any explosions but we did get attacked by two Gem monsters and also Jasper, so it was pretty exciting all around.”

“I’d tell myself not to be as annoying and stuff. I rewatched a really old video earlier this week and it was a little embarrassing.”

“There’s a lot of short ones for you, Steven. I’ll just read them all in a row, I guess. Lostinbooks asks, ‘What would your ideal day be like?’, softasawhisper asks, ‘What is something you are looking forward to doing that is specifically for yourself? Something friend related with Connie, maybe?’, rosewitchx asks, ‘What is your favorite genre of music to play?’ and Hope_Loneheart wants to know if you’d go on a cross-country road trip if you could.”

Steven blinks. He takes the tablet from Connie and reads over the questions again. “Wow, that’s a bunch! Um…” He scrolls through the questions again. “My ideal day is spending time with friends and getting snacks from the Big Donut and maybe writing a new song! Something I’m looking forward to doing that’s specifically for me… I haven’t…” 

Steven frowns and runs a hand through his hair. “I haven’t thought about that in a while, um… I’d probably go on an adventure with Connie and maybe have a picnic! My favorite genre of music to play is anything that’s cheerful that you can dance to. Cross-country roadtrip sounds fun, but I don’t know if I’d want to spend that much time away from Beach City. It’s my home! I love it here too much.”

Connie nods, smiling at him the whole time he talks. He turns to her with a dizzying grin when he finishes answering and she brushes a piece of hair behind her ear as she looks for the next question, a light blush dusted across her cheeks. “Here’s one for all the Crystal Gems from idk kitty: ‘What were all of your original purposes or what were you for originally?’”

Pearl winces. Amethyst suddenly becomes very interested in the couch.

“Whatever we were originally made for doesn’t matter now,” Garnet says. “Why don’t you find another question?”

“Right. Um, wow, a lot of people are telling Steven to take a nap. Tassy_R says you should take a break, um…”

“Really?” Steven takes the tablet. “Sugardevil says, ‘Steven, you seem to have a lot on your shoulders! You good buddy? Maybe you should talk to ur parents or something... like your dad, or your…’” He trails off. “Um, ‘or your mom.’”

Steven swallows. “Hey, I really appreciate your concern, but I’m doing fine. Thanks, though.”

The atmosphere is tense as Steven searches for the next question. “Lostinbooks sent in a lot,” he says, finally. “Amethyst, what’s your favorite shapeshifting form to use and Pearl, what’s your favorite thing about Steven?”

In response, Amethyst turns into a cat, curls up on the sofa, and passes out. Pearl stares at her blankly for a moment, then turns to Steven. “I love how much you care about the people around you. You’re very inspiring.”

“Aw, thanks! The last one we have time for is from Lvl9000YadrewDruid: ‘What’s your go-to karaoke song?’”

Amethyst, still in cat form, sits bolt upright. “I have a karaoke song book in my room.”

Steven’s eyes light up. “Please go get it!”

Amethyst takes off like a shot. A starwipe transitions to a different angle of the living room. A karaoke machine has been plugged in, and Pearl is typing a song into the tablet. The camera is shaking slightly, held by Connie. An instrumental version of “Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” starts playing.

“Connie, the song’s starting!” Steven says.

“Actually, you guys just go on ahead.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine. Someone’s gotta hold the camera, right?”

Steven looks skeptical, but nods. “Oh. Alright.”

Steven starts singing along to the music while Pearl accompanies him with the tambourine. Amethyst grabs a second microphone and jumps on the coffee table to add backup vocals and Connie suppresses a surprised giggle. After Garnet and Pearl provide a verse, Steven says, “Connie, come on! The best part’s coming up!”

She’s hesitant, but gives in to Steven’s encouragement and belts out the final verse with all the showmanship of a true performer.

“Connie, what a finale!” Pearl says, delighted. The rest of the Gems congratulate her, and she accepts the praise graciously.

And then the song starts again.

“Uh, Pearl? How many times did you enter the song number before hitting start?” Amethyst asks.

Pearl blushes. “Probably about fifteen times?”

“Encore!” Connie yells.

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting on his bed, holding the camera vlogger style. “Hey! I just wanted to thank you guys again for your continued support of me. I’m adding this outro because during the filming of this video, we hit five thousand! You’re all so lovely and I love reading all your wonderful comments. This Q&A was super fun!”

He laughs, blushing. “It’s crazy, I didn’t think I’d ever get this far so quickly. Thank you all so much!”

Steven smiles. “That’s all I have for you today. Have a nice day, and I love you! Bye!”

**6734 views ・ 4251 likes ・ 20 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 5013 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 569

**gayzula**

i’d like to formally apologize for the arg question i sent in i though it would be funny

> **Hamilton**
> 
> And you were right
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> forget everyone else i respect YOU

**Beeknee**

OUR BOY IS AT 5K WE DID IT!

> **Kittyinkypaws**
> 
> I can’t believe we’ve come so far!
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Next stop: 1 mil
> 
> **Grumpy_Potato**
> 
> I bet we could get there pretty fast

**blissfall**

can we talk about how steven apparently went BACK to the moon? legend behavior. iconic. this kid has accomplished leagues more than our government and he’s 14

**fantasychica37**

My girl Connie absolutely killing those vocals what a queen I love her

> **Laemon**
> 
> I want a band that’s just Steven + The Crystal Gems + Connie
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> I WOULD LISTEN TO THEM CONSTANTLY OMG

**KingOfWhispers**

This video just cemented how cool Garnet is but also I want to hang out with Amethyst even more now

**Marf0g**

Steven I’m so proud of you this is like watching my own child graduate from college

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> aw thanks so much! im proud of u too!
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> omg king <3

**The_boss_900**

stevenquartzuniverse is the only channel on tubetube

**idk kitty**

lostinbooks really coming through in the questions department

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> thanks I try
> 
> **idk kitty**
> 
> you’re my hero

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been wanting to do a q&a with the gem karaoke short at the end since i started this fic  
> don't expect the million subscriber special too soon i have Plans for that one and we got some more stuff to get through but the good (bad?) news is that it's about to get Real (season 4 time babey)
> 
> also there's like multiple mcelroy references in here and i don't even know if this is the right crowd for it but i couldn't stop adding them in (i also had to stop myself from adding like 15 comments where the punchline was "omg king <3" cause i just think it's so funny which is unrelated but i had to say something about it cause im dying. expect a surplus of omg king comments in the future)
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section of steven's videos!


	29. pearl just drove us to a rock show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven documents the aftermath of a car chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's a bit shorter but last one out of beach city is my all time favorite su episode so i just had to do a chapter for it!

**pearl just drove us to a rock show**

_ published September 17 _

Steven is standing at the back of a crowd next to Amethyst. His hair looks windswept and his cheeks are flushed. Music is blasting, making it incredibly difficult to hear Steven’s words, despite him shouting.“Hi guys!” he yells, “We’re at a Mike Krol concert right now!”

Amethyst slings an arm over Steven’s shoulder and grins. Her next words are bleeped out. “---- yeah, dude! Tonight  _ rules!” _

Steven gasps. “Amethyst! You can’t say that in my video.”

“Ha, sorry dude,” she says without sincerity. “I’m gonna go hang with the  _ cool _ crowd.”

“You mean Pearl?”

“No,” Amethyst says, then pauses. “Well, maybe. She  _ did _ gun it from the cops. Later, brah.” She tosses up a peace sign and walks off. Steven watches her go and turns back to the camera.

“It’s probably too loud for you guys to hear, huh? Um...” Steven looks over his shoulder and makes his way further out from the crowd. “Okay, so tonight Pearl and I were gonna hang out and then Amethyst couldn’t go to her rock show so we all went and we met a mysterious pink haired lady.”

Steven turns the camera around and zooms in on a woman who’s leaning against the side of the house, nodding her head to the beat of the music. She’s too far away to make out any details of her face, but her pink hair is visible. The camera turns back around.

“I don’t know how many of you guys know Mike Krol, but his music is pretty cool! Definitely worth the trip.”

“Steven?” Pearl says offscreen. Steven glances up at her but doesn’t turn the camera around. “Have you seen Amethyst? If we’re going to get back before it’s too late, we need to find a way to get some gas to the car now.”

“Hey, do you guys need some help? My buddy Ian has some spare gas and I can give you a ride back to your car,” someone says, also offscreen. Steven turns the camera around.

A bald man with ripped sleeves is holding up his car keys. Pearl smiles. “Thank you, that would be lovely. Let me find our other friend first, and then we’ll take you up on that offer.”

Pearl motions for Steven to follow her and disappears into the crowd, heading in the direction Amethyst had left earlier. Steven switches the camera to capture his face and he grabs Pearl’s hand.

“Are you sure that’s safe? You know, getting in the car with a stranger? I feel like I’ve been told about stranger danger or something.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine. We’re Gem warriors, we can defend ourselves against some humans if we have to. Besides, we really  _ do _ need to return Greg’s car.”

Steven nods. “Oh, there she is! Amethyst!” he yells, waving frantically. He faces the camera. “See you guys in a sec,” he says.

Starwipe. They’re standing behind a billboard in front of a Dondai. The man from before is talking to Pearl, who’s clutching a folded up pair of high-waisted jeans and a leather jacket to her chest. A different man wearing a blue hoodie (presumably Ian) is loading up the Dondai’s tank with gas. Amethyst is sitting on top of the car and chatting with him animatedly. Steven lingers on this scene for a moment before turning the camera around to talk.

“Okay, so just to catch you guys up, after we got to the show we ran out of gas. We just met these guys Howie and Ian and they were super nice and gave us a ride and stuff. Howie says he’s been listening to Mike Krol ever since the very first album and he’s been going to house shows with Ian since he was in middle school!”

Steven frowns. “I don’t really know what the difference between middle school and normal school is, but I didn’t want to be weird so I just nodded. Um, Ian said he lives really close to Beach City and his partner Rebecca is also a fan but couldn’t come tonight.”

Offscreen, Amethyst laughs at something Ian said. Steven smiles and watches them for a moment before returning his gaze to the camera. “It’s pretty late now. Eleven thirty, I think? It doesn’t feel late, but it probably will once we get in the car. That’s usually when I get tired.”

Jumpcut. The camera is sitting in the backseat. There’s a click as Steven puts his seatbelt on and the camera is jostled as he picks it up. In the front, Pearl turns the ignition and the car comes to life. Amethyst gives a whoop. She leans out the window and yells, “Thanks dudes!” at Ian and Howie.

Steven waves at them as the car pulls out from behind the sign and turns onto the road, then turns to face the camera again. The radio plays faintly in the background.

“Hm… I hope I don’t get a copyright strike for using the radio music. I haven’t gotten any for my other videos yet, but you never know…”

“You’ll probably learn to drive in this car,” Pearl notes. “I can’t see you driving Greg’s van around.”

“That’s a while away, though, isn’t it? We’ve got other stuff to take care of before driving,” Steven says.

“It’s only two years until you’re sixteen. That’s the typical age for humans to get their license.”

“Yeah, and you gotta have your learner’s permit first for like, a whole year,” Amethyst adds.

Steven raises his eyebrows, incredulous. “Why do you know so much about how learning to drive works? You didn’t know what to do if you were pulled over.”

Pearl hums. “When you were little, we did some research on human children and teenagers. There was an incident with a blizzard and we realized we didn’t know the first thing about humans, so we tried our best to help Greg out.”

“Jury’s still out on whether or not we did a good job,” Amethyst says with a giggle.

Steven glances to the side and notices something sitting next to him in the backseat. “Oh!” He picks up the leather jacket Pearl was holding earlier. “On our way here, Pearl got a cool makeover.”

“I put on a jacket and some pants, Steven, I’d hardly call it a makeover,” Pearl says over her shoulder.

“It  _ was _ a bit of a shake up from your normal aesthetic, though,” Amethyst says. “I think that qualifies as a makeover. Plus, it totally rocked.”

“Yeah, it was super cool!”

Pearl scoffs and waves them off, but her voice is fond. “Yeah, yeah.”

Steven goes to put the jacket on, but the sleeves are too thin for him. He frowns.

“What’d you think of the show, P?”

“It was very… loud.”

“Ha, truth.”

“I think I liked it. It’s not a style of music I was familiar with.”

Steven grins. “It totally works for you, though!”

Pearl laughs. “Sure, Steven.”

They sit in silence for a moment, letting the radio play. Pearl speaks up first. “You know, I’m not opposed to the jacket.”

“You should totally wear jackets more often!” Steven says. “It looked so good!”

Amethyst’s words are bleeped out again. “---- yeah, P! Rock that punk look!”

“Amethyst!” Pearl gasps. “Steven’s in the car!”

“He’s fourteen, he can handle it.”

Steven purses his lips. “I guess I gotta find a censor beep sound effect now,” he says, mostly to himself.”

“---- that, don’t try to silence my brilliance.”

_ “Amethyst!”  _ Pearl screeches.

Steven’s shriek of laughter is abruptly cut off by the transition to the next scene.

He’s sitting on his bed (in the typical TubeTube video set-up) in banana yellow pajamas. “In this last bit, I just wanted to do a quick review on the show!” he says. “Amethyst played a few songs on the way there, but it was mostly my first exposure to Mike Krol. It’s a different style of music than my dad used to play and definitely a different style than I usually listen to, but I really liked it! It made me want to be in a band.”

He taps his finger on his chin, glancing up at the ceiling as he thinks. “Buck’s been taking guitar lessons and Sour Cream’s a DJ… I wonder if Jenny plays an instrument…”

Steven shakes his head and looks back at the camera. “Amethyst said Mike Krol has a ‘garage vibe’ which is a really good way of putting it! I already downloaded a few songs,” he says, reaching to grab his phone. He pauses, realizing his phone is what’s recording right now. “Uh, once second,” he says with a sheepish smile.

Jumpcut. “Okay, the ones I downloaded are ‘Like a Star’ and ‘Fifteen Minutes’, which are the ones Amethyst played for us. I think it’s not everyone’s favorite style of music, but if you like anything like it, you’ll probably enjoy at least those ones!”

Steven glances at the alarm clock behind him, which reads 12:17 AM. “I should probably get some sleep now. Sorry this video was kind of all over the place! I didn’t expect to go to a show and I definitely didn’t expect to make a video about going to a show. But thanks for watching anyways! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

**6923 views ・ 4364 likes ・ 23 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 5376 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 573

**s0ng_0f_st0rms**

try as you might but Amethyst cannot be silenced

**TrueKindaLove19**

Anyone else DYING to see Pearl’s cool punk outfit???

> **grand_tangerine**
> 
> ikr?? steven you can’t just show us that dope leather jacket and NOT show us what pearl looks like wearing the whole fit
> 
> **salamanderfantasy**
> 
> leather jacket plus mom jeans? sign me up

**merveeille**

sorry back up did amethyst just say pearl gunned it from the cops????

> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> That’s legend behavior right there!!
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> nothing but respect for MY queen
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> pearl wants me to say that you shouldn’t break the law unless there’s a really good reason guys
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> So why’d she gun it from the cops? If she had a good reason
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> she wanted to impress a cool girl with pink hair
> 
> **redrockbluerock**
> 
> OH NICE LOVE THAT
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> WHAT DID I SAY! NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR MY QUEEN

**laineybird**

Thinking about Steven learning to drive is really weird

> **mell**
> 
> we all thought he was 8 for so long im having a hard time adjusting to him getting his license
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> is he… tall enough?
> 
> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> maybe he’ll have a growth spurt?
> 
> **teapods**
> 
> That’d be one pretty intense growth spurt
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Maybe one day he’ll wake up and be really tall and have a neck
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SAY THAT??
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no that’s actually happened before actually so i wouldn’t dismiss it as a possibility
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> OMG KING??? <3

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what happened in the comment section it just got out of hand  
> also can you tell i have no idea how people review music
> 
> remember to leave a comment if you want your name to be a part of the chaotic comment section!


	30. Bonding Time! (sleepovers and family dinners!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven spends some time with some family members he hasn't seen in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....i forgot it was wednesday

**Bonding Time! (sleepovers and family dinners!)**

_published November 13_

Steven’s camera is on the floor. Steven himself is sitting on his knees in front of his bed, his cheeseburger backpack propped up next to him. A few of the pockets are unzipped, causing the bag to lean forward a dangerous amount. Various items are scattered around.

“Hi guys!” Steven says. “I’m getting ready for a sleepover!”

He grabs two teddy bears off the floor and surveys them for a moment, eventually selecting the one with sunglasses and placing it gently in his backpack. “I haven’t seen Peridot and Lapis in forever, so when they found out what a sleepover was, they invited me over for one! I’m really excited. I haven’t actually been to a real sleepover before.”

Steven picks up a duplicate of the blue sweater he’s wearing and folds it. “The closest I got was that slumber party with the Gems when we were looking for Lapis or when it was snowing really bad and I had to stay at Connie’s house. Connie’s mom has this thing about not us not having sleepovers, and I don’t really get it, but at the same time I have to respect her decisions if I want to keep being friends with Connie,” he says. He folds up a pair of pajamas and sticks them in the bag.

“I looked up some stuff earlier about what people usually do at sleepovers, so I’m trying to bring as much fun stuff as I can. I already put some board games in my bag,” Steven says, zipping a few more pockets shut. He picks a book up off the floor and looks at it with a contemplative frown. “Is it weird to bring a book? I like reading before I go to sleep…”

He shrugs and drops it in the backpack. “I don’t have to read it, I guess.” Steven swipes a pair of boots from offscreen and pulls them on. “Anyway, I’m all packed and ready to go, so I’ll see you guys in a bit!”

Steven leans over and covers the camera lens with his hand.

When his hand is removed, he’s in the barn and holding the camera in the traditional vlogging fashion.

“It’s slumber party time!”

Offscreen, a dry voice speaks up. “...What are you doing?”

Steven looks over at the source. “I’m making a video!”

There’s a crash, a yelp, and the sound of someone scrambling to their feet. Peridot shoves her head in frame. “You’re making a video? What for?”

“I thought you didn’t like being in my videos.”

“That was before I had _character development,_ Steven. Besides, I’ve been in plenty of your videos and I was a _delight_ in those.”

Steven nods. “Huh, I guess you have. Wow, that wasn’t even that long ago.” Steven processes this. “Huh,” he says again. He blinks, then shakes his head. “Well, I was just going to do a fun montage unless you had anything you guys really wanted to do.”

“What’s a montage?” the person offscreen asks.

Starwipe. Steven, Peridot, and a blue gem who is presumably Lapis are in a circle with various art supplies strewn about. Lapis is laying on her stomach with her legs crossed in the air, idly stringing a thread through a pillow. Peridot sits cross legged, pouring obscene amounts of glue onto an alien mask, while Steven is hunched over a sketchbook. 

In pink, glittery bubble letters, the words, “HOW TO HAVE A VERY GOOD SLEEPOVER” appear. They spin off screen and are replaced by a different phrase in the same font: “STEP 1: ARTS AND CRAFTS”. In a smaller type, “called meep-morps by Peridot and Lapis” is written underneath in parentheses.

Steven holds up the picture he’s been working on. It’s a simple, cartoon-ish style drawing of Lapis and Peridot gardening. The style is different from his _No Home Boys_ comic some months back, with no noses and extremely anime-looking eyes. Peridot displays a completed alien mask with antlers. Lapis’ project looks to be just a pillow with a single thread stretched across it.

Starwipe. Steven is sitting on top of a hay bale, pushing a graham cracker on top of a roasted marshmallow to create a s’more. He grins and looks back at Peridot and Lapis, who survey the scene with skepticism and maybe a little disgust. The words, “STEP 2: SNACKS” appear.

A third starwipe. Steven’s holding the camera. They’re all sitting in the back of a truck, though it looks like the truck itself has been embedded in the wall of the barn. Steven’s wearing his pajamas now and is curled up against Lapis’ side. Peridot is sitting on her other side. The camera flips around and zooms in on a small box TV, which is playing an episode of _Camp Pining Hearts._ “STEP 3: ENTERTAINMENT” scrawls across the screen. A dramatic scene has just come on.

 _“I don’t care about capture-the-flag, Paulette,”_ says Percy. _“I only care about you.”_

 _“Oh, Percy!”_ Paulette says, choked up. They lean in to kiss each other as romantic music swells through the tinny speakers. The camera flips around again, very close to Steven’s face, showcasing his incredulous, appalled (and maybe a little grossed out) expression. Beside him, Peridot makes a sound of disgust.

Starwipe. It’s now almost too dark to see, but with what little light there _is_ is enough to illuminate the inside of the barn. Steven pats his caterpillar sleeping bag before turning the camera around and giving a thumbs up. “STEP 4: THE ACTUAL SLEEPING PART” appears. The screen fades to black.

Smachcut. It seems to be mid-afternoon now. Steven is standing in front of a cornfield. He waves. “Hey! I was going to record an outro in the morning, but then something else happened and I had to add it into the video!”

Steven turns the camera around. Greg and another man in a pilot’s jacket are loading vegetables into a crate. Lapis drops by holding another bag of assorted veggies, hovering in the air with the assistance of what looks like wings made of water sprouting from her back. She waves at Steven and takes off again.

“That’s Uncle Andy! Well, I think he’s actually like, my first cousin once removed or something, but he just told me to call him Uncle Andy.”

Andy stands and stretches out his back, surveying the crate with a hand on his hip. Steven turns the camera back around.

“He and my dad haven’t seen each other in a really long time, so we’re making dinner for everyone to catch up! Also, he’s kind of upset that Lapis and Peridot are living in the barn because it was his parents’, so we’re trying to get that figured out, too.” Steven shrugs. “But that’s not even the weirdest thing. Apparently, my dad got his name changed a long time ago and our _real_ last name is DeMayo! Isn’t that so cool? _Way_ cooler than Universe, if you ask me.”

Steven flips the camera view once more. He zooms in on something closer to the barn (which looks like it’s been hit by a tornado). Amethyst is playing with a pumpkin like a dog. The pumpkin is running circles around her while she laughs.

“That’s Pumpkin,” Steven says. “I brought her to life with my healing spit, so Lapis and Peridot have a cool pumpkin dog now!”

“Steven, come help get these vegetables all set!” Greg yells from offscreen.

“Oh, I have to go, but I’ll see you guys in a sec,” Steven says, and a starwipe-to-black closes the scene.

Smashcut. It’s evening now, and Steven looks like he’s been through a hurricane. His hair is beyond windswept at this point, sticking straight up in places and all around just looking like a mess. His cheeks are flushed, and he grins. “Hey! So, some stuff happened and the dinner didn’t go as well as we hoped, and I might’ve fallen off of a plane, but I’m okay and we’re actually on pretty good terms with Uncle Andy now!”

He turns the camera to show Pearl helping Andy load a few vegetables into a tupperware container. Amethyst holds out a box containing a slice of cake, which Andy accepts with a laugh. 

“Steven, are you making a movie over there or something?” Andy says.

“Uh, sort of!” Steven runs over. “Yeah, I’m making a TubeTube video!”

“Oh, you’ve got that TubeTube thing? I heard that’s really taking off. What do you do, film your aunts doing their weird alien thing, or what?”

“I do a lot of stuff! Like reviews and cooking videos and vlogs,” Steven says.

“I heard people are turning internet stuff like that into jobs. You thought about doin’ that at all?”

“No, not really. I just do it for fun! Also, Dad’s kind of rich now, so we don’t need that much extra income.”

Andy’s eyes go wide. “Greg’s _what_ now?”

Steven chuckles nervously. “Oh yeah, um, did he not tell you?”

Andy stares. He blinks. “Greg is _what?”_

“Uh…”

Smashcut.

Andy is in a small, two-person plane. He pulls some aviator goggles over his eyes and flashes a thumbs up and a grin in Steven’s direction before revving the engine and starting the plane’s takeoff. The plane lifts into the air.

“Bye, Uncle Andy!” Steven yells, waving frantically. A chorus of goodbyes goes up around him from the rest of the Gems and Greg.

Steven turns the camera back to show his face. “Hey, thanks for watching! I hope you have a nice day, and make sure to--”

Something barks. Steven looks down at the disturbance. His face lights up. He leans down and picks something up, and when he reenters the frame, he’s got Pumpkin tucked under his arm. “Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

Steven looks at Pumpkin with a smile. “Can you say ‘bye’, Pumpkin? Say bye!”

Pumpkin barks, and Steven starts laughing. 

**7153 views ・ 4868 likes ・ 25 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 5462 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 584

**Bumblewish**

Is that pumpkin… alive?

> **Kittyinkypaws**
> 
> Is this like that watermelon thing a while ago?? is this what happened to the watermelons
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> would it be distasteful to carve a jack o lantern with the pumpkin dogs face if its a real pumpkin
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> As long as you say it’s a tribute it should be fine I think
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> Welcome to the comment section of stevenquartzuniverse videos, where we debate the ethics of jack o lanterns

**JayReads**

steven really out here saying demayo is a cooler name than universe as if i wouldnt give my entire soul to have the last name universe

> **gayzula**
> 
> greg really said frick it and got his name legally changed to fit his music career and we love that for him
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Steven really out here putting his full name and age on the internet
> 
> **EnderKitty68**
> 
> To be fair his dad is kind of famous now and could totally be found anyway
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> I don’t think Steven has to worry about strangers on the internet when he literally lives with alien warrior ladies
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> YEAH OK THAT’S FAIR

**molasses_cookies**

Steven fell out of a plane????? What???????

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> don’t worry it all worked out fine! uncle andy caught me and i have floating powers anyway
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> omg king <3
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> But also you shouldn’t be in positions to fall out of planes ever so maybe reevaluate that

**Marf0g**

I love Steven’s face during camp pining hearts because that was my exact reaction

**Hamilton**

Y’all hear they’re planning on making a Camp Pining Hearts reboot?

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> didn’t we already have this conversation
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> Yeah but that was a while ago so this is a casual reminder
> 
> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> I don’t mind the idea of a reboot as long as they don’t make it needlessly edgy
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Looks like it was picked up by WC so I wouldn’t get your hopes up… we all know how their last adaptation of a light-hearted property went

**GreasyBrick**

I’ve only had Lapis for 15 minutes but if anything happens to her I’ll kill everyone in this comment section and then myself

> **Whovianimeniac**
> 
> She’s a waterbender and we love that

**Tassy_R**

How do you think Andy’s reacting to all this cause he doesn’t get the benefit of the ARG debate like we did

> **idk kitty**
> 
> benefit?? of the arg debate??
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> Don’t mention the Debate… you’ll summon it again…
> 
> **blissfall**
> 
> that reminds me… we haven’t heard from ronaldo in a while..
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> DON’T SPEAK HIS NAME YOU’LL SUMMON HIM
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> he’s not BEETLEJUICE

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know beetlejuice should have a different name for cartoon joke purposes but it was funnier this way
> 
> y'all know the drill with comments


	31. What to do when You're Snowed In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares how to make the most of a blizzard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iiiiiiit's friday!  
> writing this chapter was wack when it's like sweltering hot outside

**What to do when You’re Snowed In**

_published November 24_

The video starts in the typical set-up, facing Steven’s bed head on. Steven is sitting cross legged on his bed, wearing a blue sweater and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. His nose is flushed pink. Snowflakes dot his curly hair. Faint gray light drifts in from the window to his left (camera’s right).

“Hey TubeTube! It’s snowing like crazy over here!” Steven says. He glances out the window and smiles before returning his gaze to the camera. “Garnet says it’s probably going to turn into a _huge_ blizzard. The last big snowfall I saw was last year, and that was bad enough that I had to stay at Connie’s overnight, but Garnet says it might be so bad we can’t go anywhere for a few days.”

Steven shifts so he’s sitting on his knees and pulls the blanket tighter around himself. “Dad doesn’t think it’s a good idea to stay in the van during a blizzard, so Amethyst’s going to get him and bring him back here so he can stay with us! I’m super excited. Dad and I haven’t really lived in the same space together since I was like, eleven, and even then that was just in the van.”

His expression grows wistful. “He used to come in and read to me every night, but he stopped a few years ago.” Steven’s eyes take on a far-away look. Then he blinks and shakes his head. “It’ll be fun to hang out for a few days.”

“Oh!” he says, “I almost forgot to introduce the video. I’m going to show you guys how to make the most of being snowed in!”

Starwipe. Steven is standing in the kitchen. “The most essential part of a good snowy day is a hot drink! I like to go with hot chocolate. Usually, I just use the packet mix and heat up milk in the microwave, but today is special, so I’ll show you how Connie makes hot chocolate!”

The camera angle switches to a profile view of the stove. A saucepan makes a heavy clunk as Steven sets it down on top of the burner. He turns the stove on and pours some milk in. “Using milk makes it creamier, and you can use whatever kind of milk you want! I just use whatever measurement works for the mug I’m using.”

The words, “whatever measurements work for you” appear onscreen like a point of a bulleted list.

“Mix in cocoa powder and a bit of sugar while you wait for it to get warm,” Steven says, dropping a few spoonfuls of each ingredient. The words, “mix those bad boys in” appear underneath the first bullet point.

Steven stirs the mixture, humming to himself. “We have a little bit while we wait for it to heat up, so I’ll catch you guys up on some stuff that’s been going on!”

He purses his lips in thought. “Um… so I think I mentioned we bubbled Jasper and I went back to the moon… oh! Amethyst and I fused! Their name is Smoky Quartz and their weapon is a yo-yo. I was never super good at yo-yos, but Smoky can do so many cool tricks!”

Steven smiles and keeps stirring. “Connie made a new friend. His name is Jeff and they met when she accidentally judo flipped him in the hallway. I don’t know that much about him, but apparently they sit together at lunch, which is cool. Uh… I think I made a video about everything else that happened recently.”

He raises the spoon to his lips to check the temperature. “Sweet! Now we add in chocolate chips to make it extra chocolate-y,” he says, pouring a few in. “Now that it’s warm, they’ll melt pretty easily, and then once those are melted, we add a little bit of vanilla extract.”

Two bullet points appear, reading “add chocolate chips! :)” and “little vanilla time”. Steven leans offscreen to grab something on the other counter. When he comes back in frame, he’s holding a mug with a picture of a frog on it. The hot chocolate sizzles as he pours it in, visible lines of steam wafting towards the ceiling.

“I like to put marshmallows in, but I want to save those for later, so I’m going to use whipped cream instead.”

Once Steven has completed his beautifully crafted hot chocolate, a video game victory tune plays. He takes a sip and sighs in contentment.

Starwipe. Steven is sitting in front of a fireplace, cradling his frog mug against his chest. “I should’ve done this one earlier, but another important step to having a good snow day is getting a fire going. Mine just has a switch,” he says, and flicks a lightswitch. A flame starts up.

Another starwipe. The TV is on, playing an episode of the short-lived Cookie Cat TV series. The episode in particular is the winter special, in which Cookie Cat discovers snow for the first time. It looks like the entire show was created with the budget of a hot dog.

“Step three is to watch your favorite winter episodes of your favorite TV shows! I just watched the _Crying Breakfast Friends_ episode about Pining Grapefruit and Bawling Bacon becoming friends again, and when Dad gets here, we’re going to watch the _Professor When_ New Year’s special!”

Offscreen, the door opens. The howling wind outside grows louder and the door slams against the wall. Steven slides off his bed and grabs his camera, filming the scene. Greg and Amethyst stumble inside, stomping snow off of their shoes and wiping it off of themselves. Greg is wrapped in a puffy coat and shivering violently, while Amethyst seems mostly unfazed by the cold. She shakes her hair like a wet dog, scattering snow everywhere. Greg slams the door shut before any more snow can sneak inside.

Steven is already running down the stairs. “Step four: spend time with your family!” he says, and tosses his camera haphazardly onto the couch, creating an incredibly nauseating few seconds as it flies through the air. “Dad, you made it!” he says.

Starwipe. Steven and Greg are sitting in front of the fireplace with a bag of marshmallows between them. Amethyst is sprawled out on the floor, presumably asleep.

“Step five: roast marshmallows!” Steven says skewering one on a fireplace poker. Greg pulls his out of the flames. It’s perfectly golden on all sides. “Woah, do you have a secret dad tip for how to make perfect marshmallows?” Steven asks.

Greg laughs. “It’s a talent that only manifests once you’re a dad, but sure, I can give a few tips.” He takes the marshmallow off the end of the stick and pops it in his mouth, then grabs another. Steven grabs the camera to get a close up of Greg’s technique.

“First, you gotta make sure it’s really stuck on there good. There’s nothing more disappointing than a marshmallow falling off the stick and meeting a sugary, fiery end.”

He sticks the marshmallow in the fireplace. “It works best when there are embers, and not a bunch of flames. That way you don’t burn it. Make sure you’re close, but not _too_ close. Then, just turn it slowly so the browning is even.”

Greg retrieves the marshmallow, revealing the perfect golden crust on all sides. He offers it to Steven, who accepts it with enthusiasm. “I wanna try!” Steven says, handing the camera to Greg.

Steven skewers a marshmallow and sticks it in the fireplace. “Hey, looking good, Schtu-ball!” Greg says. Steven preens with the praise.

And then the marshmallow bursts into flame.

Steven yelps and lets go of the stick instinctively. Greg snatches it off the floor and blows it out, dropping the camera in the process.

Smashcut.

Steven is sitting on the couch, curled against Greg’s side. He flips the camera around to show Garnet in the kitchen. Heavy metal gauntlets appear on her fists, which she uses as oven mitts as she takes a tray of cookies out of the oven. She spots Steven filming and gives a smile and a thumbs up.

Something offscreen glows, causing the video to stall briefly. A door can be heard sliding open, followed by someone walking into the room. The glitch clears. Pearl is setting a box of tea down on the counter.

The camera view flips around. Steven grins. “That’s all I have for you guys today! If it’s snowing wherever you are, please stay safe and keep warm. If it’s not, stay safe and have fun anyway! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

The video closes with a starwipe.

**7782 views ・ 5183 likes ・ 19 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 6013 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 629

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

That frog mug is the cutest thing in the world I want 10

**mell**

greg’s rich and still living in a van?? whos mans is this

> **fearfullyfabuou5**
> 
> he’s got his priorities in order and his priorities are respect women, be good dad, and buy dondai
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> he’s too busy perfecting his marshmallow technique to worry about the real estate market

**Tassy_R**

I heard this was the biggest blizzard in Delmarva in 14 years! Did you guys make it through okay?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yeah! garnet has future vision so she had us stock up on groceries the day before it started snowing
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Sorry Garnet has what now
> 
> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> And I didn’t think Garnet could get any cooler,,, she uses gauntlets for oven mitts AND can see the future? Queen

**AconiteWolfsbane**

I totally forgot about the Cookie Cat tv show!! Seeing that was like uncovering a hidden memory in an archeological dig

> **Hope_Loneheart**
> 
> How long ago did it air? It only had like ten episodes, right?
> 
> **willatree**
> 
> i think it was from the 90s or at least early 2000s. there was like a whole thing about trying to get people excited about buying cookie cats so they made a show and released a few albums
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Oh yeah!! I had Cookie Cat toys when I was younger. I totally forgot about the albums! Those songs slap!
> 
> **TheGrassman**
> 
> Too bad the show had 0 budget. Most of it looked like episodes of Professor When from like, the 70s and 80s

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

Amethyst really went out in a blizzard with a tank top and leggings

> **gayzula**
> 
> amethyst doesn’t need to follow the rules of logic she’s too cool for that

**Beeknee**

f in the chat for steven’s marshmallow

> **Marf0g**
> 
> f
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> f
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> f
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> f
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> f
> 
> **view 36 replies**

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want hot chocolate now
> 
> comment if you want your name in you know the drill


	32. This is Connie's Channel Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie's city now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wednesday!!!!!!!!! this is now officially the longest thing ive ever written  
> chapter title is based off of that one drew gooden video

**This is Connie’s Channel Now**

_ published November 30 _

The video starts in the typical fashion with the typical set-up. Morning light filters in through the window, catching dust in sunbeams and painting everything with a golden glow. The Cookie Cat alarm clock reads 10:03 AM. Birds are chirping outside.

The only difference is Connie, sitting cross legged on the bed.

“Um, hello! So, uh, I’m Connie, and Steven’s not here right now, so I’m… making a video I guess?” she says. “Steven had to go on an impromptu rescue mission because his dad is in space? So now he’s in space? And he asked me to watch Beach City while he’s gone?”

She takes off her baseball cap and squishes it in her hands while she continues to talk. “I haven’t made a video by myself before. Steven’s the expert on that. Um… okay, so the plan for today is just to check in on everyone and make sure nothing crazy happens. Yesterday, I had to help clean up the car wash because Peridot and Lapis kind of went overboard trying to be the new Crystal Gems.”

Connie frowns. “I don’t know how Steven does it. He’s so patient with everyone even when they’re being infuriatingly dense and childish! It’s--” she catches herself. A blush forms on her cheeks and she shakes her head. “No, sorry, that’s, um. That’s a topic for  _ another _ time.”

Connie puts her hat back on (backwards, because she’s cool like that) and slides off the bed. She picks up the camera, muttering to herself. “I guess that’s the intro? I don’t really know wh--”

The scene changes abruptly. The camera captures a profile view of Connie as she leans on the railing of the porch, binoculars in hand. “I’m doing some reconnaissance before heading into town, just to make sure there aren’t any immediate threats. Steven sent me a list of information about the people in town before he left, so I’m cross-referencing with that.”

Connie takes her phone out of her back pocket and opens an app, showing the list to the camera. She doesn’t give it quite enough time to focus before putting it back in her pocket. It appears Connie doesn’t know the art of the beauty guru palm focus trick.

She raises the binoculars to her eyes and scans the scenery in front of her. “Everything  _ looks _ normal… We haven’t really had any corrupted Gem attacks since Jasper got bubbled. Mostly just emotional growth.”

Connie frowns. Her voice is slightly harsher when she speaks next. “I don’t think anything  _ good’s _ happened to Steven in space maybe ever? At least, that’s what it looked like when Stevonnie was having a flashback.”

She forms a circle with her hands and takes a deep breath, letting it out carefully. “But I can’t do anything about that right now, so I’ll just do what I can to keep Beach City safe. We’ll stop by the Big Donut first.”

Jumpcut. Connie either doesn’t like transitions or doesn’t know how to use them. The bell above the door rings as she enters the Big Donut. Sadie and Lars are whispering to each other at the counter, giggling under their breath.

“Oh, hi!” Sadie says. “You’re Connie, right?”

“Yeah!” Connie says. “Steven’s in space right now, so he asked me to watch Beach City and also make a video for his TubeTube channel.”

“Sorry, Steven’s  _ where?” _ Lars asks.

“Space.”

“No way. I get Steven’s weird, but there’s no way he went to  _ space _ .”

“...He’s already been to space, like, three times already,” Connie says.

_ “What?” _

Jumpcut. Connie is standing in Fish Stew Pizza, holding a slice of cheese pizza in one hand. She shrugs at the camera, then flips it around to show Kiki at the counter. 

“Thanks for stopping in Connie, that’s real sweet of you,” Kiki says.

“It was Steven’s idea.”

“Steven’s the nicest kid I know! Did he tell you once he fought my actual nightmares? How crazy is that?”

Connie laughs. “Yeah, that sounds like him. So you’re sure everything’s going well around here?”

Kiki leans on her hand. “Definitely. Well, other than Gunga. Nothing’s wrong, she’s just getting fed up with the mayor. Something about how he doesn’t actually do anything to help with crisis management? I’m sure she’ll calm down soon, though.”

Another jumpcut. Peedee is manning the fry stand. 

“Hi Peedee! I’m checking in on everyone while Steven’s away.”

Peedee glances up from the book he’s reading. “Oh! Hi. Yeah, everything’s good. Ronaldo’s going a little crazy over his theories, but that’s not unusual. He says the diamonds on money represent the Great Diamond Authority and that they’re colonizing every planet in the universe? I don’t know, I zoned out.”

Connie purses her lips. “That’s… hm. That’s scarily accurate, actually.”

“What?”

“Um, anyway, everything’s going okay around here?”

“Yeah, we’re all good. Can I get anything for you?”

“No, that’s okay,” Connie says, then pauses. “Actually, I could go for some fries.”

Peedee’s eyes widen. “Like,  _ real _ fries?”

“....Yes? What other-- yes, real fries.”

A single tear forms in the corner of Peedee’s eye. “It’s been so long since I’ve fried anything other than the bits.”

“Okay?”

Jumpcut. Connie is holding the camera vlogging style, with a container of fries in her other hand. “I think Steven would probably check on literally everyone in Beach City, but I’ve only ever met a few people and I feel weird going up to someone with a camera and saying I’m Steven’s friend. As long as there aren’t any major Gem threats, I think we’ll be okay.”

Connie brings the box of fries to her mouth and pulls one out with her teeth: the struggle other, less cool vloggers would never show. “I  _ did _ see that Steven was running low on cereal, so I’m going to swing by the grocery store and pick some up.”

Jumpcut. Connie stands in front of the grocery store and holds up a plastic bag containing three boxes of cereal triumphantly. A second jumpcut returns her to the Universe household. She’s clutching a pile of towels in her arms. “I’ve run into a bit of a snag on my mission to house sit. I wanted to wash these towels because they smell a little funky and I know Steven’s usually very self sufficient but people don’t wash towels as much as they usually do and I don’t even know if Steven does his own laundry. I think Pearl usually does it. Anyway, the problem is the washing machine is on the temple’s hand and it’s only accessible by warp pad.”

Connie pans the camera over to the warp pad, lingering on it for a moment. She turns it back around to face her. “I’m not a Gem, so I can’t use the warp pad, and Peridot and Lapis aren’t here right now because they’re making a new sign for Mr. Universe’s car wash. I can’t even find the warp whistle, I looked everywhere.”

She shrugs. “I think my only option here is to either climb up from the house or down from the cliff. I could also just not wash the towels, but I’m already dedicated to this so I have to do one or the other.” Connie looks down at the towels in her arms, furrowing her brow in concentration. You could almost see the arithmetic form around her head as she thinks through every possibility.

Finally, she looks back at the camera. “My parents are all about safety so I really hope they never see this video. I’m just gonna go outside to check over what the best course of action is. Man, it’s a good thing this camera has a strap,” she says.

A series of shots plays quickly in succession: towels being shoved into the cheeseburger backpack, a zipper being zipped, the backpack being put on, the front door opening, and Connie giving a thumbs up to the camera.

She pans over the house. “I’d have to get on top of the roof first, then climb onto that hand and walk along the arm, then find a handhold on  _ that _ arm and climb up to the hand with the washing machine.” She zooms in on the target of her operation. “Oh, or I could just go up the hill and drop down onto the hand… Hm…. yeah, I’ll do that.”

There’s a brief shot of Connie running up the grassy hill. She films the gap between the hand and the cliff. “I should be careful. I use this camera for school projects.”

Connie backs away from the edge, takes a deep breath and releases it carefully. “Okay, here we go.”

Connie bursts into a sprint and takes a flying leap off the edge. A laugh bubbles out of her chest and rings through the air as she’s briefly suspended above the ground far, far below.

Then she collides with the surface of the hand, tripping and falling to her knees. She spins the camera around to show her face, grinning wildly. “That was so cool! It really felt like a defining moment in a training montage where the main character has finally completed their training and has to prove that they’re strong enough to make the leap of faith. Not that I’m the main character, that’s obviously Steven. He’s the one with magic powers and a magical destiny and stuff.”

She furrows her brow. “Well, I kind of had a hero’s journey kind of thing, didn’t I? Ordinary world, call to adventure, refusal of the call… I’d say the bubble incident counts as both call to and refusal of adventure… would Steven be the mentor or would Pearl be the mentor? Pearl, right? Tests, allies, and enemies for sure… Not positive we’ve reached approach to the innermost cave, death, and rebirth yet, though.”

Connie shrugs. “Whatever, that stuff doesn’t matter. This is real life. Plus, I’ve got towels to wash.”

She sets the camera on the warp pad and sits cross legged on the ground, taking the backpack off and placing it in her lap. She pulls out the stack of towels then loads them into the washer.

The camera shakes as she picks it back up and places it on top of the dryer. “We have some time while those wash, so… did anyone hear the rumors about an  _ Unfamiliar Familiar _ movie? I couldn’t find anything online except people talking about it, so I have no idea if it’s real or not, but if it is, that’s really exciting.” Connie sticks her thumbs under the straps of her overalls. “I’d prefer an adaptation be an animated television series instead of a live action movie, though. I think TV is much more suited to book adaptations than movies. There’s just so much more content you can fit in, and it allows for way more time for new audiences to grow attached to the characters. Animation is the best medium for a fantasy book like  _ Unfamiliar Familiar _ because of all the cool ways it can be used to show magic.”

The washer dings. Connie blinks in surprise, but quickly transfers them to the dryer. She glances out over the ocean. “It’s so pretty out here,” she says. Then her eyes widen. She turns back to the camera in shock.

“I don’t know how to get down from here.”

Connie looks over the edge of the hand, frowning. “Um… I definitely can’t make it back up the cliff, but maybe I can climb down to the house?”

She looks at the camera sheepishly. “I didn’t really think this through.

Jumpcut. Connie is standing somewhere else on the temple, one hand braced against the stone for support. She’s wearing the backpack again. “Okay, I climbed down from the hand,” she says, and pans up to show her original position  _ very _ high above. “Now I just have to get over to the house.” She pans over to show that, too. It looks like a very intense balance beam challenge.

Connie slowly shuffles her way towards the house. “This place is thousands of years old, so there’s a pretty high chance I could break part of it and fall to my death. Or at least break a bone. I’m not sure.”

She points the camera at her feet, showing the plethora of crumbling stone, moss, and suspicious cracks in the rock. She continues shuffling forward.

Jumpcut. Connie is back inside the house. “I don’t have much else planned for what to do today other than checking in with Peridot and Lapis, so I guess that’s all I have for this video. Hopefully Steven will be back soon and you’ll be back with his more… planned out stuff, I guess? Yeah. So, thanks for watching and subscribe to Steven’s channel! That’s all from me!”

**8453 views ・ 6732 likes ・ 9 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 6598 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 725

**Coolcat101s**

Petition for Connie to just make every video from now on

> **tralalapis**
> 
> she says “hopefully steven steven will back soon” as if she isnt our new queen
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> This is Connie’s city now

**Kittyinkypaws**

Welcome back to another episode of “Steven is doing something absolutely buckwild but it will be glossed over in the video in favor of a daily vlog”

> **Bumblewish**
> 
> He’s been to space three times already according to Connie and he’s currently on a RESCUE mission? What even IS Steven’s life?
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> give our king a break <3

**redrockbluerock**

Anyone else really want to hear Connie’s tea on the gems

> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Oh deffo. There was some Drama behind that first rant
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Connie’s president of the Steven Protection Squad
> 
> **TheGrassman**
> 
> I for one trust Connie’s judgement and am ready to throw hands with whoever she wants us to

**laineybird**

connie’s existential crisis over her heros journey was beautiful to watch

> **Hansledane**
> 
> We love a genre savvy queen
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> I have the feeling she would be the survivor in a horror movie
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Ok you say that but she did also jump off of a cliff to do her friends laundry
> 
> **SleepyTeaParty**
> 
> Good point. She’d try to avoid tropes but accidentally fall into different tropes
> 
> **booksforlife406**
> 
> You guys have absolutely no faith. Our queen has mad sword skills of course she’d survive a horror movie
> 
> **Tassy_R**
> 
> Oh wait yeah that’s true

**AconiteWolfsbane**

Connie said a rescue mission?? also that Ronaldos alien theory was accurate?? are we gonna die?

> **sugardevil**
> 
> I’m sure we’ll be fine
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> Probably
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> the addition of probably didn’t help the fear at all

**Wishflare**

Look out Steven, Connie’s coming for your crown of best tubetuber

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what happened in this chapter
> 
> anyway every day we get closer to cym
> 
> y'all know the drill with comments


	33. A Peaceful Day For Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven decompresses by spending some time with Connie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaahhhh i'm sorry it's so late in the day but at least it's still friday!!!!

**A Peaceful Day For Once**

_ published January 4 _

The camera is set up in Steven’s bathroom, propped up against the counter. Steven is surveying the bags under his eyes in the mirror.

“Hey guys!” he says, as if he just noticed the camera. “What’s up? As you guys know, a lot of stuff has been going on, so Connie and I are going to hang out and have a normal day for like, the first time in a while.”

Steven gives up on his dark circles and instead focuses on making his hair look less like he just rolled out of bed. “The short of what happened is that I had to go to space to rescue my dad from a human zoo? It was weird. Anyway, I guess my ears are pierced now.”

Steven flicks his earlobe. “I think they’ll close up since I took the earrings out. That’s fine. Life’s weird like that,” he says, and shrugs. “Anyway, did you guys see the new  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ episode? Spoilers if you haven’t, just skip ahead like a minute. I can’t believe the Glum Glass is Crabby Cup theory was  _ right _ . I never thought it made much sense and then I went back and watched some older episodes and the foreshadowing is like, so obvious.”

The sink turns on and Steven splashes his face with some water, drying off with a towel. “I’ve never sympathized with Sniffling Croissant as much as I do right now,” he says, rubbing the towel against his cheek. “Poor guy, honestly.”

Steven exhales softly, gazing down at the wet counter with unseeing eyes. The end of the towel dips into the puddle and Steven blinks, then shakes his head. He quickly wipes the water off the counter and turns off the sink.

“Okay, let’s get ready to hang out with Connie!” he says, flashing a grin at the camera. 

Starwipe. Steven, now in the kitchen, pours himself a bowl of cereal and throws up a peace sign. “We don’t have like,  _ too _ much of a plan, but I thought it would be nice to have a picnic! We used to have picnics a lot, but we’ve both been pretty busy.”

He claps his hands together. “So! Let’s put together a cute picnic! I’ve found that there’s a checklist of things to make a perfect picnic.”

He points to an area on the screen with each thing he lists, and a bullet point appears next to his finger transcribing each point. “First, we need a picnic blanket, obviously, and a basket. Next is drinks, then snacks, then some kind of main course. Dessert is optional but obviously worth it.”

An 8-bit tune begins to play as a montage kicks off. Steven grabs a checkered picnic blanket and a wicker basket, setting them by the door. A shot plays of the fridge opening, and Steven pulls out a jug of lemonade and a couple cans of apple juice. He also grabs some vegetables and a few other ingredients.

The shot changes to one of the kitchen, similar to the Cooking with Lion set up. The music fades into the background.

Steven sets down all of the things he’s gathered. “Alright, so the first thing is drinks. I have some lemonade and some cups,” he says, setting both items into the basket. “I also have some apple juice.”

He grabs a large bag of chips and some grapes. “Sides are next,” he says. He sets those in the basket and holds up a container of cheese and crackers. “This is a good option if you want to be healthy and also feel fancy.”

He rubs his hands together. “Okay, now it’s sandwich time. You can never go wrong with a classic PB&J, so let’s make one of those.” 

The next clip of Steven putting the sandwich together is sped up. “I also like a somewhat fancier option. This one requires some knife skills, so be careful.”

The camera switches to a different close-up angle, showing Steven’s hands as he prepares the ingredients. “First, put any condiment on that you want,” he says, spreading some mayonnaise over each slice of bread. “Then put on your cheese, then the meat. Next is the vegetables.”

Steven takes a tomato and chops off the top, then cuts a few slices off of the side. He does the same to an onion. “I like to store the rest of these so I can use them again,” he says. “You can also add some lettuce. Close the sandwich and now you’ve got a fun, fancier lunch option!”

The camera switches back to the original angle. “I’m going to make a couple more sandwiches. You never know how hungry you’ll be.” The next shot is sped up as he places the extra sandwiches into the basket.

Jumpcut. Steven is now holding the camera vlogger style, the picnic basket hanging from his free arm. “We’re picnic ready! Now all we need to do is wait for Connie to get here!”

Starwipe. Steven is running down the slope from his house to the beach, where Connie is waving with a grin. “Hey! Are you vlogging?” she yells.

“Yeah!” he yells back, “you wanna be in it?”

“Sure!”

“Great, ‘cause everyone loved the video you posted!”

“Really?”

Steven slows his pace and speaks at a normal volume now that he’s reached where Connie is standing. “Yeah, it was pretty popular. Everyone thinks you’re super cool.”

Connie’s face flushes. “Huh. Hey, is that a picnic basket?”

Steven holds out the basket. “Yep! I thought we should have one today. You know, to have a chill afternoon for once.”

“That’s… really sweet of you, Steven,” she says. A smile spreads across her face. “Got anywhere specific in mind?”

Steven pauses. “Uhhhh…..” The camera drifts towards the temple. “Um, why not the lighthouse? That’s kind of traditional at this point.”

Starwipe.

The camera is propped up on something, capturing both of them sitting together at a low angle. Connie is laughing into a can of apple juice.  _ “How  _ long have you been a secret wrestler?”

“A couple years,” Steven says with a shrug. “But now I’m free on that front. Any news about the  _ Unfamiliar Familiar  _ thing?”

Connie shakes her head. “Not really. I mean, it’s trending, but there’s no official news whether it’s going to happen or not. I  _ really _ hope it’ll be a TV series if it’s adapted. Oh, I got Jeff to read the first book!”

“Oh, nice! One of us!”

Connie takes a sip of her apple juice, then pauses. “Do your subscribers know who Jeff is?”

Steven glances at the camera. “I think I mentioned him once? I don’t know. I’ve been… busy.”

Connie frowns. “Well, have you written any new songs?"

Steven thinks for a moment, tapping his finger against the cup of lemonade in his hand. He takes a bite of his sandwich. "I found the lyrics to a song I wrote when I was really little. It was about how the Crystal Gems always save the day and stuff. I was thinking I might revamp the lyrics? I'm not sure yet."

“I think it would be good.”

“Hey, thanks! Oh, um, let’s see if there are any comments we could respond to!” Steven says, grabbing the camera. There’s a jumpcut (poor boy records on his phone and cannot multitask). “Okay, someone said if they say Ronaldo’s name three times he’ll be summoned like Beetlejuice.”

Connie makes a face. “I wish he would be banished after his name is said three times like Beetlejuice.”

“What? Why?”

“You were just telling me about how he tried to join the Crystal Gems earlier. That whole mess would’ve been solved if he followed Beetlejuice rules, that’s all I’m saying.”

“He learned from his mistakes in the end. Hey, wouldn’t it be so cool to be in a movie like that?”

“I don’t think that’s the genre I’d go with. I’d much rather be in something high fantasy, like the  _ Spirit Morph _ series. But I guess that’s kind of what you experience every day, huh?”

Steven shrugs. “I think it’s definitely leaning more towards sci-fi than fantasy. What about a detective movie?”

Connie gasps, her eyes lighting up. She sits up straighter. “No, no, a heist movie! Those are always so cool! I’d love to use heisting and performance skills to put a rich jerk in his place.”

“We’d get to have fake names! My undercover name up in space was Esteban Universidad.”

“Hm, that’s pretty good. I’d choose something like… Vanessa Sanchez? Or Carmen Sa… no, I can think of something better than that.”

Connie frowns in concentration. Steven watches her think with a smile on his face. Eventually, Connie shrugs. “I’m sure I’ll think of something later.” She pulls her phone out of her pocket and checks the time. “Oh, my dad’ll be here pretty soon. Wanna go do something in town real quick?”

“Yeah! We can get some fry bits!”

Connie nods. “I’ll start putting this stuff away.”

Steven gives her a thumbs up, turning to the camera. “Hey, thanks for watching! I hope you have a nice day! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

“Wait, Veronica Cucamonga!” Connie yells, and Steven bursts into giggles. The video ends abruptly

**8624 views ・ 7352 likes ・ 23 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 7241 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 748

**fantasychica37**

Good to see our queen has returned

> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> If we can’t have her completely take over the channel, at least she can be in most of the videos

**Pausa07**

Get you a man who looks at you like Steven looks at Connie when she’s trying to think of a fake name

> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Get you a man who makes you a whole picnic for fun
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> Love that energy
> 
> **molasses_cookies**
> 
> Literally everyone take notes

**JayReads**

Hey, what was that about Steven being a secret wrestler?

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> I wouldn’t have expected Steven to like wrestling but with the kind of stuff he has to deal with it kind of makes sense
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> He said he’s free on that front so here’s to hoping he has something else and won’t lose his one and only coping mechanism which is secret wrestling and now that I’m typing that it sounds like the plot of a campy 80s movie
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Or an early 2010s cartoon episode

**LLS**

Steven’s ears are pierced we love that energy

> **knowAll**
> 
> The question now is if he’ll keep them pierced

**Bumblewish**

I’m glad to see Steven have one relaxing day because it seems like he hasn’t caught a break in forever

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> he just had to do a space rescue mission he’s earned some rest
> 
> **Beeknee**
> 
> That look at the beginning of the video… I want to give him a hug
> 
> **Grumpy_Potato**
> 
> Ah, I see the Steven Protection Squad is still going strong
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> I for one think Steven should take a nap for maybe two weeks and maybe stop by a therapist? Listen I know stress when I see it I feel his pain
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> steven protection squad rise up

**Tuhgou**

Steven did you see the author of the Spirit Morph Saga cheep’d something about the adaptation

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> really? that’s really exciting!
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Mr Universe Mr Universe who’s your favorite spirit morph character
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> lisa!! she’s so cool!
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> our mans CHUGS that respect women juice!!
> 
> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> we love to see it
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> omg king <3

**abbygaby005**

who’s this clown uploading a video on connie’s channel :/

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then immediately after this video is doug out. steven does not have a peacful day
> 
> sorry again this is a bit late but i do have Plans going forward so that's exciting at least
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section!


	34. Meet Sadie Killer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven conducts an interview with a hot new band.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's wednesday!!!

**Meet Sadie Killer!**

_ published March 5 _

Steven is walking down the sidewalk of a suburb, grinning wildly. “Hey guys! So, I know it’s been a really long time since I uploaded a video. I was super busy with… stuff. Um, I can’t get into it right now, but the short of it is I was kind of abducted by aliens and escaped and now I’m back and everyone’s alive and good so we don’t have to talk about that.”

He shakes his head. “Anyway, the reason I’m making this video is because there’s been an exciting new development in Beach City! Remember how I said it would be cool if the cool kids formed a band? They did! And Sadie is the lead singer!”

Steven smiles even wider. “It’s so cool! They’re like, themed around horror movies and stuff. My dad’s their manager now. Oh, and they’re called Sadie Killer and the Suspects! Today I’m just going to introduce you to all of them with a good old-fashioned interview.”

Starwipe.

The camera is facing a boy in a red jacket and incredibly stylish shades sitting on a canopy bed. The walls are dark and the room is awash in spooky green light, casting dramatic shadows across the boy’s face. He radiates gravitas and chill vibes like an air freshener that only has the scent “cool dude”. A pop-up slides in from the lower left side of the screen reading “Buck Dewey”, and in smaller letters underneath that, “acoustic guitar”.

“Tell me about yourself!” Steven says from behind the camera.

Buck purses his lips in thought for a moment before shrugging. “My name’s Buck Dewey and I play acoustic guitar.”

“What’s your favorite part of being in the band?”

“Getting to chill with the homies,” Buck says. “Being in a band isn’t fun if no one likes each other. A good friendship is just as, if not more important than a good working relationship. It’s like an extension of our hang outs.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet!”

“It’s just the truth, my man.”

“What’s the best part about your music so far?”

“I really dig the messages in our songs. They’re relatable in a way that still challenges the mindset of the audience. Real provocative stuff.”

“Where’d you learn guitar?”

Buck shoots a finger gun at the camera. “The only acceptable option: Dad Universe.”

Steven giggles. “Yeah it is!”

Another starwipe transitions to the next member of the band, Jenny. A pop-up slides in reading “Jenny Pizza” and “bassist.”

“Hey guys!” Jenny says.

“Tell me about yourself!”

“Well, my name’s Jenny, I work at my dad’s pizza shop, I’m the evil twin, and I play bass. You’re gonna ask me the same questions as Buck, right? The most important part of any dope band is having fun! If your music isn’t the kind of thing people can dance to, why give your band a cool name like Sadie Killer and the Suspects? I’m here to give the people what they want, and that’s a banger you’d pay to see in concert.”

“Oh yeah! You go to a lot of concerts. What kind of thing could people expect to see at a Sadie Killer show?”

Jenny crosses her legs and leans back. “Ever since your dad became our manager, a lot of doors have opened for cool concerts. At our last show, Sadie, like, burst out of a coffin that rose up out of the floor? We also have a fog machine and lasers and stuff. There’s a lot of cool costuming and makeup and technical elements.”

“What would be your dream concert venue?”

“I don’t know about venue, but I’d  _ love _ to open for Uber Rage. They’re like, an inspiration!”

Starwipe. A lanky boy in a blue hoodie and orange zip-away pants replaces Jenny on the bed, with a pair of chunky headphones around his neck. The pop-up identifies him as Sour Cream, who’s primarily on beats. He throws up a peace sign.

“Sooo… tell me about yourself!” Steven prompts.

“Uh, I’m Sour Cream. I’ve wanted to be a DJ for like, ever, so I’m on beats and mixing and stuff for Sadie Killer.”

“What’s your favorite song you guys have done?”

“I’m a pretty big fan of ‘G-G-G-Ghost’. The bridge keeps people on their toes. You don’t want your audience to get  _ too _ comfortable. Jenny won’t let me add airhorn in anywhere, though.”

“You edit a lot of the tracks for the official recordings, right? What’s that process like?”

“Yeah, we managed to get into a studio thanks to Mr. U, so we use that to get our own individual bits. We record together, which makes it a lot easier to feel the live chemistry like you don’t get in other recordings. I put all the individual recordings together, mix the audio, add in some spooky effects and stuff. It’s pretty much a case by case basis for each song.”

Starwipe. Sadie replaces Sour Cream. She has a nervous smile on her face as the bottom left of the screen reads: “Sadie Miller (Sadie Killer)”, introducing her as the lead vocalist.

“Hey Sadie! Tell me about yourself!” Steven says.

Sadie shrugs. “Heh, um. I’m Sadie Miller. I guess I have a stage name, huh? My stage name is Sadie Killer. I used to work at the Big Donut, but I quit to focus on the band. It was just getting to be too much to deal with ever since Lars… um, well, I just wanted to focus on the band.”

“You’re the reason the band has its unique sound, so tell me about the band’s inception!”

“Steven, you were there.”

“Yeah, but like… it’s for the interview.”

Sadie smiles. “You, Buck, Jenny, and SC were trying to start a band and you all came over to my house after work so I could be there for practice. Buck found my horror movie collection and Jenny wanted to watch  _ The Lurch _ , and we used the background music as a jumping off point, I guess. I started coming up with lyrics based off of how I was feeling about work and it just spiraled from there.”

“What’s your favorite part about being in the band?”

“I love all of it! It’s so different than my normal style and it’s so exciting. I love being Sadie Killer. It’s like a whole new part of me surfaced that I sort of always knew was there, but now gets to be front and center instead of pushed back past my customer service smile. It’s freeing, in a way.”

“Oh, are you gonna make any changes to your everyday aesthetic? That would be cool.”

Sadie taps her chin thoughtfully. “You know, I was thinking about dyeing my hair? I don’t know what color yet. I’ve never dyed my hair before.”

“That would look so good!!” Steven says. “Oh! One more question. What’s your favorite song?”

“Probably ‘The Working Dead’. It was the first one we wrote and the first time I embraced a new persona.”

Starwipe. Greg Universe is sitting on the bed now. The pop-up introduces him as the manager.

“Hey Dad!”

“Hey, Schtu-ball.”

“You used to be a rock star! How is managing Sadie Killer different than being Mr. Universe?”

“Well, obviously there’s the difference of performing vs not performing. I also don’t write any of the songs, which I did when I was Mr. Universe. Sadie and the rest of the kids take care of that. I mostly book venues for them and help with publicity and stuff. I’m working on some merch ideas right now.”

“What made you want to be the band manager?”

“You showed me one of their songs and it ruled! You gave me the idea to be a manager, and I wanted to help out in any way I could if that’s what they wanted. I also wanted to spare them from having to deal with anyone like Marty, who was my old manager.”

“Man, that guy sucks.”

“Steven--”

“That’s  _ five  _ letters. Plus it’s true.”

Greg shrugs, smiling. “Can’t argue there. Hey, speaking of publicity, why don’t you show your TubeTube channel one of the songs?” He snaps and shoots a finger gun at the camera. “Sadie Killer and the Suspects’ new EP,  _ Ghost,  _ coming to a streaming site or music store near you.”

“That’s a great idea!” Steven says. He turns the camera around and grins. “Get ready guys, this is gonna knock your socks off!”

Starwipe. The band is set up in a separate corner of the room, dressed in dollar store costumes. A fog machine turns on, filling the basement with mist that causes the green lights to bounce wildly over the walls. Sour Cream raises his hand in the air.

“One, two, three, four!”

Guitar and bass kick in. Steven zooms in on Jenny and Buck before zooming back out to focus on Sadie, who flicks on a flashlight under her chin. She has blood red makeup lining her eyes, a wicked grin forming on her face.

_ “Teens by day, we’re alright. Teens by day, but every night we’re--” _

The other teens join in, harmonizing with enthusiasm.  _ “Sadie Killer and the Suspects!” _

They fly through the rest of the song with a perfect mix of dramatic showmanship and cheesy, over the top acting. It finishes with a flourish. Sadie throws her hands in the air, panting.

Steven bursts into applause. “Woo! That was amazing!”

“That was great! Your next show is gonna be  _ killer!” _ Greg says.

“Hey, thanks,” Buck says. “We appreciate it, Mr. U.”

Sadie removes her glow-in-the-dark skeleton cloak. “Thanks for interviewing us, Steven, that was fun!”

Starwipe. Steven is sitting on the bed with everyone from the band (plus Greg), holding the camera vlogger style. “That’s Sadie Killer and the Suspects! Go check them out, you won’t regret it!” He looks over his shoulder at everyone else. “What else should they do?”

“Oh! Follow us on social media! I made a bunch of accounts on every app I could think of,” Jenny says. A bunch of handles with corresponding app logos appear onscreen.

“And what else?”

“Um… Check out the merch?” Sour Cream says.

“Yeah, and….. what else?” Steven prompts.

Sadie gasps. “Oh, the album.”

A chorus of, “oooooohhh,” rises up. Steven looks at them expectantly. 

They exchange a look. Sadie mouths, “one, two, three” and they say, “download and stream our new EP  _ Ghost _ when it drops next week!”

Steven giggles. “That’s it for this video! Thanks for watching, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and make sure to check out Sadie Killer! I love you, bye!”

**9023 views ・ 8352 likes ・ 21 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 9134 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 834

**lostinbooks**

SADIE KILLER IS SADIE MILLER OF STEVENQUARTZUNIVERSE FAME?????

**Betta_Splendin**

Was anyone going to tell me horror movie queen Sadie Miller is Sadie Killer or was I just supposed to find that out in this video myself

> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> I saw them in Empire City and thought her voice sounded familiar and I somehow didn’t connect the dots???
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> You saw them in Empire City??? I was out of town that day :((
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> They have a list of future shows on their website and they have a few scheduled in Empire City next month!
> 
> **mell**
> 
> NICE im gonna have to snag tickets

**sadstatueofliberty**

Oh heck time for a new hyperfixation

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

Hey that song SLAPS can they drop the EP sooner than next week I am ITCHING to hear the other songs

> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> They have a few rehearsal videos on their TubeTube which is tiding me over until next week
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> I never knew I needed a horror themed band until right now
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Omg underscores in username gang
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> aaaayyyyy

**JayReads**

I am literally dying to find out the tea with Marty

> **rosewitchx**
> 
> there is some FAMILY DRAMA there like?? what’s the deal?
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> That guy is so terrible that Steven said he sucks
> 
> **gayzula**
> 
> everyone cowboy up we’re going after marty once we get kevin
> 
> **fearfullyfabulou5**
> 
> i just went back through some older videos and steven mentions that greg’s old manager used his song as a burger jingle without crediting him and that’s why greg is rich now
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> Oh that’s pretty icky let’s get him
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> There’s gotta be more to it than that though, right?
> 
> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> oh deffo but we’re already on our way to get him so it doesn’t matter
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> That’s valid. Steven Protection Squad roll out
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> We’re expanding to also be a Greg Protection Squad for this occasion

**Wishflare**

HEY UM STEVEN GOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND HE JUST BRUSHED PAST IT?

> **GreasyBrick**
> 
> i don’t even know how to react to him going to space anymore
> 
> **linring**
> 
> he’s a busy guy and sometimes he gets abducted by aliens that’s just a day in the life of our king <3
> 
> **Aurum**
> 
> he should still probably get therapy tho right
> 
> **linring**
> 
> oh natch

**idk kitty**

sadie said screw capitalism

> **FloofyBoofy**
> 
> And we love that for her <3 queen

**Andovia212**

I don’t think we’re appreciating Greg’s pun about the show being killer

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> No that’s intentional

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadie killer is an icon and we love that for her
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section!


	35. Planning a Wedding!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has exciting plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fridayyyy ayyyoooo
> 
> i hope this chapter is as wholesome as planned

**Planning a Wedding!!**

_ published April 14 _

Steven backs away from the camera, which has been set up facing his bed. His eyes are practically sparkling and a grin threatens to split his face in half. Excitement radiates from him in tangible waves.

“Hey guys!” he says, waving furiously at the camera. “Some  _ wild  _ stuff has been going on! I can’t get into it right now, um, it’s… uh, it’s kind of intense, but um…”

The smile slips from his face.

“It’s just, um. We found some stuff out about-- no, um, this is a happy video. Okay, so basically there was some… well, I guess you could call it  _ family drama _ if you wanted to, but uh, I’m trying not to think about that. The main thing here is that we actually have some super good news!”

Steven sits down on the edge of his bed and pulls his legs up to sit cross legged. He leans forward with literal stars in his eyes. “Ruby and Sapphire are getting married!”

He frowns. “Okay, I don’t know if you guys remember who Ruby and Sapphire are. Garnet is what’s called a Gem fusion of the Gems Ruby and Sapphire. We talked about it in the Q&A video a while back.”

A card pops up on the top right with a link to the Q&A video. Steven runs a hand through his curls and smiles softly. “I  _ love  _ weddings. I’ve been planning weddings ever since I was like,  _ five _ . I’ve got a whole wedding planner.”

Steven gasps and sits bolt upright. “Oh!!! I have to find my wedding planner!” Steven says, vaulting off the bed and running over to his closet.

Jumpcut. Steven is holding a thick purple book in front of the camera. Pages stick haphazardly out of the sides like there are separate lists, photos, and other various loose sheets of paper folded up and placed inside. Fake flowers are glued to the cover, which is labeled “Dream Wedding”.

Another jumpcut. Steven is sitting on his bed with the book open in his lap. “Okay, so the plan for planning the wedding comes in steps. We have to pick a date, choose a theme, create a guest list, choose a venue, figure out what music we want and who to play it, what catering and refreshments we want, and make and send invitations.” As he says this, the steps appear onscreen in the form of a bulleted list.

Steven slams the planner shut. “Let’s get started!”

Starwipe. The camera is set up in the living room. Steven is sitting on the couch with two Gems, presumably Ruby and Sapphire. The wedding planner is open on the coffee table and Sapphire is poring over it, humming to herself as she flips through the pages.

“This is incredibly intricate,” she says. “I’m impressed.”

Steven shrugs. “What can I say? I love weddings.”

Ruby crosses her arms and leans back against the couch. “What’s the point of a wedding theme, exactly?”

“Well, you might want the venue to look a certain way or everyone to wear a certain color, or you might want the whole wedding to be themed after something you both like, like a TV show or a hobby.”

“I like all the flower options,” Sapphire says. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “What do you think, sweetums?”

Ruby takes the book from Sapphire and scans the page. “I don’t know. There’s a lot here. Uhhh, I like this arch thing?”

Steven looks over her shoulder. “Oh! That would be so pretty!”

Sapphire nods. “Then let’s do that. Flowers and an arch.”

Steven holds the book up to the camera, pointing at the picture of the arch. Flowers are woven into the sides of it and fabric is tied into bows. The picture itself looks like it was taken in the mountains. 

“Okay, we have a theme. Any idea for a venue?”

“Why don’t we just do it on the beach? It’s right there,” Ruby says, gesturing vaguely towards the front door.

“Oh, that would look lovely!” Sapphire claps her hands together.

Steven nods. “Well that was easier than I thought it would be. We don’t even have to book an event or anything!”

Sapphire laughs and grabs Ruby’s hand. 

Starwipe. The camera points at the kitchen. The Crystal Gems are gathered around the counter, looking over lists. Ruby and Sapphire are sitting on stools next to Steven while Amethyst sits on the counter. Pearl props her chin in her hand, leaning against the counter, ankles crossed. Greg stands by the fridge.

“I understand that we’re inviting the townspeople, but do we  _ really _ need to have food?” Pearls asks.

“Yeah, all weddings have a reception after the ceremony with refreshments and dancing and stuff. It’s kind of traditional for there to be a wedding cake.”

“Hm…”

Amethyst glances at the list in her hand and shrugs. “Just put whatever on the table, they’ll eat it. My vote’s for macaroni cheese and cooking oil.”

“I don’t think that’s traditional wedding food,” Sapphire says.

“We could always ask Fish Stew Pizza to provide pizza for the reception… we already know them and they’d be happy to help…” Steven mumbles. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Dude, just put anything. They won’t care. Humans love eating junk,” Amethyst says.

“Yeah, but not to the extent you do, Amethyst. Besides, people expect fancy stuff at a wedding,” Greg says, “Like a fondue. I could go for that.”

“Hot dogs?” Steven asks. “Like, fancy hot dogs? Or, uhhh, I could make together breakfast? Or, um. Bagel.. bagel sandwich…” he trails off, staring intently at the list.

“I don’t really care about the food stuff. Just put out a punch bowl and some cups,” Ruby says.

Pearl sighs. “That  _ would _ be easiest.”

Steven snaps his fingers. “Potluck! Everyone brings something they want at the wedding! So the Pizzas can bring pizza and the Frymans can bring fries--”

Amethyst sits up. “Woah, that’s a great idea!”

Greg raises his hand. “Wait, weddings are fancy--”

“And you could grill burgers” Steven interrupts.

Greg looks at all of them and sighs. “Yeah, I guess.”

Starwipe.

Steven holds the camera vlogger style. He’s walking down the boardwalk with a stack of envelopes in hand. “Hey guys! I’m delivering the invitations right now while Ruby and Sapphire figure out what music they want. I’m  _ guessing  _ they’ll ask my dad to play, but you never know. Anyway, invitations!”

Steven reaches a food truck that’s been parked next to the fry shop. “Hey Peedee!” he says. “What’s up?”

Peedee looks up from a book he has open. “Oh, hey Steven. Did you want the actual product I’m selling or just the bits?”

“I’m actually here to deliver an invitation!” he says, sliding an envelope across the counter. Peedee opens the envelope and quickly reads its contents.

“...Steven, I have no idea who Ruby and Sapphire are.”

Steven pauses, like he’s glitched out. He blinks. “O-- oh, right. Um. Okay, so you know Garnet?”

“Yeah?”

“Okay so Ruby and Sapphire are Garnet.”

“...I’m not following.”

Steven blinks again. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, inhales as if to speak, then pauses. “Um… okay, so Gems are aliens, right? And sometimes when they’re in sync, they uh, they can dance and kind of like become a new person? Um. So like… they’re usually Garnet but they had a-- okay, so Garnet’s a fusion, which is--”

Jumpcut.

Steven hands an invitation to Sadie. “It’s for Garnet’s wedding!”

“Who’s she getting married to?”

“Um. Herself, kind of? Okay so Garnet’s actually two people but they love each other so much they can become one person--”

Jumpcut. Steven is sitting on a bench, resting his forehead in his hand. “I didn’t… I forgot not everyone knows what a fusion is…”

Starwipe.

Steven, Ruby, Greg, and Sapphire are at a clothing store. Steven is still vlogging up a storm. “Traditionally, one person will wear a suit and one person will wear a dress, but you can do whatever you want,” Steven says. “Personally, I think when I get married, I’d want to wear a cool dress, and Co-- I mean, whoever I marry can match or do whatever,” he says, trailing off. Greg smiles at his slip-up.

Ruby is staring intently at a row of sleeveless white gowns. Her eyes are wide. “Um, Sapphy? Mind if I steal your look for a day?”

Sapphire follows Ruby’s gaze and gasps, hands flying up to her face to hide her growing smile.  _ “Please _ do, you would look amazing.”

Ruby lightly punches her in the arm. “Hey, no future vision! That’s not fair.”

Sapphire giggles. “I’m not using future vision, I just know you’d look lovely.”

“Heh, whatever.”

Steven’s eyes are sparkling. ‘They’re so cute,’ he mouths.

“Hey Schtu-ball, while we’re here, let’s get you an outfit for the wedding,” Greg says. “Did you want a dress?”

“Mmmm… no, not for this one. I want a cool suit.”

“Also doable.”

Starwipe. A title card slides onscreen, reading: “THE FINAL OUTFIT REVEAL”.

A starwipe reveals Ruby standing in a dressing room with a strapless white gown and a white headband tied around her hair in a bow. She twirls, letting the skirt fly out. A second starwipe reveals Sapphire with her hair tied into a ponytail dressed in a sharp blue suit. She straightens a white bowtie and places a hand on her hip for a model pose.

Another starwipe. It seems Steven’s slowly returning to his obsession with transitions.

The camera is focused on the beach, where Amethyst (dressed in a tux with her hair in a fancy updo) is weaving roses into the wedding arch that faces the ocean. Folding chairs are lined up in rows. Greg is struggling to set up a grill, talking to a buff lady with rainbow hair. She’s wearing a suit of armor that glints in the sunlight.

Steven zooms the camera in on her. “That’s Bismuth,” he whispers. “She’s one of the original Crystal Gems, and she’s back for the wedding. We had a little bit of a falling out, but we’re friends now.”

Bismuth catches Steven’s eye and waves. Steven waves back, then turns and enters the house. He flips the camera to show his face. “The wedding is coming up later today! We’re all doing last minute arrangements and stuff before everyone gets here.”

Steven pauses briefly and looks down. “Oh yeah! We got a cat,” he says. “I forgot to introduce you guys,” he says flipping the camera to show a calico cat with one eye rubbing against his leg. He leans down and pats her head, giving her a little scratch behind the ears. “Garnet named her Cat Steven, which makes things kind of confusing, but I think it’s sweet. I’ll have to make a video about her after the wedding!”

He grins and heads up the stairs, flipping the camera back around once more. “Bismuth made rings for Ruby and Sapphire because she’s a blacksmith! I still have to get ready. I was just so excited for today and I was busy making sure everything was going okay.”

Steven sits on the edge of his bed. He frowns. “I wasn’t kidding when I said there was a lot going on. Everyone’s really shaken up and we’re still facing a lot of uncertainty. Things are really stressful, to put it mildly. But I think this wedding was a great idea! Not  _ just _ because I love weddings, though that  _ is _ a part of it. I think it’ll be good to get everyone’s mind off of everything and just think about love and the good things we’ve got going for ourselves.”

A smile tugs at the corner of Steven’s lips. “I have to get ready, but I’ll catch you guys after the wedding! Thanks  _ so _ much for watching. I love you all so much! Bye!”

**20476 views ・ 9578 likes ・ 20 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 15935 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 1036

**Bumblewish**

Our boy is a wedding planner!

> **fakelib**
> 
> he’s so cute he has a whole book i’m gonna cry

**MayorOfCanTown**

Forget everyone else I only stan Ruby and Sapphire now

> **Hannahdoodle100**
> 
> Literally the best power couple ever love them
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> They fuse into Garnet? What QUEENS
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Garnet is just a queen who’s two smaller queens in a trenchcoat,,,,

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

I don’t know what fusion is and at this point I’m afraid to ask

**Tassy_R**

Oh the return of our king Peedee

> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> he’s such a mood I would die for him

**Broken_Pine**

I’VE ONLY HAD BISMUTH FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 SECONDS BUT I WOULD KILL FOR HER

> **AconiteWolfsbane**
> 
> I see a buff lady and I become the human equivalent of the eyes emoji
> 
> **Marf0g**
> 
> She got rainbow hair,,, suit of armor,,
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> Steven make a video with Bismuth challenge
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i’ll have to see if she’s up for it!
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> omg king <3

**TrueKindaLove19**

Steven thinks he’s slick saying “whoever I marry” but we all know what he was really gonna say

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> He’s so cute I’m gonna fjkalflsfdkajfkds we LOVE that energy

**lostinbooks**

I hope everything works out okay for whatever’s going on with you guys! Congrats to Ruby and Sapphire!

**Landfyre**

Can I contract Steven to plan my wedding

> **Wishflare**
> 
> omg that’s the dream

**Betta_Splendin**

The vibes in this video,,, effervescent <3

> **lilysweetdreams**
> 
> we really said we love the wholesome vids and steven came through
> 
> **King_of_sparrow**
> 
> Watching a video on the stevenquartzuniverse channel is like a shot of serotonin
> 
> **teapods**
> 
> stevenquartzuniverse is the only channel on tubetube

**FloofyBoofy**

Their OUTFITS sis I LOVE THAT

> **Taranov**
> 
> Ruby’s dress is so lovely it spins out so good
> 
> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> Sapphire with her hair tied up <3
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> Y’all see Amethyst’s updo? WHAT A STYLISH QUEEN
> 
> **linring**
> 
> everyone in the universe family really knocks it out of the park in the style department when they want to

**gayzula**

ok congrats on the wedding or whatver but cat steven is now the most important thing in the world

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steven noo don't suppress ur feelings haha
> 
> since we're near the end of s5 i'd like to clarify: this fic is planned to go all the way through suf! i have Plans
> 
> remember the thing about comments but like y'all know at this point


	36. MAJOR LIFE UPDATE!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gives some insight onto what he's been doing for the past week and what might happen in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's wednesday! this chapter is a bit short but some of the upcoming chapters will hopefully be longer

**MAJOR LIFE UPDATE!!**

_ published April 23 _

The camera is angled towards the ground as Steven walks up the steps to his house. He’s having a quiet conversation with someone.

The door opens and Steven flicks the lights on, illuminating the living room. The person he’s talking to plants a kiss on his forehead and peels off in a different direction. After gently placing his ukulele on the coffee table, Steven flops onto the couch and sighs heavily, switching the camera view to show his face. His eyebags are so dark they almost look purple. His cheeks are flushed and his face is streaked with tear tracks.

“Hey guys,” he says. He rubs his eyes, stifling a yawn. “So a lot has happened since I last uploaded…”

Offscreen, someone laughs. A smile tugs at the corner of Steven’s lips. “Heh, yeah, okay. So that’s putting it mildly. The major takeaway is that my mom was one of the rulers of the Gem empire the whole time so I went to get the other ones to dismantle their colonies and discriminatory laws or whatever and now we did that. Well, I was mainly wanting to see if they would heal all the corrupted Gems, but then we found out more bad stuff they were doing, so we fixed that too. Anyway, we’re gonna have to do some stuff here to prepare the world for all the aliens that are gonna live here now probably.”

“I would count on that, yes,” says Pearl from offscreen. The sink turns on and fills something up, followed by the click of the stove heating up. “That will be quite the endeavor.”

Steven somehow looks even more exhausted. He rubs his eyes. “Ugh, I don’t even want to  _ think _ about that right now. It’s bad enough having to oversee all the changes on Homeworld and stuff, it’s just--  _ ugh. _ ”

The door opens and two more people enter the room. Steven raises a hand in greeting then returns to the camera. “I guess what I’m trying to say here is that a lot of stuff is going to change.”

Garnet walks by and pats Steven on the head, ruffling his curls. He snorts and playfully swats her hand away.

“The plan today is--” Steven breaks off as a cup of tea is offered to him. He pushes himself into a sitting position and takes the mug from Pearl. “Thanks Mo-- uh, thanks Pearl.”

Amethyst slides into frame and snatches the teabag out of the mug, ruffling Steven’s hair affectionately before tossing the teabag into the air and catching it in her mouth. She hops off the couch and wanders off, probably to bug Pearl. Steven snorts and takes a sip of his tea, then places the mug on the coffee table.

“Um, anyway, the plan today is just to get some rest ‘cause it’s already late and we went” --Steven’s hand flutters around his abdomen. He clenches it into a fist and picks his mug back up-- “we went through a lot earlier, so we’re gonna sleep it off and get started on healing the corrupted Gems first thing tomorrow morning. We also have to figure out how to transport them all safely.”

Steven takes a long drink from his tea mug and sighs heavily, then shakes his head. “I already know I’m going to get comments about this,” he says, “so I’ll just say it now: I’m fine, everyone’s fine, and you don’t have to worry. Seriously, we just saved the universe? I think we’re feeling pretty good.”

He shifts his position so his back is against the wall and slumps against the couch cushions. “Oh yeah, also we need to repair my house because it kind of got destroyed earlier.” Steven flips the camera around to show half of the house completely gone and covered with a blue tarp. He lingers on this shot for a while, then flips the view back around to his face. He shrugs. “Bismuth is working on repairing it. Vidalia offered to let us crash at her place, but I wanted to sleep here tonight.”

A breeze sweeps through the room, ruffling the tarp and peaking the audio. Steven purses his lips. “I might just sleep in Rose’s room, though. If I’m careful, I can get it to recreate the house before it got smashed.”

Steven sips his tea, then sits up. “I don’t think it’ll show up on camera, but I can still try. One sec, I’m gonna change.”

Starwipe. Steven is wearing yellow pajamas. He has a teddy bear tucked under his arm and he’s holding his tea in his free hand. “Oh, check out my frog mug,” he says, turning to cup to reveal a cartoon frog on the side. “Anyway, room time. Last time I tried to take a picture in there, it just showed up as a black void, so I’m not  _ super  _ optimistic about our chances, but we can still try.”

The camera view flips and Steven walks up to the door with the star decal. “I’d like to go in, room,” he says. The pink dot on the star glows and the video freezes. The sound of a door sliding open can be heard.

When the video resumes, everything is pitch black. The view flips to show Steven’s face, which is somehow completely visible as if it were broad daylight. The lighting has a pinkish tint.

“No luck, sorry guys. Just imagine an infinite space that’s made out of clouds and that’s basically it.” He glances up. “Room, I want to see my house before it got destroyed. Oh, and don’t recreate the temple inside of it, okay? You can just put the door there, I won’t go inside the fake temple anyway.”

There’s a  _ poof _ and Steven’s eyes light up, followed by the sound of a screen door opening, but the surroundings remain empty. He sets his mug of tea down on something. “I’m gonna get the Gems in here for a sleepover, but I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

Starwipe. The camera is pointed up at the impossible-to-see ceiling of a circular stone room. Shiny red columns resembling arteries and veins stretch up into the darkness. Hundreds, maybe thousands of gemstones glitter inside of multi-colored bubbles floating in the air. The entire scene is illuminated by firelight from below.

A purple whip lassos around one of the bubbles and yanks it from its position in the air. The camera pans down to follow its path, landing on Amethyst, who detangles it from her whip and hands it over to Garnet. Steven turns the camera around.

“We’re moving all the bubbles to Rose’s fountain,” he explains. “During the Gem War thousands of years ago, the Diamonds did an attack that corrupted Gems’ state of mind and turned them into monsters, but now that the Diamonds are working with us, we’re finally able to heal them all the way and return them back to normal.”

“Steven, did you already get Jasper?” Amethyst yells.

“Yeah! She was the first one I got down!” he yells back. He returns his focus to the camera. “This is gonna take a while, so I’ll update you once we get everyone down.”

Starwipe. Steven pans over a pool with a statue of a woman in the center. Her hair tumbles down her back in ringlets, like a swath of roses. Water pours from her eyes like waterfalls, feeding into the pool surrounding her. Hundreds of bubbles containing gemstones bob up and down in the water, reflecting sunlight and glittering. The camera continues to pan, landing on a group of creatures resembling giant centipedes. Steven waves at them, then pans back over to the statue. Standing behind it are three women, easily over a hundred feet tall. The one in the middle has a diamond embedded in her forehead, and the two on the sides have diamonds in their chests.

“Those are the diamonds,” Steven says unnecessarily, “Yellow, White, and Blue.”

White Diamond catches Steven’s eye and raises an eyebrow. Steven shrugs. “Once they get in the pool, their essence will combine with Pink’s healing tears” --he zooms in on the statue-- “and heal all the Gems permanently. Oh yeah, my mom was actually Pink Diamond and not a Rose Quartz. I don’t remember if I mentioned that. Anyway, I’m gonna go supervise. And by supervise, I mean I’m going to go swimming and make a bunch of new friends.”

The camera view flips around to show his face. Steven looks a bit more rested than he had before. The dark circles have lost their purple tint, but he still looks like he needs a three month long nap. This is offset by his blinding grin. “I’ll be back soon with a video to introduce you guys to all my new buddies, but for now I have to help out with everything. Thanks so much for watching. I love you all. Have a great day! Bye!”

**32845 views ・ 10364 likes ・ 30 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 25894 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 1583

**ReconNow**

There’s…. a lot to process here

> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Steven really out here like “yeah I just dismantled an alien empire :)” BRUH
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> This fool is FOURTEEN how am I supposed to think I’ve ever done anything impressive after this
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no no! don’t compare ur achievements to someone else’s! circumstances are different for everyone and whatever u feel proud of u deserve to be proud of!
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> omg king <3
> 
> **effervescenttension1183**
> 
> That’s easy for you to say dude you literally saved the entire galaxy
> 
> **Pausa07**
> 
> See THAT’S legend behavior. Today my main accomplishment was making dinner
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> and i’m very proud of you for that! change and success and accomplishments is different for everyone!!
> 
> **mell**
> 
> once again… omg king <3

**Loogia**

ok but is cat steven okay???

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yes! she’s fine
> 
> **s0ng_0f_st0rms**
> 
> oh good i was very worried

**Tassy_R**

THE DIAMONDS ARE SO BIG WHAT

> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> They’re definitely taller than my house that’s so scary
> 
> **strike_the_top**
> 
> How do they find makeup big enough for them to use? White Diamond had some killer lipstick
> 
> **dsndave**
> 
> white diamond so pretty,, step on me
> 
> **PrimaraBlue**
> 
> Not that I don’t agree with you but can we keep Steven’s comment section as wholesome as it normally is
> 
> **King_of_sparrow**
> 
> We threaten to murder the people who wrong Steven like literally constantly
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> Exactly. Wholesome
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> WHAT ABOUT MURDER IS WHOLESOME
> 
> **Hannahdoodle100**
> 
> Listen you’re too stressed about this just keep the comment section wholesome like PriamaraBlue requested
> 
> **Tuhgou**
> 
> But you’re not worried about the threats of murder?
> 
> **AconiteWolfsbane**
> 
> I don’t see the issue here
> 
> **view 63 replies**

**Clinohumite**

Hey if your mom was Pink Diamond does that mean your aunts are 100 feet tall women?

**Hope_Loneheart**

HOW DID YOUR HOUSE GET DESTROYED

> **Shawn**
> 
> What was going on that it didn’t even occur to Steven that his house was half gone,,,
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> He just saved the whole universe plus he already know his priorities are out of wack just let him rest :(
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> Good point let’s all get him to take a nap
> 
> **JustAsPlanned**
> 
> *cracks knuckles* time to get the gang back together
> 
> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> steven protection squad roll out

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

Aliens are gonna live ON EARTH??? Steven you can’t just gloss over that I need to know where I need to move so I can have an alien roommate

> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> Yes we can finally live out the scifi romance DREAM
> 
> **Landfyre**
> 
> How many sitcoms will be made about an alien moving in with a normal family
> 
> **Destrark**
> 
> A lot definitely but I won’t need to watch any because my life will become one
> 
> **ebeazy**
> 
> you find out about aliens living on earth and how there’ll likely be political repercussions and maybe an alien embassy or something and you start talking about sitcoms?
> 
> **Destrark**
> 
> Listen we use humor to cope with new and unexpected situations idk what you want from me

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok sorry to everyone who wanted a vlog of him on homeworld but i think his priorities were on other things during diamond days  
> there WILL be vlogs on homeworld in the future though  
> the next 5 or so chapters might be a bit wack bc they take place in the 2 year gap between cym and the movie but i think they'll be fun (and worrying as we get closer and closer to future)!
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section! (i don't think u need the reminder at this point but like it's the structure of things)


	37. Meet My New Friends!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes some time to introduce some of the new faces in Beach City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy it's friday and i'm procrastinating on writing an essay

**Meet My New Friends!**

_ published June 2 _

Steven is sitting on his bed in the typical set-up, but something’s a little… off. At first glance, it would seem that the off-kilter vibes would be from the blue shirt he’s wearing, but upon closer inspection, it would appear that there’s something else going on.

“Hey guys!” Steven says. He gives a little wave. “I have a little time this week before I have to be in a meeting with some… important people, I guess. I forgot who we’re talking to exactly, but I know it’s important. Anyway, I wanted to introduce you guys to a few new people here in Beach City!”

Steven pauses for a moment, tilting his head from side to side like he’s weighing the pros and cons of an option. “Aaaand I guess I’ll introduce you to the Diamonds, too,” he says with a bit of a sigh. “They’re… well, I guess they’re having a little trouble adjusting to the new stuff we’re introducing to Gem culture and also to the fact that they aren’t intergalactic dictators anymore.”

He shrugs. “Anyway, let’s go meet some friends!”

Steven covers the camera with his palm. When he uncovers it, the scene has changed. Steven is holding the camera vlogging style, walking down the boardwalk. “First, let’s check on some of the newly healed Crystal Gems! Crazy Lace and Biggs usually hang out by the Funland Arcade.”

He waves enthusiastically at someone off camera.

“Steven!” that someone yells. Steven flips the camera around to show a tall, buff woman with a gemstone for an eye and her hair tied up with ribbons waving back at him. “Hey, did your eye color change?”

“No, it’s always been this color.”

“Huh, I could’ve sworn something was different about you.”

“How’ve you been, Crazy Lace?” Steven asks.

Crazy Lace taps her chin and shrugs. “I’m just trying to catch up with everything that’s happened since the war. Bit of a culture shock, see?”

“That’s understandable. Oh, hey! I’m making a video, want to say hi?”

Crazy Lace waves at the camera, then leans down to talk more directly at it. “Hello, video. Or hello to the person  _ watching _ the video, right? Yeah, that’s right.” She straightens up.

“Have a nice day! Oh, where’s Biggs?”

“She’s inside,” Crazy Lace says, pointing over her shoulder. Steven zooms in on another Gem playing on one of the arcade machines. Three horns poke out of her mane of white hair. “She’s been stuck on that level for three days. She’ll be fine.”

“Okay! Tell her I said hi!”

“Will do!”

A starwipe transitions to someone’s front yard where a folding table has been set up and laid out with dozens of baked goods. Lars is standing behind it, next to a Gem with four eyes. Lars’ skin is a bright, bubblegum pink and he sports a gnarly scar over one eye.

“Hi Lars! Hi Rhodonite! What’s all this for?”

“Hey Steven! I was just teaching the Off Colors how to bake. I was thinking about starting a bakery. You know, since Dewey took over the Big Donut.”

“That’s a  _ great _ idea! You could make it space themed!”

A shorter Gem pops her head over the table and grins. “Steven is about to film us for his video!” she says. “Here he is! Hello, Steven!”

Steven giggles. “Hi Padparadscha. How are you?”

“Very well!”

Lars pats the top of Padparadscha’s head affectionately. He picks up a marker and writes a label on a sheet of paper then places it in front of one of the plates of brownies. Behind him, a door opens and someone emerges holding a tray of cupcakes. They place it on the only part of the table with free space.

Steven pans up to reveal two Gems conjoined into one. “Hey guys!” he says. Then, in a lower voice to the camera, he adds, “That’s the Rutile twins!”

The Rutile twins wave, then tighten their respective aprons and return inside.

“Oh, where’s Fluorite?”

Rhodonite points upwards, behind the house. “Fluorite’s helping us advertise the bake sale. She couldn’t really fit into Captain Lars’ kitchen. Hey, are those new shoes?”

“Nope, same ones from before!”

Steven backs away from the table and pans upward. Sure enough, a huge Gem, much taller than Lars’ house, is holding a sign labeled “OFF COLORS BAKE SALE” with an arrow pointing towards the front yard.

“HI FLUORITE!” Steven yells.

“Hello Steven,” she says.

Steven walks back to the table. “How much for a donut?”

Starwipe. Steven is filming a grassy hill as he runs towards the top, where a plane with two seats has just landed. Andy hops out of the pilot seat, flipping up his goggles. “Oh, hey! Is this one of your TubeTubes?”

“Yeah! I’m introducing everyone to a few new friends!”

Andy reaches over the camera to ruffle Steven’s hair. “You wearin’ makeup or somethin’?”

“No, not today,” Steven says. He zooms in on the second passenger in the plane, who’s climbing out now. She takes off her helmet and puts it in the plane, revealing tufts of white hair that curl around her face. She turns around and gasps when she catches sight of Steven.

“Steven!”

“Hey Ce-- Nephrite! I was looking for you! How’s flying an Earth plane?”

“Great! It’s a lot simpler than the Homeworld ships, but different enough that it’s fun to learn about.”

Andy leans against the plane with a smile. “Yeah, she’s taken to it real quick. I’m impressed. Well, she is an alien, but y’know.”

“I’d say it’s even more impressive then, because she’s never seen an Earth plane before.”

Nephrite ruffles Steven’s hair. “Thanks, Steven. Hey, did you know there’s more than one flavor of Chaaaaps?”

“Oh!” Steven giggles. “Ha, yeah. I don’t buy a lot of the flavors, so I never had any to give you. Sorry.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me! Earlier today, I had no idea what sour cream and onions was, and I still don’t, but at least  _ now _ I know it tastes good.”

“I’ll have to bring you all the flavors I find!”

“Nice.”

Andy pushes himself into a standing position. “Wanna try your hand at that route we just flew, Nephrite?”

“Sure!” she says. She pats Steven on the head again. “See you later!”

Nephrite grabs her helmet out of the back of the plane and puts it on before climbing into the cockpit. Andy takes a seat behind her as the propeller starts to spin and Steven gives a wave, turning and walking back down the hill towards town.

He flips the camera around to show his face. The plane takes off behind him. “I tried to heal Nephrite way before we met the Diamonds, so we have a special bond.”

Steven glances over his shoulder and frowns. “I’d introduce you to Jasper, but after we healed her, she got mad at everyone and ran away to live in the woods. I have no idea where she is now.” He looks back at the camera. “I’d stay out of those woods if you go hiking anywhere near here. I think she might be the one punching all the trees in half? I mean, I don’t know who  _ else  _ it would be.”

“Hey Steven!” someone with a booming voice yells. Steven skids to a halt and turns sharply, zooming in on Bismuth, who’s standing over a table with dozens of blueprints piled haphazardly across it. “Are you makin’ a video without me?”

“No, you’re right on time!” Steven says, running over. “What’s up?”

“Oh, just finalizing all these designs,” Bismuth says. She puts a hand on her hip and nods to herself. “I love making weapons, but I’m willing to return to my  _ building _ building roots for a city as fine as this one.”

“And school!” Steven adds.

“And school. Hey, did you get a haircut or somethin’? You look different.”

Steven shakes his head. “Nope! These designs look amazing, Bismuth, I can’t wait to see everything when it’s done!”

Bismuth chuckles. She gestures at a platform behind her. “We’re already getting started on some of it. We filled in the hole from the barn already. I’m thinking we can put a funky design on it and a warp pad and make it the center of town.”

Steven’s eyes light up. “Woah! That sounds great! It could be a huge star!”

“I like your style, kid.”

Starwipe.

The scene here is entirely different. Smooth, gleaming, garishly colored walls stretch upwards towards an impossibly high ceiling, supported by intricate columns that appear to be woven out of metal. Four thrones are arranged in the shape of a diamond. Only one is occupied. Blue Diamond has her chin propped in her hand, gazing at the wall with a forlorn expression.

“Um, hi?” Steven says.

Blue gasps and whips her head towards the sound of his voice. “Steven!” she says. “You’re back!”

_ “Not _ for long!” Steven says hastily. “I’m still on Earth this week for that meeting. I’ll only be back next Thursday. I just wanted to introduce my subscribers to you guys.”

Blue stands up and kneels in front of Steven. He pans up to capture her face. “I won’t tell the others you’re here if you don’t want me to,” she says. “But the offer to stay here indefinitely is still open.”

Steven takes a step back. “I’ll… keep that in mind.”

“Is that a new shirt?”

“No, you’ve seen this one before. Um, how are things back here going?”

Blue sighs and waves a hand dismissively. “Oh, you know. A bit difficult to break social conventions that we’ve enforced for millennia, but we’re working on it. Our courts are completely disbanded as of yesterday.”

“That’s great!”

“I  _ do _ miss the color coordination, though,” she says wistfully, gazing out the window. “You know how everyone would gather in the shape of the logo? Lovely, that.” She glances at Steven. There must’ve been something in his expression, because her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “But freedom and equality is much more important than an aesthetically pleasing courtyard! Of course it is.”

Steven sighs. “Okay, I’ve got to go. I’ve got plans at four. Thanks for not telling the others. Bye!”

“Wait, Steven! You’re sure you don’t want to ‘hang out’ more?”

“I’m sure! Bye!”

Steven turns the camera back to his face, where he is barely suppressing a grimace. He runs back down the hall and hops onto the warp pad. “Huh, I wonder how this is going to affect the footage,” he murmurs. The warp pad activates with a musical chime and the video freezes.

The next ten seconds of the video seem like they’re playing at 1 FPS, sections of the screen shifting and glitching out in multi-colored pixels. The audio that manages to break through is choppy and unintelligible.

Once the glitch clears, Steven stumbles off of the warp pad and leans on the counter. He props the camera up on something and runs his hands over his face, letting a heavy sigh escape him. “Like I said, they’re a bit much. I can handle it, though.”

There’s a knock on the door and it swings open. Steven looks up at the sound.

A grin spreads across his face, completely overtaking whatever exhaustion and exasperation he was feeling before with excitement.

“Hey Steven!” Connie says, sliding into frame. She squeezes him in a hug and ruffles his hair. “Did you get taller?”

“Yeah!” Steven says. “I grew a couple inches. I think I’m having a growth spurt!”

“You might finally catch up to me,” she says, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. At some point, she had gotten a haircut, because her hair barely reaches past her chin.

Steven scowls. “Hey, I take pride in being part of the shorty squad.”

Connie laughs. “Anyway, you ready for our  _ Under the Knife _ marathon?”

“Yeah! I’ll meet you upstairs in a second.”

Connie exits the frame and Steven turns back to the camera. “Thanks for watching! I’ll have more updates on the alien situation in the future, but in the meantime, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

**108375 views ・ 37528 likes ・ 31 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 59394 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 1934

**LLS**

Is… is Steven meeting with the government or something

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> something like that
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Are the Gems gonna be citizens??
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> this really is the thing most sci fi shows dont show you

**Mrz_Ryuu**

I like the blue shirt but I’m so used to the red shirt that my brain is actively fighting it

> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Now he just needs a cool jacket and we’ll be in business

**RegularCitrus**

Steven don’t worry bb we’ll save you from the Diamonds we know how clingy family is

> **demonessofmusic**
> 
> Steven Protection Squad suit up we’re performing a rescue mission
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> Aren’t the Diamonds intergalactic dictators? and now they’re his aunts? Kind wildin in the family department huh
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Technically they’re no longer intergalactic dictators but that’s still some WILD character development

**Jonbonstovie**

Connie’s hair is a LOOK what a QUEEN

> **softasawhisper**
> 
> The return of our queen! It’s been so long!
> 
> **Aurum**
> 
> Finally she’s returned to her channel and this Steven guy can rest

**effervescenttension1183**

STEVEN’S TALLER

> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> He’s growing! Our son is growing up
> 
> **booksforlife406**
> 
> He has a neck,,,
> 
> **Destrark**
> 
> He WHAT

**knowAll**

Nephrite,,, ily,, please fly me places instead of making me take commercial airlines i’ll pay in limited edition chaps flavors

> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> Nephrite and Andy name a more iconic duo

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

STEVEN I’M VERY EXCITED ABOUT ALIENS LIVING HERE BUT ALSO NERVOUS BECAUSE WILL THAT MAKE BEACH CITY WEIRDER OR WILL IT MAKE EVERYTHING ELSE WEIRD AND BY EXTENSION MAKE BEACH CITY NORMAL? THIS IS A VERY URGENT QUESTION PLEASE RESPOND

> **tralalapis**
> 
> dang i thought we were free
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> If it’s urgent why’d you comment on his video instead of just texting him
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU

**mylilbirbs**

Lars is pink?? Why is Lars pink? What’s the scar? he doesn’t work at the big donut? WHAT

> **jailor**
> 
> he’s nice now? he’s got a crew? CAPTAIN lars??
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> he was in space for a while and stuff i’m sure i’ll explain it all at some point
> 
> **InvaluableOracle**
> 
> Steven when will you stop dropping these bombshells on us
> 
> **Pausa07**
> 
> Shouldn’t you of all people see these things coming
> 
> **InvaluableOracle**
> 
> What makes you say that
> 
> **Pausa07**
> 
> nvm

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every day we get closer to future
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section!


	38. birthday break!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven celebrates his fifteenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wednesday!!! hows it going fellas i've only been watching phineas and ferb for the past two weeks

**birthday break!**

_ published August 15 _

The video starts in a different setting than normal. Steven is sitting in bed, hair messy from sleep and impressions from his pillow on his cheek, but the walls are a glimmering pink, etched with strange, geometric patterns. The light filtering in from whatever windows are in the room doesn’t look quite natural, instead having a harsh quality to it.

“Hey guys,” he says, then pauses to rub his eyes. This is great news to the viewers, who will definitely need a second to process whatever the heck  _ that _ was. Steven’s voice is  _ deeper. _ That, combined with the fact that Steven is  _ definitely _ taller now (he has a neck and everything), really sells the fact that Steven is  _ older _ now.

“I’ve been pretty busy for the last couple months. You know, with the whole ‘dismantling an intergalactic empire that’s been in power for millennia’ thing. But  _ today _ , I get a day off!” Steven giggles. “It’s my birthday! I’ve been on Homeworld for the last few months” --he pans around the room, detailing the alien architecture and garish colors-- “but today I get to go wherever I want! There are some planets that might be nice to visit, but I think I’m just going to hang out on Earth today.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “I guess we should get ready, huh?”

Starwipe. Steven is filming a bathroom that looks like it was taken out of a low poly, early 2000s video game. “I’m the only person on Homeworld who’s at least  _ part _ human, so this is the only functioning bathroom on the entire planet. Don’t ask me how the plumbing works or where the water goes because I don’t even know how it works back on Earth.”

Steven props the camera up against the mirror. He glances at a comb, shakes his head, and runs his hands through his hair until it looks less like he just rolled out of bed. “I’m so ready to have a day off. I’m glad we’re dismantling the empire, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a lot of stuff.”

He picks up a tube of concealer and shakes it before unscrewing the cap. “I don’t remember the last time I got a full night’s sleep, but y’know,” he says with a shrug. He swipes the concealer wand under his eyes and blends it in. “The fate of the universe kind of comes before my own personal comfort. I just wish  _ naps _ were built into the schedule. Anyway, I’m about ready to warp back to Earth. Just gotta get dressed.”

Steven snaps and suddenly he’s dressed for the day (with the help of a jumpcut). He seems to have taken a liking to the blue shirt aesthetic. “The video’s just going to get all messed up if I film while I use the warp pad, so I’ll see you guys there!”

A starwipe transitions to the next scene. Steven holds the camera like a vlogger (though he technically  _ is _ a vlogger, so perhaps he’s just holding it like a Steven) as he heads down the stairs. “Oh yeah,” he says, “you guys remember the house got destroyed, right? Well, Bismuth rebuilt it, except  _ now _ it’s way cooler. I’ll have to give you a house tour once all the finishing touches are, you know,  _ finished. _ ”

He turns the camera to show what looks like a support structure for a dome-like addition. “That’s gonna be where the intergalactic warp goes. The warp pad inside the house only goes to other places on Earth.” He spins the camera back around to his face and smiles. “It’s pretty cool. Anyway, birthday time!”

Steven slides open a screen door and enters the house. “Hey guys!” he yells down the stairs.

“Steven!” Pearl says with a gasp. Steven races down the stairs and flips the camera view to show Pearl sitting at a dining room table, scrolling through a phone. Agonizingly, it doesn’t have a case. “You’re back!”

Steven giggles. “Yeah, of course I am! Where  _ else _ would I go today?”

Pearl’s expression is blank. “Today?”

“Ha-- uh, yeah?”

“Today isn’t a government mandated holiday, is it?”

“N-- uh, no, it’s… not.”

“Hm. Well, I’m glad you’re here, regardless,” Pearl says.

“Where are Garnet and Amethyst?”

“Garnet’s teaching yoga and Amethyst is taking a survey about the school,” Pearl says. “I’m sure they’d enjoy a surprise visit from you!”

“Uh huh,” Steven says. He heads towards the front door, pauses, then exits. The camera view flips.

Steven’s expression is one of complete bewilderment mixed with a hint of shock. “I… uh, I have no idea what just happened,” he whispers. “That’s never… Pearl’s  _ never _ forgotten my birthday before?”

He shakes his head. “Whatever, I won’t worry too much about it,” he says.  _ “Surprise visit,” _ he murmurs under his breath.

Screen wipe. Amethyst is holding a clipboard, talking to a short, blue Gem wearing a white scarf. Amethyst’s hair is tied up in a bun.

“Hey Amethyst!” Steven says. Amethyst jumps.

_ “Steven? _ Yo!! What’s  _ up _ , my dude!” She says, immediately abandoning the Gem she was talking to in order to tackle Steven in what must be a bone crushing hug, jostling the camera. Rest in peace to anyone who gets motion sick from videos.

“Hey! Hey, um--”

“I didn’t think you’d be back for like, at  _ least _ a couple more weeks!” Amethyst says.

“What? Why wouldn’t I come back today?”

“What’s today?” Amethyst asks. Steven flips the camera view back to his face. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion, but he still has a polite smile.

“Um,” Steven says, but Amethyst cuts him off.

“Oh dude, can you check over these answers I got? I don’t know how doable they are,” she says, holding out a clipboard.

Steven’s eyebrows knit even further together. “I’d love to, but it’s kind of my day off right now?”

“Riiiight, yeah, okay. I’ll catch you tomorrow, then,” Amethyst says. “Hey, Larimar!” she yells, voice distant.

Steven zooms in slowly on his face in absolute silence, then zooms back out abruptly. He shakes his head. “What… is happening…”

He shrugs. “I guess we’ll catch up with Garnet?”

Screen wipe. Steven films Garnet, who is currently upside down for some reason. He zooms in slowly on her face, suppressing a giggle.

“Hello, Steven,” she says. Steven squeaks and nearly drops the camera.

“Hi!”

“I take it your day off is going well,” she says, lowering herself from his yoga position so she can sit up.

“Yeah, mostly,” Steven says. “I got a donut on my way here, but no one remembers  _ why _ I’m visiting? It’s kind of weird. I mean, no one  _ usually _ forgets what today is--”

“August fifteenth,” Garnet supplies.

“Well, yeah.” Steven pauses. “Wait, do  _ you _ know what today is?”

“...August fifteenth.”

“WH--  _ and??” _

“I have future vision, not mind reading.”

The camera flips to Steven’s face. His mouth is ajar, eyebrows so high they nearly disappear into his hairline. “Wh-- okay, I’m going to find Dad.”

Screen wipe. Steven is walking down the sidewalk now, eyes wide and eyebrows knit together. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words, before coming to a stop and rubbing his forehead. “I don’t… Okay, so I was sort of starting to think maybe  _ I _ got the date wrong somehow, and it  _ wasn’t _ my birthday, but Garnet said it was the fifteenth and  _ that’s _ my birthday.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “Did I  _ do _ something? I thought I’d been pretty good at keeping in touch, but maybe I haven’t and that’s why they forgot? Or maybe I forgot someone else’s birthday and everyone decided to get me to realize how it felt? Or maybe I did something mean on accident and now… or did I somehow end up in Rose’s room and it’s glitching-- but my phone wouldn’t pick any of that up and it  _ definitely _ has been…”

Steven’s cheeks flush. “I really hope I didn’t mess something up. Or maybe they’ve all just been too busy with Little Homeschool stuff that they forgot. Which is still my fault because I’m the one who--”

“Hey Steven!” someone yells. Steven blinks. He catches sight of himself in the camera and his eyes widen slightly. His rant had caused his face to heat up, turning his cheeks a dull pink.

“Hi, Sadie,” he says, then sucks in a deep breath. The color fades. “What’s up?”

“I’m so glad to see you on the big day! Day off and everything, huh?”

Steven’s eyes light up. “Big day?”

“Yeah! We’re rehearsing a new song tonight at the car wash!”

The smile slips off Steven’s face. “Oh. Yeah, I’ll swing by for that.”

“Oh, can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure,” Steven says.

“Can you pick up a pizza for us from Fish Stew Pizza at six? I’ll pay you back.”

“They do deliveries.”

_ “Jenny _ does deliveries, and she’ll be at rehearsal too long to bring a pizza with her.”

Steven sighs. “Yeah, I’ll pick it up for you. Car wash, right?”

“Yep! Oh, are you making a video?” Sadie asks, sticking her head in frame. Her hair has been dyed green and she’s wearing makeup that some would consider to be punk rock. It’s a good look. “Hi Steven’s TubeTube channel!” she says with a wave. “Anyway, catch ya later!”

Steven pans back to his face. He doesn’t look confused, just disappointed. “Yeah, okay,” he says. Sadie winces, but her smile returns almost instantly. 

Screen wipe. Steven is walking down the boardwalk for all of two seconds before he screeches to a halt, flips the camera view, and zooms in on Connie, who is holding a shopping back and walking at a brisk pace. Her short hair has been gathered into a ponytail.

“Connie!” Steven yells. Connie freezes and whips her head around.

“Steven!” she says, eyes wide. “I didn’t expect to see you here!”

“W-- wait, really?” Steven says. He’s behind the camera, but his expression is somehow audible.

“Um, are you going to the Sadie Killer thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool, I’ll see you there! Can’t talk right now, gotta go, bye!” Connie says, and takes off down the boardwalk at a sprint.

Steven turns the camera view and frowns. “Well that one just hurt.”

Starwipe. The sun is a bit lower in the sky as Steven pushes the door of Fish Stew Pizza open with a musical chime. Kiki looks up from her phone with a start. “Hey Steven! I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Yeah, nobody else did either,” he mutters. “Um, I’m here to pick up a pizza for Sadie?”

“Oh, right on time!” Kiki says. She vanishes into the kitchen and returns with a stack of pizza boxes. Steven takes them and waves as he heads out the door.

Kiki takes off her apron and spins on her heel to exit through the back door.

“You know, I could just  _ tell _ people it’s my birthday,” Steven muses once he’s back outside. “I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess I just didn’t want them to feel bad about it.”

His cheeks flush. “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t upload this video if they’re gonna feel bad about it. Hmm…”

He shrugs. “It’s fine. We’re all busy, I get it,” he says. “I’ll still get to watch Sadie Killer and the Suspects perform, so that’ll be fun. And Connie will be there! So that’s cool too.”

Starwipe.

Steven is still walking, holding the camera vlogging style. “I’m almost at the car wash. I hope these pizzas don’t get cold. It’s kind of chilly tonight.”

As if on cue, a breeze whips past, ruffling his hair. He shrugs. “I’m excited for the new song, but I’m not sure why they’re rehearsing at the car wash. They usually practice at someone’s house. Or why people are watching them practice. Isn’t that just a normal concert? It’s kind of--”

Steven rounds the corner. Bright lights illuminate his face and his eyes widen. “--weird…”

Steven stops walking and just stares. 

A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

The camera view flips to show the car wash: it’s full of people and lit up with fairy lights, covered in streamers and balloons. Tables piled with snacks and carefully wrapped boxes line the sides of the parking lot. A banner stretches across the building, and written in bright pink, blocky letters are the words, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” with approximately seventeen exclamation points.

“Happy birthday!!” everyone at the car wash yells.

Steven flips the camera again. He’s grinning from ear to ear. “You guys!!!” he yells.

“Surprise!” someone says. That someone is Greg, who ruffles Steven’s hair affectionately and squeezes him in a hug. “Happy birthday, Schtu-ball!”

Steven giggles. “What’s?? I’m-- what??”

“Sorry about the deception,” says Connie. She takes the pizza boxes out of Steven’s hand and smiles. “We just wanted to surprise you.”

“I-- uh-- wh-- you-- what?” 

“Here, let me film this,” Greg says. He takes the camera. “This’ll be good for your video.”

The camera flips, showing Steven in all his completely baffled glory. His smile threatens to split his face in half and his eyes are glimmering with stars. Connie hands the pizza boxes off to Sadie.

The Gems run up first, tackling Steven in yet another hug that might actually break a rib. Steven’s giggling too much to care about that, though. 

“Oh, you don’t know how hard it was to pretend I didn’t know it was your birthday,” Pearl gushes. “I’d  _ never!” _

“Yeah, dude,” Amethyst says, punching him in the arm. “You  _ gotta _ have more faith in us.”

“I’m a master of deceit,” Garnet says, deadpan. That only lasts for about a second before she smiles. “But it was hard.”

Once the Gems all back off from Steven, Connie hugs him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. “I thought I was smart trying to only show up at the party itself, but you caught me when I was bringing the streamers over.”

Steven’s giggles turn into a snort. “You looked so panicked,” he said. “It’s kind of funny.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you!” Connie says, releasing him and pushing his face away. “But yeah, it’s kind of funny.”

Star wipe.

Steven is sitting on the floor with a plate of cake next to him. He holds an averagely wrapped present in his lap. “This one’s from Lars,” he says, and carefully peels the paper off to reveal a thick, hardcover book. “Oh!!!” Steven says with a gasp. He holds it up for everyone else (and the camera) to see the cover: a picture of a cookie decorated like a spaceship.

“Space themed cookbook! Thanks!”

“Steven is about to open Lars’ present!” says Padaradscha. Steven smiles and takes a bite of cake before opening a gift bag.

He pulls a messenger bag shaped like a taco out. “Oh, a Wacky Sacks bag,” Steven says. “Thanks.”

“That one is from us,” Pearl says. “Those messenger bags are very hard to come by, but we knew you love those bags!”

“Thanks, guys, I appreciate it,” Steven says. He sets it down next to him.

Connie shoves a large, flat box in Steven’s direction. “I hope you like it!”

Steven moves to untie the ribbon on top, but hesitates. “Made to  _ look _ like you spent a lot of time wrapping it?”

“You know it!”

Steven removes the lid and grins. He lifts something fabric out of the box and unfolds it to reveal a pink varsity jacket. “Woah!” he says. Steven slides it on immediately, hugging the material to himself. “This is so cool! Connie, you’re so good at finding stuff like this!”

Connie giggles. “It has little stars on the inside, I couldn’t  _ not _ get it for you,” she says. Steven looks on the inside of the jacket and gasps.

“Thanks Connie!! I love it!”

Greg walks over. “Alright, move over, I was his best friend first.”

Connie gasps in mock anger, but moves out of the way.

Greg kneels so he’s on Steven level. “You’re fifteen now, which is  _ crazy! _ You’re gonna start  _ driving _ soon.”

“Are you” --Steven laughs-- “are you going to give a dramatic speech?”

“No, I’m saving  _ that _ for sixteen. And I’ve got another one for eighteen. This is just a  _ normal _ speech.”

“Oh jeez.”

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is you’re growing up really fast. I mean that figuratively  _ and  _ literally. I mean, you got  _ tall _ . But that’s off topic. You’re getting older!”

“This gift is going to be really sentimental, isn’t it,” Steven says.

“That’s what I was building up to, yeah, but I kind of lost the plot a bit. Anyway, I want you to have this,” Greg says, and holds out his gift.

It’s an acoustic guitar.

It’s an older one, with some wear and tear, but overall it’s very well kept. A red gift bow is stuck to the body.

Steven takes it gingerly. “Dad, is this  _ your  _ guitar?”

Greg nods. His eyes are watery.

Steven sniffs.  _ “Oh,” _ he says, almost whispering. On instinct, his fingers find the frets. He strums once. “Thank you.”

Steven blinks. His eyes are wet and sparkling. “Thanks, guys. I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, we weren’t lying about having a new song,” Sadie says from next to Lars.

“Yes!” Steven says. “Let’s do that!”

Star wipe.

Steven is sitting on his bed in the beach house. He’s still wearing the pink jacket, the guitar beside him. A few other assorted objects are sitting on the floor in front of him that he has yet to find new homes for in the house. The smile on his face is contagious and blinding.

“Hey guys! So, turns out I  _ can _ upload this video because they  _ didn’t _ forget about my birthday. I still have to go through the stuff my dad filmed at the party before I start editing, but I wanted to film this outro before I forgot.”

He hugs his arms to his chest. “Thank you all for watching and putting up with my wack upload schedule! I love you all so, so much. Have a great day! Bye!”

The video closes on a star wipe.

**239458 views ・ 95273 likes ・ 29 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 145638 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 2865

**Wishflare**

BIRTHDAY BOY!! HE’S 15 NOW

> **Bumblewish**
> 
> And he looks like it now instead of being 8
> 
> **Shawn**
> 
> Deep voice steven,,, i dont know how to feel
> 
> **idk kitty**
> 
> smooth jazz voice… smooth jazz steven

**Loogia**

Tall boy,,,

> **rosewitchx**
> 
> Is he still allowed in the shorty squad
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> im an honorary member of the shorty squad but now im in the jacket club with pearl
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> OH YEAH THE JACKETS i was gonna say pearls new jacket kinda slaps
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Kinda?? What do you mean “kinda”?? She is SERVING looks we stan a queen
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> you’re right im such a fool

**redrockbluerock**

They didn’t have to go that hard with the pretending to forget his birthday though

> **LLS**
> 
> “do you know what day it is” “august 15” now THATS just uncalled for
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> Surprise parties as a concept seem WACK to me
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> Hasn’t anyone seen any surprise party episode of any TV show and realized the emotional rollercoaster the birthday kid goes through

**Betta_Splendin**

Okay but where did Connie get that jacket bc I need that

> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> The stars on the inside are so choice
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> The underscore gang is reunited!! We will soon take over
> 
> **Blossoming_Sea**
> 
> Today, the tubetube comment section. Tomorrow, the world

**Hansledane**

Aww Connie and Steven are so cute

> **Mycrossant**
> 
> When people say relationship goals this is what they mean
> 
> **TrueKindaLove19**
> 
> Wait, are they dating???
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> i thought they were
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no we’re not dating
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **Aurum**
> 
> I WAS SO SURE THEY WERE WHAT

**lostinbooks**

Steven’s brief panic about if it was really his birthday was very relatable but like is he okay

> **mell**
> 
> i hope so but maybe the stuff about therapy werent unprecedented
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> I’ve never related to anything harder in my life
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> At least he’s got some real good friends and family to help out

**emmerroser**

Greg giving him the guitar,,, please I wasnt supposed to cry today

**youknowthatsright**

STEVEN’S GONNA LEARN HOW TO DRIVE SOON OH JEEZ

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like how this chapter came out! we still got a few more gap year chapters coming up
> 
> remember to comment to be in the comment section!


	39. learning to drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven learns to drive with help from Pearl and Greg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy friday! i had this chapter in my plan for a while and then realized i had to write actually write about learning to drive and that might not be the most interesting in long form so it's a bit short sorry

**learning to drive**

_ published August 21 _

The camera is propped up on the dashboard of a small car. Steven is sitting in the passenger seat, fiddling with the hem of his pink jacket nervously. “Hey TubeTube,” he says, flashing a quick peace sign. “So today I’m learning to drive? I’m not sure how well it’s going to go, but at least I’ll have it documented for posterity.”

The passenger door opens.

“Steven, why aren’t you in the driver’s seat?” asks Pearl.

“Where’s Dad?”

“He’s a little busy this morning, but he’ll be here this afternoon. I thought I’d go over the basics with you first. Why aren’t you in the driver’s seat?”

Steven shrugs, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t know. Starting with something familiar? So I can slide into the new.”

“Well, start sliding.”

Steven unclicks his seatbelt and starts to get up. He hesitates. “Hey, do I  _ really _ need to learn how to drive?”

“I thought you wanted to be the friend with the car.”

Steven sighs. “Okay, I’m sliding.”

He slides over the console in the middle and into the driver’s seat, then clicks on his seatbelt. Pearl takes her place in the passenger seat and slams the door shut.

“Alright, let’s start with the buttons. This is probably the size of car you’ll be driving. I can’t imagine you’d be driving the van.”

Steven nods, lips pursed in a line.

“Your signal is on the left of the steering wheel. Down signals left, up signals right. Windshield wipers on the right. For headlights, twist the signal lever forward twice. This button is your hazards, this is air conditioning, this pops the gas tank, this controls the radio --oh, there’s a tape deck in here, how cute-- this adjusts the windows--”

Peal continues listing the functions of all the buttons on the dashboard. Steven’s eyes gradually grow wider, his face flushing. He swallows thickly, then shakes his head. “Hey, Pearl? I really appreciate this, but you’re explaining all of this really fast.”

“Oh!” Pearl gasps. “Sorry!”

“Yeah, it’s fine, but can you start over?”

Starwipe. 

“--and this is the gear shift. Right now, we’re in park.”

Steven flashes a thumbs up at the camera. 

“Do you feel ready to start driving?”

The smile remains plastered on Steven’s face, but his eyebrows shoot upwards. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe?”

“Great! Here are the keys, put your foot on the brake, and start the car!”

Steven gingerly takes the key and starts the engine.

“Now take your foot off the brake and gently apply pressure to the gas pedal.”

The car jolts and the camera slips, slamming face down onto the dashboard and plunging the video into darkness. Pearl and Steven yelp.

Jumpcut.

Pearl looks a bit frazzled. Steven’s hands are clenched so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles are white.

“Well, you didn’t crash into anything, so mark that down as a success!”

_ “Are you sure about that?” _ Steven whispers, but with such intensity behind it that it almost feels like he yelled it.

“Yes. Let’s try again. We’ve got a couple hours before Greg is available to come over. If I can make Connie a master swordfighter in just a few weeks, I can teach you the basics of parking lot driving and parallel parking before lunch. Let’s go!”

Steven stares at Pearl in awe. “Wait, but how did  _ you _ learn to drive?”

“That’s not important right now, Steven. What’s important is you driving.”

“Can you at least make it a song like with sword fighting?”

“I guess?”

If this were a cartoon, this is where the montage would happen: lots of angles of the car starting and stopping, accelerating too fast, hitting trash cans, stopping abruptly, and lots of failed attempts at parallel parking. Interspersed between those clips would be shots of the two of them in the car, with Steven looking horrified and/or apologetic and Pearl clinging to that weird handle above the door. Playing over the whole thing would be some funky, upbeat music to illustrate how silly and over the top this montage would seem to children who’ve never driven before, but really hits too close to home for those old enough to drive who remember the learning experience.

Unfortunately, this is  _ not _ a cartoon, and Steven only has the one camera, so the montage is a lot of Pearl yelping, Steven gritting his teeth, and the camera falling over with the force of the car slamming to an abrupt halt.

Starwipe.

“Well, it’s about noon now,” Pearl says, unclicking her seatbelt. “Greg will be here in a couple minutes.”

Steven nods, and Pearl gets out of the car.

Once the door shuts, Steven sighs and slumps backwards into the seat. “Oohhhh my stars,” he sighs. “I thought I’d experienced the most stress I’d ever feel, but I was  _ wrong. _ Why is this  _ so scary? _ I’ve driven before as Stevonnie, but this is  _ different!” _

Steven runs his hands down his face. “I’ve literally faced Gem mutants and been stranded in a bubble in space and had my Gem t--”

He cuts himself off, face flushing. His hand flutters around his stomach before he drops it to his side with a heavy sigh. “Driving gets fun when you’re used to it, right? It’s not like this all the time? I can’t imagine people would drive very often if it was this stressful all the time.”

The passenger door opens and Steven straightens his posture.

“Hey, Schtu-ball. How’s it going?”

“Poorly,” Steven says. “There’s a lot to keep track of.”

“That’s true,” Greg says, “but the good news is that all of this will be like second nature once you’ve been driving for a bit. It’s all muscle memory.”

Greg clicks on his seatbelt.

“Anyway, you ready to test this baby out on the roads?”

_ “WHAT?” _

“Yeah, I mean… I don’t want you to only get experience in parking lot driving. We should get you on real roads as soon as possible to get used to it.” Greg looks out the window. “Plus, you’ve also only been driving on sand for a few hours, so I think you’ll like the roads a bit more.”

Steven grips the steering wheel tightly. “Yeah, yeah okay. Sure, yeah. Yeah, sure, okay.”

“Try not to wrap your thumbs around the wheel, they could get broken if you get in an accident.”

Steven gulps.

Starwipe.

Steven is driving on the real road now, evidenced by the traffic light visible through the rear window. “Yeah, this is definitely better than sand.”

“What’d I tell you? Alright, ready for a lane change?”

“No.”

“Signal left, look in your side mirror, then check your blind spot.”

“Blind spot?”

“Your mirror doesn’t capture the bit right beside the car, so you have to double check before you change lanes.”

“No, I know what a blind spot is, but isn’t that  _ behind _ me?” Steven says. His voice is rising.

“Yeah, just check over your shoulder really quickly.”

_ “Over my shoulder?” _

“Don’t worry, there’s nothing in front of us that you could possible hit. You’ve seen me do this a million times.”

_ “That’s not the same as doing it myself,” _ Steven hisses, face flushing. His cheeks are tinged pink.

“I promise I wouldn’t make you do anything you’re not comfortable with, Schtu-ball, but this lane is going to end soon and we kind of need to change lanes. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Steven grits his teeth and nods, quickly checking over his shoulder and changing lanes.

“Hey, that was great! Good job, kiddo!”

Steven’s face breaks into a smile. “Hey, I changed lanes!”

“You changed lanes!”

Star wipe. Steven is standing outside, leaning against the car. “Hey guys! I don’t know how entertaining it was to watch me freak out about driving, but I hope you had fun. Thanks for watching! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

“I’m gonna head to the store to pick up some groceries. Steven, wanna driv--”

“No.”

“Okay, just thought I’d ask,” Greg says.

The video closes with a star wipe.

**257964 views ・ 106247 likes ・ 30 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 193572 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3624

**Boogurl405**

The energy in this video? chaotic

> **grand_tangerine**
> 
> the universal first driving experience
> 
> **Aurum**
> 
> ive never experienced mortal terror as strongly as the first time i drove on a real road

**Mrz_Ryuu**

Our boy is finally able to drive guys

> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> omg king <3 we love to see it

**AconiteWolfsbane**

Did Pearl really say he’d learn to parallel park first hour of driving

> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> I have faith in Pearl as a teacher but I don’t think even she could teach parallel parking that quickly

**mylilbirbs**

Pearl’s mom energy in this video is astronomical

**skyways_are_highways**

there’s something incredibly relatable about steven wondering how he can handle space adventures but not driving a car like,,,, i feel that

> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Like omg king <3 I haven’t been stuck in a space bubble but I really feel that
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> do i need to give all of you hugs or
> 
> **MayorOfCanTown**
> 
> yes please that would be lovely
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> Adjusting the steven protection squad to also protect every one who watches his videos
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> HIS videos? you mean connies videos
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> you’re right that was foolish of me

**RegularCitrus**

steven was driving on the beach that whole time????

> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> he lives on the beach what do you want from him

**Marf0g**

That lane change section is that just a universal experience or

> **imhellapan**
> 
> LANE CHANGES ARE SCARY SHUT UP
> 
> **Zillasafe**
> 
> You saw that they said “universal experience” right

**chesuit**

wait how DID pearl learn to drive

> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> yeah hold on isn’t she an alien from space?? does she even have a license??
> 
> **maybeapples**
> 
> is STEVEN a citizen????? does he have a social security number
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> Now THESE are the questions we should be asking

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the first part of the chapter is a reference to that one phineas and ferb episode where candace learns to drive
> 
> the rest of this chapter is basically just the first time i drove with my dad like this man had me drive in a parking lot for 10 minutes and then went "ok we are driving on the road now" and it was terrifying
> 
> remember to comment if you want to be in the comment section!! i love u all ur comments are so fun to read


	40. lars of the stars recounts his adventures!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has Lars tell his subscribers about his experience in space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fun one before we plummet into angst

**lars of the stars recounts his adventures!!**

_ published November 13 _

The video starts in a bedroom, illuminated by natural light. The roof is slanted and dust particles dance through the air, caught in sunbeams. Steven, with a stack of paper in his lap, sits next to Lars, who is still a shade of bubblegum pink.

“Hey guys!” Steven says. “I’ve been pretty busy, but I have some time off for our family’s now annual reunion dinner thing? It’s mostly just dinner for me, Dad, Andy, and Amethyst, but everyone else is there too. Anyway, I’m here with Lars!”

“Uh, hi,” Lars says.

“Lars is the captain of the Off-Colors! He has a spaceship and everything.”

Lars shrugs. “I don’t really know how to  _ fly _ it. Rhodonite and the twins and everyone else do, I just tell them what to do. Oh, and I look really cool.”

“I thought it would be fun if Lars told you guys about some of the stuff he did in space on his way back to Earth!”

Lars leans over to whisper to Steven. “How much do they know already?”

“Almost nothing,” Steven whispers back. “Go nuts.”

Lars straightens his posture, adjusts his jacket, and takes a breath. “Okay, so the obvious thing is to explain how I got into space in the first place. There was this Gem --I don’t really remember her name, but that’s not important-- and she was a ----.”

Steven winces. “Oh yeah, you can’t swear on my channel. Sorry, I forgot to tell you.”

Lars looks at Steven incredulously. “You’ve  _ never  _ sworn on your channel before?”

“Well, Amethyst did, but I censored it?”

“No  _ wonder _ it’s so shocking when people hear you swear for the first time. You  _ censor  _ stuff.”

“Hey, I don’t swear!” Steven interjects. “That much,” he adds under his breath.

“You’re fifteen! That’s unnatural. I said ---- in like, every sentence when I was thirteen. Edgy, edgy times for me.”

“We’re getting off-topic,” Steven says. “Tell the story. Also, her name was Aquamarine.”

Lars rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Anyway, Aquamarine was kidnapping people or something, I don’t know. This was before I had character development, ‘cause we were going to the cool kids’ potluck and I made an ube roll but got nervous and trashed it. Then I started walking home, and Aquamarine was like, ‘are you a Sadie?’”

As he talks, drawings appear on screen, providing an illustrated accompaniment to Lars’ story. It’s clearly drawn by Steven, but his art has dramatically improved since the last time he showed it in a video. It still holds a cartoon-like charm and is heavily stylized, but it’s cute and a better alternative to just watching someone talk for twenty minutes.

Aquamarine is short, with bobbed hair and a teardrop under her left eye. Cartoon Lars frowns at her.

“I told her I was Lars and some big mother------ walked up --oh, sorry Steven-- and turned into two separate buff ladies and then trapped me? I don’t know, I think I might’ve passed out at that point. Too weird for me to handle.”

The drawings slide off the screen and Steven shakes his head at Lars’ swear. Lars ignores it and plows on with the story.

“Some other people got kidnapped and stuff and Steven showed up and saved everyone--”

Steven’s cheeks flush and he looks down, shuffling through the papers on his lap. 

“--but I didn’t get off the ship and we ended up in space together? Steven got put on trial for murder, it’s whatever, and then we broke out of the space courtroom and hid from these scanner things.”

Steven’s drawings slide back on screen, depicting himself in front of Yellow and Blue Diamond. Written next to him in pink are the words: “They thought I was my mom and thought she killed Pink Diamond but we didn’t know she was actually Pink the whole time :(“. The next drawings are of an explosion and of Lars and Steven hiding from a machine shaped like a cone.

“We ran into the Off-Colors, who ended up becoming my crew later. But we accidentally led the scanners there, and we figured out they couldn’t see me because I didn’t have a gem and I broke a couple but one exploded in my face and I kind of died a little bit.”

The drawings fade and Lars shifts his hair out of his face. He points to the scar over his right eye. “This is where it hit me really hard in the face. And then I died. But then Steven resurrected me because he’s just like that.”

Steven’s cheeks flush again. “I’d rather you  _ didn’t _ die,” he mutters.

Lars shrugs. “Eh, I’ve made my peace with it. Now I’m a cool space captain, so it’s kind of an upgrade. I’m not as big of a jerk anymore, y’know? Okay, long story short, Steven and I went to space, I died, he brought me back to life but now I’m magic and I have a portal in my hair or something that lets him travel between me and his lion and he got back to Earth but I can’t go through my own head so I had to go back the long way. Now the good stuff.”

A title screen appears with a glass smashing sound effect reading “STORY #2”.

“Once Steven left, the Off-Colors and I had to find a way offplanet. They told me everything they knew about the ships in the area and I started to formulate a plan. I was all hyped up on adrenaline from saving everyone and dying and stuff, so I was like, ‘hey guys let’s just… steal a ship,’ but everyone else was smarter than me and said ‘why don’t we just sneak onto one or something.’”

Cartoon Lars leads the Off-Colors onto the surface of Homeworld.

“It just so happened that there was a cosmic jubilee celebrating a high ranking official’s command over her troops happening offworld. The official’s name was Emerald. Rhodonite, a fusion of a Ruby and a Pearl, led us to her previous Morganite’s ship. It was headed to a planet where Emerald was in charge of a sector.

“It was easy enough to sneak onboard there, since the ship was so big, but the real challenge was how we could snag another ship for ourselves. Gems never went anywhere near Earth, so we couldn’t rely on hitchhiking. I think it was Fluorite’s idea to impersonate imperial officers. Rhodonite still had shapeshifting capabilities, thanks to her Pearl side, but the rest of us were out of luck in that department, so I took initiative and took us clothes shopping.”

The drawings onscreen show Rhodonite changing to look like a Quartz. Lars, Padparadscha, the Rutile twins, and Fluorite stand off to the side in fancy pirate clothes.

“It was a little risky, but we had heard enough about Emerald to know that she liked taking things from colony planets as trophies. She was a huge Pink Diamond fan, and it’s well known that Pink had a fascination with the colony worlds, but Emerald kind of missed the point. Anyway, the highest ranking officers wore the garb of the intelligent life that previously occupied the planet.”

A drawing of Steven’s interpretation of what the aliens might have looked like appear on screen. It’s humanoid, but instead of arms it has blue tentacles and no discernable mouth or nose. Instead, it has eyestalks. It’s also dressed to the nines in what could only be described as a space pirate uniform, complete with a collared red cape, tall boots, and gloves.

“We just snagged some outfits from Emerald’s trophy room, which was  _ definitely _ illegal, but she was high ranking so no one was gonna report her. Fluorite stayed outside to search for a ship while we mingled with the guests. Gem parties are  _ boring _ . You walk up to the host, thank them for inviting you, then do the weirdest, most mechanical dances I’ve ever seen. Luckily, the crew managed to figure out the dances better than I did, but we were still caught.

“Emerald noticed I had a scar or something and said I was an Off-Color, and everyone started summoning weapons. I’m not a fighter, and neither are the Off-Colors, so we had  _ no _ idea what to do. That’s when Fluorite crashed in! Literally.”

Cartoon Fluorite rips the roof off of the building. The Off-Colors cheer and run outside, following Fluorite to a ship.

“Fluorite managed to find a ship, and we bounced. Turned out it was Emerald’s  _ personal shuttle, _ which wasn’t ideal because  _ now _ things were personal between  _ us.” _

Cartoon Emerald shakes her fist at the sky.

“The Rutile twins managed to get us out of that sector, but we lost control and crashed into a sector on Upsilon 9, which was also under Emerald’s control. We managed to hop over to Klavius 7 on a skipper before we were caught, which I redesigned later. She caught up with us super quickly, because she had a ship called the Sun Incinerator. The key word there is  _ had _ , because the second she docke had her troops fan out to look for us, we snuck past all sixty-seven Citrine guards and swiped it right out from under her nose.”

Cartoon Lars sticks his tongue out at Cartoon Emerald, who’s on her knees. A speech bubble reading “CURSE YOU LARS AND THE OFF-COLORS!” appears from her mouth.

The drawings slide offscreen.

“She tailed us for like, four sectors with her Destiny Destroyer. It was overkill, honestly. Like, give up. Anyway, that’s when you and Connie visited and crashed on that jungle moon. You know what happened there.”

“STORY #3” appears on screen.

“The Sun Incinerator was in need of repairs so we could make it back to Earth before everyone I knew died of old age, so we hit up one of Yellow Diamond’s asteroid mines. Those things are  _ crawling _ with Agates. Agates are out for blood, man.”

Steven’s drawing depicts a tall Gem with buns on the side of her head and tall, heeled boots. She’s labelled “Holly Blue Agate >:(“.

“The plan was to just hijack one ship, but there were too many Agates patrolling. We wouldn’t have time. Plus, if we were discovered, we would have another chase on our hands, and I just didn’t want to deal with that. Instead, our plan was to take all the parts we needed from each ship docked there. We’d have a hodgepodge of a ship, but that’s how you know it’s cool.

“We managed to hit up three ships before the Rutile twins were discovered. We still had four more to go before we would be able to escape, and Agates are not known for their understanding nature. I decided, hey, what the heck, and just broke out my extremely limited fighting knowledge. Let me be clear, I’m  _ really _ bad at fighting, and I was going up against a troop of Gems  _ literally made for combat _ , but it must’ve caught them off guard enough that Rhodonite was able to sneak off and hijack another ship.”

Steven’s drawings depict Lars throwing a punch at Holly Blue while a tiny Rhodonite runs off in the background.

“Fluorite’s the biggest, so she took out the most, but the Rutile twins kicked ---. Oh, sorry Steven. Padparadscha isn’t the strongest, but she was a great distraction, which helped  _ me _ out a lot. Once Rhodonite got the last piece, we made a break for it. Our ship was already good to fly, it just needed repairs so we could get to Earth faster, so once we were up in the air, it was hopeless for the Agates. Fluorite and Padparadscha got us up and running and we were homefree, baby.”

The drawings slide off screen. Lars shrugs. “We made a couple pit stops and there’s some other stuff, but I gotta head over to the bakery so that’ll have to wait.”

“Yeah! Thanks for watching, everybody! Make sure to like and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

**395376 views ・ 183200 likes ・ 34 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 239253 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3734

**grand_tangerine**

OKAY I FEEL LIKE I MISSED SOMETHING LARS D I E D???

> **Boogurl405**
> 
> When will Steven stop dropping bombshells like this??
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> never he just lives such a wild life
> 
> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> He can bring people back to life,,,
> 
> **TrueKindaLove19**
> 
> What CAN’T he do??

**Beeknee**

friendship ended with steven now lars of the stars is my best friend

> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> like steven’s iconic and stuff but lars stole multiple space ships what a LEGEND
> 
> **Aurum**
> 
> he’s a SPACE PIRATE like how much cooler can you get
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> He’s permanently pink too what an aesthetic

**fireblight**

> Petition to let Lars swear
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> Lars said Steven swears,,,,,
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> Our king is growing up

**imhellapan**

when will we get a daily vlog of just lars’ adventures i’d pay money for that

> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> My man Lars infiltrated an alien party, stole multiple spaceships, fought off an army of Quartzes, and also is a space pirate
> 
> **strike_the_top**
> 
> i would die for padparaschasahd idk how to spell her name

**AssassinMykros**

This is Lars’ channel now

> **DementedSeal**
> 
> Connie and Lars sharing a tubetube channel would be literally the most iconic thing

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was gonna be a part where lars was in his og outfit and emerald says "an offcolor?" and then he puts the cape on and emerald says "LARS the offcolor??" but it didnt fit sadly
> 
> y'all know the drill with comments


	41. connie and i try to survive a "rest" day with my "aunts"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gets a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are hurtling towards angst

**connie and i try to survive a “rest” day with my “aunts”**

_ published January 4 _

Steven is in that strange, geometric and harshly colored bedroom. He tosses up a peace sign. “Hey, guys!” he says. “I’m starting to wrap up my end of the ‘dismantling an intergalactic empire’ thing, so today I’m taking a break. Unfortunately, I still have to be on standby for questions and stuff because the Diamonds are doing some stuff here on Homeworld, but the good news is Connie’s coming up to visit for the day.”

Steven runs his hand through his hair. “I’m glad that the Diamonds are working really hard to make up for the stuff they did, I really am, but it’s a little hard to adjust from them trying to kill me to them being, like… my weird aunts? They’re kind of clingy and overwhelming. Plus, they keep trying to get me to live with them forever, which, no thanks.”

Distantly, a musical chime rings out. The camera only glitches for a second before clearing up, and when it does, Steven is already running out into the hallway.

“Steven, you’re awake! Would you mind--”

“Sorry, Blue, not right now! Rest day!” Steven says, skirting around Blue Diamond’s outstretched hand. He slides into the main hall and skids to a halt, nearly tripping over his own feet.

Standing on the warp pad, holding a crystal whistle, is Connie. Her eyes light up once she catches Steven’s gaze.

“Hey! I was worried I would have to talk to other people,” Connie says, making her way down the steps as quickly as she can without falling.

“I’m so glad you’re here!!” Steven exclaims. The camera is jostled around for a moment and ends up being pointed at the wall as the two hug each other. “I will say that we’re probably going to have to talk to the Diamonds at some point today,” he says once they pull apart. “Nothing important, they just like talking to me, and they’re nearly impossible to avoid.”

Connie grimaces. “Even White?”

_ “Especially _ White.”

“Well, I’ll just use every tactic I know to get us out of every conversation we don’t want to have. I’m a master at it.”

Starwipe.

The two are walking down the corridor, with Steven holding the camera vlogging style. Connie is in the middle of a sentence.

“--but it’s  _ live action.  _ I get that it’s probably easier to market a live action show to a wider range of ages but animation would’ve been so, so cool!”

“At least it’s a TV series and not a movie, right?” Steven says.

Connie sighs, but smiles. “Yeah, at least there’s that.” She crosses her arms. “I just hope it stays faithful to the books. I’ve been burned too many times with bad movie adaptations.”

“I… haven’t actually seen many movie adaptations of books?”

“Well, you’ve seen  _ Dogcopter _ , and those are  _ pretty _ good. The last movie left much to be desired. I wish they kept more of the emotional beats instead of focusing only on the action sequences. We never get to see the emotional consequences for the stuff fictional characters go through!”

Steven opens his mouth to respond, but he’s interrupted by someone poking their head out of a door behind him.

“Steven!” she says.

Steven grits his teeth, takes a deep breath, and plasters a smile across his face before turning around. “Yellow! What’s up?”

“I know it’s your… rest day, is it?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

“But I was thinking you could sit in here while I go over the reports on how the Zircons are--”

“With all due respect, ma’am,” Connie says, “it’s Steven’s  _ day off _ today.”

“Of course! He won’t be  _ working, _ just sitting in here for company! I hardly get to spend time with you, Steven!”

“You really don’t have to--” Steven starts.

“No, no, I insist!”

Steven gives Connie a Look. She giggles and pats his arm. 

“Alright, but we can’t stay for very long,” Connie says.

The room where Yellow is working is built to accommodate a being of her size, but not so much to accommodate anyone under ten feet tall. Steven turns the camera around and pans up to show the height of the desk alone, which stretches high enough to rival a skyscraper. He purses his lips, then wraps an arm around Connie’s waist and leaps into the air to land on top of it.

“I’ve been going over your suggestion of having an election, Steven, and it seems to be fairly solid.”

“It wasn’t my idea, it was Connie’s,” Steven says.

“Yes, yes, of course. The Zircons have taken a particular interest in the idea of elected officials. The question now is how to  _ run _ one, and what powers they would have…” Yellow trails off and looks expectantly at Steven.

“...I don’t--”

“I’m sure we can all discuss this  _ later, _ but  _ today _ is Steven’s day off. We agreed to sit with you for company, not for work,” Connie says. Steven pans the camera over to her. She looks about two seconds away from committing murder.

“Of course, my apologies,” Yellow says, returning to her reports. She sifts through them for a moment. Steven flips the camera back around to show his face, pursing his lips in discomfort. “I just don’t know how anyone could measure up to what you’ve done to change this planet around.”

Steven’s face tinges pink. “Uh, thanks? Um, I was gonna-- um, Connie, didn’t I tell you I’d show you what Blue was working on? Don’t want to make her wait!”

“Oh, I’ll see you later, I suppose?”

“Mhmm, yep, bye!” Steven says, pulling Connie off the desk. They float down and Steven takes off the second his feet touch the floor.

As soon as they leave the room, Connie scoffs. “Honestly, the  _ nerve _ of that Gem! Do they know what  _ day off _ means?”

“Probably not,” Steven says with a shrug. “Era 2 Homeworld was not known for union regulated breaks. Anyway, what else has been going on back home?”

Connie thinks for a moment. “I’m not sure about Beach City, since I’ve been busy with school a lot recently, but now that second semester is starting I have Jeff in a lot of my classes now. He’s honestly a lifesaver, since I hate my biology teacher so much. I swear this woman doesn’t have a teaching degree.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.”

“Yeah, it’s not, but I made a few friends in my AP Gov class! They’re pretty nice. I mostly still eat lunch with Jeff, though.”

Steven blinks, but nods. “You’ve got a lot of people to talk to at school, at least.”

Connie giggles. “Cram school’s got one thing going for it, and it’s that I can relate to literally everyone there on a spiritual level.”

Steven’s cheeks are tinged pink. “That’s great!”

“Better than sixth grade, that’s for sure. I miss  _ you _ , though.”

Steven blushes. “I just have a couple months before I’m back for good!”

This time, Connie is interrupted before she can reply. Blue Diamond swoops in like a bird of prey, grinning.

“Steven! I heard you were going to see what I’ve been working on!”

Steven’s eyes widen. He starts to respond, but gives up on trying to form a complete sentence.

“Come on! It won’t take long, I promise,” Blue says, and scoops both of them into her cupped hands. Connie gives her an incredulous look, but Blue does not notice. Steven slowly zooms in on his own shocked and appalled face. “Here!” she says, placing them on the floor.

The camera flips, revealing a huge garden with flora from what must be  _ multiple _ alien planets. The stone pathways glint in the harsh, natural light of Homeworld. 

“Oh wow,” Connie whispers. “I’ve never seen so many different kinds of plants in one place. Are you sure they aren’t invasive?”

“They’re plants, they can’t invade anything,” Blue says.

“No, I meant are you sure they won’t harm the environment by spreading and overtaking the local flora? And for that matter, are all these plants able to exist in the same area? Sometimes plants kill each other in competition for s--”

“I’m sure these will work fine. I’ve conducted research, and there are no native plants for them to invade. I’ve made gardens before.”

The camera turns back around to show Connie and Steven. “You’ve made gardens before? When?” Steven asks.

“Oh, Pink had a lovely garden for a while. I’m… not sure what happened to it. Oh well.”

“Well,  _ this _ garden looks good.”

“Thank you! I’ve been thinking about communal spaces. I’m sure you remember we’re opening the halls of the Diamond Palace to the public soon, and I thought it would be nice to have more pleasant communal spaces.”

Connie nods, impressed. “That’s actually a pretty good idea,” she says.

“Yeah, this’ll be a great hangout spot. You just have to make sure the plants don’t all die,” Steven says.

“I’ve conducted my research there as well. Though,  _ you’d _ probably have a good idea of how to take care of the garden if you’re anything like Pink.”

Steven’s face flushes a bright pink. He opens and closes his mouth like a fish.

Connie grabs Steven’s arm. “Thanks for showing us your garden, Blue, but we gotta get going, bye!” she says, and takes off, dragging Steven behind her.

Starwipe. Steven and Connie are walking outside, the palace in the background. That’s right, it’s sightseeing montage time.

Lofi hiphop music plays over various clips of the upper level of Homeworld. Colors remain garish and architecture remains geometric despite the dismantling of the Gem Empire, but what would qualify as the streets are full of hundreds of different types of Gems. A Pearl pushes past Steven, leading a tour group towards a pillar with dozens of humanoid shaped holes carved into the side of it.

The sky above them is pastel pink, with a couple of stars piercing through the atmosphere. Steven points out different structures to Connie and says something that causes her to shriek with laughter and punch his arm, drawing the stares of a couple Gems passing by.

The camera pans over the inside of a spire with spiraling staircases and statues carved from crystal, etched with alien writing. Connie sticks her tongue out at a mural of the Diamonds.

Steven waves at a green Gem with four eyes and a patterned dress, who waves back at him enthusiastically. “That was Lemon Jade, the one from the ball,” he says to Connie. 

Starwipe.

They’re back in the palace now, walking down a corridor towards Steven’s room. 

“It’s weird to see how different Homeworld is now,” Connie says. “It was almost like a city back on Earth.”

“I want to know whose idea it was to start a tour group company thing, because it wasn’t me.”

“I was surprised to see how respectfully they talked about Era 1 and 2. If  _ I  _ was leading the tour, you  _ know _ I’d be ruthless.”

Steven’s giggle turns into a snort. Connie tries and fails to suppress a laugh and Steven scowls at her (which he only manages to keep up for a second before he breaks into a grin).

“Sorry, your laugh is just adorable,” she says.

_ “You’re _ adorable!”

“Shut up.” Connie ruffles his hair. “But don’t actually.”

Steven giggles again.

Starwipe.

Connie is about to step onto the warp pad, taking the whistle out of her pocket, when White Diamond enters the room.

“You’re not leaving, are you, Steven?” she asks.

“No,” he says. “Just seeing Connie off.”

“Oh, good! How  _ is _ the Earth, Connie?”

Connie plasters a shiny smile on her face. “Doing well, ma’am. We’re excited to have Steven back in a few months.”

White’s jaw drops. “You were  _ serious _ about that?”

“Well, yeah? I live in Beach City,” Steven says.

“But we just  _ love _ having you around! It’s like old times.”

“It’s  _ not _ like old times. I’m not Pink Diamond.”

“Yes, yes, I know. It’s still wonderful having you around with us, Steven.”

Connie steps off the warp pad and walks back over to Steven, staring pointedly at White. “We like having Steven with  _ us, _ too. He’s got family on Earth.”

“You’ll at least spend  _ most _ of the year back on Homeworld, won’t you? We’ve done everything we can to make it comfortable for you! There’s gardens and everything! We adjusted the throne to fit your size better,” White says, gesturing behind Steven. He turns, filming the newly redecorated thrones, then turns back to White.

“And I really appreciate it! But I live on Earth, and I don’t want to stay away forever. I can’t imagine leaving Beach City,” Steven says rather quickly. “Can’t we have this conversation later? I need to see Connie off.”

“Fine, fine. Whatever makes you happy,” White says. She leaves the way she came.

The second she’s out of earshot, Connie groans in frustration. “I can’t believe her.”

“It’s fine, I can handle the Diamonds. They’re just a bit clingy. I’ll be back on Earth before you know it!”

Connie smiles at him gently. “Alright. Just remember to take breaks from them when you need to. I’ll see you later!”

“Bye!”

Connie steps back onto the warp pad and blows the whistle. A beam of light shoots out of the warp pad and the video immediately glitches out.

Once it clears, Steven is back in his room, face flushed. “I’m really glad Connie got to visit, but I wish the Diamonds didn’t have to keep popping up.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I thought they understood I’m not my mom. I’m nothing like her and I don’t want to be anything like her! She hurt a lot of people.”

Steven’s cheeks get even pinker.  _ “Plus _ , the Diamonds won’t take no for an answer and keep acting like everything between us is completely fine. I don’t even like being in the same  _ room _ as White after--”

He cuts himself off, face now so pink he almost looks like he’s glowing. He takes a deep breath, and the color fades a little. “--Nevermind. It’s nothing to worry about. Things are just crazy over here now that I’m in crunch time, and I’ve still got stuff to do on Earth before Little Homeschool opens in September, so I’m sure it’s just the stress and being tired that’s making everyone get on my nerves.”

Steven takes another breath and rubs his eyes. “Sorry about the rant, guys. Dismantling an empire is a bit stressful.”

He smiles. “It was super good to see Connie! I miss her. But I got some more rest day activities I want to get to” --he pans over to a pile of books-- “so I’m gonna have to end the video here. Thanks for watching! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Have a nice day! I love you, bye!”

**401612 views ・ 195601 likes ・ 36 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 298562 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3825

**MayorOfCanTown**

CONNIE our QUEEN YES she’s here we love to see it

> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> We stan Connie it’s been so long

**Bumblewish**

There’s something intensely relatable about not being able to escape conversations with relatives

> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Honestly like like Steven rest he deserves it
> 
> **grand_tangerine**
> 
> let Steven swear also he DEFINITELY deserves it after his
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Ah I see we are reassembling the Steven Protection Squad
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> Reassembling? We never left

**rosewitchx**

can you believe we used to think the diamonds were hot

> **knowAll**
> 
> The sad thing is they are but also they’re stressing our boy out
> 
> **teapods**
> 
> they were also intergalactic dictators???? which is certifiably NOT hot
> 
> **Kilroy**
> 
> But that eyeliner,,, those shoes,,
> 
> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> Okay they can be hot but they’re also ehhhhhh in the moral territory

**Aurum**

do you think they’ll open homeworld for human tourism cause it looks kinda sick

> **Boogurl405**
> 
> pink sky,,, iw ant
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> I want to go on alien tour!!!
> 
> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> Steven’s just casually vlogging on an alien planet like???? that’s a PLACE?
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Bruh that’s just a PLACE you can GO like I could STAND there

**lostinbooks**

petition to let Steven and Connie catch a BREAK

**StrawberruS0da**

Oh boy is it time to bring back the “get Steven therapy” petition

> **gayzula**
> 
> yeah that’s anxiety if i’ve ever seen it

**Wishflare**

Oh finally Connie’s back uploading on her own channel

> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> I love Steven but Connie is our true queen

**Zillasafe**

I’ve had Lemon Jade for 2 seconds and I would do anything for her

**fantasychica37**

THE SPIRIT MORPH SAGA IS GETTING A LIVE ACTION TV SERIES ADAPTATION AND IM ONLY FINDING OUT ABOUT IT N O W???

> **HeLeftHisFamilyBehind**
> 
> Where have you BEEN???
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> I DON’T KNOW

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of comments i got about my perry the platypus joke was surprising so i'll add in a couple phineas and ferb references later as a treat
> 
> also idk how in character the diamonds are but i tried my best
> 
> y'all know the drill with comments


	42. Top 5 Planets I've Been to During my Quest to Dismantle an Intergalactic Alien Empire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven continues his review series with a twist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's just kinda fun cause i had the idea and i just had to write it cause yes
> 
> also im starting school soon so that might mean chapters will come out later in the day than usual

**Top 5 Planets I’ve Been to During my Quest to Dismantle an Intergalactic Alien Empire**

_ published April 27 _

"Hey guys! Steven here," Steven says. He’s sitting in his room on Homeworld, with the camera propped up at the end of his bed. "I'm almost done with my part here in space, but I have to do a last check-up on some other planets just to make sure everything’s going smoothly. I forgot my headphones, so I thought I’d bring you guys along so it’s not as boring.”

Starwipe. 

Steven’s changed clothes: he’s wearing a pastel hoodie with a yellow skirt. It’s very fashionable and likely to bring in a lot of comments about him defying gender roles like a king.

He stands in what looks like an airlock, complete with geometric engravings on the walls that seem to be murals of some kind. There’s artificial light coming from somewhere, banishing any shadows from the room. Steven backs away from the camera and throws his arms open, gesturing to the room around him.

“Welcome to the one and only episode of ‘ranking alien planets I’ve been to during my quest to dismantle this empire’. I’m only gonna do a couple because I literally don’t have time for like, a hundred. Anyway, coming in dead last in Upsilon 9.”

Steven picks up the camera vlogger-style. “The main reason it’s so low on the list is because there’s no atmosphere, so I have to walk around in a bubble the whole time so I don’t die. That wouldn’t be too much of an issue if Gems had any concept of accessible architecture, but they one hundred percent don’t.”

Steven’s gem glows through his hoodie. The video freezes for a moment, and pixels jump out of their rightful place onscreen, but the glitches clear fairly quickly. The area behind Steven is tinted pink now. The airlock door slides open.

Steven puts one hand in front of him and walks outside, rolling his bubble like he’s in a hamster ball. “I’ve only ever seen think planet with a pink tint. I have no idea what it actually looks like,” he says. His voice reverberates around the bubble and he winces. “Oh, sorry about the echo.”

He shrugs. “Anyway, most of the planet itself is pretty okay. There are a lot of moons and stars, which makes the sky super pretty. You know, I think. It’s all pink from my perspective. This is what I mean by inaccessible architecture,” he says.

The camera view flips, showing a tower that stretches impossibly high, with windows on all sides. Just beyond the door is the beginning of a spiral staircase.

“Yeah, it’s just stairs. No ramps, no elevators. You’d think a super advanced alien species with the technology to create teleportation and ships that travel faster than the speed of light would be able to create elevators, but the closest thing to one that I’ve seen is just a floating platform. Which, you know,  _ no railings. _ I’m in a bubble, I can’t really guarantee I won’t roll off.”

Steven shrugs. “Upsilon 9 would be prettier if Homeworld hadn’t invaded it and leached all of its resources, but what can ya do. At least the skies are pretty,” he says, panning upwards. There are at least four moons hanging above, so close to the planet that their craters are visible in great detail. Stars cover every inch of the void of space. It gives the impression that the sky is actually made of light and the darkness peeking through between the stars is just a miscalculation.

Unfortunately, the whole thing is tinged pink through Steven’s bubble.

“Oh!” Steven says. The camera instantly pans over to a spot on the ground a few feet away. “That’s my least favorite spot on the whole planet!”

He rolls the bubble over. “This is a hole! I wasn’t watching where I was going and I rolled right into it, but it’s way deeper than it looks and I got stuck. I couldn’t roll out and no one could pull me out because it’s a bubble and it doesn’t have corners.”

Steven shrugs. “Eventually, someone shapeshifted into a really small version of themself, went under the bubble, and changed back to their normal size, which pushed me out. It was  _ not _ a very fun two hours.”

Starwipe.

Steven is standing in a field of snow, nose flushed from cold. Behind him stretches a mountain range that glitters in the sunlight like a row of crystals. Pine trees pepper the landscape, eventually gathering into a forest off to Steven’s left. It looks almost like it could be on Earth if it weren’t for the purple sky and two moons just barely visible in the daylight.

Steven himself is wearing so many layers that he looks like a marshmallow. “Coming in at number four is Tolia 7! It’s really beautiful, but it’s  _ so cold _ .”

He starts to make his way back over to the camera. Freshly fallen snow crunches underfoot. “This colony was abandoned because it just kept snowing and the Gems didn’t really know how to stop it. There’s no weather on Homeworld, so they’ve never had to deal with constant snowstorms and it kept messing up their plans. There’s a kindergarten somewhere around here and a couple spires and arenas, but a lot of the structures are half-finished.”

The camera pans around to show the ruins of a huge structure made of stone. Pillars rise from the snow with diamonds carved into the side. A crumbling doorway is labeled in glyphs, but it’s so weathered it’s hard to even make out the shapes at all.

Steven enters the arena and spins in a circle, showing all the raised seats, half of which have collapsed. 

“I’ve only ever seen stuff like this on Earth and that one jungle moon Connie and I were trapped on as Stevonnie, so it’s super cool! We don’t really have to get rid of this stuff since the wildlife has taken to it pretty well.”

The camera zooms in on what looks like a white fox, but it has multiple eyes and scaly horns that curl out of its head. The fox’s tail is wrapped around a couple of spotted eggs.

Steven turns the camera back around to show his face. His nose is turning blue at the end. “Yeah, I’d put it higher on the list if I could stay here for longer than ten minutes without freezing to death.”

Starwipe. The camera is filming the front of a huge statute of White Diamond’s bust. It has no arms.

Steven sticks his head in frame. “Number three is Homeworld. I’ve spent the most time here so it deserves a spot on the list, but it’s also like, bad memory central. I like walking around the rest of Homeworld and joining the tour groups, so it gets points for that. Also points for the pink sky. But it’s not getting any higher than this.”

Starwipe.

The sound of ocean waves is so loud here that it almost completely drowns out Steven’s voice, despite the fact that he’s yelling at the top of his lungs. It’s reminiscent of the early days of his TubeTube channel.

It also doesn’t help that he’s standing pretty far away from the camera to get an establishing shot of him in front of an ocean sunset with three suns.

“Coming in at number two is Kovion 12! Almost the entire planet is ocean, so all the land masses are all beach!” Steven yells, cupping his hands around his mouth.

He shakes his head and jogs over to the camera. He spins around to show off the surrounding area.

Foliage grows wildly just past the sand. Jutting above the palm trees is a twisting spire, and floating above that is another arena. To the left, a gorge full of humanoid holes cuts across the landscape. Machinery sticks to the walls of the ravine. Beyond that is the ocean. The water is turned gold and red thanks to the setting suns.

“Kovion 12 is absolutely beautiful. Most of it has been colonized by the Gems, but it was started in Era 2, so we got to it before the whole thing was taken over by Gem structures. The other half of the planet is almost hollowed out, but with the help of some Lapis Lazulis, we were able to fix some of the damage there.”

Steven pans the camera down to the sand. A crab skitters towards the water and snaps at the waves with its claws.

“Yeah, the crabs are the only animals here that look like anything on Earth. The fish are another story. As long as you don’t think too hard about what lives in the ocean here, it’s very relaxing.”

Steven closes his eyes and hums for a moment. The golden hour here puts any golden hour on Earth to shame. Steven’s hair has taken a glow, his curls outlined in light like a halo. His face seems clear of any blemishes. The whole picture is incredibly serene.

Then Steven frowns. “I just remembered the oceans here are three times deeper than any on Earth. Which, yeah, that’s cool, but…. the  _ fish _ here. I love sea serpents as much as the next Gem, but the ones here have  _ rings _ of teeth that  _ spin. _ It’s a little spooky.”

He purses his lips, then shrugs. “The crabs are cute, though! I named this little guy Bartholomew.”

Starwipe.

Situated on a floating Gem platform, Steven claps his hands together. “Finally, in our number one spot, we have….” Steven pauses for dramatic effect, holding his hands out with one finger up. “Earth!”

He grins. “Earth is my home, and it’s super pretty and--”

He giggles. “No, no, just kidding. That’s cheating. The real answer is Cyrenus 8.”

Steven turns the camera around to show the landscape beneath him. Stretching for miles are hundreds of pillars covered in trees. Mist drifts between them, blanketing the planet with an ethereal quality. Blue lights blink softly in the trees, twinkling like stars that have fallen to the planet’s surface. Just visible in the distance is a mountain range, blue against the starlit sky. A bug flies past the camera. It looks like a firefly, but blinking in a variety of colors.

“If I could live here, I would.”

Steven turns the camera back around to show his face. “Cyrenus 8 was being scouted out as a potential colony, so the only Gem structures on it are a couple warp pads and this spire. Now it’s just an observation deck.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “Unfortunately, most of the planets I’ve been to have been completely destroyed and hollowed out as Gem colonies. We’re doing our best to reverse the damage, but it’s kind of hard to go back from hollowing out a planet. These are some of the only few that retained any of their former life at all.” He sighs. “I wish there was a way I could undo all the damage the Gems did to these planets, but I’m not sure how possible that is. The most I can do is make sure it doesn’t happen to any other planets in the future.”

Steven smiles. “But I’m glad I got to see these ones. I’m gonna miss them when I’m back on Earth. At least I’ll see them on routine check-ins. I think those are gonna be every few years or so?”

He shrugs. “Anyway, that’s all I have for you today. I hope you liked it! I know it’s a little different from what I usually do. Or maybe it’s another installment of my review series. Whatever it is, I hope you have a nice day! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! I love you, bye!”

**401724 views ・ 199526 likes ・ 40 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 300210 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 3935

**Boogurl405**

Those are,,, those are real places you can just,

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Alien ruins… I want to see them
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> tolia 7 has a PURPLE sky i want to LIVE THERE
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Sorry Lion, you’ve got a new competitor in town and her name is that alien snow fox from tolia 7

**fakelib**

Imagine the ambassador/new ruler of your home planet shows up and is overseeing the restoration of a planet and then he gets stuck in a hole

> **fantasychica37**
> 
> FOR TWO HOURS honestly like that’s gotta be an inside joke on upsilon 9 right

**AssassinMykros**

Steven’s outfit <3

> **sadstatueofliberty**
> 
> is this the first time he’s worn a skirt since beachapalooza?
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> I think so but he’s talked about wearing skirts more since then
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> We love our gender role defying king
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Where did he get the skirt it’s so cute
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i got it for my birthday!
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> omg king <3

**NutjobsCollection618**

Youre telling me the gems invented a way of teleporting between planets but not RAMPS or ELEVATORS?

> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> Everything we learn about the gems just confuses me even more
> 
> **abbygaby005**
> 
> I mean they were kind of busy being terrible colonizers so i guess their brain power was focused on being evil instead of making accessible stuff

**Mycrossant**

first you tease me with alien tours and NOW you tease me with MULTIPLE alien planets???

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> I’ve never wanted to see a terrifying sea creature so badly
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> steven tells us there’s more aliens out there and doesn’t show us the aliens smh the audACITY
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> alien zoo alien zoo alien zoo please
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> AN ALIEN ZOO WOULD LIKELY CAUSE THE ALIENS TO WANT REVENGE ON US AND START TAKING HUMANS FOR A HUMAN ZOO
> 
> **lavenderlinks**
> 
> dang it i thought we were free from ronaldo
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Alright who said his name three times

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last planet was based on the wulingyuan scenic area in zhangjiajie, china! it's so pretty
> 
> y'all know the drill with comments


	43. house tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gives a tour of his newly remodeled house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo this chapter's kinda short but we're about to hit suf in just a couple chapters

**house tour**

_ published June 14 _

Steven is holding the camera very close to his face. “Hey TubeTube!” he says. “I have a little bit of time off today, so I’d thought I’d hop over to Earth now that my house is done!”

He purses his lips. “It normally wouldn’t have taken this long to repair it, but it was kind of half destroyed last year when the Diamonds showed up at Garnet’s wedding and we decided to just remodel instead of rebuilding the same house. Hence the house tour. Anyway, I already warped over to avoid the glitch thing.”

The camera view flips, revealing the inside of a glass dome. There are a couple potted plants placed around the edge, as well as a pink cat bed labeled “Lion” and a wooden bench. Steven spins in a slow circle to show off the whole room. It’s mostly empty aside from what looks like a control panel of some kind. A magazine lays discarded on the floor next to the door, which is shaped like a diamond.

“This is where the intergalactic warp goes. It’s a lot easier to just have it at the house instead of warping to the Galaxy Warp and then warping back to the one in the house. I’m not really sure what I want to do with the rest of the space in here. Maybe add some more plants? It’s got a greenhouse vibe.”

Steven steps off the warp pad and walks to the door, placing his hand on a diamond shaped button. The door slides open. Just past the roof of the house, the beach can be seen. It’s as beautiful as ever, complete with a flock of seagulls flying overhead. In the distance, a construction site rises over the town. 

Steven walks down some wooden stairs and slides open a glass door. Inside is a completely revamped bedroom.

“This is my new room!” he says, turning the camera around with a grin. “It’s really different than I’m used to. I haven’t slept here very much yet since I’ve mostly been on Homeworld for the past year or so.”

The smile drops a little and Steven’s cheeks tinge pink. “Which is fine, I guess. I’m  _ almost _ done with stuff there, but more stuff just keeps coming up. If I have to have the ‘they’re equal life forms, not lower life forms’ talk with White Diamond  _ one more time-- _ ”

Steven cuts himself off, face flushing. “--Nevermind, we don’t have to talk about that. This is a house tour, it’s supposed to be fun!”

The camera flips back around. “Okay, so this is my new room. It’s like, a whole separate room now, which is exciting, because I’ve only ever had a room people can walk in and out of whenever.”

Steven’s bed is in the middle of the room now. On one side is a bedside table and on the other, there’s a desk with a wheely chair. Steven walks over to his dresser, next to the sliding door. “This is where I put all my pictures,” he says. He zooms in on each one in turn: a selfie the Crystal Gems took, a picture of Greg and a woman with lots of curly pink hair, a photobooth strip of him and Connie, and a picture of Greg playing guitar on the beach. There’s also an album CD propped up, labeled “Space Train to the Cosmos”. Hanging on the wall above the dresser is a large painting of Garnet and Steven in the clouds. For some reason, Steven looks like a cherub.

Steven points at the painting. “Our friend Vidalia painted that one day.” He turns and walks over to his bed. His Cookie Cat alarm clock sits on the nightstand, along with a lamp and a froggy mug.

“There’s some stuff on my headboard too,” he says. “That’s a picture of Connie, uh… this is my World’s Best Stephen mug and that’s the moon goddess statue. I forgot to bring that to a mission and-- you know what? Let’s  _ not _ talk about that right now. Oh, this is my  _ Lonely Blade _ boxset.”

Steven leans into frame. “It’s collector’s edition.” He leans back out of frame. “That’s a video tape my mom made me, and these are some books I like.”

Steven pulls one of the books off of the shelf. “This is my favorite  _ Spirit Morph Saga  _ book.”

The cover is yellow. A girl in blonde hair is holding up a lantern, lighting the way for her and a falcon through a patch of pine trees. The title “Welcome to the Wizard Wilds” is written in purple.

“Connie says this is her third favorite. Well, she said it was her second least favorite, but there are only four books and I like to put a positive spin on things.”

Steven slides the book back into place. He pans the camera over to the desk and over to his closet. “That stuff’s not really interesting. Uh, my TV is over there,” he says, pointing at where it sits across from his bed. “Anyway, let’s check out downstairs.”

Steven makes his way down the stairs. A lot of the layout is similar to the original house, but there are a few key differences. A dining table sits in between the couch and the kitchen, and there’s no wrap around counter with diner stools like before. There are also more windows. In fact, the entire front side of the house is almost entirely made of windows.

“It’s a lot more open in here now,” he says, “which seems weird because there were barely any walls in the old house, but it definitely feels more open downstairs.”

Steven turns around to show a painting of the same woman with pink hair. “This is a painting of my mom. It used to be above the door, but there’s not enough room there now. I’m not really sure if I like it here, but I don’t know where to move it.”

The camera flips. Steven is frowning. “It feels kind of uncomfortable to have a portrait of someone who hurt so many people displayed in what feels like a place of honor? I don’t know if that makes sense. I have a…  _ complicated _ relationship with my mom.”

Steven falls silent for a moment, gazing at the painting with his brows furrowed slightly. He purses his lips and tilts his head to the side. “I really don’t know where to put it.” He shrugs. “Whatever, I’ll figure it out eventually.”

He descends the rest of the way down the stairs and turns the camera back around, filming the living room. A shelf sits above the couch, next to an alcove that’s been stocked with knick knacks. 

“This is a t-shirt cannon and some flowers Peridot picked. Oh, and these are Peridot’s sunglasses too. She keeps leaving stuff here and I keep putting it on my shelves.”

Steven pans over to the alcove. A broken pink sword is on display on the top shelf. Movies, board games, and other bric-a-brac fill the other shelves. “Uhh… we have Citchen Calamity, Not That Sorry, Necronomiconopoly, Don’t Wake Father Figure, Skiddley Whiffers.. I’m sure there are some other games somewhere. Maybe we got rid of them. Oh, and those are some movies my dad lent me. Also a ship in a bottle.”

The camera pans over to the front door. Steven’s cheeseburger backpack is propped up against the wall. “I haven’t worn that in forever.”

The video switches back to Steven’s face. “I don’t know why. I’ve just been using a normal messenger bag.” He shrugs. “Anyway, tour.”

Steven exits the house and pans up. The house now looks a lot grander than it had before, no longer cradled in the hands of the temple. The new additions rise into the sky, gleaming in the sunlight. There’s a new flagpole, with two flags (Earth’s flag and Homeworld’s flag) fluttering in the breeze.

“Yeah, I’ve got those flags ‘cause I’m kind of like an ambassador I guess? They also just look cool, so there’s that.”

Steven frowns. “I wish I could be done with my Homeworld stuff so I can just come back home.” He rubs his eye. “It’s exhausting. I keep having to have the same conversations with the same Gems because they don’t understand the concept of being nice to each other and also I have to dismantle an entire societal structure.”

He sighs. “Once I’ve gotten everything rolling, I can focus on Little Homeworld, but things just keep taking way longer than they should.”

Steven shakes his head. “No, this is a house tour. House tours are fun. Um, the temple hasn’t changed much, but-- oh! I forgot.”

Steven runs back up the steps and into the house, flinging open the door under the stairs.

“We redid the bathroom a bit.”

He shrugs and smiles apologetically. “Yeah, kind of anticlimactic, I know.”

The bathroom is very nice as far as bathrooms go, but it’s not all that different from how it was before. It’s a bit bigger, the door is on a different wall, and there’s a cabinet with a bunch of towels in it, but it’s mostly the same.

Steven opens the mirror cabinet. The middle shelf has three oddly shaped bottles, each with a diamond embedded in the center. “We’ve got Diamond essence so that we don’t have to track the Diamonds down every time we need to heal a Gem. It really comes in handy in a pinch.”

He closes the cabinet and waves at his reflection in the mirror. “Um, I guess that’s all for the house tour? I’m going to be busy for a bit while I wrap everything up on Homeworld, but I’ll be sure to update you guys when I’m done and back home for real! I hope you enjoyed this video! I love you, bye!”

Steven winks at the camera in the mirror and the video ends with a starwipe.

**432916 views ・ 203782 likes ・ 43 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 305631 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 4865

**effervescenttension1183**

Steven really out here saying he hopes we enjoyed the video like sir we would watch you read the ingredients off the back of a cereal box

> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> actually i would not be opposed to that?
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> If I saw Steven upload a video called watching beige paint dry I’d still watch it

**Susiej1118**

Steven’s house is really nice what

> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> Our mans upgraded to having his own room we love to see it

**rosewitchx**

we’re getting close to 500k guys

> **gayzula**
> 
> it’s what he deserves

**grand_tangerine**

STEVEN HAS THE LONELY BLADE BOXSET WE LOVE A MAN WITH TASTE

> **redrockbluerock**
> 
> Collector’s edition!! A man with TASTE
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> AND his favorite spirit morph book is Welcome to the Wizard Wilds our king KNOWS whats UP

**idk kitty**

steven’s pictures of connie are the cutest things ive ever seen

> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Why does Connie have a picture of herself with a dove? The world may never know
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> It’s because she’s a queen
> 
> **Hope_Loneheart**
> 
> Connie will single handedly bring world peace. It’s real life foreshadowing

**lostinbooks**

Steven has a painting of him and Garnet as angels… the energy of that painting… Vidalia what possessed you to draw them like that

> **LLS**
> 
> I just love that it’s on full display in his room like

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

STEVEN!! ANY NEWS ON THE ALIENS? HAVE THEY GOTTEN ANGRY WITH YOU FOR FILMING AND STARTED PREPARATIONS FOR A HUMAN ZOO??

> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> Ronaldo there’s no human zoo why would anyone want that
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> The aliens Steven filmed weren’t even like… intelligent life they were crabs and foxes
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> Love how you guys are just casually mentioning the aliens Steven filmed like BRUH THOSE ARE ACTUAL ALIENS
> 
> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> Well the Gems are aliens and we’re kind of used to that now so I don’t know if other aliens would be as big of a shock
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> the gems already have a human zoo they started it like thousands of years ago i had to rescue my dad from there remember? ive already mentioned it
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> WHAT??????
> 
> **JayReads**
> 
> What??? How did we miss you mentioning a human zoo??????
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> DID WE ALL COLLECTIVELY MISS IT?? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN
> 
> **teapods**
> 
> was it when connie took over the channel that time??
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> I think so?????????????????
> 
> **view 97 replies**

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

Steveo got a desk he’s a workin boy now

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> He’s BEEN a workin boy he’s so busy
> 
> **Hansledane**
> 
> Let him rest!!
> 
> **Randox_Talore**
> 
> Give our king a break <3

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of the board games were from gravity falls and phineas and ferb bc i couldn't resist
> 
> anyway not super angsty but i like to think of it as the calm before the storm
> 
> remember to comment to be in the comment section!!


	44. Meet My Other New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven's back on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know the movie had a poster in the background that said may 21 but i'm ignoring that in favor of my timeline so that i can get to future quicker also bc the idea of the movie happening on steven's 16th birthday is so delicious to me

**Meet My Other New Friend**

_ published August 17 _

The video starts in Steven’s new room back on Earth. He’s sitting in bed, and he has bags under his eyes.

“Hey guys,” Steven says. “So I’ve been back on Earth for like, two days now?” He rubs his eyes. “It was nice for an hour and then some Gem I’d never heard of showed up and tried to kill me and destroy the planet so now I’m cleaning up after that.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair and looks to his right (camera’s left) out the sliding door. Morning sun is still filtering in through the glass, painting the room in a soft glow. Steven’s alarm clock reads 8:47 am. 

“We’ve mostly gotten the poison out of the ocean and I know Bismuth and Peridot are overseeing the rebuilding efforts. I think Lapis is helping out with repairing the roads and stuff?”

Steven slides out of bed and immediately leans against the wall, blinking hard. “Woah, stood up too fast. One sec,” he says, and squeezes his eyes shut. “Okay, we’re good. Um, for context, the Gem I mentioned earlier tried to poison the planet with some injector type deal but it exploded.  _ After _ it released all the poison. Ideally, we’ll get everything cleaned up before September, but there’s only so many of us in town.”

There’s a pause as Steven furrows his brow. “Well, actually we have a lot more help now that there’s a bunch of Gems coming to live here. But we also need to get Little Homeworld back up and running.”

He shrugs. “I’ll figure it out. If I can dismantle an alien empire, I can rebuild a city.”

Star wipe. Steven is walking down the stairs to the beach, pulling his pink jacket over his shoulders. His blue shirt has a rip in it just below the collar, exposing a small cut on his chest. Upon further investigation, a scrape on his chin and a bruise on his cheek are visible in the full daylight, but he makes no mention of either.

“I’m gonna stop by some of the businesses to make sure they’re holding up and then get to work kissin’ the ground.”

He pauses in his stride and looks at the camera. “It’s-- I have healing spit and I need to heal the plants. I mean, I  _ could _ just spit on the ground if I wanted to, but why pass up a chance to spread some love around? People always kiss the ground in cartoons. I should get to do it too.”

Steven continues on his way towards town, slowing down as he passes by the Big Donut.

“Hey Dewey!” he yells. 

Former Mayor Dewey pokes his head out of the door. “Oh, hello Steven. Did you want a donut?”

“Why are you working? Your shop is broken.”

“I just want some purpose in my life, okay?”

Steven blinks. “Um, okay. Have fun! Bismuth should be coming by with a replacement donut for the roof soon!”

Dewey gives a thumbs up and vanishes inside. Steven looks at the camera incredulously. “I mean, hey, I get it,” he says eventually. He continues his trek down the boardwalk, maneuvering around chunks of alien metal and holes in the ground.

The camera flips around, showing Jenny leaning against the wall of the pizza shop. She glances up from her phone, which she’s measuring with a measuring tape. “Hey Steven! What’s shakin’?”

“How’s the rebuilding going?”

_ “A lot _ faster than the  _ last _ time our shop got wrecked by an alien invasion, which is really saying something since our windows were the only thing to get busted the first time. How about you?”

“Still got a lot of ground to kiss!”

“Okay, well, stay hydrated!”

The camera flips back around and Steven smiles at the lens. “I’m not gonna make you guys watch me just walk around and ask people how they’re doing because I’ve done that for a video before but I’ll update you if something cool happens.”

Starwipe.

Steven is jogging back to the beach. “So something interesting  _ did _ happen but I have no way of knowing if it’s good or bad. Pearl texted me that Spinel was calling through the Diamond line and said it was an emergency so I’m heading back right now to see what’s up.”

He slows his pace and heads up the stairs. “I’m guessing it’ll be something Diamond related, since she just moved in with them two days ago. That’s enough time to learn how clingy they can be. Spinel might’ve tried to kill me not too long ago, but I’ll still bust her out if she needs it. But she still can’t stay in the house because that’s a little too close to the beginning of her redemption arc for me.”

As soon as Steven opens the door, Pearl’s voice rings down the steps. “Steven? Is that you?”

“Yeah!” he yells back. 

“Oh, good. Spinel has been on the Diamond line for fifteen minutes and won’t stop asking me about airline food,” Pearl says, making her way down the stairs. She looks a bit frazzled. “I don’t  _ know _ what the deal about airline food is. I’ve never been on an airplane.”

Steven raises an eyebrow, panning the camera back to his face. “So… it’s  _ not _ an emergency?”

“She says it is, but wouldn’t tell me what she needed. She said you would be the only person who understands?”

Steven sighs. “Okay, I’m on it,” he says, and takes the stairs two at a time. He glances at the camera periodically as he heads towards the glass dome, saying, “That kind of sounds like a Diamond related problem, but I’m not sure. Anyway, prepare yourself for this because Spinel’s energy is kind of draining. I mean, she’s supposed to be a playmate but she just exhausts me. How can she bounce constantly? Did  _ I  _ bounce that much? I feel like I used to bounce a lot more but now just looking at her makes me tired.”

A holographic pink screen is pulled up above the control console inside the dome. On the screen is a Gem with spiky pigtails and an upside down heart in her chest. Her smile is impossibly wide, stretching her face like she’s made of rubber.

“STEVEN!” she squeals. “What took you so long?”

“Hi Spinel,” Steven says. “I was at the other end of town, so I had to run back. What did you need?”

“I just called to ask you about some of the stuff you had on Earth that I was wondering about.”

“Is that it? I thought it was an emergency.”

“Of course it’s an  _ emergency _ , Steven,” Spinel says, sticking her eye up to the lens. “I was wondering about some of the stuff and decided I need it here on Homeworld too.”

Steven sighs. “I’ll answer your questions, but I can’t talk very long. I have more clean-up to do today.”

Spinel leans back and throws her arms in the air. “Hooray!” she says, then leans in close, folding her hands in front of her nose with a serious expression. “First order of business: what was that machine that made paper like noodles?”

The camera view switches. Steven’s expression is one of complete bewilderment. “The machine that what?”

“The paper like noodles! You showed it to Amethyst when she didn’t have any memories.”

“At the arcade? Are you talking about the tickets at the skee ball machine?”

“Yes! I need it.”

Steven blinks. “I can’t-- You can’t take the skee ball machine, Spinel, it’s essential to the Funland business.”

“Hm,” Spinel huffs. Then she gasps comically loud. “That little squirt bottle in your bathroom!”

“My  _ soap?” _

_ “YYYES!  _ I require your finest soap squirt bottles. And that bouncy ball with the black lines on it.”

Steven shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Spinel,  _ why _ do you need all this stuff?”

“Just for fun! I’m trying to get out of my sad rut. That’s  _ no _ fun. I’m already done with the attempted murder bit, and I’m done with denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, so I’m onto acceptance now! What better way to experience the fifth stage of grief than by squirting the entirety of a bottle of soap into my hands?”

Steven blinks again. He squints, purses his lips, then nods. “Yeah, alright. I’ll send you a soap bottle and a basketball.”

“YES!” Spinel shouts, completely peaking the audio levels. Rest in peace, headphone users. If anyone’s unfortunate enough to watch this clip with headphones and high volume, they’ll be hearing a ringing sound in their ears for at least a couple of days.

Steven winces at the shout, face flushing. “It’s not a big deal. It’s  _ really _ not a big deal. It wasn’t an emergency. I need to keep helping out with the rebuilding efforts.”

Spinel inhales sharply, breath hissing through her teeth. “Oooooh, sorry about that. My bad. Really goofed up on that one.”

Steven’s blush grows darker. “Yeah, I’m aware of that,” he murmurs. Then he shakes his head and sighs again. “It’s fine, we’re taking care of it. I’ll send you that stuff later.”

“Okie dokie! Bye!”

The pink light from the screen vanishes from the room with a pop.

Steven rubs his eye and winces when his hand touches the bruise on his cheek. “Oh yeah. I keep forgetting to heal that,” he says. He licks his thumb and swipes it over the bruise and over the scrape on his chin. Both injuries vanish with a sparkle.

“I really do have to get back to the rebuilding efforts, so I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for watching! I’m glad to be back on Earth with all of you. I love you, bye!”

**473527 views ・ 216461 likes ・ 46 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 316357 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 4947

**gayzula**

OUR KING HAS RETURNED!!!

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> He’s on the same planet as us again <3
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> He’s free from his clingy aunts!
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> he’s back on the beach!
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> Back to his roots!!

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

Steven really out here kissing the ground

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> I need to know how it works like when he kisses it does it have the capability of growing new grass or something or do flowers grow or
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> new grass and flowers grow and the poison disappears!
> 
> **The_Better_Clark_Kent**
> 
> That’s some fantasy magical girl stuff right there
> 
> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> Steven will single handedly reverse all pollution
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i wish >:(

**Myrterix**

Jenny girl,,,, why are you measuring your phone

> **Marf0g**
> 
> Let her live

**ClayFowl**

RIP PEARL having to hear the same joke for fifteen minutes babe I’m so sorry

> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> Pearl is stronger than any marine

**Scaredmitochondria**

Ok kind of in love with Spinel’s accent

> **Gameorama91**
> 
> She sounds like she was pulled right out of a cartoon from the 40s or something
> 
> **idk kitty**
> 
> She kind of went off with the aesthetic too ngl

**Mycrossant**

absolutely obsessed with spinels description of tickets as paper thats like noodles

**BobinRobin**

Hold on did Steven say Spinel tried to kill him TWO DAYS ago and they’re fRIENds??

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> And we thought Peridot changed sides fast

**RatcheT2498**

petition to storm homeworld and make those diamonds let the boy have a good night’s sleep

> **Hansledane**
> 
> He’s on earth tho
> 
> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> does he look rested to you
> 
> **Hansledane**
> 
> Fair point

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're Close
> 
> comment to be in the comment section


	45. Little Homeworld/Homeschool Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gives a tour of the newest addition to Delmarva.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS ID LOVE TO WRITE AN ACTUAL INSIGHTFUL NOTE HERE BUT CANDACE AGAINST THE UNIVERSE IS OUT AND IT'S THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND AND YES THERE IS A PHINEAS AND FERB REFERENCE IN THIS CHAPTER TOO I PHYSICALLY COULDN'T STOP MYSELF

**Little Homeworld/Homeschool Tour**

_ published August 29 _

Steven is walking down the boardwalk. His shirt is a darker blue than usual, but it still works with the pink jacket somehow. Wind whips past the camera, immediately peaking the audio. Off to a great start already.

“Hey guys,” he says. “I don’t have a lot of time today-- I’m  _ super _ busy getting things ready for next week-- but I think I have enough time to film a quick little tour of the most important places in Little Homeworld and a bit of Little Homeschool, too!”

Steven adjusts the strap of the messenger bag on his shoulder and looks to his right. “Oh, this is Lars’ pastry shop!” he says, eyes lighting up. “Lars used to be pretty nervous to share his baking prowess, but now his bakery is the most popular place in Beach City!”

The camera pans over to show a cute little storefront. A sign on the green door reads “open” and a window displays intricately decorated cakes and arrangements of muffins, cookies, tarts, and countless other baked goods. The red awning over the window labels the store as “Spacetries”.

“It’s all space themed! All of the names are puns based on Lars’ cool space pirate adventures.”

Lars catches Steven’s eye through the window and waves. The camera pans back to Steven as he waves back. “I know he loves the space pirate life, but I’m glad he’s back on Earth. It’s nice to finally have all of my friends in the same place.”

A frown forms on Steven’s face. “Well, almost all of them. Sadie and her band just left to go on tour, but it was nice while it lasted. And, hey! They’ll be back soon, anyway, and then it’ll go back to being great.”

Starwipe.

Steven films the path in front of him as he walks, panning upwards to capture the full height and grandeur of Little Homeworld, complete with a huge central tower. The tower is topped with a spinning structure.

“That was Peridot’s idea,” Steven says, pointing at it. “I think it’s like a windmill type deal? It provides a lot of the power for the buildings. Electric lighting is pretty in demand in Little Homeworld, since, y’know. Gems are a manifestation of light. It would be pretty wild if a Gem stayed in the dark too long.”

The camera flips back around. Steven purses his lips, furrowing his brow. “Actually, I’m not even sure what would happen… but it probably wouldn’t be very good,” he says with a shrug.

Steven passes through the gate leading into the town and spins in a circle to show off some of the structures.

“Little Homeworld is where the barn used to be! It’s mostly divided between the residential district and the school. Connie said it reminds her of a college campus, but I have no way of verifying that information. My dad can neither confirm nor deny that particular information, but I trust Connie’s judgment.”

Steven points out a couple houses. “That blue one is where Larimar and Snowflake live… uh, I think Crazy Lace and Biggs and maybe Bixbite live in that one with the curvy roof. Oh!”

Steven stops in his tracks and crouches down. He zooms in on what looks like a dollhouse on top of a small marble pedestal.

“This is where the Heaven and Earth Beetles live!”

The front door opens and a small woman about as tall as Steven’s thumb sticks her head out. She smiles at him and waves.

“Hi! I hope you’re doing well!” he replies, then stands back up to continue the tour. “The school is in the center.”

The school seems to be a combination of many buildings and outdoor classrooms. Bleachers are set up around a clearing, where Pearl is sorting through stacks of papers, chewing on the end of a pencil. A bit further along, near what looks like the center of the town, Amethyst is stepping off of the central warp pad with an easel tucked under her arm. She has a pair of circular glasses resting on the top of her head.

Steven smiles at the camera. “The main purpose of Little Homeschool is helping Gems find their place in an Era 3 world! It’s intimidating and hard to adjust to enough for other Gems, but most of the Gems on Earth used to be corrupted. For thousands of years, their only state of mind was in panic mode, so their heads are a little scrambled.”

He purses his lips. “I can’t even  _ imagine _ what that’s gotta feel like. The readjustment’s gotta be difficult.” Steven’s face falls briefly, but he shakes his head and plasters on a grin. “But that’s why Little Homeschool is here!”

The camera pans over to a greenhouse. It’s already fairly full of plants, but Peridot is still lugging a couple more flower pots in. Metal gardening tools float through the air behind her, wobbling as she struggles to open the door while holding a sunflower on her hip. She catches Steven’s eye and her face breaks into a smile.

“Steven!!!” she yells. The tools shake dangerously.

“Hey Peridot! Need some help?”

“That would be appreciated,” Peridot says, giving up with the door. Steven grabs it and holds it open for her. “Wow, thanks!”

“No prob! Everything going okay?”

“Yes, the set up is progressing very successfully. I’m almost finished in  _ much _ less time than I had allotted for in my schedule. Teaching is going to be  _ easy.” _

Steven chuckles. “Don’t get too comfortable. You remember how hard it was for  _ you _ to adjust. This is a whole class of you pre-character-development.”

Peridot sets her flower pot down on a table and sends Steven a glare. “I’m going to be a perfect teacher, because I  _ do _ remember how hard it was to adjust.  _ You _ didn’t, so it took longer. I’m going to send these clods through character development so fast that they won’t even  _ think _ about trying to kill you first. We’ll just skip that stage.”

“I’d appreciate that,” Steven says. “I’ve gotta run, but it was nice seeing you!”

Steven exits the greenhouse and zooms in on a building across the way. Just visible through the open door is Bismuth, backlit by a roaring fire as she pounds a piece of glowing red metal with her fist (in the shape of a hammer).

“That’s the on-campus forge,” Steven says. “It’s way more easily accessible than Bismuth’s old forge, so she spends a lot more time here with us than out in the mountains. She’s gonna teach blacksmithing and stuff like that.”

Steven pauses in his stride and taps his finger against his chin. “Pearl’s teaching human technology, Peridot’s teaching horticulture, Amethyst’s teaching decision making, Bismuth’s got forgery, Lapis has meep morps with Vidalia… I  _ think _ Garnet teaches yoga? I’m not sure.”

He shrugs. “Those are the main classes, but we also have other stuff. I’m thinking about doing a music class? But I don’t know if I’ll have time to teach it. I’m kind of busy? I’m kind of running the whole school, so there’s a lot of stuff to take care of.”

Steven’s face flushes, but he shakes his head and smiles. “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do, but it’s very important! I’m glad I can be a part of this stuff. Um, I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

Steven looks over his shoulder. The hills in the distance are kind of barren looking at a certain point, missing the trees that used to be visible from the barn. He frowns. 

“Um, that’s where Jasper’s hiding out. She mostly keeps to herself and broods? I’d like to talk to her, but I haven’t really.... had the time. Jasper didn’t really take very well to Era 3.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fine, I’ll handle that later. What’s important now is that if you know any Gems who are visiting Earth and don’t know what to check out, you tell them about Little Homeworld! We’re setting up for the school year, which starts next week!”

Steven gives a thumbs up, then giggles. “I’m not very good at transitioning into advertisements yet. Anyway, that’s all I have for you today! Thanks for watching. I love you, bye!”

**486539 views ・ 234735 likes ・ 45 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 338256 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 5837

**Silkmist18**

steven’s running an entire school? bro ur literally like a sophomore

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> what’s a sophomore
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> I don’t even know how to respond here
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> I mean he’s got a point why is it called a sophomore
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> There’s probably some history behind the name like in the entomology of it?
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Yeah I looked it up and apparently entomology is the study of insects

**rosewitchx**

can’t even escape back to school ads on steven’s channel huh

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> At least Steven’s school is for aliens

**fearfullyfabulou5**

you guys are starting school in september?

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> Yes?? When do YOU start school?
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> I start in August :(
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> AUGUST??? That’s still summer!!
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> Yeah :(

**Boogurl405**

Did… did Jasper deforest an entire section of land?

> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> Jasper’s just kind of living in the forest now I guess
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Not much of a forest anymore

**smol_dumb_patoot**

Wait what happened to the barn?

> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> What are you talking about?
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> He said Little Homeworld was built where the barn used to be
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> OH YEAH IT’S JUST KINDA GONE??
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> lapis took it to the moon then threw it at blue diamond
> 
> **Myrterix**
> 
> WHAT
> 
> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> OH QUEEN
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> Lapis did what the Steven Protection Squad could only dream of

**Gameorama91**

Steven’s starting up and running a school at 16 he’s either the most successful 16 year old or the most stressed out

> **luvelles**
> 
> probably both if we’re being honest
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Get my mans a nap or at least some coffee

**BobinRobin**

Kinda miss the cheeseburger backpack ngl

> **sugardevil**
> 
> the messenger bag kind of fits the aesthetic now that he’s got a sick jacket and stuff

**gayzula**

i would die for the heaven and earth beetles

> **Mycrossant**
> 
> why are they called beetles
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> they used to be beetles
> 
> **gayzula**
> 
> i love them more now

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know the drill with comments next chapter we dive right into suf I GOTTA GO WATCH CANDACE AGAINST THE UNIVERSE


	46. a channel update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks about the first week of Little Homeschool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wednesday wednesday wednesday

**a channel update**

_ published September 4 _

Steven is laying on his back on top of his bed, holding the camera above him. He has noticeable bags under his eyes and a bruise forming on his right cheek. He smiles. “Hi, TubeTube!”

He rubs his eye and winces, inhaling sharply through his teeth while he examines his knuckles, which are looking a little beat up. Blood is visible under his fingernails.

A look of shock crosses his face, his eyes widening in guilt, but the expression disappears almost instantly. Steven smiles again. “Huh, I didn’t notice that earlier,” he says, and presses a kiss to his knuckles. The wounds close up instantly with a sparkle. He examines his face in the camera for a moment, then licks his thumb and swipes it over his bruised cheek. The bruise vanishes.

“Anyway, I just wanted to make this video to let you guys know that my upload schedule is going to be all over the place for the foreseeable future. Literally, I asked Garnet about it and there were no likely timelines where I upload on a consistent schedule.”

Steven props himself up on his elbow and rubs his eye again. “I knew I was going to be busy with school starting, but I didn’t know  _ how _ busy until this week. Connie says the first week of school is always a little stressful, but I’m  _ running _ it, not attending, so I know it’s going to be longer than just the first week.”

He laughs to himself without humor. “Ha, wow,” he murmurs. Then he shakes his head. “Today especially was all over the place. I’m in charge of introducing new Gems to Era 3, and we had just found a corrupted Gem the other week, so I healed her this morning with the Diamond Essences--” he cuts himself off. “Man, the Diamond Essences were a great idea. Very handy when we find another corrupted Gem and don’t have time to warp over to Homeworld.”

Steven yawns, then frowns. “Where was I? Oh yeah, I introduced Cherry Quartz to Little Homeschool this morning, and then I went to talk to Jasper.”

He laughs. “Yeah, that interaction could’ve gone better. Things maybe got a little heated and maybe some not-so-nice things were tossed around, but it worked out in the end!” Steven sits up completely and leans over, bringing the camera closer to his face. “I learned some interesting stuff about myself, too! I can actually learn some stuff from  _ Jasper _ , y’know? Because she has a different approach to things than I do, and there’s also the matter of the fight. Hey, turns out I have a new power? Not sure what it does just yet, but I’ll figure it out. We’re all changing and growing, right?”

Steven smiles softly, then frowns. He glances at the clock over his shoulder. “...Yeah, that’s basically all I have time for. When I say I’m busy, I mean  _ busy. _ Sorry this video was kind of short, guys, but I just wanted to let you know what’s going on!”

He opens his mouth to add something, then closes it, pursing his lips. He looks like he’s tossing an idea around in his head. “I wish I could give a rough estimate of when I’ll be back, but I really have no idea. I have a lot of stuff to do and a lot of stuff to think about. Like, I thought Little Homeschool would be good because I like helping people, but what if I lose my touch? Or what if I seriously mess up or totally forgot something important?”

Steven slumps back against his pillow and sighs, running a hand through his curls. “I  _ know _ that if I forgot something, the Gems would tell me, but what if it’s something they never had to deal with that these new Gems do? It’s not impossible that I could’ve forgotten something. I mean, I  _ have _ messed up in the past.”

He sighs heavily.  _ “Man, _ have I messed up in the past,” he says, almost to himself. His face flushes. “Amethyst’s been spending a lot of time at the school recently,” he says to the camera. “She’s super excited about whatever project she’s working on, but won’t let me see because it’s a surprise. I bet it’s something super cool. I don’t know if I can keep up with it. There’s just so much to do, and I just want to help everyone and just make it  _ better.” _

There’s something unnatural about the blush on Steven’s cheeks. His voice has started to raise with each additional thought that slips its way into his rant and the louder his voice gets the pinker his face becomes.

“I’ll adjust to the schedule eventually, I know I will, and I know that’s why I’ve been pretty irritable for the past couple days. Ever since the first day of school, I’ve been kind of stressed and things are just-- things that normally don’t get to me just-- like, something Jasper said today  _ just--” _

Steven’s cheeks are glowing pink.

He catches his own eye in the camera and squeaks.

“Oh, sorry,” he says. “I should probably record a second take where I don’t ramble about what Amethyst is doing, but I don’t really have time. Or, you know, much time to edit. So. Channel update?”

The alarm clock on Steven’s bedside table starts to beep. Steven jumps. “Sorry! I really have to get back to work now, so I’ll see you later! Recap: I’m busy and won’t have a consistent upload schedule for the foreseeable future! Okay, I love you, bye!”

**501820 views ・ 262746 likes ・ 49 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 374273 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 5941

**lostinbooks**

i can’t even imagine running an ENTIRE school at the age of 16

> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> I hope he’s not running it ALL by himself. The Gems are helping him out, right?
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> He said the Gems are working as teachers in his last video, so I’m assuming they help him out where they can?
> 
> **ClayFowl**
> 
> Help him out more so he can take a nap he needs it
> 
> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> We’ve been petitioning for him to take a nap for years and maybe this year it’ll pay off
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> we can only hope

**entropy_muffin**

STEVEN DID YOU SEE THE TRAILER FOR THE SPIRIT MORPH SAGA TV SHOW

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> of course i did who do u think i am
> 
> **AconiteWolfsbane**
> 
> Was anyone gonna tell me the trailer is out or was I supposed to learn about it in a Tubetube comment section myself

**Boogurl405**

I forgot he had magic healing powers and the sparkles jumpscared me so bad

> **KyuubiDono**
> 
> How do you get jumpscared by sparkles
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> Did you not hear the little sizzle and musical sting
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> MUSICAL STING??? THIS ISN’T ANIME
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> DID SOMEONE SAY ANIME
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> WHAT HAVE I DONE

**Bumblewish**

Steven sounds really stressed out is he okay?

> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> i really hope so :( he always sounds pretty stressed but this video is a new level
> 
> **luvelles**
> 
> steven said jasper said something mean so i say this is her doing
> 
> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> Ah yes we will once again form the Steven Protection Squad
> 
> **imhellapan**
> 
> i feel like it’s always formed at this point

**RetroBrickReviews**

Steven glowing like the angel he is

> **Kali**
> 
> Has Steven glowed before because I feel like he’s glowed before
> 
> **youknowthatsright**
> 
> I think he’s just sparkled a little because I don’t think he’s glowed before
> 
> **Landfyre**
> 
> His new power is just having glowstick juice for blood
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> That’s my ideal world
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> having glowstick juice for blood??
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> yes
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> Ok fair enough

**Andovia212**

Anyone else a little concerned?

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It Begins


	47. a day in the life 2 electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven reveals his new daily schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so late in the day but at least its still friday in my time zone

**day in the life 2 electric boogaloo**

_published November 25_

The video starts in Steven’s bathroom. He’s drying his face off with a towel, glancing in the mirror and frowning. He pokes at one of his dark circles, then shakes his head and looks over at the camera. “Hey guys,” he says. “How’s it going? I thought I’d do another vlog where I take you guys with me since I don’t have time to sit down and film a whole video.”

Steven opens the mirror cabinet and rifles through it, furrowing his brow. Finally, he locates what he was looking for: a tube of concealer.

“Is _everyone_ always this busy?” he asks, swiping the concealer wand under his eye. “It doesn’t _seem_ like everyone’s this busy. When Lars and Sadie still worked at the Big Donut, they could sneak in back and watch TV. I can only watch TV way late at night.”

Steven picks up an unopened packet of earrings. They’re all shaped like little animals and plants. He stares at them, biting his lip, for a few moments.

Then he shakes his head slightly and puts them back in the cabinet. “I don’t really wanna stray from my usual look today,” he says with a shrug. “Don’t wanna change things up _too_ much.”

A starwipe takes the scene into the kitchen, where Steven is filling up a bottle with what sort of looks like a coffee maker.

“I found this protein shake stuff online last week and it’s pretty good. It has like, all of the nutrients you need in the morning.”

He puts the cap on the bottle and starts to shake it. “It’s pretty healthy, too. I’ve started looking more into healthy options? If I eat too much sugar at once now, I get nauseous. I don’t know what happened. The other day, I had to take a break in the middle of eating a cookie.”

He shrugs again and picks up his messenger bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “I’ve also been thinking about going vegetarian? I need to do some more research into it to make sure it’s like, a good option for me. Also, I need to get through all the meat we still have first because I don’t want to waste it.”

Steven frowns. “Hm, remind me to tell Pearl about that before she inevitably beats me to the grocery store. Wait!”

He grabs a pad of sticky notes, writes out a note, and sticks it on the counter. After a second of deliberation, he writes a second note and sticks that one next to the first one.

“I just asked her to stop buying cereal that has so much sugar in it. Anyway, I’ve gotta get going if I’m gonna make it to school on time.”

Steven glances over his shoulder at the door. His gaze falls on the portrait of Rose Quartz at the top of the stairs. “Huh… I think I might move that painting.”

Starwipe.

Music plays softly over the car speakers as Steven turns out from the beach onto the road itself. He glances at the camera briefly before returning his gaze to the windshield. 

“Sadie’s released a lot of songs recently, but my favorite’s still the original,” he says. “It makes me nostalgic. I’ve got it on cassette and everything. They’re coming back from their tour pretty soon, and I’m super excited to have them back! It’s gonna be so nice to have everyone back in one spot. It’ll be like how it was before.”

Steven looks over his shoulder and changes lanes, tapping his finger on the steering wheel in time with the music. “Well, _almost_ like how it was before. Obviously, Homeworld’s gonna keep changing for the better. I haven’t gone over to Homeworld itself in a while, but I’ve heard they’re doing pretty well. I think they’re actually going through with the election? I don’t remember all of the candidates, but it doesn’t really matter since it’s definitely gonna come down to the Zircons anyway. They’re very good at debating.”

Steven hums along with the song, smiling. Then his eyes widen. “Oh yeah!! The trailer for the _Spirit Morph Saga_ TV show is out!! I’ve watched it like, I don’t know, ten times already? Every second of free time I have is devoted to watching every TubeTube video that picks it apart frame by frame. I can’t _wait_ . Ever since Connie introduced me to the books, I’ve been hooked. It’s so good. The trailer looks _super promising._ ”

The smile fades slightly. “I… I want to ask Connie what she thinks, because I know she has a lot of opinions on it, but I haven’t really had much time to hang out with her lately. We’re both just too busy.”

Steven trails off, staring blankly ahead at the road. The song over the speaker fades out.

“I miss her.”

He shakes his head. _“But_ I’m gonna see her soon, probably. Our schedules just haven’t lined up.”

Starwipe.

Steven is now walking through the paths of Little Homeschool. “The first thing I do every morning is check in with all the teachers and make sure they’re on track with the schedule. We have a pretty rigorous curriculum, so it could throw everything out of whack if anyone’s behind.” He purses his lips. “Most of my time is schedule management, honestly. I also have to teach and oversee a lot of events, too, but like… it’s a lot of time management.”

A quick montage plays of Steven poking his head into different classrooms and checking in with all the teachers. It ends with Steven setting up an easel outside in a clearing between a few buildings, with a page labeled “INTRO TO MUSIC” propped up on it.

“I’m teaching about music right now,” he says as he straightens out the easel. “Right now, we’re just talking about the basic idea and core concepts of music, but next week I want to start getting into the technicalities of how it actually works? And then I want to start everyone on instruments.”

He steps back from the easel with his hands on his hips and smiles. “Catch you guys after class!”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting at a picnic table with a sandwich in one hand and a pen in the other. A water bottle with a few stickers is placed carefully next to a stack of papers.

“Technically, I’m on lunch break right now, but I still have a _lot_ to do.”

Steven chews on the end of his pen, studying the paper in front of him with his brows furrowed in concentration. He groans and rubs his forehead. “This would be so much easier if I was good at math,” he says. “I just can’t do it in my head. _Especially_ when it comes to time. I can’t do math with time.”

He sets his pen down and runs a hand through his hair, then takes a bite of his sandwich. “I’m making adjustments to the schedule for everyone who’s ahead or behind right now, but I’m also starting to look at making the schedule for _next_ year, too. The plan right now is to have everyone choose their classes for next school year in January.”

Steven frowns. “This year was easy because it’s _everyone’s_ first year, but I have no idea what to do for second year. There will definitely be new Gems coming in, so I need to offer new classes for second year students _and_ offer this year’s classes for new students, but if the schedule is packed for _first_ year, I don’t know how to add in second year classes at the same time.”

Steven’s voice is starting to rise the more frustrated he becomes. He picks up his pen again, gripping it so tightly his fingers turn white. “I’m gonna have to cut some classes out if I’m gonna fit everything. We don’t have enough teachers for all the classes I want to offer.”

A blush forms across Steven’s cheeks and nose. He huffs out a sigh and crosses out a bullet point on his list of classes.

A thought occurs to him and he sits bolt upright. “I haven’t even started prepping for graduation!”

The blush turns bright pink. Steven’s face takes on an unsettling glow.

Then Steven sucks in a deep breath. He unscrews the cap of his water bottle and takes a swig, allowing himself to calm down. 

“I’ll figure it out. It’s only November, I’ve got time.”

Another starwipe. Amethyst catches Steven on his way to his car.

“Hey, dude! What’s up? I didn’t see you today!”

“Amethyst, I checked in with you this morning.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes and punches Steven in the arm. “You know that doesn’t count. Hey, you’re makin’ a video!”

“Yep, just showing what it’s like at Little Homeschool. How’s everything going in your department?”

“Oh, it’s great! G.H.E.M. has been a really popular topic in my decision making class? It’s like, I got seven more Gems signed up for an appointment to decide where they want to take a mentorship.”

Steven grins. “Wow, that’s going really well!”

Amethyst laughs. “Yeah, well, now that we fixed that little incident from last week.”

Steven’s face turns pink.

“Ha, right. Sorry about that. Anyway, catch you later!”

Steven heads over to his car and props his camera up on the dashboard. He fidgets with it for a moment, trying to get it to stand on its own without falling over. It slips a couple of times, but eventually he gets it set up.

“I should probably edit that part out,” he murmurs to himself.

Steven clicks on his seatbelt and checks the clock on the car’s dashboard. “This is usually when Connie’s study breaks are,” he says. “It’s too bad our breaks don’t line up. We can never call each other.”

A wistful expression crosses his face. “Kinda lonely,” he whispers.

Then he shrugs. He looks over his shoulder as he backs out of his parking spot, making it kind of hard to hear his next words. “I haven’t really talked to that many other _humans_ in a while? I’ve been so busy with Homeworld stuff that it like, it just never came up.”

He turns his gaze back to the road in front of him. “I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll get to it eventually. Maybe fall break? I don’t know.”

Starwipe.

A few shots play in quick succession: the car turning off, the car door slamming, the screen door of the beach house shutting, the messenger bag hitting the floor, and Steven collapsing on the couch with a sigh.

“Man, I’m _exhausted,”_ he says. “...Buuuuut I’ve got some time before I have to look at feedback stuff, so you know what that means. Time to watch the _Spirit Morph Saga_ trailer for the twelfth time this week.”

A flip wipe transitions to a couple minutes later. Steven is grinning. “Yeah, that was worth it. It’s just such a cool trailer! Lisa looks really similar to how I pictured her in my head, which is _crazy,_ but I’m super excited about Archimicarus’ design. I read that it’s a puppet, not CGI, which is like, woah. That’s so cool!”

Steven shifts so that he’s sitting cross legged on the couch and leans forward, gesturing with his free hand. “That shot of the One-Eyed Man at the top of the stairs with the light behind him? Perfection. I can’t wait to see what Connie has to say about it.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Anyway, I gotta go through all the recommendations and feedback forms and stuff, but that’s basically what my day looks like. It’s busy, but I’m glad I can still help people, even when stuff seems like it’s changing at a crazy pace. I like being there for people. Plus, some things are still the same! Connie’s still my friend, Lars is back on Earth now, and Sadie Killer and the Suspects are still releasing awesome songs, so it doesn’t really matter in the long run if I’m stressed. You know, since everything’s going so well for everyone.”

Steven smiles. “Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this video! Thanks so much for watching, and make sure to like, comment, and subscribe! I’m sure I’ll post a video at some point, even if I don’t know when that’ll be. I love you, bye!”

**528374 views ・ 268366 likes ・ 48 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 383720 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6023

**Tormaline**

There’s something intensely relatable about Steven hating math with times

> **tralalapis**
> 
> math with time is like ten billion times more evil than normal math
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> What are you even talking about it’s just knowing how time works
> 
> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> Bold of you to assume anyone on the internet knows how time works

**merveeille**

YES THE SHOT OF THE ONE EYED MAN GIVES ME CHILLS EVERY TIME

> **mell**
> 
> yes but the part where lisa jumps into the volcano and archimicarus swoops in and grabs her like THIS SHOW IS GONNA SLAP
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Lisa’s costumes look so well made I’ve never been more hyped for a costume
> 
> **luvelles**
> 
> this was literally the best time for me to get back into spirit morph saga
> 
> **KawaiiBlue18**
> 
> I’d never heard of the spirit morph saga until I found this channel and I can’t believe I’ve gone so much of my life without it 
> 
> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> welcome to the spirit morph saga fan club it’s fun here

**softasawhisper**

Ok but I want to take Steven’s music class that sounds so dope

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> Forget the music class I need Amethyst’s decision making class rn
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> Who needs to learn chemistry when you could be learning useful topics like literally knowing how to decide things for yourself
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> Can…. can humans enroll in Little Homeschool

**Silkmist18**

Steven you might wanna get that glowstick blood checked out

> **Myrterix**
> 
> Steven doesn’t need glowsticks at a rave he just turns pink

**RegularCitrus**

Steven said his pink thing is a new power right?? What exactly is the power

> **KaybeeBlue**
> 
> It probably has to be emotion related right
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> Most of his powers are tied to emotion I think so it probably is
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> i hope it’s not because of his stress bc that would be unfortunate

**RainKnight**

Steven is experiencing the struggles of being understaffed

> **teapods**
> 
> he doesn’t even need to work in the fast food industry he already knows now

**Tuhgou**

Give Steven a day off so he can sleep please

> **BobinRobin**
> 
> I’ve never seen him more in need of a nap than rn
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> Steven Protection Squad we have a new mission let’s roll out

**Laemon**

Get you a man who talks about you like Steven talks about Connie

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh here we go


	48. Snow Day Activities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how perfect is it that it snowed where i live the day i wrote this chapter

**Snow Day Activities**

_ published February 4 _

The video starts in Steven’s kitchen, where Steven is mixing a packet of cocoa mix into a mug of warm milk. His hair is dusted with snow. “Hey guys! It’s pretty snowy out, so we had to cancel Little Homeschool for the day. Obviously, that means some  _ major _ schedule rearranging, but I figure I can handle that during actual school hours. The big thing is making the most of this time off.”

Steven takes a sip of the hot cocoa, winces, and sets it back down. “It’s hot. Anyway, the Gems and I had some bonding time and like, a heartfelt conversation? So if you’ve been needing to do that, do that while it’s snowing out, I guess.”

Steven picks the mug back up and brings it to his lips before remembering how it burned him earlier. He places it back down. “I’ve made a snow day video before, so I’ll put a link up in the corner” --he points to the top right of the screen, where a card slides in with the title of previous video-- “but that was like, two years ago, so who knows if it holds up or not. I certainly don’t. You won’t catch me rewatching any videos I made. That’s just…”

He glances to the side and grimaces. “...Embarrassing.”

“No matter, we’ve got snow day activities to talk about. Obviously step number one is a warm drink. I  _ know  _ I mentioned that one in the first video. I’d love if I had a healthier option, but this is all we had in the cupboard and there is no  _ way _ I’m getting anywhere today,” he says, lifting the mug to his mouth. He jumps in surprise when it touches his lips, and nearly spills it onto the counter. “Still hot.”

“Something else you can do if you’re not super phased by the cold is play games outside. That’s kind of a no-brainer, but I don’t know your life. Maybe you haven’t played games outside in a while, I dunno. I spent like, the whole morning playing Steven Tag against my will. And then I spent most of the afternoon playing Steven Tag… I don’t know,  _ with _ my will, I guess?”

Steven runs a hand through his hair, shaking out some of the snow that hasn’t melted yet. “Steven Tag is when the Gems turn into me and then if you get touched you turn into me also. It’s weird. Anyway, once you’ve done that, find every blanket in your house and pile it on top of you. Bonus points if you have a cat. Cat Steven’s around here somewhere.”

Not having learned his lesson, Steven takes a sip of his hot chocolate.

He jumps, spilling it all over the counter. “Ow,  _ f--” _

The scene abruptly cuts away to a new set up, where Steven is sitting on the couch wrapped in an absurd amount of blankets. It’s hard to tell there’s any Steven in there at all. It’s just a pile of blankets. Just a cocoon. Only his face is visible. He’s holding the mug of cocoa through a layer of blanket, presumably to protect his hands, or maybe just because he’s cold.

“So I just remade my hot chocolate. This has quickly spiraled out of control. I don’t know if this is really a helpful video anymore but just in case it still is, here’s a tip: don’t do what I just did.”

Cat Steven hops onto the couch and surveys the blanket cocoon for a moment before claiming it as her new bed. Steven smiles.

He takes a sip of his hot cocoa and wriggles his torso out of the blankets. “Next best thing to do when you’re stuck inside is work on a skill you’ve been wanting to master. I can’t really do much about the school schedule so I’ve been working on my drawing.”

Steven leans over and picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table. He holds it up for the camera to see.

The drawing on the paper is fairly abstract. The silhouette of a girl and a falcon is visible in the middle of the page, surrounded by various items: a broken sword, a wedding cake, a helmet, a wand, and a scroll. The entire thing is framed by a border of vines with roses.

“I’m getting ready for the  _ Spirit Morph Saga _ show. It comes out like, next week. I finally got a chance to talk to Connie about it and she was even more excited than I am. Which, yeah, of course she is, it’s her favorite book series. She had  _ a lot _ more to say, but I’m gonna wait to give any impressions until I inevitably review it.  _ Next week!” _

Steven scratches behind the cat’s ear and hums to himself. “In terms of catching you guys up on what’s been going on, the answer is not a whole lot, actually. It’s funny, I’m used to telling you guys I got captured by Homeworld or I went to the moon, but I haven’t really done much other than working. Well-- hm…”

He tilts his head and taps his fingers on the side of his mug. “Well, I guess  _ some  _ stuff happened. I met some of the Rose Quartzes that have been unbubbled. That was eventful. Um, Pearl and Volleyball --that’s Pink Pearl’s nickname-- they fused? They had to escape this facility thing. I kind of screwed up and broke some stuff on accident and I overreacted a little to something.”

Steven blushes, but shakes his head. “Aquamarine and Eyeball fused and tried to kill me, that’s par for the course… Yeah, that’s about it. Onion’s been normal, Connie’s studying, Dad’s giving more guitar lessons…”

He sits bolt upright, eyes wide. “DAD’S HAIR IS SHORT NOW.”

Steven looks down at the mug in his hands. The expression on his face is absolutely unreadable. “That was partially my fault too,” he says, the blush on his face deepening. It hasn’t quite gotten to glowing, but it’s getting there. “He cut his hair. It’s so weird. He’s had long hair my entire life.”

The cat on Steven’s lap pushes her head against Steven’s hand and he giggles, rubbing her fur. The blush fades. “His new hair looks pretty good, though.”

Steven sighs and sinks back into the couch.

“You know, forget snow day activities. Just take a nap.”

He closes his eyes for a second, breathing in deeply. Then he sits back up. “Oh, who am I kidding, I’ve got to edit this video. And  _ also _ hope that Pearl didn’t hear me earlier when I burnt myself.”

Steven drains the last of the hot cocoa from his mug. “The point is that  _ you _ can relax on your snow days if you follow the steps I said in this video.”

He frowns. “Did I have steps? I think I did. It doesn’t matter.  _ You _ guys have a relaxing day.  _ I’ve _ got to finish rearranging the calendar so the other teachers don’t have to worry about it when we get back. Which I should probably do now. So… thanks for watching! I love you, bye!”

**679634 views ・ 316524 likes ・ 50 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 425361 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6347

**ebeazy**

NOOO GREG’S HAIR

> **grand_tangerine**
> 
> i literally can’t even imagine a sadder tragedy
> 
> **vapenation69**
> 
> sad kazoo memorial song for greg’s long lost hair when
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> F in the chat for Greg’s Rapunzel hair
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> f
> 
> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> f
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> f
> 
> **view 25 replies**

**luvelles**

i forgot steven does reviews omg now im so hyped for the tv show

> **Kali**
> 
> And you weren’t before??
> 
> **Mycrossant**
> 
> there’s just something about the prospect of a steven review that makes it that much more enticing
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Has Steven ever reviewed anything that he didn’t like
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Well he did say he didn’t like the Glum Glass is Crabby Cup theory
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> yeah that video didn’t age well

**RainKnight**

Steven vs hot chocolate who will win

> **KaybeeBlue**
> 
> I think that answer is probably pretty clear

**linring**

dang we were so close to succeeding at steven taking a nap and then he didn’t

> **Boogurl405**
> 
> Maybe he took a nap after he finished the schedule
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> i thought he said he was gonna relax and then he didn’t >:/
> 
> **Hansledane**
> 
> Time to take matters into our own hands

**AconiteWolfsbane**

Ok does anyone have any idea who pink pearl is

> **knowAll**
> 
> I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Yeah I have no clue I thought I just missed something in an older video or something
> 
> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> No that’s gotta be the first mention of Pink Pearl. AND the other Rose Quartzes what’s that all about?
> 
> **tralalapis**
> 
> i just wanna know why they called her volleyball
> 
> **BobinRobin**
> 
> Maybe she was just standing by a volleyball and that’s the first thing they came up with
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> No it’s gotta have more layers than that right?
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no that’s basically what happened
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> omg king <3

**Wishflare**

froggy mug is the best mug

> **Loogia**
> 
> steven make a merch store so i can buy froggy mug challenge
> 
> **StrawberryS0da**
> 
> I hear what you’re saying but I think you can probably find the froggy mug from the place that actually sells froggy mugs
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> what’s the point if we’re not supporting our king through this period of sleep deprivation from his refusal to take naps

**Randox_Talore**

Friendship ended with Lion now Cat Steven is my new best friend

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know the drill


	49. Spirit Morph Saga TV Series Adaptation Review (+Crying Breakfast Friends Epilogue Series News???)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares his thoughts on the new Spirit Morph Saga adaptation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are
> 
> we are getting into the angst

**Spirit Morph Saga TV Series Adaptation Review (+Crying Breakfast Friends Epilogue Series News???)**

_ published February 13 _

Steven is sitting at his desk with his back to the camera. He swivels his chair around dramatically, completely overshoots the landing, and spins a full extra circle before managing to stop himself.

“Hey TubeTube!” he says. “Note to self: do  _ not _ forget to refilm the intro.”

The video freezes and a voice over begins. “Hey guys, it’s Steven editing. I forgot to refilm the intro. Anyway.”

The video unfreezes and Steven leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “While I  _ have _ been busy, I’ve managed to watch the whole first season of the  _ Spirit Morph Saga _ adaptation and I’m returning to my roots as a reviewer to give you all my full opinion on it.”

Steven pulls a notebook off of his desk and flips it open to a page that’s been marked with a pink sticky note. “Look, I even took notes so I’d know what to talk about in this video. I haven’t been this excited for  _ anything _ since, like… um…”

An unreadable expression crosses Steven’s face. He shifts in his chair. “I can’t remember the last time I was this excited for anything!” he recovers.

Steven points to a spot on the page and opens his mouth to speak, then gasps. “OH YEAH! This is  _ not  _ spoiler-free. This is spoiler _ y. _ My spoiler-free review is: it’s pretty good, go watch it if you haven’t. The rest of this video is for people who  _ have _ seen it.”

He draws his legs up onto the chair, sitting cross legged. “Alright, now into the good stuff. What I have right off the bat is that these special effects are  _ really _ not like anything I’ve seen recently. I think they’re almost all practical effects, and Archimicarus is a  _ puppet! _ It looks super cool. He moves just like a real bird. All of Lisa’s magic looks great, too. It’s so sparkly.”

Steven hums to himself as he scans over the list of notes. He lifts a paper to briefly glance at the contents on the next page, then returns to his original spot. “Um, next up is the characterization and casting. Overall, I think the cast was pretty spot on? In terms of characterization, I’m not quite sure how I feel. I think they downplay a lot of the emotional moments from the book, specifically the stuff with Archimicarus? I think a lot of time was probably dedicated to making sure Lisa’s arc is clear to the audience, so I hope Archimicarus’ character doesn’t suffer from that.”

A frown forms on Steven’s face. “I don’t know what it is, but something about seeing Lisa go through all the events in the first story makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I know how it affects her later on, but she’s so happy about all this scary stuff that it’s like…”

Steven blinks, then shakes his head. “Sorry, that wasn’t in my notes. Um… Oh! All the build-up with the mysterious one-eyed man was  _ fantastic. _ The tension was  _ real _ , and I already know what happens!” He grins. “When that shot from the trailer showed up in the show, I got  _ chills. _ ”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “I gotta say, I  _ really  _ appreciate the relationship between Lisa and Archimicarus even more now. They’re such good friends and they’re always there for each other when they need it. And I know Lisa’s in for a rough time a bit later on, so I like knowing they have each other.” His face falls slightly. 

“I haven’t really gotten much of a chance to talk to Connie about her thoughts yet. I mean, she texted me while she was watching so I got her first impressions, but we haven’t gotten to talk like, a lot since we’re both so busy.”

He laughs uncomfortably. “Well, I guess  _ I’m _ mostly busy. I mean, Connie is too. She’s ahead of the game on college applications and stuff so she’s been doing a lot of studying and her breaks never line up with mine.”

There’s a pause. Steven’s eyes grow distant.

Then he blinks. “Sorry! Sorry, I’ve been spacing out all day. Review! This is a review.”

He looks back over his notes. “Okay, so I don’t know if I just missed it or what, but did they get rid of the scene where Lisa and Archimicarus are stuck in that cave and they talk about Lisa’s dad? I know they got stuck in the cave, and I know Lisa gave Archimicarus his pendant that he dropped at the festival, but I think I totally missed the parent talk. That was always my favorite scene, so I’m a little sad to see it go. Oh!” Steven sits up straighter, eyes glittering. “I  _ loved _ the little moment right before the big fight scene at the end. You know, where Lisa and Archimicarus touched their foreheads together and then Lisa’s magic got all powerful and then she channeled it into the sword they found in the cave?”

Steven leans forward in his chair as he talks. “Also, the music was  _ great. _ I listen to the soundtrack all the time when I’m working. It’s so good! I could make a whole video just talking about the different themes and identities in the music. But I don’t have time, so I won’t.”

One more scan of his notes, and Steven frowns. “That review ended up being way shorter than I thought it would be. I guess that means I have more time to work on stuff for Little Homeschool today than I thought I would. Hey, maybe I’ll get ahead of schedule. Then maybe Connie and I can actually call each other!”

He sighs and leans against the arm of his chair, propping his head on his hand. “We kept trying to make plans to meet up, but it just kept never working out. Eventually, we were thinking of going somewhere like an arcade or a roller rink or something? But I have graduation to plan and she’s got school and it’s just not working.”

A pink tinge dusts Steven’s cheeks as he huffs, causing a loose curl of hair to flutter. He stares off to the side with a forlorn expression, eyebrows knitted together.

He shakes his head.

“It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”

He glances at his notebook. “Oh! How could I forget? I also wanted to talk about the announcement of the new  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ series! It was confirmed recently that it’s returning for an epilogue series instead of a new season. I’m not really sure how I feel about it?”

Steven fidgets with his hands. He purses his lips. “I understand there’s some unanswered threads, but I like that they got a happy ending! It’s-- well, I don’t-- it’s silly, but I don’t really want things to  _ change _ for them. You know? I mean, I’m gonna watch it. But I hope they still get a happy ending. I heard it was supposed to focus on the repercussions of everything they went through?”

He shifts in his chair and picks at his nails. “It’s gonna be interesting, but that’s the kind of thing I don’t really want to think about. I mean, the stuff  _ I--” _

Steven cuts himself off abruptly, mouth snapping shut with a  _ click,  _ eyes widening. His cheeks glow pink. “Uh” --he swallows-- “um, I… um. I guess I just don’t know what to expect,” he says, much quieter. “It’s supposed to come out in a couple months, so…”

Steven grows an intense interest in his nails.

“Yeah, so… I guess that’s it,” he says. His voice is almost shaky, and certainly much softer than earlier. It’s a slightly jarring juxtaposition.

He blinks hard and plasters a shiny smile across his face. “Yeah! I’ve got some stuff to get back to, so the main takeaway from this video is  _ yes, _ if you’re a fan of the  _ Spirit Morph Saga _ , definitely check out the adaptation! Have a great day, bye!”

**687235 views ・ 339473 likes ・ 71 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 436200 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6430

**Andovia212**

Oh good I’m not the only one who misses the scene in the cave

> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> I’m not sure if I even remember that in the book
> 
> **blissfall**
> 
> really?? i remember it so vividly
> 
> **Silkmist18**
> 
> that scene was used in so many posts trying to prove lisamicharis would be canon
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Uuugghh I STILL hate that they’re canon
> 
> **Kilroy**
> 
> yeah it’s kind of weird but it works somehow so i’m down for it
> 
> **KaybeeBlue**
> 
> It’s less weird once he’s a human

**lostinbooks**

I read the whole series and watched the show just so I could watch this video when it came out

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> You haven’t read Spirit Morph Saga before?
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> No why
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Oh I just thought cause of your username
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> What, you think I’ve read every book?
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> nvm

**Myrterix**

Aw he hasn’t seen Connie in so long :(

> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> Let them rest let them hang out

**RetroBrickReviews**

I’m actually excited for the new Crying Breakfast Friends epilogue. I think it’s super neat they’re looking at the mental repercussions of being put through so many crazy events like that, you never really see that done

> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Yeah but then the characters will have to suffer first before they get the therapy they need :(
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> I’ve just been waiting for new content forever so I’m down for anything

**Broken_Pine**

Steven’s preparing for graduation already? Isn’t it still February

> **imhellapan**
> 
> It’s probably in May so it’s not super far out
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> Can’t he get someone else to plan it so he can get some rest for once
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> Good luck getting him to take a nap cause so far we haven’t been successful
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Omg welcome to the underscores in usernames club
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Look alive boys we got another one

**knowAll**

Steven, I gotta know what your opinion is on the costumes. Lisa’s childhood tunic was RED for some reason?

> **seekingSolar**
> 
> but the tunic is the color of the setting sun
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> The sun sets black over the mines!!
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> Why are we ignoring the fact that they totally changed the design of Archimicarus’s pendant. It had ILLUSTRATIONS in the book itself and they CHANGED IT??
> 
> **BobinRobin**
> 
> Don’t even get me started on the changes they made to Lisa’s glasses. Like, why?
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> I think the new design and the new glasses kind of work better in a visual medium. The design is easier to see from far away and it’s actually more similar to the book’s design than you’re giving it credit for and Lisa’s book glasses design wouldn’t really suit the actress’ face shape
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Okay well I can see that but why the tunic color change
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> Yeah IDK about that one

**GreasyBrick**

did we ever figure out why steven glows now or is that just a thing that happens

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know the drill 
> 
> some of the comments i get are so funny you have no business being funnier than me


	50. Clothes Shopping! (sort of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gets some new additions to his wardrobe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy we are getting Close

**Clothes Shopping! (sort of)**

_published April 23_

Steven is driving, with the camera propped up on the dashboard. A Sadie Killer song can be heard faintly in the background, drifting from the car’s stereo.

“I have a day off! And you’ve all been telling me I need to take more time for myself since I’ve been so busy, so I’m taking your advice!”

He smiles, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the beat. “I remember seeing some stuff at the store I wanted to try on, so let’s hope it’s still there. Graduation’s coming up super soon. We’re already looking at caps and gowns and stuff.”

Steven checks over his shoulder and changes lanes. “The Off Colors are the ones graduating, since they kind of know a lot of stuff already from their time in space with Lars. They didn’t have to start at square one like a lot of people, so they’re graduating a month earlier. Dad said it’s kind of like how seniors graduate? But I-- I haven’t been to school, so I wouldn’t know.”

The car turns into a parking lot. Steven sighs and rubs his eye. “Sorry if I’m a little out of it. I had to deal with some stuff with some Gems the other day and it was not great. I mean, it worked out, but I didn’t really _do_ anything. Well--”

He cuts himself off. He shuts the car off and grabs the camera off the dashboard. “Whatever. We’re here, so let’s get shopping!”

Starwipe. 

Steven holds the camera in typical vlogging fashion as he peruses the store. He purses his lips, bringing the camera close to his face. “I forgot how many choices there are here,” he whispers. “I’m _so_ not used to this. Usually, I just wear the same thing every day. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

He pauses at a clothing rack and turns the camera around to show off the contents. It’s skirts, all with various colors and patterns. Steven picks up a dark pink one with frills, humming to himself. Then he sticks the hanger on his arm and moves over to another section of the store.

“I don’t have a lot of experience with clothes shopping! So this is exciting. I kept making plans to go with Connie, but we never got around to it. Oh!”

Steven zooms in across the store at a floral button up. It’s white with small orange flowers snaking around it on thin vines. “That’s so cute,” he whispers. “Should I--?”

He makes his way over to it and checks the size. “I don’t know what my shirt size is, but it looks right? I’ll just take it and try it on later.”

The camera flips around. Steven runs a hand through his hair. “Where was I? Oh yeah, I haven’t gone clothes shopping, really. My dad just gave me all his old merch that he never sold and that’s basically just my wardrobe. Oh, and this jacket from Connie.”

Steven looks around at his surroundings and frowns. “I have no idea where to look. I don’t need any jackets, ‘cause I’ve got this one and I like it, but maybe I need more shirts? Do I need pants? I don’t know. I just wear different pairs of the exact same jeans every day.”

He looks down. “I should probably get new shoes, though. I mean, I _have_ other shoes, but they’re all like, boots or dress shoes. Maybe I should get some sneakers!”

Steven grabs a pink flannel off of a rack. “And this is so soft! I definitely need to try this… Oh!!!!”

The camera turns around again, pointed directly at a red shirt that layers over itself. “That’s exactly how I pictured Lisa’s childhood tunic!”

The camera flips back to show his face. “Yeah, I know it technically should be black because ‘the sun sets black over the mines’, but I can’t picture it as black ever since I first pictured it as red. You know what I mean? It’s just red forever in my mind.”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting on the floor in the shoe section. The camera is propped up against a shoebox.

“Check out these sneakers I found!” he says. Steven grabs the pair out of a box that’s laying on its side right next to him, holding them up to the camera. They’re purple, with a few splashes of pink, blue, and yellow. The toe and soles are white, along with a white velcro strip across the top. “Aren’t they cool? I think I might get them.”

He takes another pair of shoes out of a box. “I also like these. They’re like my normal sandals, but they’ve got little watermelons on them.”

Steven slides all the shoes back into their respective boxes and stacks them on top of each other, then places a bunch of clothes on top. Looks like he’s done some more shopping off camera.

“I know I probably should’ve gotten a cart or a basket or something, but I feel like it’s too late now. I don’t know how to do that. Like, do I ask someone for it? I don’t know!”

He shrugs, tucks the boxes under his arm, and picks up the camera. He stands up with a grunt. “I have a lot of stuff, so I think I’ll check out before I see anything else. I’ll show you everything I got when I get back home!”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting on the floor in front of his TV. A bit of a strange choice, given that his bed is right there, but sometimes the aesthetic comes before personal comfort.

“Alright, I guess I should show you everything I bought now, huh,” he says. He grabs the bag of clothes and rifles through it for a moment, eventually pulling out a pair of denim shorts.

“I got these just in case I wanted to switch up my usual jeans look. I used to have some shorts, but I grew out of them, so I just replaced them, I guess. Uhhh….” Steven places the shorts aside and grabs another article of clothing. “Oh, I thought this shirt was nice. It’s pretty soft and I like the circle pattern on it. It reminds me of bubbles, a little? Or maybe lens flares. Which, admittedly, is a little strange for a shirt pattern, but maybe it’s not. I don’t know. I don’t usually go clothes shopping.”

Steven roots around in the bag some more, occasionally pulling things out and placing them in his lap. The plastic rustling isn’t the most pleasant sound in the world, but at least it’s not as bad as raw footage of the ocean waves.

An uncomfortable amount of time passes. Steven is still looking.

He looks up. The expression on his face is unreadable.

“Um, I have this tank top? It’s-- it has little stars and hearts on it and stuff. Um… I got a couple of skirts. Here’s a black one, and here’s a longer one ‘cause I like the purple.”

Steven pulls the pink ruffled skirt from the beginning of the video out and stares at it.

And stares at it.

And stares at it.

He blinks.

“Uh…”

His cheeks turn pink.

“I don’t know why I bought this one,” he says quietly.

He blinks again, harder.

He sets it aside.

Steven pulls out a shirt. It’s the floral print one from earlier. The material looks even better in his room than it did in the store, with golden sunlight streaming in from the windows replacing the fluorescent white lights. It shimmers slightly.

The glowing pink patch on his face spreads.

Steven looks at the pile of clothes in front of him.

“I, uh--”

He chuckles half-heartedly. “Heh, I, um. I don’t-- I didn’t-- um. I don’t want-- okay, so--”

Steven trails off, looking down at the fabric in his heads. 

He knits his eyebrows together. “Why am I--”

Steven glances up at the camera and catches sight of himself. He jumps, turning pink all the way.

The shirt falls out of his hands.

“Ha, um. Hey, so I think I might return some of this stuff,” he says. “No particular reason, but, um. It doesn’t-- it’s not-- I don’t feel comfortable, uh” --he shakes his head-- “well, I don’t really vary my wardrobe all that often anyway? And I don’t deser-- don’t need all this. And um.”

Steven glances at the pink skirt laying discarded on the floor.

“Some of it isn’t really my style.”

He folds the floral button up and places it back in the bag.

The video is interjected with a low angle clip of Steven sitting on the couch with one earbud in. The quality’s a little grainy from the lighting change. “Hey, editing Steven here. So, uh, I know this means the video kind of has no purpose since I didn’t really keep any of this stuff, but I really don’t have time to film another one, so… and, hey!”

He holds up a shoe box. “I kept the sneakers! Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled clothes vlog.”

The interjected clip slides off screen, returning to the scene of Steven placing clothes back in the bag. “I guess we learned a valuable lesson today, which is that clothes shopping is not for everyone.”

He shrugs noncommittally. “I’m sure I’ll at least make a video that isn’t a waste of time before, uh, some time before graduation, but until then, thanks for watching I guess? Sorry.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair and smiles.

It does not look sincere.

He is still glowing pink.

“Bye.”

The video ends abruptly.

**695340 views ・ 346794 likes ・ 76 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 457593 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 6563

**Boogurl405**

Oh good he saved the shoes I was so worried

> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> F in the chat for the watermelon flip flops and the pink skirt though
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> f
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> f
> 
> **LLS**
> 
> f
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> F
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Can’t believe you ruined the aesthetic of all the lowercase fs
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Wow can’t believe you’d attack another member of the underscores_in_usernames gang like that. Keep that behavior up and we’ll have to revoke your membership card
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Oh no I’ve made a horrible mistake
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> you’re on thin ice bucko

**KaybeeBlue**

What song is playing in the beginning? It sounds familiar

> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> I think it’s Disobedient?
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> THAT SONG SLAPS I LOVE THAT SONG HOW’D I NOT NOTICE IT IN THE BACKGROUND

**blissfall**

steven experiences choice anxiety for the first time

> **knowAll**
> 
> And buyer’s remorse all in one day
> 
> **luvelles**
> 
> he’s really going through it huh

**lostinbooks**

Where can I find Steven’s sweet kicks

> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Those are the coolest shoes I’ve ever seen in my life

**StrawberruS0da**

It’s still weird to see Steven driving I still think of him as like eight years old

> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> He was never eight though he was like twelve or thirteen when the channel started
> 
> **Silkmist18**
> 
> Yeah but we didn’t know that also that’s still a pretty big jump

**seekingSolar**

hey if steven can bubble gems can he bubble normal objects

> **imhellapan**
> 
> i think so, why?
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> he could totally steal anything he could fit in a bubble
> 
> **Myrterix**
> 
> OMG AND HIS POWERS MESS WITH THE CAMERAS SO NO ONE WOULD SEE
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> The perfect crime,,,,,
> 
> **emmerroser**
> 
> Cant believe this slander. Our king would never commit a crime like that
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> he wouldn’t… but he could

**Tired_Fish**

Hey, uhhhh…. the end of this video was a lil weird are you okay?

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst city
> 
> also i thought i said to stop being funnier than me in the comments
> 
> oh and you know the drill (but if you need a reminder just comment and your name will be in the next comment section)


	51. Prepping For Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven plans Little Graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe we're close fellas
> 
> edit: i used voice to text for like the 1st paragraph cause i was doin other stuff and i didn't catch the errors until now skfjskfjsjgj

**Prepping For Graduation**

_published May 2_

Steven is sitting at the dining table, forehead resting on his hand. Stacks of paper surround him. A pen is tucked behind his ear, another pen rests on the table, and another pen is held in his hand.

“So graduation is coming up,” he says. He surveys the papers in front of him and chews on the end of his pen. "I still have a lot more planning to do I've been putting it off," he says, "but if I just figure that out today I hope I won't have to do much else."

Steven picks up a couple papers and shifts them around, glancing at the information on them briefly before placing them aside and grabbing the next one. “It’s just- there's so much to get right. It's the first Little Homeschool graduation _ever_ and if it's lackluster, I feel like I’ve-- well, let's just say I want the Off Colors to have a good experience,” Steven says, face coloring slightly pink. 

He chews on the end of his pen and rubs his forehead. “There's a lot more left than I thought to take care of. The catering, the music, I have to write a speech and figure out the venue… I’m running out of time ‘cause graduation is in just a couple weeks. I’d reschedule, but I've already had to reschedule things multiple times this year because of the snow day then-- it's just, it's just a lot.” The blush on his face deepens.

Then he sits up straighter and claps his hands together. “But I have to at least figure out _ideas_ today. Right? Yeah.”

Steven chews on the end of his pen some more. He knits his eyebrows together in concentration.

“Maybe-- if--” Steven groans in frustration. “It would be so much easier if I knew where to start.” 

He looks up at the camera. “I know you guys don’t have the same problem as me, but how do you guys start on tasks like this? I just don’t-- hm. I guess I could get Lars to cover the dessert stuff?”

Steven purses his lips and nods to himself. “Yeah, okay. Hold on. If-- hold on.”

He looks at the camera apologetically. “I know my videos lately have been pretty boring, I’m sorry.”

Steven clenches and unclenches his fist. His cheeks flush, but don’t quite turn pink.

“I’ll cut to whenever I have this figured out, sorry. Um…” He frowns. “Catering, music, speech, venue,” he whispers to himself.

Starwipe.

Steven’s hair is slightly disheveled, likely from him running his hands through it repeatedly. The papers surrounding him are no longer organized, instead strewn about the table like a hurricane hit. Steven’s previous pen has been discarded. The end has been mangled. 

“I _think”_ \--Steven taps a few papers on the table to line them up-- “I figured it out.”

He smiles. “Okay, so catering: I think Lars is the best bet for desserts. He can make a cake and everything, since he’s the captain of the Off Colors and stuff. Fish Stew Pizza will probably help out with the other stuff.”

Steven flips through some of the pages. “Sadie can do the music since her band tour is ending, so I can book them for graduation. My speech, uh… that one needs some work, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Venue, the beach, obviously. We can use the Beachapalooza set up.”

He grabs a stapler and staples the pages together.

“There! Now it’s just making some phone calls and the Off Colors will be able to move onto bigger and better things! Oh!”

Steven clicks the end of his pen. “That would work for the speech. Bigger… and better… things. There.”

The smile drops from his face. “Well, bigger and better things for everyone except me, ha.”

He stares at his hands blankly for a moment, then shakes his head. “Oh well, at least everyone will be together. I’m so excited to see Sadie and the Suspects! It’ll be great. You know, the more I think about it, the more excited I am. Maybe this’ll actually be fun!”

Steven smiles. “Thanks for hanging out with me while I figured this out! Bye!”

**768463 views ・ 225035 likes ・ 134 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 473670 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 8102**

**CrystalSapphire**

Seriously no one else is helping him plan this?

> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> IKR like there are definitely people who should be helping. I can’t imagine other schools leave graduation planning to only one person. Pearl AT LEAST should be doing SOMETHING
> 
> **Jaderade22**
> 
> Let him rest!! Let him take a nap!

**RainKnight**

Wait, when did he stop saying I love you at the end of his videos? Now I’m worried

> **mell**
> 
> omg wait he hasn’t been saying it!! i miss it :(

**idk kitty**

hey at least he gets to hang with sadie and lars soon!

> **BobinRobin**
> 
> Hopefully once graduation is over things calm down for him
> 
> **faewarriorofthedawn13**
> 
> our king deserves a break <3

**skyways_are_highways**

does steven know about the camp pining hearts reboot

> **strike_the_top**
> 
> the WHAT
> 
> **skyways_are_highways**
> 
> you heard me

**ReconNow**

Does Steven still love us

**SugarAndNiceAndEverythingMice**

RIP the pen

> **Clarmyr**
> 
> a fallen soldier to the frustration of last minute planning

**Andovia212**

Is Steven okay? I don’t know if running the school is working out for him

> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> I bet once graduation is over he’ll feel better

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then he didn't
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the next chapter!


	52. Getting Ready to go Rollerskating!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven tries out a makeup look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what i like to call the calm before the storm

**Getting Ready to go Rollerskating!!**

_published May 25_

Steven is in his bathroom, with the camera propped up on the counter. He cracks a small smile at the camera and leans over the sink to survey his face in the mirror. “I’m going roller skating with Connie later today,” he says. “And I don’t know how to roller skate.”

He leans back and opens the medicine cabinet, taking out a small makeup bag. “I’m really excited to see Connie, though. This is gonna be the first time we’ve actually like, hung out, for…” he frowns, pursing his lips in thought, “...um, maybe a couple months? The point is, it’s been a while.”

Steven unzips the bag and rifles through it. “I wanna look cool, so I’m going to try some makeup stuff. I haven’t worn much makeup recently, so this’ll be interesting.”

Steven pulls out a tube of concealer. He unscrews the cap and draws triangles under his eyes. While he blends them in, he talks some more. “We’re actually going with Pearl and Bismuth, too. I helped Bismuth pick out an outfit earlier today. It’s like, a white button up and some purple pants? Oh, and we changed up her hair so she’s got a half up half down thing. It looks pretty sweet, I’ll show you guys when everyone’s here. But I have to finish getting ready first.”

Steven pulls out a small eyeshadow palette. It has four squares of pigment, all of which are different shades of a reddish brown color. He picks up the little sponge brush at the bottom of the palette. “I don’t have any makeup brushes. I just-- y’know, I don’t do makeup that often so I didn’t think I should spend money on it. I mean, maybe I should’ve, because I’ve heard that actual brushes can look better, but I don’t know.”

He stares at the palette for a moment, then shakes his head. “I don’t have time to run out and buy any. It’s fine. It’ll be fine, right? It’s- it’ll be fine.”

Steven starts to cover his eyelid in one of the lighter colors. “Oh, I watched the _Camp Pining Hearts_ reboot. It’s” --he adds some more pigment to the sponge brush-- “it’s really bad. If you like the original, chances are you won’t like the new one. _But_ I like watching it with Peridot. She came over last week and we watched it and, um…”

He trails off. “Well, uh--”

Steven pauses. He looks down, biting his lip. There’s something on his mind, but it’s hard to tell how he feels about it. His expression grows troubled for just a moment, but it’s gone almost immediately. 

The screen glitches, showing static. It disappears a half second later.

“Okay, so I don’t know if I’ve told you guys this before, but sometimes my powers connect with technology a little? And it’s like, so when I went to sleep, my dreams showed up on the TV, so Peridot and I tried to rewrite the reboot, but in my dreams?”

Steven frowns.

“It didn’t exactly work out.”

He stares at his reflection in the mirror.

  
  


Steven breaks, shaking himself out of whatever trance he was in, and leaned over the sink to see his eyelids better. “I was thinking of trying some eyeliner, so wish me luck.”

He unscrews the lid to some liquid liner. “Anyway, the actual show itself is pretty off the wall. It’s, okay, so they tried to make it _edgy?_ In the fourth episode, Jasmine-- wait, spoiler warning --Jasmine literally _kills_ Khaz. It’s _insane._ You can’t make _CAMP PINING HEARTS_ … _edgy._ It’s _Camp Pining Hearts._ It’s a _romance show._ A really cheesy romance show.”

Steven takes a deep breath and psyches himself up, then closes one eye and draws the eyeliner across his eyelid.

He surveys the finished product in the mirror. “I guess I have to do the other side now. I’m a little nervous. Um… okay,” he says.

Steven draws the second wing. “Okay, that one’s too long.”

He fixes the first one to match. “Aaand now it’s too thick.”

Steven leans over the counter, so close to the mirror his nose almost touches it. “F-- dang it, how do people do this daily? I’m just” --he groans-- “I’m just gonna restart,” he says.

He rips a makeup wipe out of the packet and scrubs his eyes. “I guess I have to redo my eyeshadow too, huh?” he says. “Whatever, that’s easy.”

“Well, anyway, Connie’s doing good, I think. We’ve talked a little more recently, since I’m not running Little Homeschool anymore.” Steven starts reapplying his eyeshadow. “I realized it’s not really… my calling, I guess? It was stressful and kind of bittersweet to see the Off Colors graduating. And I don’t really-- well, I found out that everyone’s kind of-- um, a bunch of people are leaving and they didn’t even tell me.”

Steven frowns. “I don’t know why. Was I just too busy? I get-- I know that I don’t need to be around for _everything_ , but they didn’t even tell me. Did I do something wrong?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t really know what I’m gonna do now. I tried gardening, but that didn’t really work out, either. I accidentally brought a cactus to life with my magic spit and it started repeating everything I said.”

Steven starts applying eyeliner. “It was cool at first, but like, it started repeating _everything_ I said. I may have-- I mean, I might’ve said some not so nice things-- whatever, the point is, gardening didn’t work out. So I’m figuring out some other stuff. I could do stuff with music, maybe. I wrote a song the other day, it’s kinda cute. And I like helping people. I kind of feel like I _need_ to help people, you know?”

The second eye doesn’t go so well. Steven shivers and draws a diagonal line across his eyelid. He groans.

“Whatever, I didn’t like the way the other eye looked anyway,” he says, ripping another makeup wipe out of the packet. “At least I have time to talk to Connie more now.”

“She’s in, uh, I think it’s called cram school? She has some friends she talks about a lot, but I can’t remember their names. But they seem nice.”

Steven finishes the eyeshadow on one eye and moves to the next. “We’re gonna grab some pizza tonight, probably, and maybe walk around some stores or something? But then we’re going roller skating.”

Steven unscrews the cap to the eyeliner again and stares at it. “I _really_ don’t know how to roller skate. I mean, you have wheels on your shoes. How do you stay balanced? I don’t-- what if I’m really bad at it? Like, _really, really_ bad at it? And Connie said she _likes_ roller skating. So she’s probably really good at it if she likes it.”

He sighs. Then he leans back and surveys his eyeliner in the mirror. It’s nearly perfect: maybe a touch too long on one eye than the other, and a little wobbly, but it looks pretty good.

“Hey, I did it!”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting on the floor in front of his closet without any shoes on. He holds up his new shoes (the sweet kicks) and frowns.

“Okay, so I have to wear socks for roller skates, but I don’t really want to wear these shoes today, but if I wear my sandals, I won’t have socks. So I have a dilemma.”

He looks at the shoes intensely.

“I just don’t want anyone to like, spill anything on them. Since I won’t be wearing them the whole time. You know?”

He frowns.

“You know what, I’m just gonna put some socks in my pocket and wear sandals.”

Starwipe.

Steven’s sitting on the couch now, probably waiting for Connie to arrive. He taps his fingers on his leg and runs a hand through his hair.

“Is the eyeliner too much?” he murmurs. Steven leans forward. “It’s a little much, right?” he says, louder this time. “I’m-- uh, I don’t really--”

Steven shrugs. “I’m not really feeling it, I think,” he says. He picks up the camera and carries it into the bathroom, setting it up on the counter again. He grabs a third makeup wipe and carefully removes the eyeliner. His brow furrows slightly, and he chews his lip. 

He looks at his reflection.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey Steven, you home?” Connie’s voice rings out. 

Steven jumps. He wads up the makeup wipe and tosses it out. “Yeah, one sec!” he calls over his shoulder. He picks up the camera and grins. Whatever strange expression he had on his face earlier is completely gone now. “I gotta go, but thanks for watching! Bye!”

**771063 views ・ 237102 likes ・ 204 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 485800 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 13785

**Syntheia**

can’t believe we got so close to seeing our queen connie 

> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> So close… yet so far
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> Steven let us see our queen challenge

**EatBearsblog**

Is anyone actually GOOD at roller skating

> **wenvrin**
> 
> idk it sounds like a myth
> 
> **emmerroser**
> 
> I’ve seen videos of really good rollerskaters
> 
> **Jaderade22**
> 
> Ah but you see videos can be faked
> 
> **Darkdragonforge**
> 
> it’s not a myth i’m good at roller skating
> 
> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> Prove it
> 
> **Darkdragonforge**
> 
> how
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Figure something out knucklehead
> 
> **imhellapan**
> 
> KNUCKLEHEAD????

**Kali**

Aw I thought Steven’s eyeliner looked good

> **Tormaline**
> 
> He says he only wears makeup sometimes and managed to get winged liner in only 3 tries smh

**luvelles**

glad to hear steven’s not running the school anymore

> **lostinbooks**
> 
> Yeah, he seems happier now!
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> i can’t even imagine being in charge of a whole school at 16 no wonder he was so stressed
> 
> **RainKnight**
> 
> Hey maybe he’ll finally get a nap!
> 
> **StrawberruSoda**
> 
> And he can finally hang out with Connie!
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> Things seem to be looking up for our king <3

**Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**

I wonder if Steven figured out how to roller skate

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> not really :/
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> omg king <3

**Boogurl405**

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW ABOUT THE CPH REBOOT AJSFJLKDSJFKLS

> **strike_the_top**
> 
> I’m curious now should I watch it
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> only if you’re willing to lose brain cells at a exponential rate
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> It’s absolutely buckwild I’ll give you that. At some point someone fights a bear and also there’s a cult and they really want you to believe these 30 yr olds are teenagers
> 
> **TrueKindLove19**
> 
> Okay well now I HAVE to watch this show
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> It’s so terrible I can’t tell if the actors are bad or if they literally can’t do anything with how badly the script is written

**hoping_for_rain**

We never saw Bismuth’s look >:(

> **Clinohumite**
> 
> I think Pearl cheep’d a picture of them
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> PEARL HAS CHEEPER???

**fantasychica37**

hey he still didn’t say i love you

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the cph reboot is riverdale
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the next chapter! it's gonna be a doozy


	53. 500K SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven thanks his followers for sticking with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise!

**500K SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL**

_published_ _June 8_

Steven is walking in the forest. Or, it looks like the forest. The trees look barren, despite it being early June when they should be in full leaf, and it doesn’t sound like there are any birds. 

Steven also doesn’t look… like himself, to say the least. He’s-- it’s weird. It’s hard to process.

For starters, he’s completely pink.

“Hi, TubeTube! Steven Universe here,” he says. “I just wanted to thank you all for five hundred _thousand_ subscribers. That’s-- that’s a lot!”

He chuckles and looks away. He runs a hand through his hair, which is… different. It’s puffy at the front, and extremely bedraggled. It looks like he’s been through a lot, or at least he’s been running his hands through it constantly.

“I’m not even sure why you guys keep _watching_ this channel, but your support means a lot!”

Steven looks back at the camera.

His eyes are completely pink. His pupils are diamond shaped. A grin forms on his face.

It feels wrong.

He’s not smiling with his eyes. Of all the times he’s used a smile as a mask for his emotions, this is the least effective. There’s something desperate in his expression. 

He looks so tired.

“I forgot to ask you guys to ask me questions, since I’ve been so busy helping people, so I thought: ‘hey, why not just read some comments I’ve gotten already?’ So here we go!”

Steven runs a hand through his hair again. 

“First up, we got a comment from Myrterix. They commented, ‘what’ve you been up to?’” Steven chuckles again. It’s not funny. “Nothing much, really! I-- um, I mean I’m busy, but I’ve been having _such_ a great time helping everyone out.”

He looks directly at the camera. “I’m Steven Universe, it’s what I do. I’m _really_ good at helping people and I _don’t_ hurt people. I help them! I’m Steven Universe.”

Steven stumbles over something in the path, but recovers quickly. He flashes another shiny, empty smile at the camera. “Next up is from Loogia, who says: ‘He seems happier now.’ Yeah! I’m _always_ happy,” he says. “I’m _known_ for being positive and helpful. Because! That’s what I am! I’m _super_ positive. I’m fine.”

Steven’s eyes widen and he trips over his words. “I’m _more_ than fine,” he insists. “I’m _really, really good._ ”

He shakes his head. “Next comment,” he says. “Okay, skyways_are_highways asked when Connie will be in another video.”

Steven’s face falls.

“I don’t-- ha, um. I--”

The video is intercut with static.

Steven smiles. “We haven’t hung out much recently. I--”

A flash of a scene cuts Steven off. All that’s visible from the brief glimpse is what looks like a picnic blanket and a guitar set up on the beach.

The video returns to Steven.

“I accidentally, um, I messed up our frien--”

Steven is cut off again, this time with what looks like a hospital room. Connie is standing in the doorway, eyes wide and jaw slack. The rest of the ~~memory~~ scene is clouded with static.

“It’s fine,” Steven says. “I’m just busy, and she’s busy, and I _can’t--_ ”

Static. An overlay-- the memory is faintly visible over the actual recorded video. Steven, the one in the hospital, is yelling.

 _“--be around_ _you_ _her right now._ Don’t worry. It’s _fine._ Everything’s _fine._ I didn’t mess up! It’s _fine!”_

 _“Next comment,”_ he says. “From Kali. ‘Have you considered therapy?’” 

Steven shakes his head. “I thought I addressed this before, I don’t need therapy.”

Static. A collection of memories, shown in succession too quickly to pick out each individual scene.

“Why would I need therapy? I feel great. Next comment, from Andovia212, who wants to know why I don’t upload more. I can’t-- I keep forgetting and--”

Static.

“I haven’t had time! I’m busy helping people.”

Steven ruffles his hair. He smiles. His eyes glow pink.

“Let’s take a break from reading comments for a bit,” he says. “Thanks to everyone who says they’re glad I’m looking better! Because I really am.”

He moves a tree branch out of the way and keeps walking. There are still no birds.

“You guys _saw_ when I was bad, but now I’m feeling a lot better! I’m doing great. This is _way_ better than how I was in the hospital, I mean, _that_ was pretty bad, but I’m--”

Steven is cut off by another memory, another one of that hospital room. A doctor is writing down notes, looking him over with concern. Static. The doctor is showing him an X-ray of his skeleton.

The video flickers back over to present Steven, walking through the empty forest. “The hospital was kind of bad, but I’m fine and I don’t need to go back. It was an overreaction anyway, I think. Hey, did you know--”

The video flickers, switching rapidly between the memory of his X-ray and the actual video.

The skeleton is broken.

“--did you know that was the first time I’ve _ever_ been to a hospital?” he says. The video returns to normal. “Yeah, I’ve never gone to school before either. Crazy, right? I was a little upset about that--”

Steven stops talking immediately, snapping his mouth shut with a click. His eyes widen in shock.

Then he shakes his head. “No, I didn’t get upset. I never got upset with my dad. And I mean, if I _did,_ it’s not even that big of a deal because everyone gets into fights with their parents and it’s not even that weird it would be weird if I _didn’t_ , so it’s all fine. I--”

More memories, shown quickly one after the other: a two-story house, a cassette tape, a steering wheel snapping, a crash. 

A school photo.

“--nks again for 500k,” Steven is saying. “I really don’t deser-- um, this is really cool. I love helping people and making videos is a great way to put a positive influence into the world.” He grins. “That’s what I do!”

And then Steven goes flying.

He must’ve tripped or something, because the camera spins through the air and hits the ground with a crack before skidding even further down the dirt path.

The camera points upwards at the blue sky for a few more moments until Steven picks it back up. He frowns.

“I cracked the screen, he says.”I can’t even” --his voice catches in his throat-- “I can’t even keep _one thing intact--”_

Memories:

Windows cracking.

Froggy mug shattering.

Plant monsters rampaging.

Rollercoaster exploding.

A plane.

~~Someone’s eye~~

An anvil.

A van.

~~A gem.~~

The video flickers between static, memories, and Steven in the forest. It’s a visual and auditory nightmare until it finally lands on Steven again.

“--some more comments. Next up is BobinRobin, who asks: ‘How’s Little Homeschool doing now that you’re gone?’ They’re doing really well! I just checked up on them and classes are going _great._ I might’ve broken a couple supplies on accident, but that’s no big deal.”

Steven runs his hand through his hair. “Gameorama91 asked how roller skating with C-- uh, how roller skating went. That was a while ago! It was fine. Well-- no, it was fine. Next comment.”

Steven smiles again. The bags under his eyes make him look older, more stressed.

“ClayFowl commented: ‘Anything interesting happen recently?’ and the answer is no, everything’s just fine. I was a little stressed out for a bit, which you all know, but everything’s fine now. I’ve never been better!”

The camera glitches. Steven keeps smiling. “I actually visited the Diamonds and Spinel on Homeworld to see if they could help me figure myself out, but it was a waste of time anyway. I’m Steven Universe, and I help people.”

A thought occurs to Steven and he stops in his tracks. “I should go back to Beach City and see what else I can do to help out!”

He spins on his heel and starts heading back the way he came, pointing the camera towards the ground as he starts to pick up his pace. He only has one shoe.

The camera jolts back upwards, held very close to Steven’s face. His diamond-shaped pupils are piercing.

“Thanks for 500k, guys! I love you, bye!”

The video glitches, sending multicolored pixels across the screen until the picture is completely distorted. The last syllable of Steven’s words repeat at an accelerating pace, shorting out until--

Just static.

  
  


The video ends.

**1200189 views ・ 1924 likes ・ 386 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 549143 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 42910**

**idk kitty**

Um

**GreasyBrick**

Is he okay???

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> I don’t know it doesn’t seem like it
> 
> **maybeapples**
> 
> I want to help how do we help
> 
> **RainKnight**
> 
> Is there even a way for us to help??
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> Could we message someone who knows him?
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> i feel so helpless

**entropy_muffin**

does anyone know if greg or the gems have accounts anywhere that we can contact?

> **imhellapan**
> 
> i know peridot does, i sent her a dm
> 
> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> Is that really all we can do?
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Looks like it

**luvelles**

suddenly the protection squad isn’t as funny anymore

**Broken_Pine**

Those glitches are his powers right?

> **EatBearsblog**
> 
> Yes, but are those all his memories??
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> I think they must be

**hoping_for_rain**

How long ago was this posted? Is he okay?

> **linring**
> 
> Just this afternoon, I think. No updates as of yet
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> It’s been a couple hours and still nothing. I’m checking all the accounts of people that know him and no updates
> 
> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> I’ve never wished so much for Ronaldo to show up
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> Ikr

**monkeyihihji**

Poor kid

**SHOW MORE**

**[Untitled Live Broadcast]**

_premiered June 8_

Steven’s here to help!

Steven’s here to help!

Steven’s here to̴ ̶h̷e̷l̵p̵!

Steve̴̬̒n̴͎͗'̸̹̒s̵͙ ̵̙ḧ̵̫ẽ̶͜r̶̳͘ẻ̴̡ ̷͓̑t̸̫̊ȍ̸͕ ̸̾͜h̷̭̑e̸͒ͅl̴͕̿p̸̑!

Ś̸̠͑̕t̷͚̱̺̏̋̽̉ȩ̸͎͇̺̾̆̾v̴̠̙͓̭̋̂͝ë̶̟́̓ń̴̠̮̓̓͝'̷̛͓͚̽̍̇s̶̛̤͙̠͕̈̊ ̴̝͌͝͝ͅḩ̸͕̣̌͒̒e̵̤̓̔̄̿r̸͎̼̫̒e̶̡̐ ̵͎͈̐̿t̷͎́o̷̧̍̆ͅ ̶̨͓̼̑̚͠h̵̡͇̞̔̊͝ë̷̮̗́̆͂̀l̶̗͍̱̣̔p̵̻̃̚!̴̱̿̉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to everyone who wanted together forever content but steven knows connie watches his channel and wasn't about to spoil the surprise. also then he kind of went off the rails
> 
> the good news is now steven can get therapy because we all know what happens next
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the next chapter!


	54. maybe your friends and family were right about getting therapy. hi my name is steven universe and today im goi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven addresses the content of his last video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! we're almost at the end how crazy is that

**maybe your friends and family were right about getting therapy. hi my name is steven universe and today im goi**

_published July 13_

“--Aaaand we’re focused,” Steven says. He backs away from where he’d been setting up the camera. 

He’s in his room. The camera is pointed at the side of his bed, with the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony behind Steven. The sun is a little low in the sky, but not quite at golden hour just yet. It looks like Steven’s bed was hastily made a couple minutes before he started filming. A froggy mug rests on the headboard, a little chipped but still functional, with the tag at the end of a tea bag hanging over the side.

Steven looks over his set up, closing one eye and holding out his hands, like he’s trying to make sure it’s level. Satisfied, he grabs the mug from the headboard and sits cross legged on his bed.

He takes a sip.

“So… hi,” he says.

He takes another sip, inhales through his nose, and sighs. “I’ve been trying to psyche myself up to make this video all day, and I finally got myself to do it.”

Steven straightens his shirt --it’s a dark gray color today-- and adjusts his pink jacket. “I’m sure most, if not all of you--? Well, I’m sure everyone’s at least _heard_ about… uh, my last video, I guess. I took it down a couple days after it was posted.” He takes another sip of tea, then says, “So if you don’t know what I’m talking about, hey, this video’s gonna be a little weird.”

Steven uncrosses his legs. He rests his mug on his knee, keeping his hands wrapped around it loosely.

“Basically, I was, uh-- well, _not_ in a great place. You know, to put it mildly. I think it must’ve been kinda obvious in my other videos too, but my 500k subscriber special was at my lowest point, I think. I don’t like _calling_ it a breakdown, but that’s basically what it was.”

He shrugs. “I don’t want this video to be sad or uncomfortable, because it’s not. Well, it’s not _supposed_ to be. But I’ve gotta” --he gestures vaguely with one hand-- “I’ve gotta address some unpleasant stuff to really talk about how I’m doing _now,_ currently.”

Steven takes another sip of his tea, licks his lips, and sets it on his headboard.

“Okay, so in short, what happened in that period of time: I started freaking out about a lot of stuff, some Gem fusion tried to kill me and my dad, I panicked at graduation, I had a falling out with Connie, crashed a car, um--”

Steven cuts himself off for a second, tapping his finger on his leg, then shakes his head. He takes a deep breath. “I got kinda violent and angry, then went into denial, and here’s the crazy part: so I’m part Gem, right? And Gems can corrupt if their mental state is like, damaged. And mine was pretty damaged, and I already reflect my state of mind anyway, so I turned into a giant monster thing.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. _“Not_ my proudest moment, if we’re being honest. The important thing is, Connie and the Gems and my dad saw I was hurting and tried to help. It was--”

Steven blinks, hard.

“It was a little overwhelming.”

The sun has gotten a little lower in the sky now. Steven runs a hand through his hair and looks over his shoulder at the window.

“Connie’s mom is a doctor, right? So earlier this year, Connie was worried about me and had me go to an appointment, and Connie’s mom, Dr. Maheswaran, told me I’ve been through a lot of dangerous stuff, and that my body was reacting to small stuff like it was bigger stuff. That’s-- uh, that’s what the pink glowy thing was.”

Steven grabs his froggy mug again. “It might be sur-- actually, no, it’s not that surprising. Most of my childhood actually ended up being…. pretty traumatic? That’s what my therapist said.”

Steven takes a long drink of tea.

“Oh yeah!” he says, sitting up straighter. “I have a therapist now!! Like you guys have been _telling_ me to get for _years_ at this point. Well guess what? I _did_ it. _Now_ who’s the best TubeTuber?”

Steven grins. 

It’s a genuine smile.

His eyes crinkle at the edges, and his nose scrunches slightly. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that’s been missing for months now.

He relaxes, but the smile remains, if only faintly at the corners of his lips.

“I still have some pretty hard days-- let’s be real, _most_ of my days have been kinda hard, but like, I’ve had more good days than _really, really_ bad ones recently. I mean, I’ve had more straight up bad days than good days in the past month, but it’s only been, like, a _month_ , so I think that’s pretty okay? And today’s been an okay day, so.”

Steven sighs. “It’s not very easy. I’ve had this” --he gestures with one hand-- “this _mentality_ for so much of my life. It’s not-- um, my therapist says it’s not the _healthiest_ mentality, and it’s been hard to break myself out of it. I don’t know if I’m even close yet.”

The sun creeps lower in the sky.

“It’s weird-- when I was _really_ bad, I just wanted someone to fix it and _make_ me better, but that’s just… not how it works. But, hey, I like my therapist! We looked at a couple before and they just didn’t click. I didn’t know you even had to look for a good fit, I thought it was all just, like, you go in and they tell you what’s up and maybe give you some medicine and then-- I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know what to expect.”

Steven fiddles with the string on his teabag. He’s quiet for a moment.

“I don’t really have a takeaway for this video, I think. I mostly just wanted to explain what’s actually going on? Since no one I know has actually said any details and I know people are curious.”

He drains the last of his tea. “If you were wondering, yes, Connie and I are friends again. We talked and figured it out and now we’re talking a lot more regularly. I think she gets me more than a lot of the other people I spend the most time with? Everyone’s experiences are different, obviously, that’s the whole point of the video Pink made for me, but she gets it more than, like, the Gems or my dad. And we finally got to talk about the _Spirit Morph Saga_ adaptation!”

Steven crosses his legs again, leaning forward with a spark in his expression. “As expected, she has very strong opinions on it. I agree with some of it, but--”

He shakes his head and waves his hands in front of him, like he’s dismissing the thought. “I wanna save that for an actual video with Connie because I don’t want to accidentally paraphrase her ideas wrong. She’s _waaay_ smarter than me so she can explain it better than I can. And we’re gonna go shopping together soon, since we didn’t get to go earlier this year. I don’t know if it’ll be clothes shopping or what, but I’m excited.”

Steven flaps his hands a few times, grinning. “Isn’t that so great? I’m _excited!_ I’m excited to do something!”

He props his elbows up on his legs and rests his chin on his hands. “I guess basically what I’m saying is that I’ve had a pretty messed up life --my entire channel is evidence of that-- but I’m getting help! I’m getting help, and I want to get better, and I’m gonna try to get better. I don’t know how many videos I’ll post or if any of them will talk about this? I’m kind of just gonna see how I feel and stuff. I don’t know. This is all pretty new to me.”

His room is awash in the light of the sunset now, outlining Steven in gold. He runs a hand through his hair again.

“I also wanted to thank you all for being so nice and supportive. I don’t d-- no, uh, I’m lucky to have all of you caring about me!”

Steven smiles.

“I love you! Bye!”

The video closes with a starwipe.

**1447450 views ・ 649264 likes ・ 295 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 671139 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 26114**

**knowAll**

oh my word a weight has been lifted

**merveeille**

He’s back! He’s back and he’s okay!!!!

> **RainKnight**
> 
> Seeing this in my subscription feed was literally the best feeling
> 
> **Mrz_Ryuu**
> 
> IKR when I say I dropped everything I DROPPED EVERYTHING
> 
> **Darkspirit**
> 
> I’m glad he came back before some conspiracy channel took advantage of it
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Why would you even say that
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> No bad timelines here just our king
> 
> **Broken_Pine**
> 
> Why would you summon him
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> WHY WOULD I MAKE A CONSPIRACY VIDEO ABOUT STEVEN WHEN I KNOW STEVEN? I HAVE OTHER TOPICS FOR CONSPIRACIES LIKE GOVERNMENT SECRETS BEING HIDDEN IN RECIPE BLOGS
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> HE’S OKAY!!!!!!!!!
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> HE IS!!!
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> and he got THERAPY!!!!

**faewarriorofthedawn13**

I’m so glad to hear about Connie omg

> **Loogia**
> 
> Was there ever any doubt that our queen would come through
> 
> **Silkmist18**
> 
> get you a friend who cares about you as much as connie cares about steven
> 
> **ReconNow**
> 
> Get you a man who talks about you like Steven talks about Connie
> 
> **wenvrin**
> 
> what I’m hearing is get you a HOMIE
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> yeah basically
> 
> **GAMEZILLA**
> 
> Steven turned into a monster???????????
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> haha yeah 0/10 do not recommend

**lostinbooks**

Guys… the Steven Protection Squad actually succeeded

> **Hope_Loneheart**
> 
> When he said “my therapist” I actually cheered
> 
> **Shell**
> 
> Now all we have to do is get him to take a nap
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> one victory at a time

**softasawhisper**

If you feel comfortable sharing do you have a diagnosis yet?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> we’ve talked about possibilities but no not officially
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> I’m really glad you’re getting the help you need!

**Pausa07**

Homie you can upload videos about whatever you want whenever you want we support you

> **NutjobsCollection618**
> 
> Yeah!! We’re here for you buddy
> 
> **strike_the_top**
> 
> do whatever you need to king <3

**Neklie_Reads**

Now I NEED to hear Connie’s opinions on the adaptation

> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Video with connie WHEN??
> 
> **GreasyBrick**
> 
> like…. take all the time you need to feel comfy posting a video steven,,, but also,, connies a queen
> 
> **Jaderade22**
> 
> I can already guess which scenes she’ll have a Problem with
> 
> **BobinRobin**
> 
> Connie is the only person with a brain cell
> 
> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> like on this channel or just in general
> 
> **Bumblewish**
> 
> Yes.
> 
> **pathetic_weeb12**
> 
> Fair enough

**emmerroser**

Spirit morph reminds me have you finished the cbf epilogue series?

> **J0RAM_7**
> 
> Omg the last episode made me SOB
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> no it stressed me out but i will eventually
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> that’s so valid
> 
> **Val**
> 
> Take care of your mental health king <4
> 
> **laineybird**
> 
> Is that 4 supposed to be a 3
> 
> **Val**
> 
> Yeah but I didn’t want to edit my comment that’s effort
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> Changing one character in a comment is too much effort but writing a whole reply isnt?
> 
> **Val**
> 
> listen i don’t have to explain myself to you

**Madoshi_Hikari**

I’ve never been so glad to get a tubetube notification in my life. Take care of yourself, Steven! I’m so happy you’re starting to feel better we’ll be here for you!!!

**entropy_muffin**

He said he loves us!!

> **EatBearsblog**
> 
> STEVEN WE LOVE YOU TOO

**Andovia212**

hey he’s back!

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are starting to look up! we love a king getting therapy
> 
> remember to comment to get your name in the next chapter!!


	55. lets chat while i color the coloring books my therapist gave me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks about what he's been doing recently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's all feel good stuff from here on out fellas

**lets chat while i color the coloring books my therapist gave me**

_published July 23_

Steven is sitting on the floor in front of the couch with multiple sets of markers and coloring books spread out in front of him. He’s wearing his black shirt again today.

“Hey guys,” he says. “I’m having an iffy day today so I thought I’d do this and hopefully it won’t get any worse.”

He holds up one of the coloring books. It’s one of those ones that’s pretty intricate, and it seems to be themed after fairies. The front cover depicts a mushroom that’s been turned into a little house.

“My therapist got me these coloring books so I could use them to cool down and like, chill out, I guess? They’re pretty relaxing and stuff, so. Y’know.”

Steven rubs his eyes. “Hold on, I’m gonna get a snack,” he says, starting to stand up.

Jumpcut. Steven’s back, this time with a can of mixed nuts. He shakes it and picks out a cashew. “Alright,” he says. “Colorin’ time.”

He flips to a random page. “Oh, thanks to everyone who commented on my last video. You’re all so supportive and lovely. I’ve had a couple more therapy appointments and I think it’s really helping.”

Steven pulls the cap of a red marker off and starts diligently coloring in the lines. “My therapist said I probably have some form of PTSD, which I guess isn’t too surprising. I don’t really know what the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is, but as long as the stuff we talk about helps I don’t really care.”

He stops and surveys his work so far. He leans over the table and looks over the other colors, hand fluttering hesitantly over a few before he finally settles on a pastel green. For a moment, the only sounds are of Steven’s marker scratching across the page and the distant sounds of the beach outside.

Then he snorts. “Art therapy ASMR,” he whispers.

Steven shakes his head. “Sorry. Anyway, Connie comes over a lot to hang out. I really like talking to her. Oh, and Dad’s been staying over like, twice a week. And the Gems like doing sleepovers. I like-- it’s kind of nice to have people around. I felt so isolated for such a long time that having people around and knowing they understand what I’m working through is good.”

He shrugs. “Sometimes it’s a bit too much to handle, but they’re really good at making me feel comfortable. That’s like, one of the main things I’m trying to work on right now.”

Steven grabs a blue marker and starts coloring in some flowers. His tongue peeks out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. 

“I’m told I have a bad habit of putting my comfort aside for the comfort of others. So, y’know, we’re working on boundaries and whatever. Sorry if this is boring,” he adds. “There’s not a lot happening right now. Oh!”

Steven swaps his blue for a yellow. “Homeworld just had its first election! Zircon and Zircon were the candidates. I think Blue Zircon won. And I finally got the Diamonds to accept that the election was _Connie’s_ idea,” he says. “Hm… I don’t know how I’m feeling about this color scheme.”

He holds up his coloring book, showing off the page. It’s of a fairy sitting on top of a flower with smaller flowers blooming around it. Steven’s colored the main flower red and yellow and the smaller flowers blue.

“I like using markers for these instead of crayons or colored pencils,” he says, grabbing a purple marker and starting to fill in the fairy’s dress. “Don’t know why, though.”

Steven grabs a couple pecans and almonds out of his can of mixed nuts. He winces as the almond makes a loud crunch.

“Oof, that’s-- that’ll be some fun audio,” he murmurs to himself. “I started watching the _Crying Breakfast Friends_ epilogue series,” he says, louder this time. “It’s not as intense as I thought it would be, but I’m going through it pretty slowly. That show usually hits close to home, but it’s just ridiculous how accurate it is at this point.”

Steven shifts so he’s sitting on his knees and swaps markers again, bringing his face closer to the paper so he can be more accurate.

He looks back up at the camera. “Omg, did you guys know about panic attacks? Cause I totally _did not._ My therapist was like, ‘do you ever have panic attacks or flashbacks?’ and I said no and then she described them and I went, _‘there’s a name for that??’_ so therapy is super informative.”

He snorts. “That’s not funny,” he says, smiling.

“You know what’s weird? Every time I have a bad day, I end up watching _hours_ of makeup tutorials. I guess the good part of that is that I haven’t gone pink in a while, but that’s still a lot of makeup videos.”

Steven turns the page and looks at it for a moment, deliberating over what colors to use. He bites his lip, then picks up a pink marker. 

“I’ve kind of been wanting to try out some of those tutorials. Maybe I’ll do that the next time Connie comes over. That might be fun.”

He picks out a pistachio from the can of mixed nuts. “She’s on summer break now, so we can hang out way more than we did before. I’m excited. Connie’s my best friend in the whole world. I mean, after my dad, of course.”

Steven adds some accents with blue to his coloring page. He purses his lips and nods in satisfaction. “I’m getting pretty close to one million subs _way_ faster than I thought I would, so I’m trying to think of ideas for a subscriber special. I’ve seen videos where people eat a million pieces of cereal or sprinkles or something, but the only cereal I have is the boring healthy kind and I don’t really want to go through all of my cereal at once.”

Steven taps the end of his marker against his chin. “I guess I could do another Q&A, but I don’t know because I’ve done that before…” he says. He shrugs. “And my last subscriber special is notoriously difficult to watch, so I’m not sure there’s anything from _that_ that I want to repeat. I don’t know.”

He looks at the camera. “What do you guys think? Comment any ideas you have,” he says. He grabs another pistachio from the can. 

Steven leans back against the couch and sighs, staring at his half-completed coloring page with a blank expression. He rubs his eye, then tries and fails to suppress a yawn.

He looks at the page for a couple more seconds, then claps his hands together and sits up straight. “Well, I’m not feeling _good,_ but at least I’m not feeling bad. Mostly, I’m just tired, so I think I’m gonna go take a nap.”

Steven snaps the cap back onto his blue marker. He starts tucking all the markers back into their respective packages, talking as he does so.

“In conclusion, therapy is going well, everyone’s really supportive, and I have an unnatural obsession with makeup tutorials.”

He sets all the marker packages on top of each other in a somewhat lopsided stack and closes his coloring book.

“Thanks for watching, everyone! I hope you have a good day. I’m gonna take a nap now. I love you, bye!”

Steven stands up, grabs the can of mixed nuts, and makes his way over to the camera. It stops recording with a click.

**1962717 views ・ 757265 likes ・ 284 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 899401 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 27518**

**Darkdragonforge**

coloring books have no right to be simultaneously frustrating and calming

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> How are coloring books frustrating
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> Those ones with so many little sections are so easy to mess up and hard to color
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> Those are the best ones cause you can do so much stuff with it
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> never thought id see coloring book discourse

**Bett_Splendin**

HE TOOK A NAP

> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Steven Protection Squad we’ve done it
> 
> **Neklie_Reads**
> 
> We’ve done it!
> 
> **Clinohumite**
> 
> Mission Status: Complete

**ClayFowl**

Are Connie and Steven dating??

> **KawaiiBlue18**
> 
> I don’t think so?
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> At this point I don’t think anyone knows the truth

**InvaluableOracle**

Where’d you get that fairy themed book I need it in my life

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> idk my therapist got it for me but im sure there’s similar ones online
> 
> **Pausa07**
> 
> omg king <3

**lostinbooks**

I feel like Connie would either be really good at winged eyeliner or terrible at it and there’s no in between

> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> Whatever the truth ends up being our queen would look flawless in it

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

Wait why does CBF mirror Steven’s life so perfectly

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> idk its like it was made for him its insane
> 
> **Beeknee**
> 
> It’s ilke those shows that predict the future but only Steven’s future

**Myrterix**

In regards to the 1M special I wouldn’t be opposed to another Q&A

> **Loogia**
> 
> On the other hand those videos with a million pieces of cereal are so funny
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> What if he reacted to his old videos
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> Wait he’s already almost at 1M??
> 
> **Kilroy**
> 
> It’s what he deserves

**imhellapan**

what other coloring books do you have

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i have flowers, animals, ocean stuff, and some with just random cute stuff in it
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> whats the best brand of marker
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> tbh i cant tell the difference
> 
> **Kali**
> 
> OH MOOD
> 
> **Silkmist18**
> 
> honestly who can
> 
> **Laemon**
> 
> it’s a myth

**Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**

How was your nap king

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> pretty good actually
> 
> **EatBearsblog**
> 
> You love to see it

**RainKnight**

Steven did you see they announced the release date for spirit morph season 2

> **idk kitty**
> 
> WHEN
> 
> **pathetic_weeb12**
> 
> Next January I think
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> NICE

**LLS**

I love! Seeing Steven!! Happy!!

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so hyped to write these final few chapters i think they're gonna be fun
> 
> remember to comment if you want your name in the comment section next chapter!


	56. watch me and connie complain about childhood trauma while we give each other makeovers. its funny i promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie struggle with makeup terminology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I JUST FOUND OUT THAT A COUPLE PEOPLE I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING FOR A WHILE HAVE READ THIS
> 
> ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER
> 
> AND MAKE SURE TO READ THE END NOTES FOR IMPORTANT STUFF

**watch me and connie complain about childhood trauma while we give each other makeovers. its funny i promise**

_published July 31_

Connie and Steven are sitting cross legged on the floor, angled towards each other. Steven, wearing a gray shirt, has a couple makeup cases in his lap. A reusable shopping bag leans against Connie’s thigh.

“Hey TubeTube!” Steven says with a wave and a smile. “I _told_ you I’d do those makeup tutorials with Connie.”

Connie waves at the camera. “Hey, Steven’s TubeTube channel. Long time no see.” She cracks her knuckles. “Alright, Biscuit, what’s on the agenda for today?”

Steven unzips one of the makeup bags as he leans over to look at a piece of paper on the floor by his side. “The first one just says everyday makeup tutorial. There’s a whole bunch of them if you just search that up.”

Connie opens TubeTube on her phone and types it in. She scrolls for a second, then clicks her tongue. “Dang, these are all white girls, huh,” she says. “Okay, am I doing yours first or are you doing mine first?”

Steven shrugs. “You wanna do my makeup?”

“Sure.”

Starwipe, accompanied with the words, “ONE MAKEUP TUTORIAL LATER”.

Connie scoots closer, shifting so she’s sitting on her knees. She takes the makeup bag from Steven and looks through it, frowning. “Already off to a bad start,” she says. “Why do these girls have so many primers?” She looks up at Steven. “Do you not have foundation?”

Steven smiles sheepishly. “No?”

Connie pulls out a tube of concealer. “I guess we’re just using concealer, then. And, hey, it’s _probably_ healthier for your skin if you don’t use a bunch of products on it every day.”

“That sounds right.”

“Look up.”

Steven looks up, trying his best to stay completely still while Connie draws triangles under his eyes and dots on other areas of his face. He jumps at the first touch of the concealer wand.

“That’s _cold!”_ he whispers. Connie laughs.

“Yeah, it’s liquid, dude.”

She starts to blend in the concealer with a beauty blender. Steven struggles to hold back a laugh.

“Were you there for the Beachapalooza when I went on for Sadie at the last minute?” he asks.

Connie’s expression morphs into one of complete delight. _“No??_ When was that?”

Steven shrugs. Connie grabs an eyeshadow palette and a makeup brush from her shopping bag. “It was a couple years ago, and Sadie was gonna sing a song but ended up changing her mind, so I put--”

“Look down,” Connie says, holding up the eyeshadow brush.

“--on her dress and makeup and stuff and did the whole song.”

“Hey, I think I _do_ remember you telling me about that. That’s like-- wait, did I tell you about that play I did in like, third grade?”

“I don’t think so.”

Connie gently brushes the eyeshadow onto Steven’s eye in the vague shape of a wing. She frowns. “I don’t-- what’s the purpose of making a wing with eyeshadow if you’re just going to cover it with eyeliner…” she murmurs to herself. “Okay, so the high school where I lived was doing this musical and they needed a kid actor in it, so somehow I ended up being in it. But the thing is, I don’t have _any_ dance training. I was always a sports kinda person.”

“Oh yeah, tennis!” Steven says, looking up. Connie pulls the makeup brush away from his face before he can smudge it by moving too quickly. 

“I never really learned the dance and it definitely shows.” She sits back on her heels and surveys her work so far, tilting her head to get a better angle. “I like sword fighting better, anyway.” Connie starts on Steven’s other eye.

“I think sword fighting suits you better,” Steven says. “I did _not_ enjoy the first like, couple weeks of that, though.”

“I totally forgot about that!” Connie gasps. “That was _insane._ ” She raises her voice in an imitation of Pearl: “‘In the heat of battle, you don’t matter.’ I mean, what was _with_ that?”

Steven snorts. “Hey, it’s not like it’s the _first_ time the Gems have projected their issues onto other people. That’s--”

“--That’s just the foundation of the entire Gem Empire,” Connie says. She grabs her phone and looks at the next step of the tutorial.

 _“What_ is a _transition shade?”_ she exclaims, incredulous.

“Probably a neutral color so it can blend between two colors, right?”

“I _guess,”_ she huffs.

The footage speeds up, with the word “TIMELAPSE” superimposed over the video. When it resumes at normal speed, Steven’s eyeshadow is done, and Connie is starting the eyeliner on his second eye.

“I swear if this takes as long as the first side, I’m going to kill someone,” Connie hisses.

“Aw, but if you go mad with power, I’m gonna have to go through my whole redemption arc process. That takes _forever.”_

“Don’t worry, I’ll skip over the ‘wanting to kill you’ step and I’ll kill someone else instead.”

“That’s not-- well, I guess that _does_ make it easier. Y’know, for me.”

“Who would you say my arc would most closely resemble?”

Steven thinks for a moment, pursing his lips. He opens his mouth--

“-- _Don’t!_ Don’t look up, you’ll make me mess up the liner.” Connie’s expression darkens. “I’m not going through that battle again.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Steven reassures, “but it _did_ take way longer than expected. I thought you were good at winged liner?”

“That’s what I thought!!” Connie says. She leans back to throw her arms up in disbelief. “I can’t _believe_ it took me half an hour to do _one_ eye. I’m the _queen_ of winged liner. I practiced for _days_ before I even wore it out in public just so I _knew_ I would have it perfect and it _still_ took me _thirty minutes_ to do _one of your eyes!”_

Steven watches her rant with a smile on his face. He props his chin up on his hand and says, “Well, maybe it’s because you’ve only done it on yourself.”

“That’s the only explanation I’m going with,” Connie says. She cups Steven’s face in her hand and returns to working on his eyeliner. This side seems to be going considerably smoother than whatever had happened during the timelapse on the other side.

Finally, she sits back on her heels. “Okay, eyes are done.” She looks over at the camera. “We don’t have any fake lashes, so we’re skipping that step. Also, I feel like me putting mascara on Steven would end up with someone getting stabbed in the eye.”

“That’s fair,” he says. “So is it your turn now?”

“No, we still have to do” --Connie looks back at the tutorial-- “baking and bronzing? _Baking?_ What is _baking??_ ”

“It’s something to do with putting powder on your face and then brushing it off?”

Something in that sentence unleashed a primal rage in Connie.

_“What’s the purpose of putting powder on just to wipe it off again?”_

Steven laughs. It’s a sound that rings out across the room. “I don’t know!” he says between giggles. “I’m sure it does _something_. I’ve watched so many makeup tutorials, you’d think I’d know at this point.”

Connie huffs. “We’re just-- we’re just gonna contour. Is that what bronzing is?”

“I don’t think so? But I don’t think we have any bronzer anyway.”

Another timelapse, where Connie adds contour and highlights to Steven’s face. A starwipe transitions into the reveal of the finished look.

Steven looks pretty good. He has a smokey eye with winged liner, and Connie’s contour has helped to define what little cheekbone Steven actually has. A shimmery blush sits on his cheeks, as well as a small amount on his nose, making him look rosy and sunkissed.

“It looks super good, Connie!” Steven says. He admires himself in the camera some more while Connie rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“I’m gonna pull up the second tutorial,” she says, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Steven blushes, a grin spreading across his face. 

Connie pulls her own makeup products out of what looks like a pencil case. She lays it out in front of her, then hands Steven her phone with the tutorial pulled up.

“Aww, this tutorial is for a romantic night out,” Steven says.

“Maybe I’ll wear it when I propose,” Connie deadpans.

Steven chokes.

“It’s been long enough that we can joke about it, right?” Connie says, grinning.

Steven tries and fails to hide his smile. “My dad gave up his rockstar career for Rose after like, two conversations, so maybe it just runs in the family.”

“Hopeless romantics, the lot of you.”

“Yeah, and then I inherited all my mom’s war crimes.”

Steven reaches for a concealer.

“Oh, you’re gonna have to mix both of the concealers there,” Connie says. “One’s too dark for me and one’s too light, so I just combine them.”

Steven nods, putting some of both on the back of his hand. He takes a beauty blender and starts putting it under Connie’s eyes, then gasps.

“I didn’t do the beauty guru thing!” he says.

“The what?”

“The-- you know, the--”

Steven holds up one of the concealers to the camera with one hand behind it so that it focuses on the product.

“Okay, now we can keep going,” he says. A third timelapse, but this one is shorter since it’s just speeding through the concealer process.

Steven claps his hands together. “Eyeshadow time! Do we have any pink?”

“I think so,” Connie says. She looks up, pursing her lips together. “Hm.. I should probably pin my bangs up.”

She rummages through her bag while Steven looks through the eyeshadow palettes. “Oh yeah,” Steven says. Connie looks up at him, pinning her bangs out of her face. “Did you wanna talk about your _Spirit Morph Saga_ opinions?”

Connie’s eyes light up.

 _“Yes,”_ she says. Steven smiles at her.

He starts putting dark pink eyeshadow on her eyelids. Connie inhales, preparing herself for her imminent speech.

“Okay, so _overall_ , I thought it functioned well as an adaptation and used its medium efficiently for storytelling. _That being said--”_

Steven’s smile grows wider.

“--there were so many things that could’ve been handled _way_ better. Like, the reveal of Plinkman’s --oh, spoilers-- Plinkman’s death was _pretty_ anticlimactic, and the pacing for the last two episodes was _really_ clunky. Also, they got rid of one of my favorite side characters, Winthrop. Like, I _get it_ , there’s limited time and it’s more efficient to combine Winthrop with Jessie, but Winthrop is _way_ better than Jessie. I know, unpopular opinion.”

Steven switches to a different color and starts blending it into the crease of Connie’s eyelids.

“I don’t even need to mention it at this point, but I’m still going to mention it: they cut out the cave scene! That’s _everyone’s_ favorite scene. And that part where they touched foreheads right before the huge battle at the end? What was _that?”_

“I liked that part,” Steven says. “It’s a nice bonding moment.”

Connie sighs. “Of course you like that part,” she says, voice fond. “You love schmaltz.”

“I do.”

“You do.”

Steven sets the eyeshadow aside and grabs his own tube of concealer. “I’m going to _try_ to do a cut crease, but I don’t know how well it’ll go.”

“I believe in you, Steven.”

“Aww, thanks,” he says. He steels himself, then holds the concealer up to the camera with a hand behind it. “I didn’t look at the shade before I did that, so just read it, I guess,” he says. He puts some concealer on a brush and starts applying it to Connie’s eyelids.

“What’d you think of the Archimicarus and Lisa interactions?” he says.

Connie huffs. “I liked them. It did a better job of setting them up for something than the books did, but it was still weird. I just didn’t see it coming. Weird pairing.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Steven looks at his attempt at a cut crease and frowns. “Well, it’s not _great,_ but it’s not terrible.”

“Hey, small victories.”

“Okay, now we’re gonna use this glittery shade,” he says. He holds up the eyeshadow palette to the camera, pointing at the glittery shade in question with the eyeshadow brush.

Steven starts applying it, transitioning into yet another timelapse. Steven’s having a field day with the editing for this one.

He holds up some liquid liner to the camera, then unscrews the cap. “Let’s see if I can do Connie’s eyeliner in less than thirty minutes.”

“Hey!”

“Just kidding, you’re the best,” he says. Then, to the camera, he mouths, _‘not kidding.’_

Connie hits him playfully on the shoulder. _“You’re_ the best,” she says. 

“Okay, close your eyes.”

Connie does so, and Steven draws a line across her eyelid.

Timelapse.

“Hey, it only took twenty minutes this time,” Steven says, screwing the cap back onto the eyeliner.

Connie shrugs. “It’s the little things.”

“Now we only need contour, highlight, blush, and lipstick, I think.”

“That’s… did you say _only?”_

Steven is already putting contour on her face. 

There’s quiet for a moment, then:

“Oh, did you ever tell your mom about--”

“--Yeah, she said she thought we already were,” Connie says.

“That’s what Amethyst said!”

Connie giggles. Steven starts brushing highlighter onto her nose.

He pauses.

He looks at the camera, and, casually as anything, says:

“Oh yeah, we’re dating now, by the way.”

And with that bombshell dropped, he resumes idly putting highlighter onto Connie’s cheekbones.

“Did you wanna see the new Dogcopter this weekend?” Connie says, giving absolutely no time for the viewers to comprehend what Steven had just said seconds prior. “I’ve heard mixed things, but mostly good stuff.”

“Sure, when?”

“Thursday? Wait, that’s your therapy appointment. Friday?”

“Yeah, that works. Which lipstick do you want?” Steven says, holding up two options. Connie takes the darker one and twists the barrel, applying it quickly.

“Sorry, it was faster that way.”

Starwipe.

They’re both facing the camera now, Connie with her arm around Steven’s shoulders, showing off their completed makeup looks. Connie’s is lovely, with pink eyeshadow and a glittery gold on the cut crease. Steven did a pretty good job with the eyeliner, though it’s a little uneven. Other than that, though, Connie looks glamorous.

“I think that’s all for this video,” Steven says. “Thanks for watching! Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe!”

“Oh, don’t forget the subscriber special,” Connie says.

“Yeah! We’re coming up on that soon, so look out for it. Anyway, I love you! Bye!”

**2006138 views ・ 878354 likes ・ 275 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 999012 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 30447**

Pinned by stevenquartzuniverse

**stevenquartzuniverse**

sorry for the brief period of time where the video title was just a keyboard smash i forgot to change it

> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Don’t even apologize that was hilarious
> 
> **lostinbooks**
> 
> The new title slaps, king
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Tbh I like the keysmash better
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Let us take a moment to mourn the loss of our dear friend the keyboard smash
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> rest in peace “fdsjafdjkgjdl” u were well loved

**Writer_of_the_Dragons**

CONNIE!!!!!!!!

> **blissfall**
> 
> our queen is BACK and she’s BETTER THAN EVER
> 
> **luvelles**
> 
> Steven’s channel just hasn’t been the same without her
> 
> **bombasticAnathema**
> 
> uh this is CONNIE’S channel
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yeah i’m not even gonna argue there you’re right
> 
> **Clinohumite**
> 
> omg king <3

**KaybeeBlue**

FINALLY ANOTHER WINTHROP STAN OMG

> **Boogurl405**
> 
> I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Winthrop is better than Jessie in every way
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> I didn’t expect there to be Winthrop stans but tbh I’m not actually that surprised
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> Of COURSE there are Winthrop stans Winthrop RULES
> 
> **Myrterix**
> 
> He’s in like four scenes
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> AND????

**J0RAM_7**

What tutorials did you use

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i put links to them in the description!
> 
> **sugardevil**
> 
> thanks king ur doing the lords work

**KingOfWhispers**

WE’RE SO CLOSE TO 1 MIL IT’S INSANE

> **imhellapan**
> 
> i can’t believe we’ve come so far!

**StrawberruS0da**

What’s the story behind the name Biscuit I gotta know

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> jam buds
> 
> **RatcheT2498**
> 
> Thanks that clarifies nothing

**Clarmyr**

HEY UHHHHHHH THEY’RE DATING????

> **Blossoming_Sea**
> 
> I thought they were dating already??
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Theyre!! Dating!!!!!
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> I legit had to watch that part 3 times before it sunk in
> 
> **Scaredmitochondria**
> 
> They’re dating,,,

**EatBearsblog**

Connie vs eyeliner who would win

> **entropy_muffin**
> 
> evidently not connie

**Andovia212**

The makeup looks are so choice we are truly basking in the presence of royalty

> **Kali**
> 
> And they don’t even know what baking is
> 
> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> Idk how Steven doesn’t know what baking is after watching a billion makeup videos
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> Honestly? I respect that

**Darkdragonforge**

ew the new dogcopter is trash

> **FriendlyLocalGeek**
> 
> What no it’s so good
> 
> **Evan_Almighty**
> 
> Did we even watch the same movie??
> 
> **This_is_taking_too_long**
> 
> Apparently not cuz it’s an absolute masterpiece
> 
> **hm**
> 
> WHAT?? WHERE’D YOU GET THAT FROM
> 
> **Novantinuum**
> 
> FROM WATCHING THE MOVIE YOU CLOWN IT’S THE BEST THING IN CINEMA FOR DECADES
> 
> **view 96 replies**

**potatoinafryer**

hey did I miss something what’s the proposal thing about

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost at the 1 million subscriber milestone which means ANOTHER SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL which means ANOTHER Q&A!!! comment questions you'd like to ask steven and the rest of the gang! make sure to get your questions in before friday!


	57. a better subscriber special where i'm NOT on the verge of a mental breakdown :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes your questions and turns them, alchemy-like, into wisdom PART TWO: Q&A the second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit late in the day, so sorry! many things happening rn
> 
> but here we are! 2 more chapters! thanks to everyone who sent in questions! u guys rule :)
> 
> oh and make sure to read the end notes

**a better subscriber special where i’m NOT on the verge of a mental breakdown :)**

_published August 10_

The video starts in Steven’s living room, where he’s setting the camera up on the dining room table so that it faces the couch. He backs away, makes sure it’s level, then grins.

“Hey guys! What’s up? We just hit one _million_ subscribers!” he says, flinging his arms out. “So to celebrate, I thought we’d do another Q&A! The last one was a _while_ ago. Like, five at thousand subs I think? Anyway, here we are!”

Steven gestures behind him, where Connie is sitting on the couch. She waves.

“I’ve got the questions all pulled up,” she says, gesturing with her phone. Steven sits next to her, looking over her shoulder. 

“Oh, we got some good ones,” he says. “Do you wanna read, or should I?”

“Umm.. I’ll just read these first ones, since they’re mostly for you. First question comes from sugardevil, who asks, ‘Steven, do you know that you’re a king?’” Connie pauses to chuckle, then keeps reading, “‘Okay, but seriously, how’s life been? You been holding up?’”

“Yeah, I’m doing good! I’m feeling pretty good.” Steven says. He furrows his brow. “What’s all the-- okay, so I get why people call you a queen, because _duh,_ but why all the ‘Steven’s a king’ stuff?”

Connie gives him a Look. “Because you’re a king.” She looks down at her phone. “Duh,” she adds.

“Oh, LLS also asked about therapy. Therapy’s great, it’s helped a lot,” Steven says.

“Hey, stop reading over my shoulder,” Connie says.

“Sorry.”

“Okay, next we have--” Connie snorts. “Okay, I changed my mind. You can read these two.”

Steven looks at her, confused. She gestures for him to take the phone, trying to cover her mouth as she giggles.

Steven takes the phone.

“Okay, linring and KingOfWhispers both asked, ‘what was the propo--’ _dang it Connie,”_ Steven says. He blushes furiously, hiding his face in his hands.

“Answer the question, Steven.”

“I don’t want to,” he squeaks.

Connie looks at the camera with a mischievous grin. “Steven proposed to me, like, before we were even officially dating.”

Steven groans, lowering his head to his knees.

“I mean, the whole thing behind it was kinda concerning, ‘cause, y’know. The PTSD stuff. But it’s been long enough that we can joke about it now.”

 _“That doesn’t mean you can bring it up all the time,”_ Steven says.

Connie pats his back reassuringly. “I don’t bring it up _all_ the time. Plus, you’re cute when you’re flustered.”

Steven makes another distressed sound. Connie laughs.

“Guess I should find another question while Steven recovers,” she says, scrolling through her phone. “Oh, here we go. This one’s from blissfall, who asked what grade I’m in. I just finished up sophomore year, and I’m starting junior year this fall. Next question is from lostinbooks, who asked what the most death-defying stunt I’ve ever done was.”

She hums, thinking. “I don’t know. There’s been a lot… I guess _maybe_ the fight back on Homeworld when Peridot was flying me around on a trash can lid is a pretty strong contender. What do you think, Steven?”

Steven doesn’t respond. Connie purses her lips. “He’s still broken. Alright, next question--”

Steven sits up, running a hand down his face. “I think you were pretty cool in the hospital fight,” he says.

“Thanks! This question’s from StrawberruS0da, who asks, ‘Steven, what’s your favorite power?’”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “That’s a tough one!” He looks at Connie for guidance, who shrugs. Steven looks back over at the camera. “I think either my healing spit or my floating powers. Healing spit just comes in handy so often, and my floating powers are just really fun. It’s like feeling all bubbly inside.”

A smile forms on Connie’s face. “That just sounds like you have to burp.”

“You know what I mean! What’s next?”

“Writer_of_the_Dragons asks, ‘Is there something you tell yourself everyday now to help keep you from spiraling into your thoughts that maybe could help others as well?’ Oh, they also add that they love you and they’re happy you’re doing better.”

Steven grins, blushing. “Aww, that’s so sweet. I love you too!” He taps his finger on his knee. “As for the advice part, that’s a good question. I think” --he leans back against the couch-- “I think a good thing to remind yourself is that it’s not always going to be a linear path. I’d _hoped_ that recovery would just be a constant line up, you know?” He mimes a steadily rising slope with one hand. “But it’s not, and that can be discouraging. Just remember that you’re going to have some bad days, but when you do, you have the resources to help you out. Don’t shut your loved ones out. They care about you and want to see you better as much as you do.”

Connie smiles at him, her expression fond. Steven grins back at her.

“What’s next?”

“Honey Pearl from Little Homeworld says, ‘Hey Steven! My former Hessonite loves human cosmetics and grooming practices, but she has been finding it difficult to style her eyebrow (singular) in a pleasing manner. Do you have any advice? Thank you!’”

“Oh, that’s _such_ a good one!” Steven says.

“This is turning into an advice column.”

“An advice show for the modern era.”

“But how _do_ you style one eyebrow?”

Quiz game show music starts playing.

Steven frowns. He touches his own eyebrow absentmindedly, chewing on his lower lip. The viewer can almost see the gears turning in his head. It’s possible this is the hardest Steven has ever thought about something in his life: the impossible question. 

Just how do you style a singular eyebrow?

Finally, Steven snaps. The music cuts out with a record scratch.

“Okay, so here’s my pitch. My first suggestion is just, if you’re filling in your eyebrow, follow the natural shape of it. My second suggestion is instead of having, like, that straight edge” --he indicates the inner edge of his eyebrow-- “just have both ends pointed.”

“Or you could alternate left or right eyebrow every day,” Connie suggests.

“That could work too. Want me to read some questions now?”

Connie hands the phone over to Steven. He skims over a few, scrolling through the list. He hums a little ditty to himself.

“I’m going to answer some of these short ones all in a row. Hey, didn’t we do that last time?”

“There are only so many ways you can shake up a Q&A,” Connie says with a shrug. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“From emenerd, we have: ‘Are you still playing music? How many instruments do you play?’ I play ukulele, guitar, bass, drums, and piano! Uh, jolly_ranchers_boy asked if I’ve ever thought about dyeing my hair. I _have_ thought about it. I almost dyed it pink a couple times, but I decided I like my hair how it is.”

“I like it too,” Connie says. She reaches over and ruffles his curls.

“EatBearsblog asked why I’m so adorable,” he continues. He looks up at the camera and winks. “Can’t help it, buddy, it runs in the family.”

Connie laughs and Steven breaks from his pose, beaming. “Andovia212 asked how therapy’s going and what my favorite type of TubeTube content is besides makeup. Therapy’s going really great! I like watching theory videos about shows and video games and also baking videos! Lars started a space vlog channel, too. There are only a couple videos up, but it’s super fun so far!”

“Hey, we’ve got a couple questions for the Gems.”

“We should go ask them!” Steven says. He stands and makes his way over to the camera and picks it up. There are a few moments of shuffling sounds as he gets situated, then he pans over to Connie. She’s standing by the door.

He flips the camera view around and throws up a peace sign.

Starwipe.

Steven and Connie are walking towards the car wash. The blinking neon sign blinks cheerfully from across the road. For some reason, the Crystal Gems (including Perdiot, Lapis, and Bismuth) are gathered at the car wash, looking over something.

“Oh, hey Ste-man!” Amethyst yells. The other Gems look up and wave in greeting.

“Hey! What are you guys doing?” he asks.

Pearl stands and stretches, reaching up above her head. “We’re just helping Greg with his end-of-summer sale advertisements. It turns out, some mice got ahold of his old signs, so we’re trying our best to repair them.”

“I think we should just make new ones. We’ve got meep morp _experts_ here already,” Peridot chimes in.

“That’s great!” Steven says. “I’m making a video and my subscribers had some questions they wanted to ask you! Did you wanna take a break and answer some of them?”

“Of course,” says Garnet.

“Great!”

Connie pulls up the question list on her phone. “Wow, okay, lostinbooks sent in a _lot_ of questions. Umm…” she selects a question. “Okay. Bismuth, why were you making armor for a Pearl?”

Bismuth startles at the mention of her name, then laughs. It’s a big, hearty sound. “If I don’t practice making armor for _all_ types of Gems, what kind of a blacksmith am I? You only learn so much by making armor for yourself all the time.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I guess they were just wondering because it kind of looked like your wedding armor?” Steven says.

Bismuth glances over at Pearl-- it’s so brief it’s incredibly easy to miss. When she looks back at Steven, her cheeks are slightly flushed. “My armor wasn’t _specifically_ made for weddings, Steven.”

Connie nods in satisfaction at this answer. Steven flips the camera around and raises a skeptical eyebrow, the smile on his face growing even wider.

“Also from lostinbooks, this one’s for Lapis.”

“I got a question?” Lapis says, looking up from where she’d been painting a cardboard sign. Her eyes are wide, her mouth slightly open in surprise. “What’s it say?”

“Do you teach any classes at Little Homeschool?”

“Yeah,” she says. She adjusts her belt and sets down her paintbrush, picking at the dried paint on her fingers. “I teach meep morp class sometimes. If I feel like it.”

Connie waits for Lapis to elaborate. She does not.

“...Alright then! Peridot, lostinbooks wants to know what the most useful thing you’ve made is!”

“Yes! I _knew_ someone would recognize my creative genius! I’m going to have to say it’s my levitation device. Not only is it _incredibly_ functional and helpful, it’s” --she chuckles maniacally-- _“fun!”_

Connie puts a hand on her hip, tilting her head in thought. “Isn’t that just a trash can lid, though?”

“Why would you question my superior intellect?”

Connie just looks at the camera, incredulous.

Steven giggles. “What’s next?”

“This one’s for you, Steven! What’s your favorite way to genuinely relax?”

“Oh!” Steven says. He pauses for a moment. “Uhh…”

The camera flips around to show his face. “I think I have to say I like hanging out with all my friends, and of course I also like making music. Oh! I’ve also been liking stargazing recently. It’s really nice.”

Connie smiles at his answer. “Okay, um-- Pearl, lostinbooks says they love your jacket and you look gorgeous in it.”

Pearl blushes blue. “Aw, _thank_ you!” She turns around to show off the jacket like a model, and Amethyst wolf whistles. Steven laughs from behind the camera.

“Amethyst, lostinbooks says to ‘keep being you, you’re rocking it.’”

“Of course I am,” Amethyst says, “who could be better at rocking it than a _rock?”_

“And Garnet--”

Garnet holds up a hand. “I’m sure you’ll find the answer to that question fairly soon.”

Connie stares at her blankly, then looks at Steven for guidance. He shrugs.

“Um… okay. Steven, this one’s--”

Connie frowns, her expression darkening. “I’ll let you read it.”

Steven takes Connie’s phone and films her screen while he reads the question out loud: “From stevenquartzuniversestinks, we have, ‘This is a question for Ros’ --and then a keyboard smash-- ‘Steven. What is your biggest weakness? If I, hypothetically, were going to take you down, how would I do it?’ Well, isn’t that nice.”

 _“Dude,_ you have _hate_ comments now?” Amethyst says. She looks absolutely delighted by this turn of events. “That’s how you _know_ you’ve made it big!”

“I… think it’s safe to say I will _not_ be answering that question, but thanks for trying! That was very creative of you,” he says, handing Connie’s phone back.

“On a _lighter_ note,” Connie says, voice murderous, “what’s everyone’s favorite music genre? That’s from a _nice_ person named RegularCitrus.”

“I like everything,” Steven says.

“Indie rock!” Amethyst yells. “Get it? Like-- like how I’m a rock--”

 _“I_ enjoy the classical genre,” Pearl says. “Oh, and the Cam’s Camshafts commercial!”

“R&B and hip hop,” says Garnet.

The bell above the door dings, and Greg walks outside, holding a roll of duct tape and a jug of water. “Hey, guys, I forgot to give you all cups to wash your brushes in, so I just brought this jug and I thought maybe Pearl would have some cups with her-- oh, hey Schtu-ball!”

“Hey dad! What’s your favorite music genre? The world wants to know!”

Greg doesn’t even hesitate. “Classic rock, baby. No _question_.”

“Great!” Connie says. “Next--”

“Wait, what about you, Connie?”

“Right!” Connie thinks for a moment. Her brow furrows in concentration. “If I’m being honest, the only thing I’ve listened to recently has been lofi hiphop. You know that ‘beats to study to’ playlist? That’s the only thing I’ve had in my TubeTube history for weeks.”

“That is _so_ on brand for you,” Amethyst says. “You should be the next lofi hiphop girl.”

Connie rolls her eyes, smiling. “Yeah, yeah. Next is from softasawhisper, who wants to know how we started dating.” She laughs. “Okay, don’t expect like, a whole ordeal. It was basically just-- so my friend Jeff asked me if Steven and I were dating, and I thought, ‘hey, I don’t actually know the answer to that question,’ so the next time I hung out with him, I asked if we were.”

“I just said, ‘do you _want_ to?’ and then we did,” Steven adds. 

“Shut up, you two have been dating since before Steven first got kidnapped by Homeworld Gems,” Amethyst says.

“I’m surprised it took this long,” Greg adds. “Steven’s always liked you, Connie. It’s kind of adorable.”

Steven splutters. “Wh-- _Dad!”_

Connie’s face splits into a blinding grin. “Awww, Steven, did you have a crush on me? That’s so cute.”

_“Connie, we’re literally dating!”_

“What’s your point?”

Steven wails in distress.

“You broke him,” Garnet says, deadpan.

“Second time today. We’re on a roll. Okay, next question is also from softasawhisper, but this one’s for the Gems: ‘Have you been doing any new fun activities with Steven? If so, what?’”

Pearl raises her hand. “Oh! Oh! I know! We’ve been doing a bunch of human things together! It’s a little outside of what we’re used to, but that’s what makes it interesting. I had no idea there were so many styles of jeans!”

“We’ve been clothes shopping,” Garnet says.

Amethyst laughs. “Yeah, and we went roller skating, and _that_ was a hundred percent worth the price of admission. Steven _cannot_ roller skate to _save his life_.”

“We also went to a movie theater,” Lapis adds. “It’s not _really_ my thing. Too loud.”

“I thought it was _great!”_ Peridot shouts. “It’s like TV… but _bigger!”_

Bismuth speaks up from where she’s standing near the door. “I don’t think the costume designers understand the fundamentals of armor. The weapons were neat to look at, though. Cool fight scenes.”

Connie nods, looking over the list. “Jaderade22 asks, ‘Greg, how do you feel about Steven’s recovery so far?’”

Greg smiles. “I think he’s doing really well! I’m proud of all the progress he’s made.”

“Aww, dad!” Steven says.

“It’s true! I’m just happy to see _you_ happy.” Greg reaches over and ruffles Steven’s hair, pressing him to his side in a one-armed hug.

Amethyst snatches the phone out of Connie’s hand. “I wanna read a question.” She scrolls through the list. “Garbage, garbage, way too personal, garbage-- oh, here’s a good one. Novantinuum says, ‘If you could have an infinite supply of any type of cookie, what kind would that be?’ I say why limit yourself? I’m good with _literally any_ kind. I have _no_ standards.”

“I don’t think my body could handle an infinite supply of cookies,” Greg says. “I have to take breaks just eating _one.”_

“Answer the question, old man.”

“Fine! Um, peanut butter?”

“I’d probably stick with chocolate chip,” Steven says.

“Oatmeal raisin is probably the safest option for a lifetime supply,” Connie says.

Horrified silence greets her. Then:

_“What?”_

“Connie, you’re banned from the Crystal Gems, sorry.”

“What??” Connie says. “They’re not _that_ bad!”

“Okay, I know I just said any kind, but I’m revising my answer,” Amethyst says. “Oatmeal raisin is not coming _anywhere_ near me. Garnet, please save us.”

“Thin mint,” Garnet says.

“Thank you, Garnet.”

“I’m… going to decline answering this question,” Pearl says.

Steven hands the camera to Connie and takes Connie’s phone from Amethyst. Connie focuses the camera on Steven as he looks back through the questions. “You… skipped a lot,” he says.

“They’re _boring,”_ Amethyst says, flopping over onto her back dramatically. She huffs out a sigh, causing her bangs to flutter.

Steven selects a question. “This one’s from fantasychica37, who asks what my favorite thing about my life is right now. I think…” He pauses, putting a hand on his hip. “Hm. I think it’s probably trying all these new things. I like seeing what stuff I like that I haven’t even tried before and like, seeing what I want to do later in my future. Oh, we have a long one from RetroBrickReviews.”

Connie walks over to Steven, reading over his shoulder. 

“They say: ‘I know you and Peridot think the CPH reboot is quite bad (as do I), but, if she’s watched it, what are Lapis’ thoughts? I recall from one of your older videos that she’s a fan of the OG series. Asking because I have a friend who prefers the new series, and they need to know just how wrong they are. Percierre for life!’”

Peridot’s head snaps up. Her eyes are wide. “PERCIERRE IS THE SUPERIOR PAIRING!”

Lapis looks up from her paint job. “I like the reboot. I think it’s funny.”

“Didn’t you throw the TV out the window when you first saw it?” Peridot asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Lapis says. “It’s terrible. The characters make terrible decisions. I have a love-hate relationship with the whole show.”

Steven nods. “Yeah, it’s bad. The second part of the question says, ‘Also, I was recently on vacation, and my kid brother found a watermelon that looked a lot like you. It’s probably unrelated, but, if it’s a magic Steven fruit or something, should I mail it back to you?’

“Yeah, that’s probably a watermelon Steven. Just put it in the ocean, it’ll find its way back to the island on its own.”

Steven scrolls past a few more questions. “We got a couple that are similar. Uhh, Not_the_best_Fan asks, ‘since I have to start figuring out what I’m gonna be doing after high school. So here goes nothing: What are your plans for the future?’ I also got very similar questions from pathetic_weeb12 and imhellapan.”

Connie puts a hand on his shoulder. He smiles at her. 

“So… right now, I’m not _quite_ sure what I want to do? There’s just so much stuff out I could do and there’s even _more_ stuff _outside_ of Beach City. I’m talking to my therapist right now, but it’s all very much up in the air at the moment.”

His smile grows soft. “Somehow, it’s exciting and scary at the same time.”

He looks at Connie fondly, then back at the Gems. 

“I think that’s all we have time for today. Um, thanks for watching. We have one more thing for hoping_for_rain, who just says, ‘I love you,’ so… I love you too!”

Starwipe.

Steven is sitting on his bed, the sliding door behind him.

“I just wanted to film this outro real quick to close out the video.”

He runs a hand through his hair and gives a little huff of a laugh. 

“Seriously, thank you _so_ much. I _never_ expected to make it this far when I first started my channel, so actually making it to this milestone is absolutely surreal.” 

Steven smiles gently. He glances over his shoulder at the beach behind him, then back at the camera. The sounds of the beach --seagulls, waves crashing-- are just barely audible through the open glass door.

“You’re all so, so supportive and lovely, every single one of you. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to grow this channel with you.”

Steven holds up his hands in the form of a heart. “I love you. Bye!”

**2668465 views ・ 984952 likes ・ 263 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1007286 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments - 36281**

**Mara_Jade101**

WE’RE AT 1 MIL ALREADY???

**luvelles**

YEAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> **knowAll**
> 
> WE DID IT! HE DID IT! AHHH

**Wishflare**

this gives me such wholesome vibes <3

> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> the BONDING the FOND LOOKS the SENTIMENTAL OUTRO
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> IT’S SO CHOICE

**ClayFowl**

This should be retitled “everyone gently bullies steven”

> **rosewitchx**
> 
> imagine being a tubetuber with a million subs hahahhaha clown behavior
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> ur right tho
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> omg king <3 i didn’t mean it ily
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> ily2
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> OMG KING <3

**Clinohumite**

I forgot how much of an ICON amethyst is

**KingOfWhispers**

We’ll be with you no matter what, Steven! I wish you luck on deciding what you want to do in the future!

**hoping_for_rain**

ilysm steven

**Hamilton**

It’s a full scale family reunion in this video huh

> **Loogia**
> 
> Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl… how I’ve missed them
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> Don’t forget Peridot Lapis and Bismuth
> 
> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> GREG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Superheroverthinking**

1 MILLION SUBS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is gonna be a fun one: tell me in the comments which older videos/chapters you want to see steven react to!
> 
> home stretch baby!!!


	58. reacting to old videos!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven pulls a reverse card and reviews his own channel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy wednesday! we're really close to the end now, and it feels so surreal. i hope you enjoy this chapter!

**reacting to old videos!**

_ published August 17 _

“Hi, TubeTube! Steven Universe here,” says Steven. He’s wearing a light gray shirt, and is sitting at his desk. The camera is set up right next to his computer. “As you can tell from the title, today I’m reacting to my old videos. I have a few picked out, so I guess let’s just get right into it.”

Steven clicks a link. A small version of the video he’s watching appears in the lower right corner of the screen.

_ The camera shifts as whoever is holding it attempts to set it up on what sounds like a precarious stack of various items. Sounds of the camera being set up muffle whatever the person recording is murmuring to themself.  _

Steven winces. “The  _ quality.  _ It looks like a  _ toaster. _ What-- who-- why? Why did I think that was good enough to post? And wow, my old room. Talk about nostalgia.”

_ A young boy who looks to be around eight years old comes into frame and clambers onto his bed. He grins and waves at the camera. “Hi, TubeTube! My name is Steven Universe!” _

“Aww, I still say almost the same intro. And no wonder everyone was so curious about how old I was.” Steven pauses the video and stares directly into the camera. “I was  _ twelve _ in that video. First of all,  _ yes _ , I did have a growth spurt, thanks for noticing, and second of all, I was  _ twelve.” _

He shakes his head in mock disappointment. “Anyone who claims to have a baby face has nothing on me, who didn’t physically age past eight until I was fifteen. That’s what I get for having Gem powers that make me reflect my state of mind,” he says with a shrug. 

Jumpcut: he’s now a little further in the video.

_ Steven runs down the stairs, the camera pointing down at the floor. It pans up. _

_ On the grassy ramp that leads up to his house, a huge creature, easily eight feet tall, roars and swipes at three smaller figures. It’s humanoid for the most part, with a rounded back and gigantic, muscled arms. One of the figures, a slender woman with ballet flats, hurls a brilliant glowing spear at it, but misses, and the spear impales itself in the wall of Steven’s house. _

Steven pauses the video, staring at the screen in shock. He looks back at the camera, a surprised grin spreading across his face. “Dude! That’s Moonstone! We lost track of her here because she turns invisible and then when Sadie, Lars, and I got stuck on an island together, we found her again and Sadie poofed her. She’s uncorrupted now, and she’s really nice! I taught her how to play Citchen Calamity last week.”

Jumpcut. 

_ The door slams open and into the wall, causing many picture frames to rattle. “Hey Steven!” Amethyst calls. There’s the sound of the fridge opening and a plate being taken out. _

_ “Wait, Amethyst, I was saving that for lunch today! AMETHYST, NO!” Steven yelps. The camera falls to the floor with a clatter. The video ends abruptly. _

Steven shrugs. “I don’t have anything to say about that, really. That’s still a daily occurrence.”

The smaller video in the corner disappears and Steven turns his attention to the camera.

“A general rundown of how I feel about that video, because I guess I’m technically reviewing my own channel right now: not the best channel intro out there, but it’s worked well enough so far.”

A thought occurs to Steven, and he tilts his head, furrowing his brow. “It might-- hold on,” he says, turning to his computer. “It might still be up as my channel trailer.”

He clicks on his channel icon and runs a hand through his hair. “Yep.”

Steven rubs the corner of his eye with his finger. “So that’s really the first thing people see when they click on my channel.”

He stares at his computer screen for a moment, then shrugs, sitting back in his chair. “Eh, it’s fine. I’ve got a brand now.”

Starwipe. There’s a new video playing in the right hand corner.

_ “Hi again, TubeTube! I’m Steven Universe, and today I’m here with a food review!” He sits down on his bed and leans over the side, picking up a pink cardboard box that was sitting on the floor. _

“This is the second video I ever posted, and it’s a review video. I think I just didn’t know what I wanted my channel to be about, but I ended up sticking with the review thing,” Steven says. “I don’t know if I have an actual content genre? If it’s not a review channel, it’d be a vlog channel, right?”

_ “It’s Cookie Cats!” He points at a red blob on the bottom right corner of the box. “It says: NEW! Mint Chocolate Flavor, Limited Time Only.” Steven giggles. _

_ “Cookie Cat is the only respectable ice cream sandwich brand out there. I won’t name drop the other leading competitor because I don’t want to give them any publicity--” _

Steven pauses the video.

He looks directly into the camera.

“It’s Lion Lickers.”

He unpauses the video.

_ “--Anyway, that brand doesn’t know the qualities of a good ice cream sandwich!” _

“And they still don’t. And they never will.”

Jumpcut.

_ The camera remains pointed at Steven’s bedroom. The Cookie Cat, sitting in direct sunlight, starts to look like it's seen better days. Inaudible conversation continues. _

Steven skips ahead in the video, frowning. “Did I seriously just let the camera run like that? Jeez, I know I’m not the best editor in the business, but at least I  _ do _ edit my videos now. Oh, here we go.”

_ “Um,” he says, staring at the melted ice cream sandwich, “I guess my consensus is that every Cookie Cat tastes great no matter what flavor, but nothing can beat the original strawberry and vanilla flavor combo.” _

Steven sighs wistfully, glancing across the room at his nightstand. A Cookie Cat shaped alarm clock stares back at him. “Man, I miss Cookie Cats. The day they stopped making Cookie Cats is the day I started getting traumatized.”

He moves to pick another video, then stops. “No, really. The day they stopped making Cookie Cats, I electrocuted a corrupted Gem. It’s wild. Anyway, Cookie Cats were really good and they should start making them again.”

Steven clicks on another video, then murmurs, “I wonder if I could make them?” under his breath.

_ “Hey, TubeTube,” Steven says. Connie walks over. _

_ “Oh, are you filming?” _

_ Steven smiles at her. “Yeah, I’m making a documentary about our mission!”  _

A delighted grin splits across Steven’s face, his eyes literally sparkling. “Baby Connie!” he says. He moves his mouse cursor in a circle around her face, beaming. “She’s so little! Look at her  _ hair!” _

Still smiling madly, he unpauses the video.

_ Starwipe. Amethyst is holding the camera. “Hey, Steven’s making another one of those videos! Well, this’ll definitely be his best one, cause we’re in it now, right Pearl?” She points the camera at Pearl, who furrows her brow. _

_ “What? Wait, is that Steven’s phone? When did you--” _

_ Something glows purple and the camera shoots forward, filming Steven’s dad at the wheel in profile. “Greg! Say hi to the internet!” _

_ Greg chances a look at the camera. He yelps. “AMETHYST! Are you shapeshifting?” Amethyst laughs. _

“I feel like my best videos have Amethyst in them,” Steven says. “Everyone in the comments seems to like her a lot. But what you  _ don’t _ know about this clip is that she stole my phone, like, ten minutes before she filmed this. It took  _ forever _ to get it back from her.”

Jumpcut.

_ Steven turns the camera around to show Connie talking to Amethyst and Greg, shoes off as she stands in the ocean. The shot lingers for a moment before he flips it back around. _

_ He recaps the events of the ocean disappearing, brushing a strand of sopping wet hair out of his eyes. _

_ Then he runs over to Connie, not even stopping to roll up his jeans or kick off his sandals, but it’s not like it really matters at this point. He’s already completely soaked. “Connie! What do you think of the newly recovered ocean?” _

The video continues playing, but it zooms in on younger Steven’s face as he watches Connie respond with a fond smile on his face. His cheeks are dusted with a faint blush.

Smash cut back to current Steven at his desk, staring at the camera incredulously. He raises an eyebrow and says, completely deadpan, “Wow, can you tell I had a crush on Connie?”

“Actually, don’t answer that,” he says, moving to unpause the video.

_ “It’s great, Steven,” Connie says. Her smile fades slightly. “I just hope the sudden return of the ocean doesn’t change the water current patterns or mess with the oceanic ecosystems too much…” _

“I don’t actually know what effects the ocean disappearing had on the environment. I’m sure there are articles about it somewhere…”

Jumpcut.

“My review of the ocean vlog is that I didn’t film any of the cool bits. I mean, there was that shot of the ocean tower, but other than that it was just a travel vlog. It  _ did _ get people to realize my channel was actually real though. That was like, a really popular video for a while, I think?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “It only had a thousand views for about a week and then some news website put it in their article and it was trending for a bit. Y’know, ‘cause everyone was wondering where the ocean went? Anyway, the next video we have is also a vlog.”

Steven selects the next video and it appears in the right corner.

_ “Hi, TubeTube!” he says with a wave. “I’ve been working on a Crying Breakfast Friends video for a couple of days, but it’s taking a bit longer than I thought it would, and I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging for too long.” _

_ He looks away briefly. “Especially, um, after my last video…” He bites his lip, then shakes his head and looks back at the camera. “So I thought I’d bring you guys along with me today, like a vlog! Right now I’m making breakfast.” _

“Wait, what was the last video?”

Steven pauses the vlog and scrolls through his channel playlist. 

Jumpcut.

“Okay, so apparently my last videos were the ‘I’m deleting my channel’ scare. I don’t know why I didn’t take those down. I mean” --he gestures to himself-- “clearly I didn’t delete my channel. Also, you could  _ totally _ see my memories ‘cause of my broadcast powers.  _ That’s _ embarrassing. Anyway, vlog time.”

_ The music fades into the background as Steven swings the camera around to show his face. “The plan is to pop in and say hi to everyone, then ask if they’re doing alright with everything. It’s kind of my fault that Jasper showed up at all, but at least everyone got cool new windows out of it! First up is Lars and Sadie.” _

_ Steven turns the camera around to show his approach to the Big Donut. The door swings open with a ding and Sadie looks up from the cash register with a smile. Lars scowls. _

Steven’s eyes widen, his mouth dropping open. “Big Donut! Lars and Sadie at the Big Donut!”

He swivels in his chair to look at the camera. “Hi, if you’re new to this channel, yes, that  _ is _ Sadie of Sadie Killer and the Suspects fame. I have a couple videos with her if you wanna check them out,” he says. Steven points to the top right corner of the frame, where a card for his video “Horror Movie Recommendations ft. Sadie Miller” slides in. 

“It’s also weird to see Lars pre-space captain stuff. I like his new hair better, I think. It’s fluffier. Plus, we’re really good friends now.”

Jumpcut.

_ The camera flips around. Mr. Smiley’s smile seems plastered on. “Yeah, the repairs were all finished last week. I’m just dealing with the usual stress that comes from being severely understaffed!” _

_ Steven inhales through his teeth. “Oh. Um, sorry about that!” _

_ Mr. Smiley waves him off. “It’s fine! We’re all fine! I’ve been taking power naps every time my eyes close!” _

_ “Um… good luck?” _

Steven claps his hands together. “Good news! Funland is no longer understaffed! Thanks to Amethyst’s program, G.H.E.M. --that’s pronounced ‘ga-hem’-- a bunch of Gems are now working at Funland! And yes,” he says with a wink, “that  _ is _ a subtle plug for Little Homeschool.”

_ Another starwipe reveals Steven plugging in a blender in his kitchen. “It’s almost four, so I’m making a smoothie for Connie before she gets here! This one has banana and kiwi and coconut in it.” _

_ Steven continues talking, but everything he says is drowned out by the sound of the blender. This goes on for about three more minutes. _

Steven squeezes his eyes shut, sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t even complain about this,” he says. “I did the same thing with a video the other day and I had to re-record the whole thing.”

Jumpcut. 

“There’s nothing too crazy about that video,” he says. “I think it actually held up pretty well, as long as you ignore the unhealthy coping mechanisms. There were… a  _ few.” _

He scrolls through his videos for a second, humming the Cookie Cat theme under his breath. “Oh, the  _ Crying Breakfast Friends _ video!”

Steven laughs to himself and he pulls it up. “Man, I can’t wait to see how poorly this video aged.” 

_ Steven smiles to himself. “I wanted to make this video because Crying Breakfast Friends is one of my favorite shows of all time! I’ve been watching it since I was eight. It’s so relatable, like it specifically reflects my personal situation. It’s great! Anyway, on with the video!” _

“Yeah, I never figured out what was up with that. It’s still like that in the epilogue series,  _ Crying Breakfast Friends: Destiny.” _

_ Steven points at each character on the sticker sheet as he lists them off. “Pining Grapefruit is very considerate, Weeping Egg Cup is a little uptight but always tries her best to help her friends… um, I really like that Bawling Bacon is somehow the most mature of them all. It really shows her character development! And I love Sad Waffle, but who doesn’t?” _

_ He steps back from the camera, smiling. “Sad Waffle is super smart and very grounding, not to mention she’s super cool! She’s always there for Sniffling Croissant when he needs it...” Steven glances over his shoulder at a framed photo above his bed, then shakes his head and looks down at the sticker sheet. His face is dusted pink. _

Steven pauses the video. He stares at the camera.

He presses his hands together and brings them up to his face, inhaling.

_ “Hey, can you tell I had a crush on Co--” _

Smash cut.

_ Steven holds up a sticker of Sniffling Croissant. “My favorite character is Sniffling Croissant! He’s a bit younger than some of the other characters, and doesn’t really fit in anywhere. But he tries his best to make everyone happy and help everyone he meets!”  _

_ He sticks the sticker on his shirt. “I don’t know why, but I relate to him a lot. I love the episodes where he talks about his feelings with others!” _

Steven looks at the camera, incredulous. “Yeah, well I clearly learned  _ nothing _ from  _ those _ episodes, huh? Mark one for this video not aging well.”

_ “Okay, some of the theories for this show make no sense!” Steven says. “I don’t know who started the theory that Glum Glass used to be Crabby Cup, and I don’t know how it got so popular.” _

_ He closes his eyes and shakes his head in disappointment. “All the evidence seems like a stretch to me.” _

The speed with which Steven slams the pause button is honestly a little terrifying. “Okay, okay, I know, I get it, I was wrong about the Crabby Cup theory, I  _ got it.” _

He laughs. “Add another one to the list of things that weirdly mirror my own life?  _ That _ one in particular is strange. Anyway, let’s see what other poorly aged opinions I had.”

_ He snaps his fingers. “Oh! I do like the theory that they’re going to get invaded by Lunch! The hints are everywhere, and it just makes sense! We’ve already seen glimpses of a cheese sandwich, which might be just a breakfast sandwich, but there’s already been so many references to other meals that it’s just so obvious.” _

Steven grins. “I was right about that one! I also have a video where I react to that episode,” he says. He points up at the top right corner, where a second card slides in for the video “Steven Reacts”.

He unpauses the video.

_ “Since this video was a bit different, I thought I’d give you guys a life update!” He frowns. “Well, that, and also because I have a favor to ask.”  _

_ “We’re looking for a Gem, Peridot. She could be anywhere, since we didn’t get her at the Kindergarten, so if you see anything suspicious, DM me! But don’t get near it, because she’s still dangerous. Seriously, don’t go near her at all, just tell me if you see her.” _

“Hey, this video is from when Peridot was still trying to kill me! I’d say good times, but weeks of therapy has drilled into me that having people out for murder is  _ not _ good times. But still, good times. I hung out with Peridot last week, actually. We’re almost done with season one of the  _ Camp Pining Hearts _ reboot. It’s” --he giggles-- “it’s still bad. If anything, it got worse. There’s a musical episode? Don’t watch it.”

Steven props his head up on his hands and smiles. “This was fun! I thought it would be kind of embarrassing, and it was a little bit, but mostly it was fun! It’s weird to see how much and how little I’ve changed at the same time. I’m doing better at acknowledging my own emotions, for sure, and I still try to have a mostly positive outlook. It’s just” --he smiles and shakes his head-- “it’s just more fun that way.”

He scratches the back of his neck and glances out the window. “Y’know, it’s been almost four years since I started this channel, and it’s crazy to look back at how I started. I didn’t know  _ anything _ at the start, but now I’ve dismantled an entire intergalactic empire at the age of sixteen.”

A smile forms on his face. It feels a little bittersweet. “I don’t really know what I want to focus on now, but I’ve been talking with my therapist and with my dad and Connie, and I think--”

Steven cuts himself off, a real smile taking hold.  _ “That’s _ a topic for another video.”

He picks up the camera, holding it vlogger style. “And that’s all I have for you guys today! Thanks so much for watching this video,” he says, expression fond, “and thanks for sticking with me up until now. It means a lot.”

He holds up his free hand with his thumb and forefinger forming a heart. “I love you! Bye!”

**2835001 views ・ 1010724 likes ・ 268 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1009149 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 36914

**teapods**

omg i forgot how bad the camera quality was in his first videos ajfdksljafkl

> **rosewitchx**
> 
> the AUDIO
> 
> **Boogurl405**
> 
> By burning Steven’s phone that one time Garnet truly freed us from a reality of terrible video quality
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> GARNET DID WHAT
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> Yeah he mentioned it in his first video with Lion
> 
> **Clinohumite**
> 
> AU where Steven never got a new phone and all his videos were like this
> 
> **FriendlyLocalGeek**
> 
> Don’t even joke about that

**ralliersring**

you and connie are my otp

> **StrawberruS0da**
> 
> THEY’RE SO CUTE AND FOR WHAT

**Novantinuum**

WAIT I SAW THAT OCEAN VIDEO ON THE NEWS WHEN IT HAPPENED THAT WAS YOU????

> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Yeah that’s like when everyone found out his channel was real it was a strange week

**knowAll**

Steven “had” a crush on Connie smh don’t lie you still have a crush on Connie

> **luvelles**
> 
> they’re dating
> 
> **blissfall**
> 
> AND??

**mylilbirbs**

oh no not the glum glass theory FJKLSDJL i remember spending so long trying to refute that theory

> **TrueKindaLove19**
> 
> yeah why WAS everyone so adamant it was fake like the signs were all there
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> Idk I just know I hopped on the Lunch theory immediately because I was burned so bad by the Glum Glass theory

**Betta_Splendin**

COOKIE CATS I FORGOT ABOUT THEM

> **imhellapan**
> 
> why’d they ever discontinue them they’re SO GOOD
> 
> **RetroBrickReviews**
> 
> They discontinued them because they’re gross
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> I’m about to commit a murder

**Kali**

I forgot how LITTLE Steven used to be! He was so small!

> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> The way we all freaked out when he got taller
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> Oh and Connie’s hair was so long!

**Clarmyr**

Now I need a compilation of Steven’s channel out of context I think that would be hysterical

> **emenerd**
> 
> I’m on it give me four hours
> 
> **Not_the_best_Fan**
> 
> Omg you’re my hero

**jolly_ranchers_boy**

IT REALLY IS STILL UP AS HIS CHANNEL TRAILER DSJFKDSL

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> yeah i have a brand
> 
> **Loogia**
> 
> omg king <3

**lostinbooks**

Hey I just wanted to ask why you specified season ONE of the CPH reboot? Surely there aren’t MORE seasons

> **Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**
> 
> There are like 4 seasons
> 
> **Wishflare**
> 
> HOW????

**city_nights**

Steven really out here going “boycott Lion Lickers” alright

> **Darkdragonforge**
> 
> i mean is he wrong
> 
> **city_nights**
> 
> No like I agree

**Andovia212**

OMG STEVEN’S BIRTHDAY WAS THE FIFTEENTH HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING!!!

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> thanks!

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure to get your comments in if you want to be in the comment section next chapter! it's the last one!!


	59. another channel update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shares his plans for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to start off by saying thank you all so so so much for reading this fic and being so supportive!! i loved reading your comments. it absolutely made my day to read all of your thoughts on this and i'm so glad i could help provide you all with some joy. this is the longest thing i've ever written and it's the first time i've ever managed to finish a fic on a schedule like this. thanks for coming with me on this journey!!
> 
> that being said, i hope you enjoy this last chapter! (see if you can spot all the references)

**another channel update**

_published August_ _21_

The audio is muffled as Steven attempts to set the camera up on his TV stand. It goes on for _just_ a second too long while someone, presumably Connie, laughs at him in the background.

Steven backs away from the camera and flings his arms open. “Hey guys! _Welcome back to the vlog,_ Steven Universe here!”

Connie laughs offscreen. “You’re a proper vlogger now, Biscuit!”

He places his hands on his hips and scoffs in mock betrayal. “Excuse you, I’ve been a proper vlogger this _whole time_ and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Anyway,” Steven says, turning his attention back to the camera, “today’s video is a little different. I’m actually-- okay, so I’ve been thinking, and I love Beach City, but I want to see what else is out there. I wanna see what all thirty-nine states have to offer and see how each state helps me in moving forward. So…”

He side steps, gesturing to the set-up on his bed. A map of the country is spread out across his comforter, with multiple markers (both capped and uncapped) strewn about. A couple areas on the map have been circled or marked with stars and smiley faces in various colors. Light streams in through the windows and sliding glass door, washing the entire scene in a warm glow.

Steven sits down, drawing his legs up to sit cross legged. He grabs a blue marker and uncaps it. “Connie and I are going through each state and trying to figure out what stuff I have to make sure I see before moving on.”

Connie enters the frame. Her hair is pulled back by a tortoise shell hair clip, and she’s holding a cardboard box of various items. “Don’t worry, I already made sure that he’d be in Centennial for that TubeTuber meet-and-greet event in October,” she says with a wink.

“Yeah, and I’m hoping I can be in Charm City for Sadie and Shep’s concert. I also wanted to catch Sour Cream in Empire City…”

Connie sets the box down and perches on the edge of Steven’s bed, looking over the map. “You could check out this one town in Prairie State,” she says, pointing, “I heard it’s the most haunted place in the country.”

“That sound-- Connie, I’m not good with horror movies as it is.”

“Yeah, that’s why it’d be fun! Hey, what’s that marked in Oregon?”

Steven shrugs. “That’s just some weird town I heard about. There’s some tourist trap there that’s kinda famous? I thought I’d just check it out.”

He looks up at the camera. “If you have any spots you think I’d like to visit, feel free to leave them in the comments,” he says. “I’m open to suggestions. I wanna see everything I can before I settle down somewhere.”

“Oh, don’t forget to add Providence Island in there. I’m gonna be touring some schools in a few weeks.” Connie pulls the cardboard box into her lap. “I cleared this stuff out from your closet. Did you want to keep this red shirt?”

Steven glances up from where he’s been marking the map. “Um.. I was thinking of giving that to Peridot, actually. I like my wardrobe how it is,” he says, looking down at his current outfit. He’s wearing his usual pink letterman jacket and jeans, but today his star shirt is white. He’s also wearing his totally awesome sneakers. Look at those bad boys. Those are some sweet kicks.

Offscreen, there’s a heavy sigh. Connie glances over as Lion makes his way into frame. He sticks his nose in her hair. “One sec,” she says, scratching behind Lion’s ears, “I’m gonna go take Lion for Lion Lickers. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Sounds good,” Steven says. They share a quick kiss and Connie leads Lion down the stairs. Steven smiles to himself, watching her go with a faint blush.

He turns his attention back to the camera. “So, yeah, basically the point of this video is just another little channel update. I’m gonna be on the road for… well, I’m not sure how long exactly I’ll be on the road, but it’ll be a while.” He smiles softly. “I’m nervous, but I’m also excited. It’s gonna be fun, I think, to see everything and experience so much that I haven’t experienced before. It’s like, I’ve spent my whole life finding stuff out about my Gem half, and now I’m finding stuff out about my human half.”

Steven looks around his room. Normally, it’d be nice to have background music, but there’s something fitting about the silence. Waves crash against the shore outside, the fan in Steven’s computer whirs, seagulls cry.

Steven hums to himself.

His fingers brush the map, and he picks it up, looking it over. A grin forms on his face. “There’s so many interesting things out there. Like, in Danville, there’s supposed to be crazy contraptions all over town, and there’s this spot in Golden, called Echo something, where a _bunch_ of weird stuff happens. Plus, that’s where Jayhawk is, and that’s where Connie is thinking of going to college. Did you know there’s a replica of the Eiffel Tower in Vegas City? ‘Cause I didn’t!”

Steven grabs the red shirt from where Connie had set it down and carefully folds it up, placing it back in the cardboard box. He sets the box on the floor out of frame. 

“That’s basically my plan, right now,” he says. “The best part is, I can still video chat with my therapist while I’m on the road.”

Steven looks down at the map resting on his legs, then back around at his room. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“Thanks for sticking with me for so long. I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again, but I mean it.” Steven looks into the camera fondly. “Thank you.”

He claps his hands together. “And, hey! Maybe I’ll get to meet you all on my road trip! I’m gonna try to make a vlog for every state I visit. I think that’d be fun.”

Steven takes one last look at his room, then sighs. “I’ve gotta pick up some baking ingredients. I’m making Cookie Cats later this week-- it’s a whole thing, I’ll tell you how it goes down in another video. But yeah! That’s all for now.”

His smile lights up his face.

He looks…

He looks happy. 

“I’ll see you all soon! Thank you so, so much for watching, and don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe!”

Steven forms a heart with his hands.

“I love you! Bye!”

The video closes with a starwipe, just a bit too long after he finishes speaking. Why he didn’t end it a few seconds earlier isn’t that much of a mystery, though.

He never was that good at editing.

**3583654 views ・ 1057342 likes ・ 236 dislikes**

**stevenquartzuniverse ・ 1043325 subscribers**

**\---**

**Comments -** 38420

**lostinbooks**

I gotta know: do you have a nickname for Connie since she calls you biscuit?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i call her strawberry sometimes
> 
> **EatBearsblog**
> 
> That has no right to be that adorable

**gayzula**

lion eats lion lickers?? isn’t that cannibalism

> **Wishflare**
> 
> I mean it’s ice cream so maybe it’s just narcissism
> 
> **RaineLionheart**
> 
> Can a cat be narcissistic??
> 
> **blissfall**
> 
> have you ever met a cat? of course they can
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> it’s definitely the narcissism. also he has weird taste in food anyway
> 
> **emenerd**
> 
> i mean hes a cat so i wouldnt doubt it

**Kali**

I’m looking forward to these travel vlogs!! Are you coming to Keystone at all?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> that’s the plan! i wanna revisit the best diner in the world
> 
> **softasawhisper**
> 
> Omg that diner SLAPS
> 
> **rosewitchx**
> 
> i mean if its referred to as the best diner in the world?
> 
> **knowAll**
> 
> No that’s like the restaurant name
> 
> **fakelib**
> 
> hey at least they get pretty marketing based on the name alone

**city_nights**

come to brazil

**Loogia**

Make a Cooking with Lion video about the Cookie Cats you won’t

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> already on it >:)
> 
> **GAMEZILLA**
> 
> return of the true star of this channel, lion

**StrawberruS0da**

You and Connie are so cute it’s unfair

> **LLS**
> 
> Who gave them the right
> 
> **seekingSolar**
> 
> my new hobby is going back to old videos and finding all the moments where they clearly have crushes on each other
> 
> **RegularCitrus**
> 
> OMG SOMEONE MAKE A COMPILATION FDSJKLJDSL
> 
> **fantasychica37**
> 
> I’M ALREADY MAKING ONE LMAO
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> guys please :(
> 
> **jolly_ranchers_boy**
> 
> fjskdlfljsk sorry steven we love you :)
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> ily2
> 
> **ed**
> 
> omg king <3

**pathetic_weeb12**

Who is this clown and why’s he uploading on Connie’s channel

> **ResponsivePanic**
> 
> Idk I think it’s her boyfriend or smth
> 
> **Gameorama91**
> 
> WAIT THEY’RE DATING????
> 
> **KingOfWhispers**
> 
> Where have you been????

**ebeazy**

wait steven’s moving out? how old is he?

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> i just turned 17 a few days ago :)
> 
> **Jaderade22**
> 
> Wow that’s the first time I’ve seen a straight answer to that question

**TheGhostHybrid**

Connie’s gonna go to University of Jayhawk? What’s she planning on majoring in??

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> she’s thinking about poli sci and sociology!
> 
> **imhellapan**
> 
> I COULD BE GOING TO COLLEGE WITH MY QUEEN CONNIE??
> 
> **Chetry**
> 
> Connie for president
> 
> **Clarmyr**
> 
> I’d vote for her

**RatcheT2498**

Steven Protection Squad is with you wherever you go Steven!!

> **Myrterix**
> 
> Heck yeah we’ll be looking out for you <3

**RetroBrickReviews**

Peridot with a Steven shirt is a powerful image

**Number_1_Artemis_Fowl_Fan**

I can’t believe this is the same person who apologized for upgraded his video quality

> **skyways_are_highways**
> 
> look how far we’ve come
> 
> **Betta_Splendin**
> 
> Old steven videos are so chaotic
> 
> **Writer_of_the_Dragons**
> 
> omg underscore_in_username_gang

**KeepBeachCityWeird**

GODSPEED STEVEN BE CAREFUL TO NOT BE DETECTED BY EVIL GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATIONS WHO WANT TO STUDY YOUR PHYSIOLOGY

> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> well i wasnt worried about that before thanks
> 
> **Laemon**
> 
> we really can never escape him huh
> 
> **hoping_for_rain**
> 
> who said his name three times
> 
> **big-fatcat**
> 
> he’s not BEETLEJUICE
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> I AM SUMMONED WHENEVER THERE’S SOMETHING WEIRD
> 
> **strawbearybuds**
> 
> OMG don’t you have anything better to do
> 
> **KeepBeachCityWeird**
> 
> NO
> 
> **NonaWax**
> 
> why am i not surprised

**merveeille**

steven chugs respect women juice every day

> **fearfullyfabulou5**
> 
> and then he chugs a separate glass of respect connie juice
> 
> **stevenquartzuniverse**
> 
> you know it
> 
> **Andovia212**
> 
> SDFJKDSJFKLD NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR MY HIMBO KING <3

**crazykoala**

haha nice ARG

**SHOW MORE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the weird thing about this fic is that if i hadn't written it and i saw it in the ao3 tag, i would've avoided it djfadkjk i've never written a fic like this before and i'm not sure why i ended up writing such a lengthy youtube fic, but i'm glad i did! i started this fic as a way to fill the void the finale left in my heart and for the most part, it did! 
> 
> as for the future: i currently have no plans for a sequel. if i write again for this fic, it'll probably only be oneshots? as for the rest of my writing, i'm currently planning out a multi-chapter fic for the adventure zone balance! it'll probably be a bit before i post it, but that's my main project rn. between now and then, you can probably expect some oneshots! i'm not sure what fandom they'll be for, but i do have one for su that i'm working on atm! 
> 
> i hope i see you all again in the future, but if this is where we part ways, i hope you have a great day!
> 
> thanks again for reading!!


End file.
